Lucky

Dear Barb,

Thanks so much for the call last night. It was great to hear your voice and catch up on little stuff. I thought a lot about what you said about my last post. By the time I was done writing it, I was laughing at myself, but on the inside, I really was hurt. Why? Who the f knows. Probably so much underlying stuff that I can hardly see the day to day things clearly. Even in all this soul searching I've been doing, it's still hard to let go of the garbage and shine a positive light on everything.

How about the fact that he went to the pumpkin patch and costume shopping with us the day before? How about the fact that he got JJ the football helmet he's been absolutely dying for (since last Halloween), and then he let him wear it while they played catch? What about taking C to the benefit dinner? And letting M drive the pickup when he hardly gets to drive it himself? What about all the great things he does as a father that just seem to fly out the window the minute I don't get my way?

Having a husband who doesn't want to carve pumpkins is normal. I need to chill out. I need to expect less and be grateful for more; I need to stop seeking perfection and the white picket fence family and allow this life I do have to blossom in its own unique greatness.

M is not in jail, even if he's not always making good choices.
C has an awesome job, even if her social life is a little lacking.
JJ is kind, even if he can't shut his mouth.
And J is loving and honest and loyal, even if he doesn't like to carve pumpkins.

I'm lucky.

Love, A