Detoxing from a week with Big E

Hey you!
I feel guilty; I been home since Tuesday afternoon and only just now checked in on our blog. There's always so much to do when returning from a vacation, although, to be fair, I've spent a fair amount of time just catching up with S&T and K&R, getting my nails and toes done (which were horrendous by the time I got home) and making rice krispie treats since I cleaned out the fridge and pantry upon my return and found no less than five bags of marshmallows that absolutely needed to be used RIGHT NOW (???) . The kids love me though...


Well, there went my summer vacation - a week with E and P that, all in all, went quite nicely. After C's grad party, they took the boys with them down south, leaving J and me here all alone (wooo!) for a couple of days. We left on Saturday, turns out just the two of us. C had decided at the very last minute that she couldn't make it (whatever) - this worked just fine. We had a really nice drive all the way down there - it took us two days and we were pretty leisurely about it. Just laughed and talked a lot...we needed that.

We spent the week drinking, eating, drinking, shopping, golfing (not me) swimming and sunning, and oh yeah, drinking. JB and her girls drove up for an overnight on Wednesday which was really nice. Did I tell you her Dad died in February, quite suddenly from a relapse with leukemia (which had been in remission for over a year). I think it was nice for her to get away, especially without G hanging around boring the rest of us to death. Oh, did I just say that out loud? I swear, they haven't had sex in FOURTEEN months. Unreal. I don't know if he's gay, or what. I just could not live that way...I don't know how she maintains her self-esteem and stays married at the same time.

Anyway...no big blow ups with E this time. Actually, M was the winning attraction for most of the week. He never got in the pool but once, sat at that f*&^ing computer almost all of every day, dressed in jeans and a hoodie (it was in the 90't the entire time). He barely interacted with anyone the whole time, including my Dad, which was weird. Then he and J got into it big time one night about how he was being really antisocial and rude, etc. I would love to attribute it to being 15, but honestly Barb, it really feels worse than that. In fact, E thinks he's suicidal. The thought has crossed my mind but I'm willing to stop at depressed just now. I don't need to make myself totally crazy. E and I had a long talk one night about it - he talked to me like he's never talked to me before in my entire life. He told me how proud he is of the mother I am and how I'm doing all the right things, and how he wishes he could tell me he knows what I'm going through and here's how to fix it, but he can't. He just wanted me to know that he and my mom are there for us; he kept telling me how lucky I am to have J, what a great father he is, blah, blah, blah. I think he was terrified that if he didn't talk to me a lot I might leave again like last time. My mom said that was a really hard year for him. Hmmm....interesting. He bleeds.

So, the trip was pretty fun but JJ got an ear infection just like last time and was banned from the pool for seven days starting on the 4th. This sucked since there really isn't much else to do there for him, and he was in the pool ALL DAY EVERY DAY. And as M was a churning pit of misery, I just decided to pack up and come home on Monday. The weird thing was that I let M drive most of the way home and he was just as chatty and funny and fun as he could be for two straight days. And he's been completely normal now that we're home too. Go figure. We have his first counseling appointment next Thursday so we'll see how that goes...I'm not looking forward to the potential conflict.

And life returns to normal...I am avoiding thinking about getting another job, pretending that I will just be a stay-home mom (but we can't afford it). We have no other plans for the summer so I have all the time in the world to figure it out.

I just went back and reread your entry on the mean girls at the pool. I think you did the right thing. And I applaud your ability to talk yourself up in the bathroom - you don't even know how much I admire you for your self-approval. I still hope that someday I will think enough of myself to be able to do that. And I do know what you mean about leaving high school for the summer and discovering that real people are just high shoolers in the real world anyway. That's my thing with M - I have such a hard time not catching a break from 15-year old abuse 24/7. Isn't it amazing though: there are still girls in adulthood (because with that behavior they are not women yet) who act that way, A), and 2) that we still feel the sting of their malice and immaturity? I want so much to laugh them off, as I know you do, to really, truly, deep down not feel it, but I am nowhere near that level of self-acceptance yet. I was even self-conscious around JB while she visited at my folks' house - since she lost 40-something pounds and goes to a personal trainer three days a week now. Around one of my closest friends in the world, I'm covering my stomach and repositioning my legs less for optimal tanning than for optimal fat coverage. Good lord, you'd think by now... At any rate, I am proud of you.

Well my dear, I should be getting some ironing done. If I'm to be a wife and mother, I must keep up with my duties. That and J can't go to work naked. I look forward to reading the journals with you (there's your go-ahead) and getting caught up on blogging. Love you!
PS Write more about W...I am curious as to where the relationship is / is going.