Hey, how are you?
After a busy and stressful day I am (finally) much too relaxed to think enough to write anything worth anything, so I'm going to pass on blogging tonight. I hope you are all still enjoying C's visit, and that you had a good day today. Send her love and luck on her new job from me.
Love, B
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
Newsy is a Good Thing!!
I hope you didn't think that "newsy" meant long-winded. You know I love reading your writing...the more the better! I had the herb-rubbed sirloin with a loaded baked potato and grilled veggies tonight. Since I scarfed the potato, I had plenty of sirloin leftover for a steak sandwich tomorrow....yum! We all shared a Bloomin' Onion and Thunder for dessert. It was quite a nice family dinner - my loving son (previously known as Royal S**t) gently prodding us to allow him a small tattoo, my husband setting aside the need for table manners in favor of laughter...all is well here.
Love,
A
Love,
A
Jealous
Outback?! Yay. I'm jealous. Go for the 9 oz. sirloin special. House salad with blue cheese rocks. The beans are awesome. But so are potatoes, if you're so inclined.
Sorry my posts were newsy today. I guess I just showed up at the page.
Have a good dinner and a good night. B
Sorry my posts were newsy today. I guess I just showed up at the page.
Have a good dinner and a good night. B
Short and sweet
Hi Barb,
Thanks for your newsy posts today. I just got home from a day out shopping with C, and we were headed out to dinner when T showed up for a beer. He and J will visit for a bit now, so I thought I'd respond before your bedtime.
Basic info: C graduated in June and continued working at her job for the University until last Friday. She was only able to work there until school started, since being a student is a job requirement. She was starting to get a little nervous as the summer came to an end and she didn't have a permanent "real" job lined up. By the end of the second week in September, she had two offers on the table; one was for Purina, an administrative asst. job in Portland, in her field. The other is for a company called Translations.com; they translate manuals and websites and such for people who work internationally. They are based in NY, but have a main office in Corvallis. They actually hunted her down; it's not in her field but they found her resume on Monster.com and thought she would be perfect for the position of Associate Project Manager (the title itself kicks butt over the Purina job). Both companies really wanted her, which made it nice for her. She finally chose the job in Corvallis, which was a huge financial bonus for her, not having to move. She was all ready to argue for $1000 over the lowest salary on their offered pay scale when they offered her $3000p over! She was able to finish out her old job and will start the new one on Wednesday of this week. She just came up for a few days to visit before it won't be so easy to do so. Today I took her out shopping for "business casual" clothes and she totally scored on lots of good stuff. We went out to lunch and to a new mall near the airport; the original plan was to go up to the city, This was botched by the flat tired we got about 5 miles from the house, and the subsequent 1.5 hours spent changing the tire then buying new tires at Les Schwab, at which point we decided against driving so far so late in the morning.
We're going to Outback tonight - it was the only place we could all agree upon. Even M is going. Who is being a royal s**t today. Surprise surprise. Anyway, more late, hopefully, if I'm up for writing when I get home. Last night I was up for 4 hours in the middle of the night for reasons I'll go into later. Maybe.
Sleep well - after such a lovely dinner!
Love,
A
Thanks for your newsy posts today. I just got home from a day out shopping with C, and we were headed out to dinner when T showed up for a beer. He and J will visit for a bit now, so I thought I'd respond before your bedtime.
Basic info: C graduated in June and continued working at her job for the University until last Friday. She was only able to work there until school started, since being a student is a job requirement. She was starting to get a little nervous as the summer came to an end and she didn't have a permanent "real" job lined up. By the end of the second week in September, she had two offers on the table; one was for Purina, an administrative asst. job in Portland, in her field. The other is for a company called Translations.com; they translate manuals and websites and such for people who work internationally. They are based in NY, but have a main office in Corvallis. They actually hunted her down; it's not in her field but they found her resume on Monster.com and thought she would be perfect for the position of Associate Project Manager (the title itself kicks butt over the Purina job). Both companies really wanted her, which made it nice for her. She finally chose the job in Corvallis, which was a huge financial bonus for her, not having to move. She was all ready to argue for $1000 over the lowest salary on their offered pay scale when they offered her $3000p over! She was able to finish out her old job and will start the new one on Wednesday of this week. She just came up for a few days to visit before it won't be so easy to do so. Today I took her out shopping for "business casual" clothes and she totally scored on lots of good stuff. We went out to lunch and to a new mall near the airport; the original plan was to go up to the city, This was botched by the flat tired we got about 5 miles from the house, and the subsequent 1.5 hours spent changing the tire then buying new tires at Les Schwab, at which point we decided against driving so far so late in the morning.
We're going to Outback tonight - it was the only place we could all agree upon. Even M is going. Who is being a royal s**t today. Surprise surprise. Anyway, more late, hopefully, if I'm up for writing when I get home. Last night I was up for 4 hours in the middle of the night for reasons I'll go into later. Maybe.
Sleep well - after such a lovely dinner!
Love,
A
Pork products and arugula
Hey, A.
I can't believe it's already after 7. I had ambitious plans for tonight, but now it seems unlikely I'll do everything I had hoped.
After my blog break I was focused and productive today. I corrected a big stack of lab reports (1/2 of what I need to get done by tomorrow) and did some planning for the week. I figured I could knock off 10 of 20 more lab reports tonight, and finish the last 10 during study hall tomorrow. I guess I still can, but I was hoping to do more me stuff. More?...well...
I left at contract time to get home in time for UPS (pictures I ordered from shutterfly), which attempted a delivery on Friday. While waiting for the doorbell I looked through epicurious and a Giada cookbook to find a recipe for dinner. I didn't want leftover chili, I didn't want a sandwich. I wanted pasta. I wanted to use arugula. Maybe fresh grape tomatoes, maybe canned diced. Maybe sausage, maybe leftover bacon, maybe both. Or neither. By 4:30 I had looked through my summer photos and was cooking. In the end I created a dish that indeed combined my loves of pork products and arugula. I made a delicious pasta (penne) tossed in a sauce that had ground pork, bacon, garlic, roasted garlic and onion diced tomatoes, a little red wine, thyme, oregano, pecorino romano cheese, and arugula--tossed in at the end, just enough heat to wilt it. It was delicious. Really delicious.
After eating and cleaning up I spent about an hour figuring out bills and budget (always depressing), and now I'm hardly in the mood to correct. Meanwhile, I still have to get some food together for lab tomorrow, and lunch to make. And what I really want to do is write some more, tell you about my thing with lemons, my happy lemon topiaries. I thought about writing elsewhere as well, and reading a little EB tonight. I guess for tonight I should be grateful for my culinary creation, for the fact that my home still feels like a comfortable, welcoming home--and, even more basically, that I could pay my bills. Tomorrow is another day--with a hair appointment and happy hour planned. And when I come home tomorrow, I'll be able to put my feet up and read and write until bedtime. No grades over my head. Sounds like a plan.
Hope you're all having a good visit with C.
Take care. Love, Barb
I can't believe it's already after 7. I had ambitious plans for tonight, but now it seems unlikely I'll do everything I had hoped.
After my blog break I was focused and productive today. I corrected a big stack of lab reports (1/2 of what I need to get done by tomorrow) and did some planning for the week. I figured I could knock off 10 of 20 more lab reports tonight, and finish the last 10 during study hall tomorrow. I guess I still can, but I was hoping to do more me stuff. More?...well...
I left at contract time to get home in time for UPS (pictures I ordered from shutterfly), which attempted a delivery on Friday. While waiting for the doorbell I looked through epicurious and a Giada cookbook to find a recipe for dinner. I didn't want leftover chili, I didn't want a sandwich. I wanted pasta. I wanted to use arugula. Maybe fresh grape tomatoes, maybe canned diced. Maybe sausage, maybe leftover bacon, maybe both. Or neither. By 4:30 I had looked through my summer photos and was cooking. In the end I created a dish that indeed combined my loves of pork products and arugula. I made a delicious pasta (penne) tossed in a sauce that had ground pork, bacon, garlic, roasted garlic and onion diced tomatoes, a little red wine, thyme, oregano, pecorino romano cheese, and arugula--tossed in at the end, just enough heat to wilt it. It was delicious. Really delicious.
After eating and cleaning up I spent about an hour figuring out bills and budget (always depressing), and now I'm hardly in the mood to correct. Meanwhile, I still have to get some food together for lab tomorrow, and lunch to make. And what I really want to do is write some more, tell you about my thing with lemons, my happy lemon topiaries. I thought about writing elsewhere as well, and reading a little EB tonight. I guess for tonight I should be grateful for my culinary creation, for the fact that my home still feels like a comfortable, welcoming home--and, even more basically, that I could pay my bills. Tomorrow is another day--with a hair appointment and happy hour planned. And when I come home tomorrow, I'll be able to put my feet up and read and write until bedtime. No grades over my head. Sounds like a plan.
Hope you're all having a good visit with C.
Take care. Love, Barb
Who's Trading What?
Good morning, Amanda.
Forgive me in advance if this doesn't come out as a cohesive narrative. I'm on a free period and wanted to respond not only to your last entry in general, but to a few items in particular, but it's a race against the clock/bell schedule. For one, it sounds like you had a good weekend too. I, likewise, could hear happiness in your voice. Which, of course, makes me happy. How is C doing? Where is she living these days? Working? How did the kebabs come out?
Great story about M joining the G-S alliance. Whether he is doing it entirely to support kids who are voiceless and bullied, or because he is struggling with his own issues, it speaks volumes about his maturity, and about you. I think that's awesome. I'm glad you got to spend some time with him and walk away feeling proud.
What is this Trader Vics? Is it a west coast thing? Something like Trader Joe's? I suppose I can Google it, and probably will, but it's not the first time you mentioned it. Anyway, I do love my wine, but am a sucker for a good cocktail as well. In fact, I carried on once with J about how supermarkets should pretty much just go ahead and rename the soda aisle "Mixers."
I am a total sucker, so I did get teary when I heard about Paul Newman. W had control of the clicker, however, so I didn't get sucked into any montages which would have made me cry. I do hope to catch some stories about him tonight, though, so I'll probably catch up. I cried for days when Tim Russert died. My brother in law called and told me while I was sitting by the pool (he knew I loved him) and I started bawling. I couldn't even talk about his death or any of the footage or tributes without crying, never mind watch those things, which I did. Funny how strangers can feel so close to us, how we can feel so bereft when they pass.
Time for the mad dash to the microwave for my 1o:26 lunch. Hope you have a good day.
Love, Barb
Forgive me in advance if this doesn't come out as a cohesive narrative. I'm on a free period and wanted to respond not only to your last entry in general, but to a few items in particular, but it's a race against the clock/bell schedule. For one, it sounds like you had a good weekend too. I, likewise, could hear happiness in your voice. Which, of course, makes me happy. How is C doing? Where is she living these days? Working? How did the kebabs come out?
Great story about M joining the G-S alliance. Whether he is doing it entirely to support kids who are voiceless and bullied, or because he is struggling with his own issues, it speaks volumes about his maturity, and about you. I think that's awesome. I'm glad you got to spend some time with him and walk away feeling proud.
What is this Trader Vics? Is it a west coast thing? Something like Trader Joe's? I suppose I can Google it, and probably will, but it's not the first time you mentioned it. Anyway, I do love my wine, but am a sucker for a good cocktail as well. In fact, I carried on once with J about how supermarkets should pretty much just go ahead and rename the soda aisle "Mixers."
I am a total sucker, so I did get teary when I heard about Paul Newman. W had control of the clicker, however, so I didn't get sucked into any montages which would have made me cry. I do hope to catch some stories about him tonight, though, so I'll probably catch up. I cried for days when Tim Russert died. My brother in law called and told me while I was sitting by the pool (he knew I loved him) and I started bawling. I couldn't even talk about his death or any of the footage or tributes without crying, never mind watch those things, which I did. Funny how strangers can feel so close to us, how we can feel so bereft when they pass.
Time for the mad dash to the microwave for my 1o:26 lunch. Hope you have a good day.
Love, Barb
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Quality Time with Friends and Family
Hi there,
Sick of your pictures? Never! I love them! And yes, I remember the vase - the one I almost didn't send because I wanted it for myself!! I liked the window sill too...I have not tried the bowl of lemons as decor, although my friend Kim has a massive lidded vase full of lemons on her kitchen counter and I always want to try that. It looks so European.
I'm so glad to hear you had such a nice weekend. Sorry about the short guest list, but it sounds like you had fun anyway. Sometimes low key is just what the doctor ordered. We had the same thing last night - S&T ended up going to their cabin to quad (imagine!) so it was just the four of us at K&R's. Even my kids were absent - off with friends - so we had some very enjoyable grown up time. The cocktail from Trader Vics was amazing - some rum thing with creme de cacao and about 10 other splashes of this and that - of course served in a beautiful wine goblet with a toothpick fruit kebab across the top - you two would love each other for the pomp and presentation! I'm always impressed and promised myself I will do the same, but I'm still working on it. The ribs were awesome, the salad was a hit up until I was told that R hates broccoli - oh well. And the crepes! Wow, truly excellent. All in all we had a really nice, quiet, relaxing time - the guys watched the game while K and I sat in the living room, curled up on the couch with our wine, solving all the world's problems.
This morning, we got up and were planning to go to Starbucks when I realized that M was already up (wow! before 2 in the afternoon!). He actually wanted to go with us, which is rare. We ran a few errands then went for coffee and breakfast, just the three of us (JJ was at a friend's last night). I don't talk to M much anymore so I treasured the time with him this morning. He told us that he had joined the Gay-Straight Alliance at school and was going to be going to meetings on Wednesdays. We talked a little about what they will be doing and how he wants to get involved because "how gay people get treated is just messed up". You know, he can be a real s**t but I gotta love my super-tolerant socially conscious kid. How proud I am that he's grown up that way.
C is on her way home for a few days this evening so J's in the kitchen marinating kebabs for the barbecue. We spent the entire day in the garden pulling the flowers, mowing, weeding, etc. Much progress made and it doesn't look quite as bare as I had feared. In a couple of weeks I'll get out there and plant some winter stuff. As for now, I'm going to sign off and help J with dinner. Thanks for the info on the pomegranate ginger ale - I'll look for it. Maybe I can find a different brand is I can't find that one.
Happy Monday to you - I hope the week starts off as well as this one ended. It's nice to hear the smile in your "voice".
Love you!
A
Sick of your pictures? Never! I love them! And yes, I remember the vase - the one I almost didn't send because I wanted it for myself!! I liked the window sill too...I have not tried the bowl of lemons as decor, although my friend Kim has a massive lidded vase full of lemons on her kitchen counter and I always want to try that. It looks so European.
I'm so glad to hear you had such a nice weekend. Sorry about the short guest list, but it sounds like you had fun anyway. Sometimes low key is just what the doctor ordered. We had the same thing last night - S&T ended up going to their cabin to quad (imagine!) so it was just the four of us at K&R's. Even my kids were absent - off with friends - so we had some very enjoyable grown up time. The cocktail from Trader Vics was amazing - some rum thing with creme de cacao and about 10 other splashes of this and that - of course served in a beautiful wine goblet with a toothpick fruit kebab across the top - you two would love each other for the pomp and presentation! I'm always impressed and promised myself I will do the same, but I'm still working on it. The ribs were awesome, the salad was a hit up until I was told that R hates broccoli - oh well. And the crepes! Wow, truly excellent. All in all we had a really nice, quiet, relaxing time - the guys watched the game while K and I sat in the living room, curled up on the couch with our wine, solving all the world's problems.
This morning, we got up and were planning to go to Starbucks when I realized that M was already up (wow! before 2 in the afternoon!). He actually wanted to go with us, which is rare. We ran a few errands then went for coffee and breakfast, just the three of us (JJ was at a friend's last night). I don't talk to M much anymore so I treasured the time with him this morning. He told us that he had joined the Gay-Straight Alliance at school and was going to be going to meetings on Wednesdays. We talked a little about what they will be doing and how he wants to get involved because "how gay people get treated is just messed up". You know, he can be a real s**t but I gotta love my super-tolerant socially conscious kid. How proud I am that he's grown up that way.
C is on her way home for a few days this evening so J's in the kitchen marinating kebabs for the barbecue. We spent the entire day in the garden pulling the flowers, mowing, weeding, etc. Much progress made and it doesn't look quite as bare as I had feared. In a couple of weeks I'll get out there and plant some winter stuff. As for now, I'm going to sign off and help J with dinner. Thanks for the info on the pomegranate ginger ale - I'll look for it. Maybe I can find a different brand is I can't find that one.
Happy Monday to you - I hope the week starts off as well as this one ended. It's nice to hear the smile in your "voice".
Love you!
A
Simple happiness/Today's blog part 2
You are probably sick of my pics, but I had to share one of the vase you gave me that I love so much (on the left, full of alstromeria), and also a little window sill still I took this afternoon (manager's special discounted flowers in my Italian pitcher, a bowl of lemons, olive motif plate). In one of my next lives, I'd love to be a florist. In yet another, a photographer.
My dinner was excellent. In my opinion, there are few sandwiches that don't require a handful of chips, even fewer can't be enhanced by one. My occasional BAT, with PM, stands alone. The Sangiovese is quite nice too, especially for the price. The bonus? It will pair well with a leftover brownie later. Yay.
I will go to bed feeling happy. Full, loved, pampered, happy. Life is good.
Hope you're feeling the same. B
Weekend Update
Hey, Amanda,
I swear I checked last night to see if you had written anything but nothing was here. Bummer!...But nice to have something to read today after W left/when I came back to an empty--but no less lovely :)--place. (Especially since I have new flowers in my favorite vase. Do you remember sending it to me for Christmas one year?)
The weekend was good. W and I went to a fave place Friday night, hoping to catch their happy hour food, but we weren't able to get a seat at the bar until after 6. But it was raining and nasty out, and we knew we wouldn't be going out again on Saturday, or leaving the house once we got home, so we stayed and paid full price. Saturday we did a little shopping and ran a few errands, then hunkered down in the rain. I put a few invites out, but only my friend JP (who got married this summer) came over to hang out. He loved my chili and we had a good time hanging out, watching college ball. He came at 3 and left at 7. I can't believe W and I actually stayed up until 11. (W is so sweet--he was disappointed for me that more people didn't come; he said I'm such a good host, and I had gone all out.)
