I'm Back (Or Diarrhea of the Keyboard)

I've been back for a few hours, in fact, but like a mad women ran right out to the pool (honestly: walked in at 2, was poolside by 2:15) with the book I didn't have a minute to read on the beach yesterday with the kids or at all this morning. I only had 100+ pages to go (okay maybe 150) and I really wanted to finish it. So it was more about peace and quiet and reading than it was about sun and tanning. Although it was bright and gorgeous! And breezy enough not to require frequent dips in the water to cool off. Anyway, with about 25 pages left I had to make a decision. Do I finish it out here and then go in, or do I go in now and make those last 25 pages an event? Pour myself a nice cold glass of white wine and fix a plate with cheese and crackers and olives? (And if I end up crying don't need to do the woman on fire thing again?) I chose to make it a cocktail hour event. Yay. FANTASTIC book. You must read. It's by Hilma Wolitzer, whose recent release Summer Reading I read earlier this summer. Well, this one I just finished, Hearts, was first published in 1980 and was re-released in 2005 right before she published her second novel, The Doctor's Daughter. Clearly, there was a hiatus there, but according to an interview with Ellie, at the back of Summer Reading, HW has been a writing teacher--as Ellie put, quite famously. Anyway, I happened upon Summer Reading through some recommended summer reading list and loved it, and would have read her others had Ellie not shown her love for her work. But an Ellie endorsement always helps....

Speaking of endorsements, I am glad you loved Love Walked In. Now you must read its sequel, Belong to Me, which I have in hand (back from L's). I have been on a book budget myself and can't remember why I allowed myself this hardcover splurge, but I did, and it would make me happy to pass it along. I'd feel better about it, in fact. Let me know. That out of the way, let's talk about MdlS. Interesting your take on the vocabulary. L uses an expression she learned from former students, I believe, "s/he thinks who s/he is." It's a grammatical mess, but another way of saying "s/he thinks her/his shit doesn't stink." And that's how I felt, as did L, about her. She thinks who she is. I didn't necessarily find the vocab over the top, but I found it little pretentious, tiresome, like she went out of her way to let her readers know she's smart. I think it's more pronounced in Belong To Me (even though LWI has many references to movie classics), which begins with this whole elaborate reference to a movie and actor. Sometimes it feels as contrived as it does cumbersome. Of course I liked her writing and trusted her and the story enough to keep reading. And pick up a second title. And recommend her to you. But still I think there is a subtext when she waxes erudite that says I'm not just a privileged stay-at-home mom who got bored and decided to write the married woman version of chick lit. I have Ph.D. in literature. Anyway, the scene that got me? When Cornelia was saying goodbye to Clare and Clare said "call me honey." Oh my god, I just teared up remembering it. Loved it. Please read the sequel.

Sounds like your beach weekend was a perfect beach weekend...shopping and taffy and a good dinner out. I especially love the sweatshirt part. I always say I should go to the beach off season, which would be the only time around here for the bundling up, but never get around to it. Maybe this year I'll make it a point. Maybe this year I'll take a drive down to the shore on a Saturday in October with a book and a picnic.

L's was good. I enjoyed giving L some time off, and Sunshine and C are always a joy, but A was a little bratty and ungrateful today. I understand that she didn't want to leave, and didn't appreciate that I wanted to and didn't need to supply a good enough reason, but I was a little hurt that she didn't say thank you when I dropped her off. Just an hour before, I left S and C in a chorus of thank you, auntie; thank you, auntie--with hugs and kisses and love yous. From A I got a passive aggressive silent treatment on the ride home and no thank you, no hug. Today she was her father's daughter (V). I prefer it when she is resembles her maternal relatives...

The perfect job? Okay, maybe it's not the perfect job, but as the job ad is written, I am the perfect candidate. It's at an all-women's college up the road (45 minutes north) as a Mentoring and Outreach Coordinator with their science center-- to make science more accessible to the community (K-12 field trips to the center) and to mentor science majors and those science majors who are considering careers teaching science. Hellooooo!?!? I've got my 11 years teaching science, I was the program director in a not-for-profit community outreach related to science, worked in higher education at an all women's college, am an alum of an all women's college and proponent of single sex education, was a science textbook editor ...

Of course, I'm conflicted. Just recently I wrote that I am coming to terms, getting comfortable resigning myself to continuing to teach, less and less interested in reinventing myself....But maybe this is a repackaging I could live with. I think about how much confidence I had traveling the US to science conferences, staying over for long weekends in Portland and Seattle and San Diego, doing my Christmas shopping in San Antonio. I feel beaten up and demoralized as I've also written, in one of my first posts. You become a teacher and suddenly people think you can't do anything else, and what you do is of no import--until you become personally responsible for any rejection letters from Harvard. What?!?!??!? Every year I want to teach less but every year I have less confidence and energy to find a new career...and then on Saturday I saw this ad. Get this freaky story...

Okay, remember when we used to send ginormous letters and it was best not to read unless you had a chunk of time and a bottle of wine or pot of coffee? Well, I should have warned you before...

The forecast for Saturday was iffy. I had plans to go to a friend's for a barbecue in the afternoon, so it was a bonus that the morning was sunny. Great, I thought. I'll catch a little time by the pool first. Only the gate was locked. Maybe the pool attendant counted on the showers they were predicting and shut off his alarm, but I checked back a couple of times, and it was still locked. And I was unwilling to hop the fence as others did. So I got on the computer, and that's when saw the ad (I subscribed to the Chronicle of Higher Ed's job alert service when I was making my half-hearted attempt at changing careers earlier this year)--and had time to reply.

I don't want to get ahead of myself, but I need to really give this serious consideration if they give me serious consideration. But what if I hate it? What if I can't live without summers off? Well, I suppose it wouldn't be difficult to get another teaching job if I had this experience to report as a little sabbatical of sorts. Maybe my school system would even give me a sabbatical. Of course, if they didn't I'd just get more bitter and angry about how I live in a world that values married people with children (I haven't taken 3 maternity leaves, as someone in my department has, who hasn't been teaching as long as I have), but I'll figure it all out. Wish me luck, and we can both hope that it'll all work out the way it should....

PTA newsletter? Why not? You can always say, oops, sorry, I didn't realize it would be such a time commitment if you hate it. But you're right to think it could be a good experience, not to mention an excellent opportunity to accumulate some good writing fodder. Maybe you can accumulate enough anecdotes so we can co-write the non-fiction best-seller Why Parents Need a Clue: Placing the Blame Where it's Due subtitle: Backing off the Teacher Blame Game. So I say go for it. If it doesn't work out, you can work some pain into the plan to kill your friend. Skip over quick and painless and make it long and torturous. (haha That was a joke!-- in case anyone is reading)

So jealous your kids have 2 weeks left!!! I start Monday. Tomorrow I take my mother to the doctor--smack dab in the middle of the day, and Thursday my friend (I think I called her C) who was in Rome this summer is coming over for a pool day. Not sure about Friday or Saturday, but Sunday, my cousin D is coming over for some sun therapy and to keep me from sinking into deep depression. It could get ugly. (By the way, my friend C says the same thing about Lexapro. Helps her anxiety attacks but then feels nothing, even her libido has suffered.)

For now, I don't want to think about it. My wine glass is screaming for a refill and I should probably get out of my bathing suit and into the shower before my crotch becomes a Petri dish for yeast.

I hope you had a good day today, and that you get a chance to write tonight.

Love you, Barb