It Doesn't Take Much

Oh Barb, I do love you! You have a way of making me feel validated, even when I might be freaking out for real. Thank you. And I will stop asking if it's ok for me to vent here - of course it is. This is all part of learning to honor myself. It's ok not to be happy all the time and it's ok to express that.

M and I came to a truce - I told him I was sorry he had failed his test, and that I knew he must be upset with himself, and that I had taken his disappointment away from him by making it my own. (I learned that in Love and Logic). He seemed a little taken aback and responded with "Thanks, and thanks for taking me today." Then he went off to (I'm sure) smoke pot with his friends. He came back with those ridiculous slatted "sunglasses" on (do you know what I'm talking about?) and I asked him to take them off at the dinner table. He did, but his hair covers 3/4 of his face so how would I know if he was stoned? I'll have to spend some time surfing the net tomorrow to figure out how to tell. So far, none of the regular tell tale signs are here - he doesn't smell like it or anything. Except, get this, earlier today he went upstairs and used Listerine in the middle of the afternoon. When I asked him why, he said because it tasted good. Right! Of course. What the f*** is that?? Anyway, my only consolation is that the two kids he was with before dinner are two kids I know aren't into drugs. (How do I know? I don't know. I just think I know.) Man, I thought I'd be the perfect mom to have a druggie kid - I'd know everything. How could I not? Hadn't I done it all, lied about it all, hid it all? Didn't I know all the tricks? Wouldn't I be able to see them coming a mile away when it was my time? No, not so much, as it turns out.

On the flipside, after JJ's shower tonight, he had to take a practice spelling test. He insisted we do it by walkie-talkie, withi him in some remote part of the house and me here downstairs.

"Number 10, annoying."

"a-n-n-o-y-i-n-g."

"Bingo!".

"Roger that! Over and out."

And that was all it took to make my whole day a great one.

Talk to you tomorrow,

Love you lots, A