It was a different weekend for us--W and I definitely like going out and getting dressed up--but that's not the weekend we planned, in part because we're broke. Furthermore, with all the nesting I've been doing, I would have been disappointed if we didn't get to enjoy the clean and cozy fruits of my labor. It was really nice to be low key and not party like rock stars. We had some good down time, time to reconnect and enjoy each other's company. No hangovers to interfere with amorousness and affection. I miss him already, as I always do after a weekend with him.
*****************
I am starving (well, not really) and wishing I had broccoli so I could make what you call the Auntie Barb broccoli salad (and I call the fat b*stard broccoli salad; I'm glad it's still a hit!). I do, however have a nice roll, and bacon, and arugula, and you know how much I heart arugula, right? I think I may make a BLT, with arugula as my L, and pesto mayonnaise. Yum. I thought of going out for an Outback special, to have someone serve me tonight, but I decided that a) I didn't mind playing hostess and 2) I want to enjoy my space now, too. Finally, there is the financial part to consider. I knew 35 dollars would go further at TJs than Outback. I have a nail appointment and a hair appointment this week, and C and I are going to meet for pizza after my hair appointment (she happens to have one too), so I really couldn't justify going out for dinner by myself tonight. I don't have it in me to roll pizza dough today (I want to make a pizza with arugula and prosciutto, try to recreate the best pizza in my life (in Florence)), and an arugula salad--even with a little prosciutto--won't cut it, so a hopped-up BLT will have to do. I think it'll be perfect. I'll just have to decide if I keep with the Pinot Noir I opened yesterday or if I pop open some Sangiovese, all in the spirit.
Which reminds me. The pomegranate ginger ale? It's a brand called Polar. It may be local, I'm not sure; it's almost generic, akin to Stop & Shop brand. They make all sorts of (and mainly) flavored seltzers and this ginger ale I got turned on to by my sister M. So it's not a TJs thing. I guess I'd say start in the soda aisle at your supermarket?...I happen to like plain old vodka and ginger ale (I call it the Polish cocktail, as does my brother-in-law J, who also drinks them on occasion), but the pomegranate gives it that little something extra--besides the false feeling that I'm being healthy by choosing a mixer that has antioxidants. lolol
Okay, I'm off to make myself dinner. After I eat I'll upload a couple of new pics (the vase) and I'll log on again. Hope you had a good night last night; I've got my fingers crossed you'll write later today.
Love you, Barb
I swear I checked last night to see if you had written anything but nothing was here. Bummer!...But nice to have something to read today after W left/when I came back to an empty--but no less lovely :)--place. (Especially since I have new flowers in my favorite vase. Do you remember sending it to me for Christmas one year?)
The weekend was good. W and I went to a fave place Friday night, hoping to catch their happy hour food, but we weren't able to get a seat at the bar until after 6. But it was raining and nasty out, and we knew we wouldn't be going out again on Saturday, or leaving the house once we got home, so we stayed and paid full price. Saturday we did a little shopping and ran a few errands, then hunkered down in the rain. I put a few invites out, but only my friend JP (who got married this summer) came over to hang out. He loved my chili and we had a good time hanging out, watching college ball. He came at 3 and left at 7. I can't believe W and I actually stayed up until 11. (W is so sweet--he was disappointed for me that more people didn't come; he said I'm such a good host, and I had gone all out.)
It was a different weekend for us--W and I definitely like going out and getting dressed up--but that's not the weekend we planned, in part because we're broke. Furthermore, with all the nesting I've been doing, I would have been disappointed if we didn't get to enjoy the clean and cozy fruits of my labor. It was really nice to be low key and not party like rock stars. We had some good down time, time to reconnect and enjoy each other's company. No hangovers to interfere with amorousness and affection. I miss him already, as I always do after a weekend with him.
*****************
I am starving (well, not really) and wishing I had broccoli so I could make what you call the Auntie Barb broccoli salad (and I call the fat b*stard broccoli salad; I'm glad it's still a hit!). I do, however have a nice roll, and bacon, and arugula, and you know how much I heart arugula, right? I think I may make a BLT, with arugula as my L, and pesto mayonnaise. Yum. I thought of going out for an Outback special, to have someone serve me tonight, but I decided that a) I didn't mind playing hostess and 2) I want to enjoy my space now, too. Finally, there is the financial part to consider. I knew 35 dollars would go further at TJs than Outback. I have a nail appointment and a hair appointment this week, and C and I are going to meet for pizza after my hair appointment (she happens to have one too), so I really couldn't justify going out for dinner by myself tonight. I don't have it in me to roll pizza dough today (I want to make a pizza with arugula and prosciutto, try to recreate the best pizza in my life (in Florence)), and an arugula salad--even with a little prosciutto--won't cut it, so a hopped-up BLT will have to do. I think it'll be perfect. I'll just have to decide if I keep with the Pinot Noir I opened yesterday or if I pop open some Sangiovese, all in the spirit.
Which reminds me. The pomegranate ginger ale? It's a brand called Polar. It may be local, I'm not sure; it's almost generic, akin to Stop & Shop brand. They make all sorts of (and mainly) flavored seltzers and this ginger ale I got turned on to by my sister M. So it's not a TJs thing. I guess I'd say start in the soda aisle at your supermarket?...I happen to like plain old vodka and ginger ale (I call it the Polish cocktail, as does my brother-in-law J, who also drinks them on occasion), but the pomegranate gives it that little something extra--besides the false feeling that I'm being healthy by choosing a mixer that has antioxidants. lolol
Okay, I'm off to make myself dinner. After I eat I'll upload a couple of new pics (the vase) and I'll log on again. Hope you had a good night last night; I've got my fingers crossed you'll write later today.
Love you, Barb
Saturday, September 27, 2008
OMG - forgive me!
I can't believe I just wrote that whole post without a single comment on your beautiful home!! I love the red couches (how bold and daring of you!) and the "feel" of the room, even though I can't really feel it. I can't wait to visit. Thanks for much for sharing!!
Good Food and Good People
Hey there Barb,
I doubt you'll be checking the blog over the weekend while W is visiting and you have a houseful of company, but I thought I'd write a bit anyway. It's a quiet afternoon here, following a day at the FD with JJ and his two friends. The Open House went well and J's debut as the MC was successful. There was a really nice story on the 4:00 news too, a tribute to Chief DP. The kids snuck behind J when he was being interviewed so they thought for sure they'd be on the news too, but no luck.
We came back here and the kids played outside (it's a gorgeous day) while I made the ever popular Auntie Barb's Broccoli Salad to take to K&S's for dinner tonight. Always a big hit in my family and should go well with the barbecued ribs K's got planned. Evidently the Queen is coming to dinner too, since we're having French crepes with creme and fresh peaches for dessert. K said this morning, "that just sounded good." You know, steak and lobster sounds good too, but I'm not about to whip that up for the neighbors. Gotta love her...
I cried this morning when I heard that Paul Newman died. Normally, I'm not a sap for celebrities, and granted, I cried for three days in front of the tv when Princess Di died, but once in awhile a good one comes along. I felt this way when John Ritter died, so sad that someone so good is gone. With all the Britney Spears' and whoever's starring on whatever stupid 20-something show this season, it seems rare anymore that someone famous can be a real person too. I know Newman was 83, and that's a good, long, full life, but still. I guess it also brings home a little bit for me (us) that he is near our parents' age...he was the Tom Cruise of my mom's generation (without going whacko in the end). My mom loved him. Him and Redford - what a dying breed (pardon the pun - or is that even a pun? That's literal. Woah.)
I knew my time was limited...J just came home and is changing before we head out for dinner. K's making some new cocktail from Trader Vics, but I've been sipping on my vodka and cran-apple for awhile now. Speaking of which, what about the pomegranate ginger ale??? Help me out here!
Hope your weekend is going well and you're enjoying your time with friends,
Love, A
I doubt you'll be checking the blog over the weekend while W is visiting and you have a houseful of company, but I thought I'd write a bit anyway. It's a quiet afternoon here, following a day at the FD with JJ and his two friends. The Open House went well and J's debut as the MC was successful. There was a really nice story on the 4:00 news too, a tribute to Chief DP. The kids snuck behind J when he was being interviewed so they thought for sure they'd be on the news too, but no luck.
We came back here and the kids played outside (it's a gorgeous day) while I made the ever popular Auntie Barb's Broccoli Salad to take to K&S's for dinner tonight. Always a big hit in my family and should go well with the barbecued ribs K's got planned. Evidently the Queen is coming to dinner too, since we're having French crepes with creme and fresh peaches for dessert. K said this morning, "that just sounded good." You know, steak and lobster sounds good too, but I'm not about to whip that up for the neighbors. Gotta love her...
I cried this morning when I heard that Paul Newman died. Normally, I'm not a sap for celebrities, and granted, I cried for three days in front of the tv when Princess Di died, but once in awhile a good one comes along. I felt this way when John Ritter died, so sad that someone so good is gone. With all the Britney Spears' and whoever's starring on whatever stupid 20-something show this season, it seems rare anymore that someone famous can be a real person too. I know Newman was 83, and that's a good, long, full life, but still. I guess it also brings home a little bit for me (us) that he is near our parents' age...he was the Tom Cruise of my mom's generation (without going whacko in the end). My mom loved him. Him and Redford - what a dying breed (pardon the pun - or is that even a pun? That's literal. Woah.)
I knew my time was limited...J just came home and is changing before we head out for dinner. K's making some new cocktail from Trader Vics, but I've been sipping on my vodka and cran-apple for awhile now. Speaking of which, what about the pomegranate ginger ale??? Help me out here!
Hope your weekend is going well and you're enjoying your time with friends,
Love, A
Friday, September 26, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
out with the old...
Indeed, Amanda,
Isn't it nice to throw sh*t out? Literally. 10 year old bras: sh*t. A t-shirt (or seven) that once was white but now looks yellow or grey: sh*t. A bag (no joke) of old bills and statements, that I brought with me from my old place because was afraid to throw them to the identity theft wolves (now shredded and in the garbage): sh*t. It is so cleansing to purge. Interestingly enough, I find I do my purging at otherwise already cathartic and transitional times in my life. Old sh*t out with the old attitudes. Yay for cleansing thoughts and actions!
K just left at about 9, and now that I've cleaned up I'm tempted to stay up and enjoy myself a while longer. I do NOT have to report for jury duty, but have lesson plans set to go...so it's tempting. But I also just had a day "off" earlier this week (yeah, right, with a residual migraine and catch-up correcting). Furthermore, I found out today, after cortisone shots, that I have to make some PT appointments for my feet and I'd rather take half days to get that done than take tomorrow...although the weather forecast is torrential rain. (Funny that you expect rain tomorrow too.) Obviously, I can't decide. The Gemini twins are battling. :-) I guess I'll figure it out at 5:30 am. With a bad storm there is a good chance I'll get a barometric pressure triggered migraine anyway, so it's not entirely up to me, I guess.
My visit with K was good. We did have chili, which is again on the menu for the weekend with the boys. K and I did chili, chips, salsa, corn muffins, and brownies for dessert. The menu will be pretty much the same Saturday, but I'm sure we won't be sitting around the table with formal place settings. Rather, the guys will take their chili and beers to the couch and watch the game. It'll be fun just the same.
PS I tried to upload images of my place, but couldn't. K's compliments of how nice and "warm and welcoming" it looked reminded me to take pics and share. Unfortunately, it keeps failing. I'll do it another time. Promise!
Isn't it nice to throw sh*t out? Literally. 10 year old bras: sh*t. A t-shirt (or seven) that once was white but now looks yellow or grey: sh*t. A bag (no joke) of old bills and statements, that I brought with me from my old place because was afraid to throw them to the identity theft wolves (now shredded and in the garbage): sh*t. It is so cleansing to purge. Interestingly enough, I find I do my purging at otherwise already cathartic and transitional times in my life. Old sh*t out with the old attitudes. Yay for cleansing thoughts and actions!
K just left at about 9, and now that I've cleaned up I'm tempted to stay up and enjoy myself a while longer. I do NOT have to report for jury duty, but have lesson plans set to go...so it's tempting. But I also just had a day "off" earlier this week (yeah, right, with a residual migraine and catch-up correcting). Furthermore, I found out today, after cortisone shots, that I have to make some PT appointments for my feet and I'd rather take half days to get that done than take tomorrow...although the weather forecast is torrential rain. (Funny that you expect rain tomorrow too.) Obviously, I can't decide. The Gemini twins are battling. :-) I guess I'll figure it out at 5:30 am. With a bad storm there is a good chance I'll get a barometric pressure triggered migraine anyway, so it's not entirely up to me, I guess.
My visit with K was good. We did have chili, which is again on the menu for the weekend with the boys. K and I did chili, chips, salsa, corn muffins, and brownies for dessert. The menu will be pretty much the same Saturday, but I'm sure we won't be sitting around the table with formal place settings. Rather, the guys will take their chili and beers to the couch and watch the game. It'll be fun just the same.
Thanks for writing tonight. Be in touch when you can. I will do the same. Have a great weekend!
Love, Barb
PS I tried to upload images of my place, but couldn't. K's compliments of how nice and "warm and welcoming" it looked reminded me to take pics and share. Unfortunately, it keeps failing. I'll do it another time. Promise!
Shedding Weight
Hi Barb,
By the time you read this, you will probably have already spent the evening with K, which I hope was an enjoyable one. Chili tonight? Or is that for the weekend? And I must ask, where do I get pomegranate ginger ale?? That sounds awesome! (TJ's?) I've never seen that before, but then I've never looked for it either. Yum!
No, I didn't bake yesterday, I baked today. Yesterday I didn't do much of anything really. I ended up napping when I thought I might hit the kitchen, then I had to take M to his counseling appointment and run some other errands. By the time we got back here, it was more or less time to go to football, so I didn't get anything else done. Our first football practice (it's flag, not tackle) was very good - we have a stellar coach whom we've had for baseball before. In addition, having been in parks and rec sports for all these years, we've gotten to the point where we know most of the parents anymore - some we like, some not so much. We ended up with not only a team of good players, but a team of good Moms too! A few of us stood around the entire practice getting caught up from either spring baseball or last football season, and that was fun. JJ is so excited to be back; since we didn't do summer ball he's had some withdrawal since Little League ended in June. Not to mention (as if I need to) he lives for football.
Today I tackled C's room - the closet (which had become not just a place to put a million things that had no other home, but a place to stuff those things - God it was a mess!) and under the bed...the little desk in the corner...I went to town. I took a massive black lawn bag full of my "skinny" clothes to the Goodwill. I kept a few things, but decided that even if I ever do get back into a size 7 (right!) those pleated chinos from 14 years ago aren't going to be in style. I'm pretty sure. I gave away a couple of suits that I think actually had shoulder pads. If I don't start now, I'm going to be like that woman on Oprah who filled up two warehouses with her crap when they cleaned out her house.
It felt good to get rid of all that s**t. I felt like I was shedding old, heavy things (picture frames and blankets and lotion sets from Bath and Body that are 10 years old) and helping my new self start a new chapter. I'm no longer going to hang onto the skinny clothes in the hopes that I will lose 50 lbs. If I lose 50 lbs, so help me, I deserve to go out and buy an entirely new wardrobe. (Can you believe I had a box of underwear and bras? What the f***???) And even though all of it was in C's room, not in my immediate space, I feel like I have more room to breathe and grow now. Yay!
In between loads of crap and dusting, I baked a loaf of pumpkin-banana bread, which I thought sounded delicious, but has no flavor at all, as it turns out. It could have used another healthy dose of cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves, something. I still have half the can of pumpkin left so tomorrow I think I'll make pumpkin chocolate chip cookies, which I know are good. I also tried my hand at a homemade chicken pot pie, the results of which are yet to be revealed. It looks good in the pie plate. Comfort food - it's cold and damp and overcast here; it's supposed to rain tonight. Oh, I just looked outside and it's already started. I stopped at the liquor store to grab a bottle of vodka (and look for pomegranate ginger ale) so I could enjoy a cocktail before dinner and then hole up for the season premier of Grey's Anatomy. Honestly, I haven't watched it in two years, so I'm not sure why I'm excited about this season. It just sounds good, mindless, entertaining I guess.
Tomorrow is Friday Treats - in the rain, yay! - then we're busy this weekend with the FD Open House (all day Saturday) dinner with K&R on Saturday night and C is coming up Sunday for a few days. So of course I'm nesting...cleaning, baking...just like you.
Hope you had a great time tonight, have a terrific Friday at school tomorrow and a loving weekend with W. Talk to you soon,
Love, A
P.S. Yes, the petunias are on the right hand side of the driveway, near the garage. The coleus is actually on the top level of the front rock garden, on the grass side (so I look directly at it from my living room window.) I'm glad you liked them!
By the time you read this, you will probably have already spent the evening with K, which I hope was an enjoyable one. Chili tonight? Or is that for the weekend? And I must ask, where do I get pomegranate ginger ale?? That sounds awesome! (TJ's?) I've never seen that before, but then I've never looked for it either. Yum!
No, I didn't bake yesterday, I baked today. Yesterday I didn't do much of anything really. I ended up napping when I thought I might hit the kitchen, then I had to take M to his counseling appointment and run some other errands. By the time we got back here, it was more or less time to go to football, so I didn't get anything else done. Our first football practice (it's flag, not tackle) was very good - we have a stellar coach whom we've had for baseball before. In addition, having been in parks and rec sports for all these years, we've gotten to the point where we know most of the parents anymore - some we like, some not so much. We ended up with not only a team of good players, but a team of good Moms too! A few of us stood around the entire practice getting caught up from either spring baseball or last football season, and that was fun. JJ is so excited to be back; since we didn't do summer ball he's had some withdrawal since Little League ended in June. Not to mention (as if I need to) he lives for football.
