Good Things Other Than Food

Hey there,

Sorry to hear you're in pain. I've only had one migraine (at least I think that's what it was) in my life and it was awful. I can't imagine getting them all the time. Hopefully it'll settle down overnight and you'll be feeling better tomorrow.

Well, after reading some more last night, and doing some recommended writing therapy, I took a look at the list I had to make of indulgent things I love to do that are not eating. And do you know what I did today? I went to The Rack and window shopped, then I went to the movies. Yup, just me, by myself, to the movies in the middle of the day. And it was fantastic! It felt so good to do something purely random like that; laundry and ironing and errands to run just sitting here, undone. I went to see Ghostown and enjoyed it immensely. And I think I'm going to make a promise to myself to go to the movies at least once a week from now on. Actually, next Tuesday, my teacher friend, S, and I are going to see Nights in Rodanthe (yeah, I know, sappy Nicolas Sparks crap, but Diane Lane? Richard Gere? Together? Can't pass it up.) The thing is, J doesn't particularly like going to the movies, and even if he does, we never go anyway. I knew I would never see this one, and I really wanted to. And besides, going to the movies is something I dearly love to do and miss terribly from long ago. So that was a big step for me. I came home at 2:45 and did all the household stuff that needed to be done, including the errands, cooking dinner and cleaning up afterwards, and here I am. My "work day" still isn't over (there are still loads of laundry going) so I don't feel one bit guilty about spending 3 1/2 hours of it kicked back in the dark, enjoying the s**t out of myself. Progress.

It is a slow process, learning to like oneself. Haven't I tried it a million times before? This was, I believe, the first time I have ever gone shopping and not been in a completely foul mood because nothing fit. Instead, I just didn't try anything on. I just lounged around the store and admired stuff. I don't really have the cash to be buying clothes right now anyway, so it wasn't like I wanted anything. That felt great. I got in the car after the movie and allowed myself to smile all the way home, allowed myself to be good to myself.

I came home and I was good to M. I was good to JJ. I was even nice to J, all five words we exchanged. He's watching football now and I'm happy to be alone. Speaking of alone - like you, I have come to treasure my alone time. I can be alone for days and be just fine with it. When J is around, though, I tend to gather more people just to break the silence. Which is why it seems like I'm always with other people. On an average day, though, like tomorrow will be one, I will come home from the bus stop and not talk to another soul the entire day until the kids get home. I usually don't even answer the phone. I love that solitude and I used to think there was something wrong with it, but now I'm just grateful for it. I'm grateful for my ability to enjoy it, I mean. Some day, I'm fairly sure I'm going to be alone whether I choose it or not, so the fact that I can not only handle it, but love it, is comforting to me.

I want to finish my book tonight and move onto the second one, so I'll sign off for now. I sent you an email with blog questions...did you get it?

Hope you're feeling better in the a.m. If you want to call tomorrow, I'll answer the phone! :)
Love,
A