Tuesday Evening's "Event"

Hi there,


Parenting

First of all, thanks for the idea that reading and writing might be combined with cocktail hour and termed "an event". After reading your post, I made myself a plate of cheese, salami and crackers, and poured a glass of Cabernet before returning to respond. It may help to lower my blood pressure after a brief (but nonetheless annoying) altercation with M about whether or not he can have a .22 gauge shotgun. After asking why he needs one (no good reason, of course, it's not like we live on property and have squirrels to shoot, even) I said I'd rather he not but that if he wanted to spend hisown money on it, I guess I couldn't stop him. (Of course I can - and John will, probably - but this was kind of a moot point anyway since he has no money, no way of earning any money and no real desire to get a job or do any odd jobs around the house to make a little money. The likelihood of him coming up with the cash to buy a gun is only marginally greater than to buy a car; also, he only wants to work at one place - Wendy's - because he can walk there - and won't even think of applying anywhere else on his 16th birthday. There is no plan B if he doesn't get hired there. Blue/green hair and all, he thinks he's a shoe-in; don't ask me why.) At any rate, once I said he could buy it with his own money, he then said "no, I was going to ask for one for my birthday."

Well, here's the thing. That's out of the question. I explained it by saying that if he were 18 years old and decided that smoking was a good idea, there would be no way I could stop him from doing it. But would I go out and buy cigarettes for him? No. And this is where almost all of our arguments begin: "That's not even the same thing, Mom. I'm not asking you to buy cigarettes." Dude! Let's try to be a little more abstract. Try to see the big picture here. But he can't/won't. He wants to argue the absolute literal point and anything that veers from that point, even as an example or clarification, is not allowed. You know how I think and talk - I don't think I could be literal if I tried. His/our counselor is trying to help him with this, but I'm beginning to think he doesn't need help with it - it's a manipulation tool , I believe. And boy, he's good at it. What a teacher he had in his father...oh, did I just say that out loud? So it went, around and around, this stupid argument that finally stopped with me saying "You asked me to explain things to you. I explained this. You might not like the explanation, but it is one, nevertheless. So we're done."

Anyhoo...I didn't need to give you that whole play-by-play but that's the kind of little shit that goes on between us that makes me need drugs. OK, before you say it, I know I should have just said "no" to the gun, period. "No, we don't have weapons in this house. Period." I don't need to explain that. But I did open up the can of worms with the whole "your own money" thing, and I know that was a mistake. Regardless, if I HAD meant it, if it really were ok for him to buy one, my argument based on that would still have made perfect sense and should not have provoked an argument on his part, no? (Wow, watch me justify my every word.) We've actually been getting along fairly well the past few days, so I was disappointed that it had to come to an end.

The Perfect Job

I have to say that sounds terrific. You stress about the same things I do (as all teachers do, I know) - can I live without my summers and vacations? Can I work all the way until 5:00 or later every day?(even though we usually do, we're not always required to). And the myth that teachers aren't really qualified to do anything else once we have taught for "too long" is our greatest fear. But here's my answer to you: you wrote "...getting comfortable resigning myself to continuing to teach, less and less interested in reinventing myself." First of all, what a ringing endorsement for a career, "getting used to resigning myself" - argh!!! What the hell is that? And secondly, this type of career move, into a field with which you are completely familiar, into a job for which you are supremely qualified, is hardly "reinventing" yourself. Reinventing would be going to bartending school or learning to weave rugs or joining the circus. Don't think of this as reinvention, think of it as rejuvenation. Redirection. Regeneration, Revival. There's nothing new about the you that might enter this new profession, it's not like you ever started wearing denim jumpers with themed lapel pins, so you don't have to reinvent anything. Maybe you get a new breifcase, maybe a couple new pairs of higher heels. Maybe you start getting manicures. But if you want my opinion (oh, and I'm so sure you do) you are so far above and worth so much more than comfortable resignation. Not to mention, Christmas shopping in San Antonio...

The PTA Challenge

You're right. K's right. Why the hell not? How hard can it be, really? And I will definitely be in a position to pick up great writing material; I love the title of your book. Mine is "Johnny Can't Read And It's No Wonder, Neither Can His Parents". (And we're even blamed for that!) I will have to remember to take careful notes at PTA meetings so we've got a good starting point. In this school, those notes will likely be taken on a magnetic Flavia notepad (for sticking to the fridge), with a gel pen found at the bottom of a fanny pack. Just getting you prepared.

Just Figure It Out, I'll Work Around It

I've finally decided on what to do with my life, for now. I am going to take this entire year off from work, altogether. No subbing, no part time stuff, nothing but the PTA thing, helping out in JJ's classroom (it'll be the last year I really can), being home when M gets off the bus (therby avoiding injuries with the .22 I just set him up to buy) and taking care of all three of my boys. J said I should figure out what I want...so I did. That's really what I want. K and I talked a long time this morning about it and I think the PTA thing will give me a good idea of whether or not I want to go into something editing/writing related, if I do decided to go back to work eventually. The time off will help us figure out where we are and what we can do financially; the being home for my boys will just be good for my head. (Oh, and in March when I tell you I'm taking a long term sub job at my old school, it's because I promised my friend and colleague, Jen, I'd cover her maternity leave, if all goes as she plans. One exception.)

In Conclusion

Well, my dear, it's too bad I'm in such a writing mood with not a whole lot left to say. It's 7:15 and JJ is over at his friend B's house, has been all day and is having dinner there, M is watching TV and pouting (that damned gun) and J is at a late evening meeting. I should be able to sit here all night, but I'll spare you. (B's mom just called and asked if JJ could spend the night. Why do I have nothing left to say??!!)

Love you and thanks so much for the long post...this is the best thing that's happened in my life in a long time!

- Amanda (did you notice I signed my email "A"? Identity crisis!)

PS: Sorry to hear about A's dumper of a mood yesterday. All I could think of was how much she didn't want to go home. Not that she should be a brat about it, but still. How awful. What's going on with M and V lately? Any new news?