Today I tackled C's room - the closet (which had become not just a place to put a million things that had no other home, but a place to stuff those things - God it was a mess!) and under the bed...the little desk in the corner...I went to town. I took a massive black lawn bag full of my "skinny" clothes to the Goodwill. I kept a few things, but decided that even if I ever do get back into a size 7 (right!) those pleated chinos from 14 years ago aren't going to be in style. I'm pretty sure. I gave away a couple of suits that I think actually had shoulder pads. If I don't start now, I'm going to be like that woman on Oprah who filled up two warehouses with her crap when they cleaned out her house.
It felt good to get rid of all that s**t. I felt like I was shedding old, heavy things (picture frames and blankets and lotion sets from Bath and Body that are 10 years old) and helping my new self start a new chapter. I'm no longer going to hang onto the skinny clothes in the hopes that I will lose 50 lbs. If I lose 50 lbs, so help me, I deserve to go out and buy an entirely new wardrobe. (Can you believe I had a box of underwear and bras? What the f***???) And even though all of it was in C's room, not in my immediate space, I feel like I have more room to breathe and grow now. Yay!
In between loads of crap and dusting, I baked a loaf of pumpkin-banana bread, which I thought sounded delicious, but has no flavor at all, as it turns out. It could have used another healthy dose of cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves, something. I still have half the can of pumpkin left so tomorrow I think I'll make pumpkin chocolate chip cookies, which I know are good. I also tried my hand at a homemade chicken pot pie, the results of which are yet to be revealed. It looks good in the pie plate. Comfort food - it's cold and damp and overcast here; it's supposed to rain tonight. Oh, I just looked outside and it's already started. I stopped at the liquor store to grab a bottle of vodka (and look for pomegranate ginger ale) so I could enjoy a cocktail before dinner and then hole up for the season premier of Grey's Anatomy. Honestly, I haven't watched it in two years, so I'm not sure why I'm excited about this season. It just sounds good, mindless, entertaining I guess.
Tomorrow is Friday Treats - in the rain, yay! - then we're busy this weekend with the FD Open House (all day Saturday) dinner with K&R on Saturday night and C is coming up Sunday for a few days. So of course I'm nesting...cleaning, baking...just like you.
Hope you had a great time tonight, have a terrific Friday at school tomorrow and a loving weekend with W. Talk to you soon,
Love, A
P.S. Yes, the petunias are on the right hand side of the driveway, near the garage. The coleus is actually on the top level of the front rock garden, on the grass side (so I look directly at it from my living room window.) I'm glad you liked them!
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Baking and Books
Hello, Amanda,
Beautiful flowers! Place them for me. Are the petunias on the right side of your driveway? Is the coleus out back? Regardless of where they are, they are beautiful. Thanks for sending the pictures.
I stopped at the supermarket after school to catch some sale items that I normally don't stock but will come in handy for guests--brownie mix, corn muffin mix, tortilla chips, salsa, salsa con queso--and some house stuff so I can continue on my cleaning and organizing frenzy. I was out of my favorite toilet bowl cleaner, needed light bulbs and a light fixture for my closet (the one I cleaned out on Sunday). I'm waiting for the brownies to bake (dessert for tomorrow night with K; the rest for the boys on Saturday) and will then bake the corn muffins that are ready to go (to accompany chili). While I stay close by the kitchen I am writing and sipping a vodka with pomegranate ginger ale. Yum. At some point I suppose I may make dinner--probably quick blackened shrimp for a Caesar salad. When I get my place guest-ready, I'll take some pictures so you can see it for the first time. I'd rather, of course, you see it in person, but we'll let photos do for now...
So I wonder if you decided to bake those muffins after your pita pizza, and enjoyed a cup of tea and some reading. I just got an Amazon order in yesterday--an Artist's Way morning pages journal and an Elizabeth Berg I never read, We Are All Welcome Here. The Meg Wolitzer I started at the end of the summer is good, but didn't grab me enough before the interruption of school. I'll get back to it another time, but I think I'll table it for now. I read the first few pages of Berg and liked it. But, as you know, I love EB. Besides her details ("We lived in a small town, far away from city lights, and our skies were inky black and so thick with stars it felt as though somebody ought to stir them."), she's one of the nicest authors I've ever met. I follow her as I do Ellie. I think, after my baking and cleaning, I'll take a night off from political TV. Instead I'll curl up with EB and some herbal tea.
Talk to you later.
Barb
Beautiful flowers! Place them for me. Are the petunias on the right side of your driveway? Is the coleus out back? Regardless of where they are, they are beautiful. Thanks for sending the pictures.
I stopped at the supermarket after school to catch some sale items that I normally don't stock but will come in handy for guests--brownie mix, corn muffin mix, tortilla chips, salsa, salsa con queso--and some house stuff so I can continue on my cleaning and organizing frenzy. I was out of my favorite toilet bowl cleaner, needed light bulbs and a light fixture for my closet (the one I cleaned out on Sunday). I'm waiting for the brownies to bake (dessert for tomorrow night with K; the rest for the boys on Saturday) and will then bake the corn muffins that are ready to go (to accompany chili). While I stay close by the kitchen I am writing and sipping a vodka with pomegranate ginger ale. Yum. At some point I suppose I may make dinner--probably quick blackened shrimp for a Caesar salad. When I get my place guest-ready, I'll take some pictures so you can see it for the first time. I'd rather, of course, you see it in person, but we'll let photos do for now...
So I wonder if you decided to bake those muffins after your pita pizza, and enjoyed a cup of tea and some reading. I just got an Amazon order in yesterday--an Artist's Way morning pages journal and an Elizabeth Berg I never read, We Are All Welcome Here. The Meg Wolitzer I started at the end of the summer is good, but didn't grab me enough before the interruption of school. I'll get back to it another time, but I think I'll table it for now. I read the first few pages of Berg and liked it. But, as you know, I love EB. Besides her details ("We lived in a small town, far away from city lights, and our skies were inky black and so thick with stars it felt as though somebody ought to stir them."), she's one of the nicest authors I've ever met. I follow her as I do Ellie. I think, after my baking and cleaning, I'll take a night off from political TV. Instead I'll curl up with EB and some herbal tea.
Talk to you later.
Barb
Summer's Over
Just returned from a 5.5 mile walk, including two killer hills, with K and S. K's idea - she's on a weight loss kick (this will last as long as one of mine) so I tagged along for the purpose of honoring my body. It felt good, even as the sky began to cloud over and the temperature dropped as we walked. I had planned to come home and pull the petunias out, but after a shower, and with a lovely pepperoni pizza on pita (with fresh shaved parmesan) in the oven, I'm not so inclined. Instead, I went o utside and took a picture for you of a section that still looks halfway decent. I also thought I'd show off my coleus garden - it's one of my very favorite annuals. As if I know so many as to have favorites!
I should be doing some cleaning or something, but am feeling rather couch-clingy today. I'm finally warm, after my shower, and I feel like I should bake muffins or something. Then curl up with a blanket and a good book (not a self-help one) and a cup of tea while they cook. Maybe that's exactly what I'll do. I wanted to say hi though, and say I'm glad you're feeling better. It all comes down to taking care of ourselves, and knowing when we need to.
More later,
Love, A
Cleaning the smudge
Good morning, Amanda.
I feel great today, mostly because I had a great day yesterday...I took care of my head in the morning, I got to talk to you for a long while, and then I got some housekeeping done. Project debris found its way to trash or recycling, clothes were put in appropriate drawers or closet, old bills and statements met their fate in my shredder, and then I did some correcting after all. And I'm so glad I did. The kids did great on their first test. I was so proud as I sat there correcting that I didn't resent that I was sitting there correcting.
Today I feel more present here at school (despite this little study hall post). I'm not distracted by when will I get everything done? I will begin correcting those lab reports as soon as finish here, and when I get home I can get in sweats and tackle the bathroom without thinking, sh*t, I really need to get those lab reports corrected. I guess every once in a while I need to catch up on my life outside school (and get some uninterrupted teacher time) so I can be a better teacher when I'm here. When the blur between my two halves gets big, I need to take a day and draw a line. Today it's nice and sharp.
Loved the story about walkie-talkie spelling! Thanks for starting my day with a smile.
Have a good day, A!
Love, B
I feel great today, mostly because I had a great day yesterday...I took care of my head in the morning, I got to talk to you for a long while, and then I got some housekeeping done. Project debris found its way to trash or recycling, clothes were put in appropriate drawers or closet, old bills and statements met their fate in my shredder, and then I did some correcting after all. And I'm so glad I did. The kids did great on their first test. I was so proud as I sat there correcting that I didn't resent that I was sitting there correcting.
Today I feel more present here at school (despite this little study hall post). I'm not distracted by when will I get everything done? I will begin correcting those lab reports as soon as finish here, and when I get home I can get in sweats and tackle the bathroom without thinking, sh*t, I really need to get those lab reports corrected. I guess every once in a while I need to catch up on my life outside school (and get some uninterrupted teacher time) so I can be a better teacher when I'm here. When the blur between my two halves gets big, I need to take a day and draw a line. Today it's nice and sharp.
Loved the story about walkie-talkie spelling! Thanks for starting my day with a smile.
Have a good day, A!
Love, B
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
It Doesn't Take Much
Oh Barb, I do love you! You have a way of making me feel validated, even when I might be freaking out for real. Thank you. And I will stop asking if it's ok for me to vent here - of course it is. This is all part of learning to honor myself. It's ok not to be happy all the time and it's ok to express that.
M and I came to a truce - I told him I was sorry he had failed his test, and that I knew he must be upset with himself, and that I had taken his disappointment away from him by making it my own. (I learned that in Love and Logic). He seemed a little taken aback and responded with "Thanks, and thanks for taking me today." Then he went off to (I'm sure) smoke pot with his friends. He came back with those ridiculous slatted "sunglasses" on (do you know what I'm talking about?) and I asked him to take them off at the dinner table. He did, but his hair covers 3/4 of his face so how would I know if he was stoned? I'll have to spend some time surfing the net tomorrow to figure out how to tell. So far, none of the regular tell tale signs are here - he doesn't smell like it or anything. Except, get this, earlier today he went upstairs and used Listerine in the middle of the afternoon. When I asked him why, he said because it tasted good. Right! Of course. What the f*** is that?? Anyway, my only consolation is that the two kids he was with before dinner are two kids I know aren't into drugs. (How do I know? I don't know. I just think I know.) Man, I thought I'd be the perfect mom to have a druggie kid - I'd know everything. How could I not? Hadn't I done it all, lied about it all, hid it all? Didn't I know all the tricks? Wouldn't I be able to see them coming a mile away when it was my time? No, not so much, as it turns out.
On the flipside, after JJ's shower tonight, he had to take a practice spelling test. He insisted we do it by walkie-talkie, withi him in some remote part of the house and me here downstairs.
"Number 10, annoying."
"a-n-n-o-y-i-n-g."
"Bingo!".
"Roger that! Over and out."
And that was all it took to make my whole day a great one.
Talk to you tomorrow,
Love you lots, A
Pork chops and a place to heal
So I get to the part about pork chops in the slow cooker and think, awesome, I'll have to ask her for the recipe. W and I decided we'd do a couple of drinks out on Friday but would eat in. His choice of meats from my freezer: pork chops. Then I get to the part where they're dry. Bummer! Guess I'll peruse my cookbooks. lol Okay, so we start with the laugh and get to the tougher stuff....
I don't know if I've written it or said it to you on the phone, or if I've only said it in my head a thousand times, but whenever I read about M I think of K. He's K incarnate. The sarcasm, bitterness, the hatefulness you said he exudes? K. And I feel so bad that you have done so much for M, made choices for your own life with M in mind, and ultimately--for now anyway--the part that we see of M is K. K sh*ts on him and damages him and abandons him, and you're left trying to hold it together and be patient. It's just not fair. I get so pissed off at K. At the whole situation. Really I do. I go back through conversations and interactions in my head and think what a passive aggressive bullsh*tter as*hole! I feel bad that I don't know what to tell you, that I don't know how to get you through this or how to help you out--other than to tell you you're not crazy or a bad parent, and to encourage you to keep writing about it. Let this be a healing place. Show up at the page. Write all you want. I won't interrupt you ;-) or invalidate what you're feeling. I promise. Keep fighting the good fight, Amanda, I promise he'll come around...
Love you!!! Barb
I don't know if I've written it or said it to you on the phone, or if I've only said it in my head a thousand times, but whenever I read about M I think of K. He's K incarnate. The sarcasm, bitterness, the hatefulness you said he exudes? K. And I feel so bad that you have done so much for M, made choices for your own life with M in mind, and ultimately--for now anyway--the part that we see of M is K. K sh*ts on him and damages him and abandons him, and you're left trying to hold it together and be patient. It's just not fair. I get so pissed off at K. At the whole situation. Really I do. I go back through conversations and interactions in my head and think what a passive aggressive bullsh*tter as*hole! I feel bad that I don't know what to tell you, that I don't know how to get you through this or how to help you out--other than to tell you you're not crazy or a bad parent, and to encourage you to keep writing about it. Let this be a healing place. Show up at the page. Write all you want. I won't interrupt you ;-) or invalidate what you're feeling. I promise. Keep fighting the good fight, Amanda, I promise he'll come around...
Love you!!! Barb
Blue Hydrangeas - yay! My favorite! Thanks for the smile. And for the long chat this morning. I ended up ironing for the rest of the morning so I never wrote - hope you get this before bedtime.
It's good times around here, I tell ya. I picked M up at school at 2:20 so he could go get his written test done. This was my idea, I was giving him a second chance. He brought his study book and notes with him to school today. So we get there and wait an hour and a half before we get called. I pay $20 (why did I pay for it? because I'm far too nice) and he takes the test. And fails. This is not the part I'm upset about, though. I'm upset because he didn't like the answer on one of the questions - he swears it's wrong (and that he was right), and since it was the 6th question he missed (you're only allowed to miss 5), it's all because of that one stupid-ass question that if you actually did it that way would get you arrested. I'm not coming back to this stupid place to retake the test if that's really what they think the answer is.
I'm not kidding. This was actually his reaction. As we drove away, he asked why I was so quiet. I said it was because I was disappointed; not disappointed because he failed, but because he didn't plan to come back and retake the test. Which indicates to me that getting his license isn't all that important. Well, it's not, he says. I don't have anything to drive anyway (add in here the silent ending to that sentence: because you guys won't buy me a car). I told him I wished I had known that before I spent half my day and $20 on something that didn't really matter to him. Whatever, he says.
Whatever. Not thanks, not sorry, not let me pay you back, not anything remotely grateful or appreciative. Just whatever. God, sometimes I want to smack the smart ass right out of him. Barb, I fight this every day but I don't know how long I can continue to have a positive attitude about him: I think he's probably smoking pot (I can't figure out how to tell yet); he's hanging out with kids whose reputations are less than desirable, even if false, which I doubt, because I'm not stupid; he has an F in Chemistry because he hasn't turned in the only assignment that's been due so far (a week's worth of "practice", whatever that is) and when I asked him about it, he said it's one tiny little assignment. It's the beginning of the year. (add in the silent: why are you freaking out?) I try to be really positive, to lift him up with compliments and praise and I tell him he's a good kid, and that I love him and that I'm proud of him all the time. I tell everyone else how awesome he is when he can hear me and even when he can't. I never say you're worthless or what the hell is happening to you or what's wrong with you? I try so hard, but every day I understand my dad more and more. Some days I just want to scream and yell and tell him that he's ruining his life, that he's going nowhere, that he's setting himself up to live in a trailer the rest of his life.
Ok, I'm exaggerating. But you get the point. He scares me. And I don't know if that's normal, because he's a teenager, or if I should really be concerned. Certainly, his "look" and the crowd with whom he associates doesn't do much for his credibility, but I hate to stereotype. But I also hate to be in denial, more than anything else on earth. So how do I know? How can I tell if things are really headed in the wrong direction or if, just maybe, I'm really freaking out?
~~
Enough of that. I cooked pork chops in the slow cooker today and I just tasted them. Yawn. And dry, too. That annoys me even more than I already am. I was at least looking forward to a nice dinner, and now...argh! J won't be home for dinner, JJ will complain about the pork chops (of course he would, even if Emeril himself had cooked them) and M will probably skip dinner because A) he's angry and B) he'll snack until he's full between now and then. I'm tempted to call K and see if maybe R is out of town and she needs company for a glass of vino. Ooops...there I go, drowning out my feelings again. Otherwise, I'm going to end up eating by myself (and what's the point if the food's not that good? I might as well open a good bottle of wine instead.)
I'm tired now...not in the mood for writing. Maybe tomorrow?
Love,
A
It's good times around here, I tell ya. I picked M up at school at 2:20 so he could go get his written test done. This was my idea, I was giving him a second chance. He brought his study book and notes with him to school today. So we get there and wait an hour and a half before we get called. I pay $20 (why did I pay for it? because I'm far too nice) and he takes the test. And fails. This is not the part I'm upset about, though. I'm upset because he didn't like the answer on one of the questions - he swears it's wrong (and that he was right), and since it was the 6th question he missed (you're only allowed to miss 5), it's all because of that one stupid-ass question that if you actually did it that way would get you arrested. I'm not coming back to this stupid place to retake the test if that's really what they think the answer is.
I'm not kidding. This was actually his reaction. As we drove away, he asked why I was so quiet. I said it was because I was disappointed; not disappointed because he failed, but because he didn't plan to come back and retake the test. Which indicates to me that getting his license isn't all that important. Well, it's not, he says. I don't have anything to drive anyway (add in here the silent ending to that sentence: because you guys won't buy me a car). I told him I wished I had known that before I spent half my day and $20 on something that didn't really matter to him. Whatever, he says.
