A Better Morning

Good morning B, and thanks for all the posts over the past couple of days. It was nice to go somewhere and hear a comforting voice here and there. And even with the distance, I feel no less supported by you than anyone standing right here. Thank you.

We did go to S&T's last night, and after about an hour and a half, R&K showed up. Amazing, really, since they were having a romantic getaway night in the city, and I guess T texted them at the hotel something like "fire pit time, J's here". R couldn't stand to not be here and help J get through this, so they just picked up and came home. Some days we have no idea how fortunate we truly are.

The night ended well and J did get a solid night's sleep. He's off to meet the press again first thing this morning and will go all day in various meetings through the last one that begins at 7 this evening and ends...?? At least he got some rest. The guys were really helpful last night, letting him talk and then, eventually, changing the subject for him. then we all engaged in our usual laughing and drinking until he was finally relaxed. He is much better today, emotionally, but was obviously already stressed before he even left the house today.

Before I move on, there were a couple of moments yesterday that I took note of, just because they were touching. At one point while we were visiting with the family, J told them all about the Hot Shot crew that walked the body out of the forest and how they would have treated him with dignity and love, like he was one of their own. All of the girls were crying and then K, the 23 year old, asked "Can we meet them? I just want to say thank you." Wow. Later in the conversation, his youngest daughter (16) asked J, "Why did that other guy live and my dad didn't?" (he was with another firefighter when they got trapped). After a series of technical explanations of the movement of fire and air that left her staring at him blankly, he said "Maybe your dad spent time helping that other guy into his fire shelter before he got into his own." I loved him so much at that moment. Maybe your dad was just a hero.

Today I'll make some more calls and get a dinner chain set up for the family for this week, then I can go back to taking care of my own corner of the world. This is kind of funny though (I'm sure JJ didn't think so). Right when we got home from taking dinner over, JJ and M were out racing their bikes in the street and JJ crashed big time. If you remember, his face was already swollen up from the insect sting earlier in the day, so landing on his face during the wreck didn't help much. He smashed up his lips and chin, hands and one knee; he looked hilarious by the time we got him all bandaged up with the now-even-more-swollen face (of course I went overboard on the number and size of Band-aids, for effect.) T took pictures of him later just to document the badge of honor. That was probably his first big crash, worth remembering. Interestingly, J was so soft and compassionate with him when it happened; normally he adds the admonishment: "If you weren't riding so fast / if you weren't dinkin' around / if you were more careful", but nothing last night. Just love and comfort and then, later, genuinely impressed at the story and the scarring. I love him. When he is in his element, he's a remarkable man; I should think about that a little. I watched him with that family last night and I have never met anyone so eloquent and compassionate in a crisis. In all my life, I could never have handled that half as well as he did. Maybe he can't be lovable and awesome every minute of every day, but at the end of every day, he's still who is he is. Maybe he's just a hero, too.

SO....weight loss. I'm surprised to hear you're trying Atkins. Not because it's a "fad diet" but because it's HARD!!! I have tried it (and South Beach, and the WW Core) and giving up carbs for me is pure torture. I can only go about two days before I suck down a bag of Cheetos. But if it's not that challenging for you, you're right, it's one of the most successful programs out there. I mean, obviously limiting carbs is going to be successful in the long run no matter how you go about doing it, but I think Atkins lays it out really well in an easy-to-follow format so people are more successful longer-term. T's parents did it a few years ago and lost a ton of weight. Unfortunately, they've put it all back on, but I think that's due to their highly dysfunctional marriage, not the diet. They did keep it off for a couple of years, though, and his mom said it definitely got easier the longer she followed it. (I, personally, couldn't hold out long enough for it to get easier. Two days. Cheetos.) So good luck with this. I hope it works for you.

The thyroid thing, you know, I've been dealing with since I was pregnant with JJ - so 11 years? So I feel your pain. Sucks, really. I had those few good years of eating as I pleased and not worrying about my weight only to discover it was because I was sick. So the benefit of being healthy then, was gaining weight? Super. Your doctor is right, you have to be patient; I still struggle with regulating mine from time to time, and it seems it's never really perfect.

I did manage to lose all the baby weight after JJ was born and in the summer of 2003 (your white water rafting summer) it started to creep back up again. In the last five years, I have gained 40lbs, so my ultimate goal on WW this time is 52lbs. This is so hard for me to grasp, having been the standard "10-20lbs over" my whole life. 52 seems an impossible number to me. I used to sit in WW and celebrate the loss of other members - 60, 80, 120 lbs - and think "Good lord, how did they do that? I can't even lose 10!" Well, here I am. 52lbs would put me back at pre-JJ weight, which is my most comfortable place, and I think, a reasonable expectation for my age. Sure, I'd like to get down to that wedding weight, but I'm not going to starve myself to get there. Really, I might even reach the 40lb mark and be happy, I don't know for sure.

So far, WW is really working for me. This is only day 4 but I have managed to stick to it. Even over this crazy weekend, sure, I ate about a box and a half of Hot Tamales around the fire last night, but that was T's fault. Never should have brought them out. And we also did dinner on Friday all together and the entire meal was about 8 points. We grilled shrimp and veggies and made brown rice; my highest point count was the wine (shocker!) When I look at this week's journal, I am still within my 35 flex points, amazingly. I am going to skip weigh in this week because I didn't like the meeting we went to last week. That means I will go about 11 days between 1st and 2nd weigh in; I'm hoping that will be a big loss and keep my encouragement level up. The key, we've decided, is the cardio. Hate it, with a passion, but I know it's the magic ingredient. K and I try to get into the gym at least three times a week, and I have gone without her this week too. I just know the weight drops off twice as fast, so I have to stay with it.

I'm jealous of your tan and your ability to sit in the sun every day (almost anyway). The weather here's been crappy lately but looks a little better today. Unfortunately, I have doctors' appointments today that will take me out of the house all afternoon, so sun time is out. Oh, yeah, and tomorrow I have a dermatologist appointment to discuss the weird sun-allergy-rash-thing on my back that will probably take me out of the sun for the rest of my life. Why do the two things I love most, sun and red wine, have to be the death of me? Wait! Is that a bad thing? She died of sunshine and Shiraz. Not the worst epitaph I could have...

Thanks for all the reading and responding and support these past few days. I look forward to hearing from you later,

Love, A