Denial

It's me again.

So, per the suggestion of my other sister L, I called M to get it over with, knowing that the longer I waited to speak to her the more my anger would fester and the less able I would be to say anything meaningful or rational. I rehearsed ways to tell her that I deserved my weekend away after spending the previous weekend upset over her children. Which is pretty much what I said. "Oh, they're fine," she said. "But they weren't," I told her, "that weekend. J was upset about camp and A was crying in Poland." She repeated that they're fine, and said they had talked to A on THURSDAY from Mexico. What?!?!? Great. 5 days after her homesickness kicked in. M thinks that was a good parental response? Calling on Thursday exonerates her from any parent demerits?

So clearly that was worthless. She either doesn't get it, or is in denial/guilt/shame and not willing to admit that it wasn't a great idea. As I mentioned to L, maybe everything happens for a reason...maybe some day J and A will be so angry with their parents and will shut down communication with them. I'll be there to pick up the pieces because they can talk to me...

My battle, mostly fought in my head, is over. Now it's L's turn. M and V are notorious for being cheap, and taking care of their own interests first and foremost at their convenience, often at the inconvenience of others. In fact the whole vacation crap is a case in point. The convenience/inconvenience elements need no explaining. The cheap part is two fold. They grabbed a good deal at the all-inclusive, despite the bad timing. They also sent A to Poland for a month because it was cheaper (and easier) than finding camps for her to attend. Okay, but back to L's impending battle.

M and V have on more than one occasion invited themselves places--like L's beach club. Worse, they have invited themselves to L's timeshare in Newport. Beyond that, it's as if they have now assumed they have a standing invite. (They dumped A on L last year, and left her in Newport for days without leaving her any money. Here, L, take my kid. Oh, and could you pay for her, too? Oh, and then can you figure out how she'll get home?) M has been hinting for an invitation lately. Yesterday she went so far as to ask L what week they had the condo this year, and then told L she had taken the second half of that week off. L said nothing. Held her tongue. And M didn't go there. But L and I know it's a matter of time. And L is a sucker. I told her she needs to practice a response if they do have the balls to ask directly if they can come down, or she needs to pass the phone to her husband, who can tell them no. Can you imagine? I wish L could find it in her to say, Hey, here's an idea, M! Why don't you go away with your kids. You, your husband and your kids. Just the 4 of you! Buy your own timeshare!

It creates tension in the whole family. My parents can't really see the big deal for A to be there with her cousins, but they don't get that cousin time is not the point. It's the brazenness of M and V not to plan their own vacations and not to reciprocate. They have never anyone to their ski place in Vermont. Nor have they offered to bring L's daughter on vacation anywhere. Meantime, back to the cheap thing. Newport is expensive. L and J let their kids get ice cream everyday, let them play in the game room, etc. It's their vacation after all. But it shouldn't be their rsponsibility to treat A all week.

All right. I have to stop. It's getting me all worked up and putting me in a bad mood. One final note, though. M asked me today how much she owed me for the fan that I bought for camp for J. Then she proceeded to tell me that she already returned it. Um... Then you know how much you owe me, wouldn't you say? I can't help but think if I said, "don't worry about it," she wouldn't have told me she returned it. She would have kept the money and in the end she would have gotten counseling, companionship services, and 15 bucks out of me.

Unbelievable. I can't believe we're related....

Thanks for letting me dump. Love you, Barb