Whatever. Not thanks, not sorry, not let me pay you back, not anything remotely grateful or appreciative. Just whatever. God, sometimes I want to smack the smart ass right out of him. Barb, I fight this every day but I don't know how long I can continue to have a positive attitude about him: I think he's probably smoking pot (I can't figure out how to tell yet); he's hanging out with kids whose reputations are less than desirable, even if false, which I doubt, because I'm not stupid; he has an F in Chemistry because he hasn't turned in the only assignment that's been due so far (a week's worth of "practice", whatever that is) and when I asked him about it, he said it's one tiny little assignment. It's the beginning of the year. (add in the silent: why are you freaking out?) I try to be really positive, to lift him up with compliments and praise and I tell him he's a good kid, and that I love him and that I'm proud of him all the time. I tell everyone else how awesome he is when he can hear me and even when he can't. I never say you're worthless or what the hell is happening to you or what's wrong with you? I try so hard, but every day I understand my dad more and more. Some days I just want to scream and yell and tell him that he's ruining his life, that he's going nowhere, that he's setting himself up to live in a trailer the rest of his life.
Ok, I'm exaggerating. But you get the point. He scares me. And I don't know if that's normal, because he's a teenager, or if I should really be concerned. Certainly, his "look" and the crowd with whom he associates doesn't do much for his credibility, but I hate to stereotype. But I also hate to be in denial, more than anything else on earth. So how do I know? How can I tell if things are really headed in the wrong direction or if, just maybe, I'm really freaking out?
~~
Enough of that. I cooked pork chops in the slow cooker today and I just tasted them. Yawn. And dry, too. That annoys me even more than I already am. I was at least looking forward to a nice dinner, and now...argh! J won't be home for dinner, JJ will complain about the pork chops (of course he would, even if Emeril himself had cooked them) and M will probably skip dinner because A) he's angry and B) he'll snack until he's full between now and then. I'm tempted to call K and see if maybe R is out of town and she needs company for a glass of vino. Ooops...there I go, drowning out my feelings again. Otherwise, I'm going to end up eating by myself (and what's the point if the food's not that good? I might as well open a good bottle of wine instead.)
I'm tired now...not in the mood for writing. Maybe tomorrow?
Love,
A
Flowers for You
My camera was out of commission for about a year. Finally, my brother-in-law J sent it in and got it fixed for me, and I seem to be making up for lost time. I bring my camera everywhere, and love to take pictures of my flowers. Since I don't have much to add, after our 90 minutes on the phone earlier, I thought I'd share some pictures with you instead...
As a quick update, I got a good chunk of housekeeping done. All that's left is the kitchen floor, upstairs bathroom and vacuuming, so I'm going to save that for tomorrow and get busy correcting.
I'll check in later to see if you post or get your reading list done. B
Ambitious Plans
Good morning.
I am better today but not 100 percent. Migraines I wake up with are the worst, the hardest to get over since I don't get to treat until it's been festering for maybe several hours. If I'm awake when one hits, I know it. I lose focus and see the strobing lights and take something for it right away. In any case, I am glad to have this day off, to rest for the first half of the day, and catch up on some correcting later. If I could manage a little housework it would be a bonus. I have my friend K coming over Thursday night for chili, W comes down Friday night, and we're having a few friends over Saturday, so really I only have today and tomorrow to be guest-ready. With all the little projects I've been doing--closets and cupboards, there is debris around. Ambitious plans for a woman with a residual migraine...
I am so genuinely happy for you, for the day you made yesterday. Window shopping and a movie! Perfect. (I love that Gervais (sp?). He was in the original, British version of The Office and was brilliant in the role.) I can feel the progress you have made all the way over here. The second book you wanted to start last night, is it another on emotional eating? Same author? I can't wait to hear about your next date with yourself. Interestingly enough, sounds a lot like the "artist's date" I have committed to....
Hope to hear from you later.
Love, Barb
I am better today but not 100 percent. Migraines I wake up with are the worst, the hardest to get over since I don't get to treat until it's been festering for maybe several hours. If I'm awake when one hits, I know it. I lose focus and see the strobing lights and take something for it right away. In any case, I am glad to have this day off, to rest for the first half of the day, and catch up on some correcting later. If I could manage a little housework it would be a bonus. I have my friend K coming over Thursday night for chili, W comes down Friday night, and we're having a few friends over Saturday, so really I only have today and tomorrow to be guest-ready. With all the little projects I've been doing--closets and cupboards, there is debris around. Ambitious plans for a woman with a residual migraine...
I am so genuinely happy for you, for the day you made yesterday. Window shopping and a movie! Perfect. (I love that Gervais (sp?). He was in the original, British version of The Office and was brilliant in the role.) I can feel the progress you have made all the way over here. The second book you wanted to start last night, is it another on emotional eating? Same author? I can't wait to hear about your next date with yourself. Interestingly enough, sounds a lot like the "artist's date" I have committed to....
Hope to hear from you later.
Love, Barb
Monday, September 22, 2008
Good Things Other Than Food
Hey there,
Sorry to hear you're in pain. I've only had one migraine (at least I think that's what it was) in my life and it was awful. I can't imagine getting them all the time. Hopefully it'll settle down overnight and you'll be feeling better tomorrow.
Well, after reading some more last night, and doing some recommended writing therapy, I took a look at the list I had to make of indulgent things I love to do that are not eating. And do you know what I did today? I went to The Rack and window shopped, then I went to the movies. Yup, just me, by myself, to the movies in the middle of the day. And it was fantastic! It felt so good to do something purely random like that; laundry and ironing and errands to run just sitting here, undone. I went to see Ghostown and enjoyed it immensely. And I think I'm going to make a promise to myself to go to the movies at least once a week from now on. Actually, next Tuesday, my teacher friend, S, and I are going to see Nights in Rodanthe (yeah, I know, sappy Nicolas Sparks crap, but Diane Lane? Richard Gere? Together? Can't pass it up.) The thing is, J doesn't particularly like going to the movies, and even if he does, we never go anyway. I knew I would never see this one, and I really wanted to. And besides, going to the movies is something I dearly love to do and miss terribly from long ago. So that was a big step for me. I came home at 2:45 and did all the household stuff that needed to be done, including the errands, cooking dinner and cleaning up afterwards, and here I am. My "work day" still isn't over (there are still loads of laundry going) so I don't feel one bit guilty about spending 3 1/2 hours of it kicked back in the dark, enjoying the s**t out of myself. Progress.
It is a slow process, learning to like oneself. Haven't I tried it a million times before? This was, I believe, the first time I have ever gone shopping and not been in a completely foul mood because nothing fit. Instead, I just didn't try anything on. I just lounged around the store and admired stuff. I don't really have the cash to be buying clothes right now anyway, so it wasn't like I wanted anything. That felt great. I got in the car after the movie and allowed myself to smile all the way home, allowed myself to be good to myself.
I came home and I was good to M. I was good to JJ. I was even nice to J, all five words we exchanged. He's watching football now and I'm happy to be alone. Speaking of alone - like you, I have come to treasure my alone time. I can be alone for days and be just fine with it. When J is around, though, I tend to gather more people just to break the silence. Which is why it seems like I'm always with other people. On an average day, though, like tomorrow will be one, I will come home from the bus stop and not talk to another soul the entire day until the kids get home. I usually don't even answer the phone. I love that solitude and I used to think there was something wrong with it, but now I'm just grateful for it. I'm grateful for my ability to enjoy it, I mean. Some day, I'm fairly sure I'm going to be alone whether I choose it or not, so the fact that I can not only handle it, but love it, is comforting to me.
I want to finish my book tonight and move onto the second one, so I'll sign off for now. I sent you an email with blog questions...did you get it?
Hope you're feeling better in the a.m. If you want to call tomorrow, I'll answer the phone! :)
Love,
A
Sorry to hear you're in pain. I've only had one migraine (at least I think that's what it was) in my life and it was awful. I can't imagine getting them all the time. Hopefully it'll settle down overnight and you'll be feeling better tomorrow.
Well, after reading some more last night, and doing some recommended writing therapy, I took a look at the list I had to make of indulgent things I love to do that are not eating. And do you know what I did today? I went to The Rack and window shopped, then I went to the movies. Yup, just me, by myself, to the movies in the middle of the day. And it was fantastic! It felt so good to do something purely random like that; laundry and ironing and errands to run just sitting here, undone. I went to see Ghostown and enjoyed it immensely. And I think I'm going to make a promise to myself to go to the movies at least once a week from now on. Actually, next Tuesday, my teacher friend, S, and I are going to see Nights in Rodanthe (yeah, I know, sappy Nicolas Sparks crap, but Diane Lane? Richard Gere? Together? Can't pass it up.) The thing is, J doesn't particularly like going to the movies, and even if he does, we never go anyway. I knew I would never see this one, and I really wanted to. And besides, going to the movies is something I dearly love to do and miss terribly from long ago. So that was a big step for me. I came home at 2:45 and did all the household stuff that needed to be done, including the errands, cooking dinner and cleaning up afterwards, and here I am. My "work day" still isn't over (there are still loads of laundry going) so I don't feel one bit guilty about spending 3 1/2 hours of it kicked back in the dark, enjoying the s**t out of myself. Progress.
It is a slow process, learning to like oneself. Haven't I tried it a million times before? This was, I believe, the first time I have ever gone shopping and not been in a completely foul mood because nothing fit. Instead, I just didn't try anything on. I just lounged around the store and admired stuff. I don't really have the cash to be buying clothes right now anyway, so it wasn't like I wanted anything. That felt great. I got in the car after the movie and allowed myself to smile all the way home, allowed myself to be good to myself.
I came home and I was good to M. I was good to JJ. I was even nice to J, all five words we exchanged. He's watching football now and I'm happy to be alone. Speaking of alone - like you, I have come to treasure my alone time. I can be alone for days and be just fine with it. When J is around, though, I tend to gather more people just to break the silence. Which is why it seems like I'm always with other people. On an average day, though, like tomorrow will be one, I will come home from the bus stop and not talk to another soul the entire day until the kids get home. I usually don't even answer the phone. I love that solitude and I used to think there was something wrong with it, but now I'm just grateful for it. I'm grateful for my ability to enjoy it, I mean. Some day, I'm fairly sure I'm going to be alone whether I choose it or not, so the fact that I can not only handle it, but love it, is comforting to me.
I want to finish my book tonight and move onto the second one, so I'll sign off for now. I sent you an email with blog questions...did you get it?
Hope you're feeling better in the a.m. If you want to call tomorrow, I'll answer the phone! :)
Love,
A
Ouch
My head is still killing me, so I don't have it in me to sit in front of the computer and write. Even being on the phone is painful. (I came close to telling W to shut the f*ck up and leave me alone.) Anyway, I hope it resolves itself while I sleep...Either way I will most likely be home tomorrow.
Love, B
Love, B
Alone Time
Hey, A,
Funny you should mention that you needed some alone time. Last night I realized that--other than about 1/2 hour total visiting with my parents, the kids, and L--I spent the entire weekend alone and loved every minute. Sometimes I wonder if there is something wrong with me that I can revel in so much alone time, or if I have just gotten used to being alone and not lonely.
I woke up with a migraine this morning but didn't think I could stay home since I didn't have lesson plans handy or my sub folder (attendance lists and seating charts) ready. I am suffering through the day but leaving plans for tomorrow, just in case...My worse class just left (the immature ones) (I'm so glad you found that story funny, by the way. I wasn't sure I could convey it in writing to get a laugh. Get-the-f*ck-out! It's my story du jour.). I have a study hall of 2 right now. Nice and quiet. Time to do those sub plans. Then one more class and I get to go home and hide in the dark.
I'll write again later. Hope you're having a good day.
Love, Barb
Funny you should mention that you needed some alone time. Last night I realized that--other than about 1/2 hour total visiting with my parents, the kids, and L--I spent the entire weekend alone and loved every minute. Sometimes I wonder if there is something wrong with me that I can revel in so much alone time, or if I have just gotten used to being alone and not lonely.
I woke up with a migraine this morning but didn't think I could stay home since I didn't have lesson plans handy or my sub folder (attendance lists and seating charts) ready. I am suffering through the day but leaving plans for tomorrow, just in case...My worse class just left (the immature ones) (I'm so glad you found that story funny, by the way. I wasn't sure I could convey it in writing to get a laugh. Get-the-f*ck-out! It's my story du jour.). I have a study hall of 2 right now. Nice and quiet. Time to do those sub plans. Then one more class and I get to go home and hide in the dark.
I'll write again later. Hope you're having a good day.
Love, Barb
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Need time alone
Hey,
I just came home early from the little soiree - M got sick and left right after we got there. They didn't sleep last night so he's wiped out. Too bad he missed the cake, which I consciously did not eat. My chili was fabulous, if I may say so myself. I actually made it earlier this week and just thawed it out for tonight. Everyone loved it but it's kicking my digestive system. Ah well, it was worth it.
I got bored watching the football game (sorry about the Patriots today) and S was helping K design her new backyard (remember, I hate gardening). On top of that, J was being his usual self, ignoring me - don't get me started - then he just interrupted a conversation I was having with JJ and it pissed me off so I made some excuse about being tired and left. I'm so tired of being interrupted I could scream. It's not even worth opening my mouth anymore. You wouldn't believe how little I talk anymore because of it. Not only do we not talk to each other at all (and I mean, at all) I don't talk much when he's around either. It wears on me after awhile, being interrupted every time I open my mouth because what I'm saying is not important enough to hear or listen to or respond to.
Soooo...I'm going to go check on M, who's probably sound asleep, put on my jams and go read some more. Thanks for writing tonight - maybe we can catch up on the phone tomorrow to get this blog thing figured out?
Have a great morning,
A
I just came home early from the little soiree - M got sick and left right after we got there. They didn't sleep last night so he's wiped out. Too bad he missed the cake, which I consciously did not eat. My chili was fabulous, if I may say so myself. I actually made it earlier this week and just thawed it out for tonight. Everyone loved it but it's kicking my digestive system. Ah well, it was worth it.
I got bored watching the football game (sorry about the Patriots today) and S was helping K design her new backyard (remember, I hate gardening). On top of that, J was being his usual self, ignoring me - don't get me started - then he just interrupted a conversation I was having with JJ and it pissed me off so I made some excuse about being tired and left. I'm so tired of being interrupted I could scream. It's not even worth opening my mouth anymore. You wouldn't believe how little I talk anymore because of it. Not only do we not talk to each other at all (and I mean, at all) I don't talk much when he's around either. It wears on me after awhile, being interrupted every time I open my mouth because what I'm saying is not important enough to hear or listen to or respond to.
Soooo...I'm going to go check on M, who's probably sound asleep, put on my jams and go read some more. Thanks for writing tonight - maybe we can catch up on the phone tomorrow to get this blog thing figured out?
Have a great morning,
A
Chili
So, last night when I mentioned I was planning to make chili today did I inspire you to do the same, or was it already on your list of things to do? ;-)... Mine came out great, hope yours did too and that you're having a good time at S&Ts tonight.
I'm spent. Before I started the chili at noon I had already cleaned out a closet. Then, during the game (which they lost) I continued to do little projects. In any case, I'm afraid if I get going writing now, about the brass cafe and conscious eating and withdrawing from the applicant pool for that job, I'll catch a second wind...so I'm going to table those topics and call it a night. Have a good one and good day tomorrow.
Love, Barb
I'm spent. Before I started the chili at noon I had already cleaned out a closet. Then, during the game (which they lost) I continued to do little projects. In any case, I'm afraid if I get going writing now, about the brass cafe and conscious eating and withdrawing from the applicant pool for that job, I'll catch a second wind...so I'm going to table those topics and call it a night. Have a good one and good day tomorrow.
Love, Barb
Favorite Stories and Conscious Eating
Yum! Sausage cheese balls! I love Paula Dean's recipes (not her, though) - I do this stupid little impersonation of her (I crack myself up) in my southern accent a la Mississippi: "Ok, let's get started. We'll need a pound of lard." You can't beat her for comfort food, that's a fact. Speaking of which, we're having chili and cornbread tonight over at S&T's to celebrate M's birthday again. T made him a chocolate cake and invited us over so I made some spicy chili to bring. It's not all that cold here today but it's gloomy.
"Oh my goodness, how did that happen?" is a phrase I use all the time. It makes me smile every time I say it. I also say "Hey! That's my boyfriend!" if you happen to remember that one. No wonder I constantly repeat movie lines, I repeat lines from my own life.
I love your story about the autistic girl in your class. I think I would have laughed, appropriate or not. That's hilarious. And a warm memory to keep next to your heart when you hate teenagers and/or teaching. Last year, this kid K, whose parents I've known forever and who really is a good kid, was walking in front of me to lunch one day. Suddenly, he spits on the sidewalk. I look at him like he's crazy and I say, "K. Seriously. Did you just spit on the sidewalk where everybody is walking?" He says "Don't worry, nobody's going to walk there." I say, "And why not?" His reply: "There's spit on the sidewalk." I laughed about that for days. That's the kind of wit for which I can truly give a young person credit, and not even get mad.
So are you going to tell me the story behind the brass cafe? I love it. As soon as I figure out how to do it, I'll share some prized possessions of my own. I'm sort of bummed, since I had award winning petunias all summer long, but now they're dying and look rather ragged. I've never put that much work into my front garden before and I had the best summer admiring it every day. I've vowed to do it every year now since I got so many compliments on it. Sorry if I sound like I'm bragging - I'm so not. The funny thing is that I'm about the worst gardener on earth; not only do I really dislike it (it's just tedious) I don't really have an eye for it. S is practically a master gardener and has a yard that looks like a Sunset magazine spread every year. I usually just let her tell me what to do. But this year, I did it all by myself and voila! I'm not so bad! At any rate, that's what I would share a picture of, if I had one back in August or so when it was all beautiful.
~~~
I think I'm going to send you this book when I finish it. It is making a huge impact on me, as I think I said before. One of the main points I've learned is to eat consciously. Today I have eaten everything consciously, even though it's hard to do. You have to be quiet and still and not be reading or listening to the tv or anything. And in the beginning, it's best to practice by eating alone. It's mostly boring, but I swear it works. This morning I made an English muffin and only ate 3/4 of it before I was full. And I knew when I was full! Wow, novel concept. At lunch, I ate an ear of corn and two taquitos, and was done. Normally, I would have scarfed about four taquitos and some chips and dip and then the three leftover chocolate chip cookies and probably something else if I could find it, all in about five minutes flat. The idea of sitting down and eating everything on a plate, woah! Tasting the taste, feeling the texture, enjoying and savoring every bite. It's really foreign to me, but the slowing down cuts my quantity intake by half at least. I eat most of my calories standing up, which I believe my mother taught me to do, as I wrote in some piece I did years ago.
I am still practicing my positive self talk too. That's hard when M and I are battling, but I'll tell you what. I am a good parent who loves and protects her kids. I give my kids lots of freedoms and lots of attention and I have never abandoned them. I try not to be hurtful or emotionally damaging, although I'm sure they're all going to need therapy at some point, no matter how hard I try. I think about M's dad and, although maybe it's not fair to make comparisons, I think I rock. I am a f***ing stellar mom. (Can you believe he didn't even call M on his birthday? What a supreme loser.) I shelter and feed and clothe and adore my boys, so when M gets all twisted up over me asking "invasive" questions, why should I feel bad? I know I'm right and I know he's 16; I need to keep that in the front of my mind and not let his little manipulations get to me. The fact that I'm sure he's smoking pot and getting into all kinds of trouble with these new friends he has is another issue altogether, which I'd love to discuss, but I have to go make cornbread. Not, mind you, to dull out my emotions with food, but because we're leaving in an hour and I should probably get it started. :)
Hope you had a good Sunday and look forward to reading tomorrow, maybe!
Love,
A
"Oh my goodness, how did that happen?" is a phrase I use all the time. It makes me smile every time I say it. I also say "Hey! That's my boyfriend!" if you happen to remember that one. No wonder I constantly repeat movie lines, I repeat lines from my own life.
I love your story about the autistic girl in your class. I think I would have laughed, appropriate or not. That's hilarious. And a warm memory to keep next to your heart when you hate teenagers and/or teaching. Last year, this kid K, whose parents I've known forever and who really is a good kid, was walking in front of me to lunch one day. Suddenly, he spits on the sidewalk. I look at him like he's crazy and I say, "K. Seriously. Did you just spit on the sidewalk where everybody is walking?" He says "Don't worry, nobody's going to walk there." I say, "And why not?" His reply: "There's spit on the sidewalk." I laughed about that for days. That's the kind of wit for which I can truly give a young person credit, and not even get mad.
So are you going to tell me the story behind the brass cafe? I love it. As soon as I figure out how to do it, I'll share some prized possessions of my own. I'm sort of bummed, since I had award winning petunias all summer long, but now they're dying and look rather ragged. I've never put that much work into my front garden before and I had the best summer admiring it every day. I've vowed to do it every year now since I got so many compliments on it. Sorry if I sound like I'm bragging - I'm so not. The funny thing is that I'm about the worst gardener on earth; not only do I really dislike it (it's just tedious) I don't really have an eye for it. S is practically a master gardener and has a yard that looks like a Sunset magazine spread every year. I usually just let her tell me what to do. But this year, I did it all by myself and voila! I'm not so bad! At any rate, that's what I would share a picture of, if I had one back in August or so when it was all beautiful.
~~~
I think I'm going to send you this book when I finish it. It is making a huge impact on me, as I think I said before. One of the main points I've learned is to eat consciously. Today I have eaten everything consciously, even though it's hard to do. You have to be quiet and still and not be reading or listening to the tv or anything. And in the beginning, it's best to practice by eating alone. It's mostly boring, but I swear it works. This morning I made an English muffin and only ate 3/4 of it before I was full. And I knew when I was full! Wow, novel concept. At lunch, I ate an ear of corn and two taquitos, and was done. Normally, I would have scarfed about four taquitos and some chips and dip and then the three leftover chocolate chip cookies and probably something else if I could find it, all in about five minutes flat. The idea of sitting down and eating everything on a plate, woah! Tasting the taste, feeling the texture, enjoying and savoring every bite. It's really foreign to me, but the slowing down cuts my quantity intake by half at least. I eat most of my calories standing up, which I believe my mother taught me to do, as I wrote in some piece I did years ago.
I am still practicing my positive self talk too. That's hard when M and I are battling, but I'll tell you what. I am a good parent who loves and protects her kids. I give my kids lots of freedoms and lots of attention and I have never abandoned them. I try not to be hurtful or emotionally damaging, although I'm sure they're all going to need therapy at some point, no matter how hard I try. I think about M's dad and, although maybe it's not fair to make comparisons, I think I rock. I am a f***ing stellar mom. (Can you believe he didn't even call M on his birthday? What a supreme loser.) I shelter and feed and clothe and adore my boys, so when M gets all twisted up over me asking "invasive" questions, why should I feel bad? I know I'm right and I know he's 16; I need to keep that in the front of my mind and not let his little manipulations get to me. The fact that I'm sure he's smoking pot and getting into all kinds of trouble with these new friends he has is another issue altogether, which I'd love to discuss, but I have to go make cornbread. Not, mind you, to dull out my emotions with food, but because we're leaving in an hour and I should probably get it started. :)
Hope you had a good Sunday and look forward to reading tomorrow, maybe!
Love,
A
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Things that make me Smile
Hi, Amanda, It was great to catch up on the phone earlier. I'm glad I caught you at home; I am glad to know that things are ok with M, on his 16th birthday. Whoa. When'd that happen? (lol remember: Oh my goodness, how'd that happen?!?!?...reminds me of a funny student story to tell later.)
So, speaking of fairs and carnies and trailer trash...I remember now what I got busy doing right away this morning, and I have to laugh. My snob half blocked out of my mind that this morning I made sausage-cheese balls. Yes, I made circa 70s sausage-cheese balls a la Paula Deen. Except there's no butter in them. While surfing around the other day I saw a Betty Crocker recipe for them that looked easy and convenient-- you can freeze them uncooked or cooked and voila: appetizers at a moment's notice. (Sh*t, I wouldn't be above nuking a couple for breakfast.) Ingredients: bisquick, bulk sausage, shredded cheddar cheese, grated parmes
an, milk, rosemary, parsley. When W is down next weekend and I have "my boys" over I thought a could do a couple of picky foods along with the chili I plan on making, and this seemed perfect. I made half a recipe (a little more than 4 dozen)--in case they weren't going to be good, although the pork product lover in me told me they'd be just fine. They were. I might opt for hot sausage next time (I used regular), but using regular gave me a good sauce idea. It suggested chili sauce or ketchup, but I think they'd be perfect with a salsa con queso. What goes better with cheese than cheese? More fat with fat? Ah well. You only live once. I'll let you know what the boys think. They'll be my test market.
*****
I have a student this year (in my challenging class, unfortunately, because her classmates are so immature) with autism. Recently they changed her diagnosis from Asberger's to highly functioning autism. She's on odd bird, but endearing. Last year she had several meltdowns (she's also OCD) but so far, so good. She's on meds now and doing better apparently. What I hear/see is loud monotone, occasional non-sequitor commentaries, but nothing disruptive. I spend more time worrying that the other kids are going to make fun of her than worrying about something she might say. Anyway, she was the last finishing up her test after the bell on Friday. While I was waiting for her pack up her things, I commented on her shirt--a Boston Red Sox shirt. I really did like it, because it didn't look like a sports shirt. It was cap-sleeve, white with green and yellow and orange lettering. When I complimented it she asked if I was a Boston fan, so I told her that living there for a dozen years pretty much guaranteed a love for life. "You lived in Boston?", she asked. "Get-the-f*ck-out!" Oh My God, A, it took everything not to laugh, to say, "no-f*cking-shit." Instead, I had to say, "Language..." God bless her, A. For the rest of my life I will think of that and smile.
While I was writing I thought of something else I wanted to share but I forget now. Guess I'll call it a night. I'll write again tomorrow.
Love,
Barb
PS The photos, as you can probably tell, are of my prized "Brass Cafe" sculpture. I'll tell the story another day.
So, speaking of fairs and carnies and trailer trash...I remember now what I got busy doing right away this morning, and I have to laugh. My snob half blocked out of my mind that this morning I made sausage-cheese balls. Yes, I made circa 70s sausage-cheese balls a la Paula Deen. Except there's no butter in them. While surfing around the other day I saw a Betty Crocker recipe for them that looked easy and convenient-- you can freeze them uncooked or cooked and voila: appetizers at a moment's notice. (Sh*t, I wouldn't be above nuking a couple for breakfast.) Ingredients: bisquick, bulk sausage, shredded cheddar cheese, grated parmes
an, milk, rosemary, parsley. When W is down next weekend and I have "my boys" over I thought a could do a couple of picky foods along with the chili I plan on making, and this seemed perfect. I made half a recipe (a little more than 4 dozen)--in case they weren't going to be good, although the pork product lover in me told me they'd be just fine. They were. I might opt for hot sausage next time (I used regular), but using regular gave me a good sauce idea. It suggested chili sauce or ketchup, but I think they'd be perfect with a salsa con queso. What goes better with cheese than cheese? More fat with fat? Ah well. You only live once. I'll let you know what the boys think. They'll be my test market.*****
I have a student this year (in my challenging class, unfortunately, because her classmates are so immature) with autism. Recently they changed her diagnosis from Asberger's to highly functioning autism. She's on odd bird, but endearing. Last year she had several meltdowns (she's also OCD) but so far, so good. She's on meds now and doing better apparently. What I hear/see is loud monotone, occasional non-sequitor commentaries, but nothing disruptive. I spend more time worrying that the other kids are going to make fun of her than worrying about something she might say. Anyway, she was the last finishing up her test after the bell on Friday. While I was waiting for her pack up her things, I commented on her shirt--a Boston Red Sox shirt. I really did like it, because it didn't look like a sports shirt. It was cap-sleeve, white with green and yellow and orange lettering. When I complimented it she asked if I was a Boston fan, so I told her that living there for a dozen years pretty much guaranteed a love for life. "You lived in Boston?", she asked. "Get-the-f*ck-out!" Oh My God, A, it took everything not to laugh, to say, "no-f*cking-shit." Instead, I had to say, "Language..." God bless her, A. For the rest of my life I will think of that and smile.
While I was writing I thought of something else I wanted to share but I forget now. Guess I'll call it a night. I'll write again tomorrow.
Love,
Barb
PS The photos, as you can probably tell, are of my prized "Brass Cafe" sculpture. I'll tell the story another day.
Overindulgence vs. Addiction
Good Saturday afternoon B,
This may not be my most creative moment, but it's a quiet one with no one else in the house for the time being, so it's probably my best bet to blog now. The weather has changed dramatically and instantly from sunny and in the 80's to cool, breezy and rainy in the past two days. I don't mind it so much; it's nice not to be sweating like a farm animal for once, but it does limit the activities available on the weekends (particularly for the kids). We made a little trip to Target this morning, J, JJ and I, while M slept in on his 16th birthday. Picked up a few things and dinked around, went to Starbucks and came home. Now they're out in the rain throwing their new football around and M's in the shower, getting ready for his day - which consists of doing nothing, literally, with no one. We'll take him out for sushi and ice cream tonight, but he really didn't want a party or anything that would draw attention to him. (I'll get back to him in a minute.)
Last night we went to wine club, which we haven't had in awhile. Due to summer plans and the death of B's father in August, we haven't gotten together since May. Our theme last night was "Picnic Reds" and we had some good pours. We did a barbecued chicken potluck which was, as always, delicious. Ate and drank way too much, as always, and I'm paying for it today. That's such a funny group of people - funny odd, not funny ha ha, even though we laugh a great deal. Odd because they are friends with whom we do very little, very infrequently, but have known the longest. There are five couples, all of whom are in their 50's except for me and one other couple who are my age. They're all very religious - Christian - and belong to the same church and bible study group - I always feel like a total heathen when I'm with them, constantly feel like I'm watching my language and demeanor, but mostly, it's not hard to do. We have a lot of fun together, it's just so different from the crass, tasteless, politically incorrect fun we have with T&S and K&R. These people are drinkers - obviously, but much more conservative and, well, just older. Let's just say we don't talk politics. At any rate, we had a good time.
Tonight one of the couples is having an open house to show off their new remodel so we'll stop by there on our way to dinner. My brother and family will be there, so I'll have to talk to them for a bit. Did I tell you I saw them at my nephew's birthday party and I was able to be perfectly civil and drop the whole why-didn't-you-call-me thing? So proud of myself. Still, I just have such little desire to socialize with them. They're so weird.
So M and I managed to work out our differences last night before we went out. He came and apologized to me "Sorry if I pushed you too far." We didn't really have a big conversation about it, but things are much better today. I knew it would turn around, it always does; in the heat of the moment, though, I feel like drinking shots of vodka in the middle of the day.
Speaking of which, I did go back and listen to your addiction message. I was in the middle of what appeared to be Scary-Gangster-Lesbians-Get-In-Free Day at the fair when you called so I couldn't hear you. You know, you're right, I think if we/I were seriously in trouble, we'd be doing the Meg Ryan in When A Man Loves A Woman thing. However, the frequency with which I overdo it sometimes concerns me, in that I start drinking and don't know when enough is enough. I haven't changed much since my days at the Black Rose when enough meant passed out. Sure, on occasion I drink a glass of wine and call it good, and things like wine club don't count because the purpose is to try five or six different pours, so I'm usually looped no matter what. But most of the time, my cut-off signal is when K and I are done with the bottle, or, if we end up opening a second, when she goes home. It wouldn't occur to me to just continue talking or visiting with empty glasses. The other night (and this isn't common, but it's not unusual, either) we started with two gin and tonics each, then drank a bottle and a half of red wine. Just the two of us. And I wonder why I have a headache every day. Hmmm...no, I guess I don't worry that I'm an alcoholic so much. I worry that I use it like food - to numb everything else. In the midst of my argument with M yesterday afternoon, I chose a nap over a drink but only because it was 3:30 in the afternoon and I couldn't do it. To me, drinking in the middle of the day, alone, because I'm upset, would have been opening a door I was afraid I wouldn't be able to close. Thank God napping serves the same purpose and is perfectly legit at 3:30 in the afternoon. (BTW, all that wine and gin accompanied the abandoned pasta salad, which was enjoyed by all - especially M, who polished it all off over the next couple of days. It didn't go to waste!)
You know, this morning I thought I had writing in me today, but I don't know where it went. This book I am reading, the one about emotional eating, is emotionally hard to read and is making me think about stuff I don't want to think about. I'm resistant to embracing the concepts because it means I would have to make major changes not only in my eating but in my way of thinking about my self and my life, changes that seems huge and impossible. Yet I keep reading, and keep hungering to know more; it's a very good book. I had so much to say about it, about what it makes me face in my life, in my head, in my heart, but I can't seem to get to it right at this moment. Maybe later? I think I'll go read some more and maybe that will inspire me. Hope your Saturday is going well.
Love,
A
This may not be my most creative moment, but it's a quiet one with no one else in the house for the time being, so it's probably my best bet to blog now. The weather has changed dramatically and instantly from sunny and in the 80's to cool, breezy and rainy in the past two days. I don't mind it so much; it's nice not to be sweating like a farm animal for once, but it does limit the activities available on the weekends (particularly for the kids). We made a little trip to Target this morning, J, JJ and I, while M slept in on his 16th birthday. Picked up a few things and dinked around, went to Starbucks and came home. Now they're out in the rain throwing their new football around and M's in the shower, getting ready for his day - which consists of doing nothing, literally, with no one. We'll take him out for sushi and ice cream tonight, but he really didn't want a party or anything that would draw attention to him. (I'll get back to him in a minute.)
Last night we went to wine club, which we haven't had in awhile. Due to summer plans and the death of B's father in August, we haven't gotten together since May. Our theme last night was "Picnic Reds" and we had some good pours. We did a barbecued chicken potluck which was, as always, delicious. Ate and drank way too much, as always, and I'm paying for it today. That's such a funny group of people - funny odd, not funny ha ha, even though we laugh a great deal. Odd because they are friends with whom we do very little, very infrequently, but have known the longest. There are five couples, all of whom are in their 50's except for me and one other couple who are my age. They're all very religious - Christian - and belong to the same church and bible study group - I always feel like a total heathen when I'm with them, constantly feel like I'm watching my language and demeanor, but mostly, it's not hard to do. We have a lot of fun together, it's just so different from the crass, tasteless, politically incorrect fun we have with T&S and K&R. These people are drinkers - obviously, but much more conservative and, well, just older. Let's just say we don't talk politics. At any rate, we had a good time.
Tonight one of the couples is having an open house to show off their new remodel so we'll stop by there on our way to dinner. My brother and family will be there, so I'll have to talk to them for a bit. Did I tell you I saw them at my nephew's birthday party and I was able to be perfectly civil and drop the whole why-didn't-you-call-me thing? So proud of myself. Still, I just have such little desire to socialize with them. They're so weird.
So M and I managed to work out our differences last night before we went out. He came and apologized to me "Sorry if I pushed you too far." We didn't really have a big conversation about it, but things are much better today. I knew it would turn around, it always does; in the heat of the moment, though, I feel like drinking shots of vodka in the middle of the day.
Speaking of which, I did go back and listen to your addiction message. I was in the middle of what appeared to be Scary-Gangster-Lesbians-Get-In-Free Day at the fair when you called so I couldn't hear you. You know, you're right, I think if we/I were seriously in trouble, we'd be doing the Meg Ryan in When A Man Loves A Woman thing. However, the frequency with which I overdo it sometimes concerns me, in that I start drinking and don't know when enough is enough. I haven't changed much since my days at the Black Rose when enough meant passed out. Sure, on occasion I drink a glass of wine and call it good, and things like wine club don't count because the purpose is to try five or six different pours, so I'm usually looped no matter what. But most of the time, my cut-off signal is when K and I are done with the bottle, or, if we end up opening a second, when she goes home. It wouldn't occur to me to just continue talking or visiting with empty glasses. The other night (and this isn't common, but it's not unusual, either) we started with two gin and tonics each, then drank a bottle and a half of red wine. Just the two of us. And I wonder why I have a headache every day. Hmmm...no, I guess I don't worry that I'm an alcoholic so much. I worry that I use it like food - to numb everything else. In the midst of my argument with M yesterday afternoon, I chose a nap over a drink but only because it was 3:30 in the afternoon and I couldn't do it. To me, drinking in the middle of the day, alone, because I'm upset, would have been opening a door I was afraid I wouldn't be able to close. Thank God napping serves the same purpose and is perfectly legit at 3:30 in the afternoon. (BTW, all that wine and gin accompanied the abandoned pasta salad, which was enjoyed by all - especially M, who polished it all off over the next couple of days. It didn't go to waste!)
You know, this morning I thought I had writing in me today, but I don't know where it went. This book I am reading, the one about emotional eating, is emotionally hard to read and is making me think about stuff I don't want to think about. I'm resistant to embracing the concepts because it means I would have to make major changes not only in my eating but in my way of thinking about my self and my life, changes that seems huge and impossible. Yet I keep reading, and keep hungering to know more; it's a very good book. I had so much to say about it, about what it makes me face in my life, in my head, in my heart, but I can't seem to get to it right at this moment. Maybe later? I think I'll go read some more and maybe that will inspire me. Hope your Saturday is going well.
Love,
A
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Showing up at the page
Hi, Amanda,
How are you? I'm tired (of course), but I want to make a daily effort, and I do have news...
I was contacted to interview for the mentoring and outreach coordinator at the women's college. Yay, right? Well, unfortunately, the email said it pays only 40K. I cannot live on that, but I am going to interview anyway for a variety of reasons--one of which is making a good impression and putting my name in their heads. The email came from the Director of Educational Outreach. Who knows, maybe that position will open up in the future. Or, as D (Baltimore friend from college) said, maybe I'll find out that they run summer programs that I could be a part of. At minimum, the interview experience will be good. I'll keep you posted.
Hope you had fun at the fair, hope all is well.
I promise to write more this weekend.
Love, Barb
How are you? I'm tired (of course), but I want to make a daily effort, and I do have news...
I was contacted to interview for the mentoring and outreach coordinator at the women's college. Yay, right? Well, unfortunately, the email said it pays only 40K. I cannot live on that, but I am going to interview anyway for a variety of reasons--one of which is making a good impression and putting my name in their heads. The email came from the Director of Educational Outreach. Who knows, maybe that position will open up in the future. Or, as D (Baltimore friend from college) said, maybe I'll find out that they run summer programs that I could be a part of. At minimum, the interview experience will be good. I'll keep you posted.
Hope you had fun at the fair, hope all is well.
I promise to write more this weekend.
Love, Barb
freaking out?
Hey B,
Good news about the outreach coordinator job, and you're right. It's good interview practice and who knows what else they've got going over there? In any case, I'm sure it feels good to receive the first call. There are other things we can do other than teach. :)
I had a crappy morning today so I'll try to make this short. After school yesterday, I took M over to the DMV to get the written portion of his driver's test done. On the way over there, we got into a ridiculous argument about a party he wanted to go to tonight. It is supposed to be in a nearby park and they plan to have a bonfire. I expressed my concerns that that may not be legal, since it's a county park. He told me that, oh yeah, they'd already checked that out, but I said I was going to call myself, just in case, so he didn't get himself into a position where he might get into trouble. Evidently, that constitutes my "freaking out". I tried to maintain my voice level and stay calm and say all the right things they teach you in therapy, but he kept pushing my buttons with the sarcasm and the tone and attitude, until I turned the car around and went home. Later in the evening he rode his bike over to a friend's house, from where he called me to ask if he could eat dinner and go to the football game. At that point, I was so glad not to have his sour vibes in the house, I couldn't have cared less where he went. He came home at 9 - his curfew - and went to bed. This morning, I asked him if he wanted to revisit the conversation from yesterday, but that all went to hell quickly enough.
You don't need the details, I'm sure. I get caught up in that mundane part of it, trying to replay every word I said, figure out how I f**ed that up and how it was all my fault. At least, if it was my fault, I can do something about it. But I really couldn't get there this time; I couldn't figure out for the life of me how it is I "freaked out" and why the whole thing went south on me. He is so rude and hurtful and mean - and so like his father, in so many awful, unbearable ways that keep our relationship from growing into something healthy. He keeps saying he's just going to move out and to be honest, some days I can't wait for that moment. I do, I pray for the strength to get through the next couple of years until he can leave, because I know he will, the minute he can. If not before, which could potentially start today, since I took his phone away this morning. I wouldn't be surprised if he just didn't come home this afternoon.
B, how did I raise such a shit of a kid? How do end up with the trailer park kid when all that surrounds him is privilege and attention? How did so-and-so down the street end up with two perfect girls, straight A kids in sports and student government, and I get this? What did I do differently, if not wrong?
I have to go now - to do the Friday Treats thing at JJ's school. God bless the 10 year old who still loves me most of the time. God help me to not f him up too.
More later when I don't feel like such a loser...sorry....
Love,
A
Good news about the outreach coordinator job, and you're right. It's good interview practice and who knows what else they've got going over there? In any case, I'm sure it feels good to receive the first call. There are other things we can do other than teach. :)
I had a crappy morning today so I'll try to make this short. After school yesterday, I took M over to the DMV to get the written portion of his driver's test done. On the way over there, we got into a ridiculous argument about a party he wanted to go to tonight. It is supposed to be in a nearby park and they plan to have a bonfire. I expressed my concerns that that may not be legal, since it's a county park. He told me that, oh yeah, they'd already checked that out, but I said I was going to call myself, just in case, so he didn't get himself into a position where he might get into trouble. Evidently, that constitutes my "freaking out". I tried to maintain my voice level and stay calm and say all the right things they teach you in therapy, but he kept pushing my buttons with the sarcasm and the tone and attitude, until I turned the car around and went home. Later in the evening he rode his bike over to a friend's house, from where he called me to ask if he could eat dinner and go to the football game. At that point, I was so glad not to have his sour vibes in the house, I couldn't have cared less where he went. He came home at 9 - his curfew - and went to bed. This morning, I asked him if he wanted to revisit the conversation from yesterday, but that all went to hell quickly enough.
You don't need the details, I'm sure. I get caught up in that mundane part of it, trying to replay every word I said, figure out how I f**ed that up and how it was all my fault. At least, if it was my fault, I can do something about it. But I really couldn't get there this time; I couldn't figure out for the life of me how it is I "freaked out" and why the whole thing went south on me. He is so rude and hurtful and mean - and so like his father, in so many awful, unbearable ways that keep our relationship from growing into something healthy. He keeps saying he's just going to move out and to be honest, some days I can't wait for that moment. I do, I pray for the strength to get through the next couple of years until he can leave, because I know he will, the minute he can. If not before, which could potentially start today, since I took his phone away this morning. I wouldn't be surprised if he just didn't come home this afternoon.
B, how did I raise such a shit of a kid? How do end up with the trailer park kid when all that surrounds him is privilege and attention? How did so-and-so down the street end up with two perfect girls, straight A kids in sports and student government, and I get this? What did I do differently, if not wrong?
I have to go now - to do the Friday Treats thing at JJ's school. God bless the 10 year old who still loves me most of the time. God help me to not f him up too.
More later when I don't feel like such a loser...sorry....
Love,
A
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Brain Drain
Since I am required to eat lunch at 10:30, I am getting near the hour (4:30) when I could eat my own arm off...but have a hour-half to click away while my mahi mahi is marinating. I'm trying a new recipe--ginger honey glazed mahi mahi--tonight. I usually like nice, light and simple fish, but I bought these fillets from Trader Joe's frozen and have never tried them before. I thought a flavorful marinade/sauce/glaze would be safer than going for naked fish--in case it's fishy or not that great. Of course if it is I may not know but...
Thanks for giving me the background on KB. Sounds like a great thing for you both, but especially for her. Having someone to connect with when you've had to move far away is a port in the storm. Sounds like you had a good afternoon...But I've been worried about that pasta salad! I hope it didn't go to waste. ;-)
*******
Last night, as I got my writing ducks in a row, I had several OMG moments. (btw, Miss English Major: post haste!) I pulled out old books, connected some dots and remembered some important things--like how I got to those productive and creative periods in the past (especially the last one). It is such a process for me to get there, but I am on my way and willing to to do what it takes. In fact, I wonder if these entries are my newest, techno-age version of my "morning pages," recommended by Julia Cameron. They needn't be good or meaningful or well-written. They are meant to "brain drain," a place to dump your worries and fears, a place to deposit the things that stand in the way of the other side, the creative part of us. JC evens uses blah blah blah in describing them. I think we have both felt that's what we do here, and have on occasion refrained from entries because we think all we have to share is the mundane, the "purely informational" you called it just yesterday. (Interestingly enough, since I read your entry this morning, after deciding last night to start my morning pages again and/or accept theses entries as morning pages because they already seem to be working....)
The other JC recommendation I decided to re-espouse is "the artist's date." 2 hours a week. A bookstore, an antique shop, a drive with my camera in the fall, making a pot of chili or soup. Solo. As she says, it fills the well.
These tasks have worked for me in the past and I'm happy to put them on my new, non-summer list of things to do. I am ready to put my car in gear and get out of that parking spot. Enough people have tapped and given me their blessings and thumbs-up. And so, I will:
1. Show up at the page.
2. Fill the well by taking care of my artist.
Feel free to join me, Amanda.
Love you, Barb
Thanks for giving me the background on KB. Sounds like a great thing for you both, but especially for her. Having someone to connect with when you've had to move far away is a port in the storm. Sounds like you had a good afternoon...But I've been worried about that pasta salad! I hope it didn't go to waste. ;-)
*******
Last night, as I got my writing ducks in a row, I had several OMG moments. (btw, Miss English Major: post haste!) I pulled out old books, connected some dots and remembered some important things--like how I got to those productive and creative periods in the past (especially the last one). It is such a process for me to get there, but I am on my way and willing to to do what it takes. In fact, I wonder if these entries are my newest, techno-age version of my "morning pages," recommended by Julia Cameron. They needn't be good or meaningful or well-written. They are meant to "brain drain," a place to dump your worries and fears, a place to deposit the things that stand in the way of the other side, the creative part of us. JC evens uses blah blah blah in describing them. I think we have both felt that's what we do here, and have on occasion refrained from entries because we think all we have to share is the mundane, the "purely informational" you called it just yesterday. (Interestingly enough, since I read your entry this morning, after deciding last night to start my morning pages again and/or accept theses entries as morning pages because they already seem to be working....)
The other JC recommendation I decided to re-espouse is "the artist's date." 2 hours a week. A bookstore, an antique shop, a drive with my camera in the fall, making a pot of chili or soup. Solo. As she says, it fills the well.
These tasks have worked for me in the past and I'm happy to put them on my new, non-summer list of things to do. I am ready to put my car in gear and get out of that parking spot. Enough people have tapped and given me their blessings and thumbs-up. And so, I will:
1. Show up at the page.
2. Fill the well by taking care of my artist.
Feel free to join me, Amanda.
Love you, Barb
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Old Friends Revisited
Hey,
Please forgive me if this is short, but I am wiped out. I'm trying to stay up for The Cleaner but I may fall asleep waiting. First of all, I referred to KB only once earlier, and quite briefly. Also, I called her "G" - I remember why now, but had forgotten and unknowingly changed her "name." So let's stick with KB. Actually, she and I have known each other for almost as long as I have known JB. They are very close so she was always around whenever I came to visit. We have always gotten along extremely well - she's overweight and on meds and wacky like me, not perfect and skinny and rich like her sister. (So I really like her!) The reason I wasn't serving wine is that she is a recovering drug addict - so she drinks very little, if at all. Just didn't want to put that out there as temptation. A couple of weeks ago I spent the day with her, shopping for interview suits, so today she came out to the house. I gave her the grand tour of Mayberry, then we decided against the pasta salad since we were already out and met J for teriyaki in town. (He has also known her for years.) She's married to a guy who is the terminal manager for a trucking company, whose job has taken them from LA to Colorado, to eastern WA and now, purely coincidentally, to here. I was very excited with this news and so was she - we really have fun together. We came home after lunch today and lounged around in my living room, talking about her new shrink and chatting with my boys and drinking frapps from Starbucks. All in all a great visit. Since she's looking for full time employment, we're trying to spend some time together before she can't anymore.
I might have told you that I rejoined my book club...? The one I was in a few years ago...I got so busy with teaching I just couldn't keep up. Our first meeting of the year was tonight and it was wonderful to see everyone again. (Two of the women live in my neighborhood, but the other five I hardly ever see.) All of us are in education in one way or another - teachers, librarians, guidance counselors, admissions officers. We range in age from 44 (me) to 80 (my neighbor ML, whose husband died this summer, I think I told you.) It's a fun, if somewhat conservative, group. We don't always read books I'd choose on my own (or that I think are worthwhile) but I love talking about books no matter what. We meet for dinner and drinks and conversation once a month. Surprisingly, no one had read Eat, Pray, Love yet, except me, so we chose that as our first book of the year and we'll discuss in October. I'm psyched, even though I've already read it, to talk about it. It was good to connect with women again.
And that's about as far as I'm going to get today...purely informational. I didn't sleep again last night (my growing habit of waking up at 3 in the morning and never really getting back to sleep.) I think I'll tuck in and see how far I make it to 10 while trying to read more in Breaking Free From Emotional Eating. Which I will talk about later...
Glad to hear you had such a wonderful visit with the fam on Sunday; what beautiful kids! And no, I don't believe I've read any of your manuscript, so send it along post haste. As for your lab class this afternoon - it just causes me to turn my face heavenward and say, Thank You God. Not to be unsympathetic, just grateful. Hang in there. :-)
Off to the fair tomorrow with JJ and his friend B -should be fun. For them. I'll try to write when we get home.
Love, A
Please forgive me if this is short, but I am wiped out. I'm trying to stay up for The Cleaner but I may fall asleep waiting. First of all, I referred to KB only once earlier, and quite briefly. Also, I called her "G" - I remember why now, but had forgotten and unknowingly changed her "name." So let's stick with KB. Actually, she and I have known each other for almost as long as I have known JB. They are very close so she was always around whenever I came to visit. We have always gotten along extremely well - she's overweight and on meds and wacky like me, not perfect and skinny and rich like her sister. (So I really like her!) The reason I wasn't serving wine is that she is a recovering drug addict - so she drinks very little, if at all. Just didn't want to put that out there as temptation. A couple of weeks ago I spent the day with her, shopping for interview suits, so today she came out to the house. I gave her the grand tour of Mayberry, then we decided against the pasta salad since we were already out and met J for teriyaki in town. (He has also known her for years.) She's married to a guy who is the terminal manager for a trucking company, whose job has taken them from LA to Colorado, to eastern WA and now, purely coincidentally, to here. I was very excited with this news and so was she - we really have fun together. We came home after lunch today and lounged around in my living room, talking about her new shrink and chatting with my boys and drinking frapps from Starbucks. All in all a great visit. Since she's looking for full time employment, we're trying to spend some time together before she can't anymore.
I might have told you that I rejoined my book club...? The one I was in a few years ago...I got so busy with teaching I just couldn't keep up. Our first meeting of the year was tonight and it was wonderful to see everyone again. (Two of the women live in my neighborhood, but the other five I hardly ever see.) All of us are in education in one way or another - teachers, librarians, guidance counselors, admissions officers. We range in age from 44 (me) to 80 (my neighbor ML, whose husband died this summer, I think I told you.) It's a fun, if somewhat conservative, group. We don't always read books I'd choose on my own (or that I think are worthwhile) but I love talking about books no matter what. We meet for dinner and drinks and conversation once a month. Surprisingly, no one had read Eat, Pray, Love yet, except me, so we chose that as our first book of the year and we'll discuss in October. I'm psyched, even though I've already read it, to talk about it. It was good to connect with women again.
And that's about as far as I'm going to get today...purely informational. I didn't sleep again last night (my growing habit of waking up at 3 in the morning and never really getting back to sleep.) I think I'll tuck in and see how far I make it to 10 while trying to read more in Breaking Free From Emotional Eating. Which I will talk about later...
Glad to hear you had such a wonderful visit with the fam on Sunday; what beautiful kids! And no, I don't believe I've read any of your manuscript, so send it along post haste. As for your lab class this afternoon - it just causes me to turn my face heavenward and say, Thank You God. Not to be unsympathetic, just grateful. Hang in there. :-)
Off to the fair tomorrow with JJ and his friend B -should be fun. For them. I'll try to write when we get home.
Love, A
So?...
Hi, Amanda,
I'm all excited to hear about your lunch with KB but need to accept that I may not hear from you again today. You were supposed to serve iced tea (that would have been my one criticism of your menu: bring on the wine!), but maybe you served wine after all. Either way, you might not have time to sit and write about it...the boys will be off the bus soon and you'll have dinner to put on the table so an entry here may be tabled--understandably. When you do get around to writing, please tell me where KB was living prior to moving close by you. What brought her to your neck of the woods? Have you ever been as close to her as you are JB? Or would it be akin to my sister L moves to town and you reach out, and get on like gangbusters--close by the transitive property in a way.
A little earlier when I was wondering why the hell I'm so tired again, I remembered that doing spiritual work is tiring. All this gear shifting is spiritual I think. Couple that with the fact that I ended the day with a 2 hour lab full of immature kids, and I suppose I shouldn't wonder. Honestly, A. This is a class of sophomores that last week I had to address like children. "New classroom rule. From now on, if you want to get up you need to raise your hand and ask permission. " They're 15!!! One kid is 17, trying for the third time to pass Bio. They can't sit still, they don't get that it's impolite to get up while I'm talking, to pass right by me while I'm addressing the class. Unbelievable. So this is the class I had to trust with glassware and chemicals today. For two hours. God help me.
I've been in my pjs since I got home after 3. I watched a little food network and now will watch my political shows while flipping through The Artist's Way and The 7 Healing Chakras, recalling progress I've made in the past that I will need to regain...I imagine I will flip through old manuscripts as well, as I did last night. I'll talk to W later, who is not in a good way today (things were looking up but his unemployment check didn't come today and he hasn't heard from Children's Hospital), and I'll probably head upstairs early. Tomorrow I start the day with a 2 hour lab, a group not as misbehaved as today's, but academically needy. I'll take that over impolite any day, but it still requires energy.
Can't wait to hear about your ladies' lunch when you get a chance.
Love you, Barb
I'm all excited to hear about your lunch with KB but need to accept that I may not hear from you again today. You were supposed to serve iced tea (that would have been my one criticism of your menu: bring on the wine!), but maybe you served wine after all. Either way, you might not have time to sit and write about it...the boys will be off the bus soon and you'll have dinner to put on the table so an entry here may be tabled--understandably. When you do get around to writing, please tell me where KB was living prior to moving close by you. What brought her to your neck of the woods? Have you ever been as close to her as you are JB? Or would it be akin to my sister L moves to town and you reach out, and get on like gangbusters--close by the transitive property in a way.
A little earlier when I was wondering why the hell I'm so tired again, I remembered that doing spiritual work is tiring. All this gear shifting is spiritual I think. Couple that with the fact that I ended the day with a 2 hour lab full of immature kids, and I suppose I shouldn't wonder. Honestly, A. This is a class of sophomores that last week I had to address like children. "New classroom rule. From now on, if you want to get up you need to raise your hand and ask permission. " They're 15!!! One kid is 17, trying for the third time to pass Bio. They can't sit still, they don't get that it's impolite to get up while I'm talking, to pass right by me while I'm addressing the class. Unbelievable. So this is the class I had to trust with glassware and chemicals today. For two hours. God help me.
I've been in my pjs since I got home after 3. I watched a little food network and now will watch my political shows while flipping through The Artist's Way and The 7 Healing Chakras, recalling progress I've made in the past that I will need to regain...I imagine I will flip through old manuscripts as well, as I did last night. I'll talk to W later, who is not in a good way today (things were looking up but his unemployment check didn't come today and he hasn't heard from Children's Hospital), and I'll probably head upstairs early. Tomorrow I start the day with a 2 hour lab, a group not as misbehaved as today's, but academically needy. I'll take that over impolite any day, but it still requires energy.
Can't wait to hear about your ladies' lunch when you get a chance.
Love you, Barb
Angels Everywhere...
Thanks, Amanda. Was that junk mail or clutter that multiplies like lo mein?
By the way, I brought my flash drive to school today to print a fresh copy of the latest rendition of my novel, fifty pages I left alone in April 2005... Have I shared them with you?
Hope you're having a good day and that you enjoy al fresco luncheon with KB.
I'll write more later. Barb
PS You have lots of book worthy bits too, you know...
By the way, I brought my flash drive to school today to print a fresh copy of the latest rendition of my novel, fifty pages I left alone in April 2005... Have I shared them with you?
Hope you're having a good day and that you enjoy al fresco luncheon with KB.
I'll write more later. Barb
PS You have lots of book worthy bits too, you know...
Book worthy
You wrote this in August and I don't know if I told you how much I loved it -
...seems to multiply like lo mein while eating it
...seems to multiply like lo mein while eating it
Monday, September 15, 2008
Chai tea and underwires
Hey, A,
I had a great day yesterday! I could tell it meant a lot to S that I came to see her cheer at the game and I'm glad I did. I really enjoy Sundays with my sister L and her family, probably because I don't feel like a guest, but an extension of her family. I brought down the pizza I made on Saturday as an appetizer/snack for after the pee wee game. Eventually, after the Patriots game, we had dinner. L and J had marinated a London Broil; while J was grilling it, I made a side dish--spinach with a couple leftover bacon slices, olive oil, salt and pepper (simple but delicious). L started some baked potatoes in the microwave and J finished them on the grill. For wine, J brought up a zinfandel (red, my dear, as if I have to clarify. Friends don't let friends drink white zinfandel.) Later on we had brownie sundaes for dessert. I didn't get home until after 10, late for a school night, but it was worth it. I went right to bed and fell right asleep.
I don't know how to explain it, but I feel like I shifted gears somehow over the weekend. Like--finally--after 3 weeks back at school I am in the groove and okay with it. I don't think the delayed start/shift was entirely due to mental reluctance (although clearly it was part). Part was financial too. I got my second paycheck and could finally stock my shelves again with pasta and tuna. I have shrimp in my freezer and all my scripts are filled. I don't have to worry about stretching a tank of gas...well, kind of, given the price, but at least now I can fill it again next time it's empty. I can make lists of things to do and cross them off. I luxuriate in summer, but ultimately I think I function better when I have things to do and lists that mean something. Buy 30 SPF lotion and travel pack wipes for beach bag, has its appeal in summer, but I'm okay with the ones I've been working through lately. And I'm getting comfortable with the idea of putting get back to novel on my on-going list.
My friend C rang the final get writing bell today. Or at least today I heard it as such. A little background about C and me...We are often equally miserable and disenchanted so we email back and forth all day. Every period we are required to send attendance via email, so while we're on line, we'll keep each other entertained. It is clearly part of maintaining our sanity. Sometimes all we do is forward a wanker email from a colleague with no comment. Which makes us laugh. Other times we throw ideas out to each other for a business that will save us from spending the rest of our lives teaching. Sometimes it's just about food. In fact, we bring each other leftover lunches on occasion. Today I brought her some of my Italian sausage soup with a piece of baguette. (Getting ready to land the plane here, A...) I put a peanut butter cup in for dessert because I wasn't sure if she liked lemon poppy bread or ginger snaps, the other two options from my kitchen. As it ends up she likes both. I replied, "good to know. I love ginger snaps with tea. It's like making chai in my mouth. " She wrote back "That is book worthy." That was the first time this school year, but the umpteenth time since we became close that she has responded with an lol and a that is book worthy. Today I wrote it down, right after I cussed myself out for not writing the dozens of other one-liners to which she responded the same way--last year especially. I was mad at myself the rest of the day as I racked my brain to remember others. The only one I could come up with was when I wrote "my underwire is going to puncture my lung." But at least today I wrote down the chai comment. I created a new section in my planner to record such things.
Perhaps that is the other part of the shift. I am moving forward with the school year but this year as I do, I do also as a writer...knowing that I am willing to do my best as a teacher but interested in leaving time and room to be a writer, a faithful correspondent here, a good aunt. I'm ready for more balance, and know that it is time to get back to my chakra balancing meditation. Unlike the pithy one liners that make C laugh, I actually remember it...
Good hearing from you. Take it easy. Love, Barb
I had a great day yesterday! I could tell it meant a lot to S that I came to see her cheer at the game and I'm glad I did. I really enjoy Sundays with my sister L and her family, probably because I don't feel like a guest, but an extension of her family. I brought down the pizza I made on Saturday as an appetizer/snack for after the pee wee game. Eventually, after the Patriots game, we had dinner. L and J had marinated a London Broil; while J was grilling it, I made a side dish--spinach with a couple leftover bacon slices, olive oil, salt and pepper (simple but delicious). L started some baked potatoes in the microwave and J finished them on the grill. For wine, J brought up a zinfandel (red, my dear, as if I have to clarify. Friends don't let friends drink white zinfandel.) Later on we had brownie sundaes for dessert. I didn't get home until after 10, late for a school night, but it was worth it. I went right to bed and fell right asleep.
I don't know how to explain it, but I feel like I shifted gears somehow over the weekend. Like--finally--after 3 weeks back at school I am in the groove and okay with it. I don't think the delayed start/shift was entirely due to mental reluctance (although clearly it was part). Part was financial too. I got my second paycheck and could finally stock my shelves again with pasta and tuna. I have shrimp in my freezer and all my scripts are filled. I don't have to worry about stretching a tank of gas...well, kind of, given the price, but at least now I can fill it again next time it's empty. I can make lists of things to do and cross them off. I luxuriate in summer, but ultimately I think I function better when I have things to do and lists that mean something. Buy 30 SPF lotion and travel pack wipes for beach bag, has its appeal in summer, but I'm okay with the ones I've been working through lately. And I'm getting comfortable with the idea of putting get back to novel on my on-going list.
My friend C rang the final get writing bell today. Or at least today I heard it as such. A little background about C and me...We are often equally miserable and disenchanted so we email back and forth all day. Every period we are required to send attendance via email, so while we're on line, we'll keep each other entertained. It is clearly part of maintaining our sanity. Sometimes all we do is forward a wanker email from a colleague with no comment. Which makes us laugh. Other times we throw ideas out to each other for a business that will save us from spending the rest of our lives teaching. Sometimes it's just about food. In fact, we bring each other leftover lunches on occasion. Today I brought her some of my Italian sausage soup with a piece of baguette. (Getting ready to land the plane here, A...) I put a peanut butter cup in for dessert because I wasn't sure if she liked lemon poppy bread or ginger snaps, the other two options from my kitchen. As it ends up she likes both. I replied, "good to know. I love ginger snaps with tea. It's like making chai in my mouth. " She wrote back "That is book worthy." That was the first time this school year, but the umpteenth time since we became close that she has responded with an lol and a that is book worthy. Today I wrote it down, right after I cussed myself out for not writing the dozens of other one-liners to which she responded the same way--last year especially. I was mad at myself the rest of the day as I racked my brain to remember others. The only one I could come up with was when I wrote "my underwire is going to puncture my lung." But at least today I wrote down the chai comment. I created a new section in my planner to record such things.
Perhaps that is the other part of the shift. I am moving forward with the school year but this year as I do, I do also as a writer...knowing that I am willing to do my best as a teacher but interested in leaving time and room to be a writer, a faithful correspondent here, a good aunt. I'm ready for more balance, and know that it is time to get back to my chakra balancing meditation. Unlike the pithy one liners that make C laugh, I actually remember it...
Good hearing from you. Take it easy. Love, Barb
Chakras
Ok, sorry - I did go to the links you sent about chakras - wow is right!! I will have to do some more research on that as time allows; I'm not knowledgeable about chakras (but read about them in E, P, L). I'm in the middle of my new book about emotional eating. Every little idea opens another door, so thanks!!
Enjoying the Sunshine
Hey,
Well, I kind of disappeared there, didn't I? Sorry about that. I didn't realize I hadn't written all weekend until I logged on this morning. I hope you had a good time with S and C on Sunday and that you were ready to face the week this morning. Actually, your Sunday morning sounded delightful - the coffee and the writing in clean pj's - great image. I was jealous!
The rest of our weekend was good - we didn't do much. Saturday JJ helped me wash all the windows in the house - inside and out - that was a chore and a half. But our weather has been just unbeatable this past week (and looks like it will continue through this one) so I didn't mind. J was working out in the yard, then more of the same on Sunday. Last night K & R came over for a drink after dinner and it was nice to visit without S&T for awhile. J was on call last week though, so shortly after they arrived, he had to go, which sucked for him but we carried on :)
I'm having KB (JB's sister) over to the house tomorrow for lunch so I've been cleaning and cooking today. I made a pasta/caprese salad that came out alright - hopefully the dressing will marinate a bit more by tomorrow. If not I'll have to find a way to doctor it up a little since it's not very zesty, as I had planned. I thought I'd serve that with some Aritisan bread and ice tea; how luncheon-lady-like of me. I was thinking I'd love to eat outside, but I have that tacky little plastic table on my too-small-for-real-patio-furniture-patio. Then I thought, for crying out loud, who am I trying to impress? And besides, the table is sitting on my patio for all the world to see; will it suddenly become extra ugly if we actually use it?? No. So that's what we're going to do is visit on the patio on my cheap-ass Walmart furniture and sip ice tea. At least my living room is beautiful, and I have to say my front yard is award winning.
I've got to run out before dinner so I'll cut myself short here - not much to report anyway. Haven't been inspired to write (obviously) but maybe it will come to me later. Wishing you a relaxing Monday evening,
Love,
A
P.S. Could you share the recipe for the lemon poppy bread? Sounds yummy!
Well, I kind of disappeared there, didn't I? Sorry about that. I didn't realize I hadn't written all weekend until I logged on this morning. I hope you had a good time with S and C on Sunday and that you were ready to face the week this morning. Actually, your Sunday morning sounded delightful - the coffee and the writing in clean pj's - great image. I was jealous!
The rest of our weekend was good - we didn't do much. Saturday JJ helped me wash all the windows in the house - inside and out - that was a chore and a half. But our weather has been just unbeatable this past week (and looks like it will continue through this one) so I didn't mind. J was working out in the yard, then more of the same on Sunday. Last night K & R came over for a drink after dinner and it was nice to visit without S&T for awhile. J was on call last week though, so shortly after they arrived, he had to go, which sucked for him but we carried on :)
I'm having KB (JB's sister) over to the house tomorrow for lunch so I've been cleaning and cooking today. I made a pasta/caprese salad that came out alright - hopefully the dressing will marinate a bit more by tomorrow. If not I'll have to find a way to doctor it up a little since it's not very zesty, as I had planned. I thought I'd serve that with some Aritisan bread and ice tea; how luncheon-lady-like of me. I was thinking I'd love to eat outside, but I have that tacky little plastic table on my too-small-for-real-patio-furniture-patio. Then I thought, for crying out loud, who am I trying to impress? And besides, the table is sitting on my patio for all the world to see; will it suddenly become extra ugly if we actually use it?? No. So that's what we're going to do is visit on the patio on my cheap-ass Walmart furniture and sip ice tea. At least my living room is beautiful, and I have to say my front yard is award winning.
I've got to run out before dinner so I'll cut myself short here - not much to report anyway. Haven't been inspired to write (obviously) but maybe it will come to me later. Wishing you a relaxing Monday evening,
Love,
A
P.S. Could you share the recipe for the lemon poppy bread? Sounds yummy!
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Root Heart Throat
I think I just spent the best hour of my week. At least one of them...
I made it up to see Tina Fey as Palin, and as expected she was spot on. I laughed my a*s off. At about midnight I went up to bed and fell asleep shortly after. This morning I am almost embarrassed to admit that I slept until almost 10 am. I hopped in the shower and headed down to make coffee. In clean, comfy pjs I drank coffee and ate a piece of lemon poppy bread that I baked yesterday. I changed purses and gathered receipts from my errands to make sure I keep track of my debits.
And now I am sitting down to write at 10:50. This could be a second favorite hour....
*****************
Your new friends' (as you refer to them) house sounds beautiful. Just say built-in bookshelves and I get veklempt. Sounds like it had good energy, like they have good energy. I'm glad you put yourself amidst it all. We often think (at least I do) of not attending an unappealing or stressful function or not putting yourself among energy drainers (T&S?) as honoring yourself. But choosing to put yourself among good and happy people, who model healthy relationships, in peaceful and inspiring settings is honoring yourself too. It was self-affirming to choose dinner plans with P and D, to put yourself and J around a dinner table with a couple who clearly have it together.
When I first sat down to write I thought I might segue my discussion of the beach house full of books to my discussion feng shui and chakras, of my new loft unit with high ceilings and red sofas (root chakra--self-confidence) and my obsessions with lime green (heart chakra--love) and turquoise (throat chakra--voice) and my thyroid issue (blocked throat chakra) ...but I don't know where to start, and will undoubtedly run out of time. Despite the rain, the pee wee football game I am attending to watch S's cheerleading debut (don't get me started) will not be cancelled so I still need to leave by 1. If it were cancelled I'd still go for a visit, but wouldn't have to leave so early. Oh well.
I hope you have a good day. I'll check in when I get back tonight.
Love, Barb
I made it up to see Tina Fey as Palin, and as expected she was spot on. I laughed my a*s off. At about midnight I went up to bed and fell asleep shortly after. This morning I am almost embarrassed to admit that I slept until almost 10 am. I hopped in the shower and headed down to make coffee. In clean, comfy pjs I drank coffee and ate a piece of lemon poppy bread that I baked yesterday. I changed purses and gathered receipts from my errands to make sure I keep track of my debits.
And now I am sitting down to write at 10:50. This could be a second favorite hour....
*****************
Your new friends' (as you refer to them) house sounds beautiful. Just say built-in bookshelves and I get veklempt. Sounds like it had good energy, like they have good energy. I'm glad you put yourself amidst it all. We often think (at least I do) of not attending an unappealing or stressful function or not putting yourself among energy drainers (T&S?) as honoring yourself. But choosing to put yourself among good and happy people, who model healthy relationships, in peaceful and inspiring settings is honoring yourself too. It was self-affirming to choose dinner plans with P and D, to put yourself and J around a dinner table with a couple who clearly have it together.
When I first sat down to write I thought I might segue my discussion of the beach house full of books to my discussion feng shui and chakras, of my new loft unit with high ceilings and red sofas (root chakra--self-confidence) and my obsessions with lime green (heart chakra--love) and turquoise (throat chakra--voice) and my thyroid issue (blocked throat chakra) ...but I don't know where to start, and will undoubtedly run out of time. Despite the rain, the pee wee football game I am attending to watch S's cheerleading debut (don't get me started) will not be cancelled so I still need to leave by 1. If it were cancelled I'd still go for a visit, but wouldn't have to leave so early. Oh well.
I hope you have a good day. I'll check in when I get back tonight.
Love, Barb
Saturday, September 13, 2008
SNL
Hi there....
Today was anything but relaxing or rejuvenating. Perhaps my body knew, intuitively, last night to grab as much rest as possible because there wouldn't be any today. Having as much rest as I did made it easy to get going this morning at 8, but I feel like I didn't stop all day, until now, and my body aches--again. Sucks getting old!
Honestly, I could have stopped a couple of hours ago, but I wanted to make pizza to bring to L's tomorrow, and I decided to do it tonight rather than the morning. Since I had spend the majority of my day cooking and cleaning, I figured I'd make one more mess and clean it--then get to enjoy tomorrow morning before I head down to see S and C.
Overall, not a bad weekend. Friday (by the way, it was my third) night slug fest, Saturday laundry and cleaning and cooking and cleaning and errands, Sunday leisurely coffee and family time. Best part, when I get home tomorrow night all my ducks will be in a row.
The only thing left on my list of things to do (I, too, am a list person) is stay up for Saturday Night Live. Obama is on tonight and I hear Tina Fey is coming back to play Palin, and I really want to see this season premiere. I will certainly give it the old college try, but am not confident it will happen. I'm never up that late anymore. I guess teaching has forced me to be a morning person, and when I get a good start in the morning, I don't see much of night.
**********
Today was anything but relaxing or rejuvenating. Perhaps my body knew, intuitively, last night to grab as much rest as possible because there wouldn't be any today. Having as much rest as I did made it easy to get going this morning at 8, but I feel like I didn't stop all day, until now, and my body aches--again. Sucks getting old!
Honestly, I could have stopped a couple of hours ago, but I wanted to make pizza to bring to L's tomorrow, and I decided to do it tonight rather than the morning. Since I had spend the majority of my day cooking and cleaning, I figured I'd make one more mess and clean it--then get to enjoy tomorrow morning before I head down to see S and C.
Overall, not a bad weekend. Friday (by the way, it was my third) night slug fest, Saturday laundry and cleaning and cooking and cleaning and errands, Sunday leisurely coffee and family time. Best part, when I get home tomorrow night all my ducks will be in a row.
The only thing left on my list of things to do (I, too, am a list person) is stay up for Saturday Night Live. Obama is on tonight and I hear Tina Fey is coming back to play Palin, and I really want to see this season premiere. I will certainly give it the old college try, but am not confident it will happen. I'm never up that late anymore. I guess teaching has forced me to be a morning person, and when I get a good start in the morning, I don't see much of night.
**********
Thanks so much for your words of encouragement, for introducing me in abstentia as a writer. Now it's time for me to become an author....
Cooking for me is a creative process, and every good writing burst has been preceded by cooking burst (or jewelry business). I also usually get a little more fit; I start walking more or somehow incorporate more exercise in my life. (I'm waiting on that.) Yet it occurred to me that I am physically exhausting myself, keeping very busy, as my last ditch effort to avoid the writing that is calling me. (Again, Psych 101)While I wait for The Secret (I decided I'm going to ask the librarian at my school to get it for me) I should probably pick up The Artist's Way, by Julie Cameron, again. It's on the book shelf right in front of me. If I remember correctly, she recommends one give up all those other creative outlets--like reading and cooking--when trying to get back to the page. Yikes. That'll suck. Yet it'll be worth it in the end...
T minus 1 hour and counting. If I grab that book maybe I can make it.
I'll check in with you in the morning while I'm enjoying my leisurely coffee. Hope you had a good night.
Love, B
PS On my list of things to write about: feng shui and my chakras.
Food Cooking Travel
Three things close to my heart... can't wait to read about them later.
I will write later as well, but now I'm off to run errands. I have been productive thus far--I have done my laundry, gotten rid of some old clothes, made Italian sausage soup, brought my beach chairs and cooler to storage--and hope to stay on a roll.
For now I wanted to let you know that I read your entry and look forward to reading more.
Glad you got a little break for S&T, et. al.
Love you, Barb
I will write later as well, but now I'm off to run errands. I have been productive thus far--I have done my laundry, gotten rid of some old clothes, made Italian sausage soup, brought my beach chairs and cooler to storage--and hope to stay on a roll.
For now I wanted to let you know that I read your entry and look forward to reading more.
Glad you got a little break for S&T, et. al.
Love you, Barb
Moving Forward
Good morning there,
I hope you are well rested today and feeling better. We forget that Friday nights during the school year are much different than during the summer...it's the sudden release of stress and worry and work - in the summer, it's just another night. No wonder you were wiped out. It's only the second Friday of the year!
I do believe you are receiving signs that it's time to get back to writing. You thought of this blog, didn't you? Isn't that where the signs began? My friend, Kim, getting published, the comments from friends, the intensive reading over the summer, yes, it's all speaking to you. We are all speaking to you. Some of the thoughts in The Secret are about feng shui (is that supposed to be capitalized?) and how we set our lives up to accept success - or not. We're supposed to set things up to receive - one story is of a woman who wanted the perfect partner and then realized that her life was set up to actually keep him away from her - she slept in the middle of her bed, parked her car in the middle of the garage. So as soon as she "moved over" and "made room" for him, there he was. Ok, kind of cheesy, like I said. And I'm not saying you should quit your job, sit down at the computer and write your heart out so that the universe can clearly get the I'm a writer signal. While I'm sure there are those who have done that, I'm guessing the percentage of those who have been successful at it is low. But honestly, what would happen if you started referring to yourself (as I always refer to you) as a writer, instead of a teacher? Whenever I talk about you, and I mean this, I'm not blowing sunshine, I say "Barb is a writer. She teaches high school." or some variation of that. Just a thought.
And another thought...the book is $17 at Target, which I think is outrageous considering the fact that, all told, it's probably less than 50 pages long. The high-gloss colored pages, the artwork and the hardcover are not worth the price. Go get if from the library. Just a suggestion.
I have a wonderful quiet hour to myself this morning. M spent the night at a friend's last night and J had to go to some ridiculous welcome-home ceremony for our local Olympics hero (she lives two doors down from my brother). Our little town is quite proud of her, but the fact that J has to escort her from the Hummer to the stage at her ceremony this morning is so over the top. Pu-leez. JJ just left to go admire CM's new quad that T bought for him last night. He bought one for TA, his youngest son, before we went away for Labor Day. I am so sick and tired of freakin' quads and that family's obsession with them. I'm glad they're headed out today to ride and I don't have to go. Or listen to CM talk about it nonstop, and I mean, NON-STOP. JJ loves to ride and I'm sure if we bought him a quad he'd love it. But honestly, he's going to have a perfectly normal childhood without one. That's what I'm so tired of, is the pressure to join the quad cult. T just keeps at us - look at this one, JJ would love this one, M would love this one, you guys could finance this one, we could ride together, do this for your kids - my kids are not pressuring us to buy them $4000 dirt riding equipment the way (I believe) you have set your kids up to pressure you.
Currently, I am tired of S&T (can you tell?) and their insane version of parenting. (Because, as you know, I'm the perfect Mom). Lately, I just can't be around CM - he grates on all of us - even JJ sometimes - with the baby talk (I want to, as you say, put a fork in my eye. Or his.) and the whining and the complete domination of that family. He's 10 years old and in total control of everything that goes on over there. It makes me crazy!! It's well camouflaged though; they appear to be disciplining their kids, but under the surface, the kids always win, always get what they want, no matter what, and never, ever, pay a consequence. There's a lot of up-front yelling and show, but not an ounce of follow through. Seriously, I get that I'm not a perfect Mom, even though that was good energy to put into the universe, don't you think? :) But this kid wears on everyone - friends, parents, teachers (God help them, I pray for his teachers every year) - even his own peers. And S&T just think he's the cutest, most loving and adorable little guy ever. Arghh!!!
Wow, I guess I had to get that out. Didn't know it was festering quite so fiercely in there. The worst part, of course, is that we love S&T like family (or more than family, in my case - oh, did I just say that out loud?) We can hang with them for days on end and be just fine, as long as CM isn't with us. And of course, there's no talking to them about it; one, because they just wouldn't get it and two, because that's just all kinds of bad karma to bring up the whole we love you but we can't stand your kid thing. I just don't think you can do that and expect your friendship to survive. And you know that would kill me. So...we just grin and bear it and try to avoid situations that will make us insane (like going riding today, or going up to their cabin for a long weekend, or whatever else that puts us in confined space with CM for any length of time.) Such is life. As my friend Grandma June once told me, "The seal of a true friendship is surviving each others' kids." Amen.
Anywho - it's pretty slow around here today. We went to dinner last night with new friends, which was fun. P is the Executive Coach for the FD and she and J have been working together for probably three years or so. She owns her own company in Seattle and is married to an engineer - anyway, they bought this beach house on the Key Peninsula a few years ago, to retire in. After a couple of years, they decided it was all wrong, tore it up and started over. She and J have become very close while working together and she finally initiated moving our relationship from professional to personal. She's a great woman - I have liked her from the very beginning. I think she has done wonders for the department, but more importantly, for J. She tells him straight up the way it is and he actually listens to her. She tells him he's too sarcastic or that he's not being fair, or whatever. I think he has learned a lot from her and I sort of count on her to get on him when he's getting too stressed out or working too hard or mis-prioritizing. Sooo...she and D, her husband, invited us out to their "new" house last night for dinner. And wow, what a house. It's set up on a small cliff, right on the water, with a long staircase from the deck down to the beach. They have traveled the world, so their home is filled with beautiful art and memories from all over. But it's still a beach house, beginning, in the entryway, with a large mudroom scattered with boots and flip-flops and such; most of the house is windows so it's incredibly open and bright. We lucked out with gorgeous weather so every window and French door was open when we arrived - I have never walked into such a welcoming home. And books - everywhere - cookbooks and art books and magazines - and her office upstairs, which is connected to the master bedroom by three wide stairs and an archway, is wall-to-wall books. I was in love with this house, I tell you. There is a balcony off the master (overlooking the Sound) that she has outfitted with two chaise lounges; she points to them and says "ideal napping spot". Hello! And her bathroom? No, wait, her closet!! OMG, you would have just died for this place. And that was just the house. The dinner was fantastic - grilled salmon, apple and blue cheese salad, fresh peach cobbler and cappuccinos for dessert. (No, not coffee. Cappuccino.) And good wine, too. It was truly delightful. Oh, and talk about feeling like a grown-up. The nice thing is, though, and I'm so proud to say this, that I am excited to reciprocate and share our home with them in the future. I, too, have a beautiful and welcoming home and for once I wasn't impressed to the point of intimidation by someone else's life. No, we don't have a 180 degree view of the water or a baby grand in the living room. But I did notice that her bookshelf reflected many of the titles on my own; we are on an equal playing field, and it has nothing to do with money. I had a lot of fun and look forward to growing this friendship. Plus, not to leave him out, I really, really liked her husband, D, who is funny and intelligent and unassuming. Together, I think they are an amirable couple - you can see the health of their marriage in everything they do and say to each other - it was great role-modeling for J and me. (They've been together since she was 16 - some 32 years or so.)
Just thought I'd share that with you - it was a memorable evening. And I just learned that S & T are not only going riding, they're going up to H&D's house for the night! Yeah! She's on her way over to give me the housekey so I can feed the cats. This means they won't be around tomorrow either...do I sound horrible? I don't mean to...I just need a break.
I'll sign off for now and maybe come back later - hope you're having a rejuvenating Saturday.
Food - cooking - travel - things I want to talk about when I come back to the keyboard.
I hope you are well rested today and feeling better. We forget that Friday nights during the school year are much different than during the summer...it's the sudden release of stress and worry and work - in the summer, it's just another night. No wonder you were wiped out. It's only the second Friday of the year!
I do believe you are receiving signs that it's time to get back to writing. You thought of this blog, didn't you? Isn't that where the signs began? My friend, Kim, getting published, the comments from friends, the intensive reading over the summer, yes, it's all speaking to you. We are all speaking to you. Some of the thoughts in The Secret are about feng shui (is that supposed to be capitalized?) and how we set our lives up to accept success - or not. We're supposed to set things up to receive - one story is of a woman who wanted the perfect partner and then realized that her life was set up to actually keep him away from her - she slept in the middle of her bed, parked her car in the middle of the garage. So as soon as she "moved over" and "made room" for him, there he was. Ok, kind of cheesy, like I said. And I'm not saying you should quit your job, sit down at the computer and write your heart out so that the universe can clearly get the I'm a writer signal. While I'm sure there are those who have done that, I'm guessing the percentage of those who have been successful at it is low. But honestly, what would happen if you started referring to yourself (as I always refer to you) as a writer, instead of a teacher? Whenever I talk about you, and I mean this, I'm not blowing sunshine, I say "Barb is a writer. She teaches high school." or some variation of that. Just a thought.
And another thought...the book is $17 at Target, which I think is outrageous considering the fact that, all told, it's probably less than 50 pages long. The high-gloss colored pages, the artwork and the hardcover are not worth the price. Go get if from the library. Just a suggestion.
I have a wonderful quiet hour to myself this morning. M spent the night at a friend's last night and J had to go to some ridiculous welcome-home ceremony for our local Olympics hero (she lives two doors down from my brother). Our little town is quite proud of her, but the fact that J has to escort her from the Hummer to the stage at her ceremony this morning is so over the top. Pu-leez. JJ just left to go admire CM's new quad that T bought for him last night. He bought one for TA, his youngest son, before we went away for Labor Day. I am so sick and tired of freakin' quads and that family's obsession with them. I'm glad they're headed out today to ride and I don't have to go. Or listen to CM talk about it nonstop, and I mean, NON-STOP. JJ loves to ride and I'm sure if we bought him a quad he'd love it. But honestly, he's going to have a perfectly normal childhood without one. That's what I'm so tired of, is the pressure to join the quad cult. T just keeps at us - look at this one, JJ would love this one, M would love this one, you guys could finance this one, we could ride together, do this for your kids - my kids are not pressuring us to buy them $4000 dirt riding equipment the way (I believe) you have set your kids up to pressure you.
Currently, I am tired of S&T (can you tell?) and their insane version of parenting. (Because, as you know, I'm the perfect Mom). Lately, I just can't be around CM - he grates on all of us - even JJ sometimes - with the baby talk (I want to, as you say, put a fork in my eye. Or his.) and the whining and the complete domination of that family. He's 10 years old and in total control of everything that goes on over there. It makes me crazy!! It's well camouflaged though; they appear to be disciplining their kids, but under the surface, the kids always win, always get what they want, no matter what, and never, ever, pay a consequence. There's a lot of up-front yelling and show, but not an ounce of follow through. Seriously, I get that I'm not a perfect Mom, even though that was good energy to put into the universe, don't you think? :) But this kid wears on everyone - friends, parents, teachers (God help them, I pray for his teachers every year) - even his own peers. And S&T just think he's the cutest, most loving and adorable little guy ever. Arghh!!!
Wow, I guess I had to get that out. Didn't know it was festering quite so fiercely in there. The worst part, of course, is that we love S&T like family (or more than family, in my case - oh, did I just say that out loud?) We can hang with them for days on end and be just fine, as long as CM isn't with us. And of course, there's no talking to them about it; one, because they just wouldn't get it and two, because that's just all kinds of bad karma to bring up the whole we love you but we can't stand your kid thing. I just don't think you can do that and expect your friendship to survive. And you know that would kill me. So...we just grin and bear it and try to avoid situations that will make us insane (like going riding today, or going up to their cabin for a long weekend, or whatever else that puts us in confined space with CM for any length of time.) Such is life. As my friend Grandma June once told me, "The seal of a true friendship is surviving each others' kids." Amen.
Anywho - it's pretty slow around here today. We went to dinner last night with new friends, which was fun. P is the Executive Coach for the FD and she and J have been working together for probably three years or so. She owns her own company in Seattle and is married to an engineer - anyway, they bought this beach house on the Key Peninsula a few years ago, to retire in. After a couple of years, they decided it was all wrong, tore it up and started over. She and J have become very close while working together and she finally initiated moving our relationship from professional to personal. She's a great woman - I have liked her from the very beginning. I think she has done wonders for the department, but more importantly, for J. She tells him straight up the way it is and he actually listens to her. She tells him he's too sarcastic or that he's not being fair, or whatever. I think he has learned a lot from her and I sort of count on her to get on him when he's getting too stressed out or working too hard or mis-prioritizing. Sooo...she and D, her husband, invited us out to their "new" house last night for dinner. And wow, what a house. It's set up on a small cliff, right on the water, with a long staircase from the deck down to the beach. They have traveled the world, so their home is filled with beautiful art and memories from all over. But it's still a beach house, beginning, in the entryway, with a large mudroom scattered with boots and flip-flops and such; most of the house is windows so it's incredibly open and bright. We lucked out with gorgeous weather so every window and French door was open when we arrived - I have never walked into such a welcoming home. And books - everywhere - cookbooks and art books and magazines - and her office upstairs, which is connected to the master bedroom by three wide stairs and an archway, is wall-to-wall books. I was in love with this house, I tell you. There is a balcony off the master (overlooking the Sound) that she has outfitted with two chaise lounges; she points to them and says "ideal napping spot". Hello! And her bathroom? No, wait, her closet!! OMG, you would have just died for this place. And that was just the house. The dinner was fantastic - grilled salmon, apple and blue cheese salad, fresh peach cobbler and cappuccinos for dessert. (No, not coffee. Cappuccino.) And good wine, too. It was truly delightful. Oh, and talk about feeling like a grown-up. The nice thing is, though, and I'm so proud to say this, that I am excited to reciprocate and share our home with them in the future. I, too, have a beautiful and welcoming home and for once I wasn't impressed to the point of intimidation by someone else's life. No, we don't have a 180 degree view of the water or a baby grand in the living room. But I did notice that her bookshelf reflected many of the titles on my own; we are on an equal playing field, and it has nothing to do with money. I had a lot of fun and look forward to growing this friendship. Plus, not to leave him out, I really, really liked her husband, D, who is funny and intelligent and unassuming. Together, I think they are an amirable couple - you can see the health of their marriage in everything they do and say to each other - it was great role-modeling for J and me. (They've been together since she was 16 - some 32 years or so.)
Just thought I'd share that with you - it was a memorable evening. And I just learned that S & T are not only going riding, they're going up to H&D's house for the night! Yeah! She's on her way over to give me the housekey so I can feed the cats. This means they won't be around tomorrow either...do I sound horrible? I don't mean to...I just need a break.
I'll sign off for now and maybe come back later - hope you're having a rejuvenating Saturday.
Food - cooking - travel - things I want to talk about when I come back to the keyboard.
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