Pity Party

Dear Barb,

Check out the cake JJ won at the cake walk last night! How cool is that? I must say, though, as cool as it looked, it tasted atrocious and we ended up throwing it in the garbage. It could have been on Ace of Cakes, though; I was totally impressed with whatever mom whipped that baby up for the fall festival.

The festival was ok - they tried a different theme this year and I personally didn't think it was all that successful, but who am I to judge? I'm such a rookie PTA mom. The kids had a good time, anyway, and JJ was pretty psyched to have won something. We ended up leaving much earlier than planned since there wasn't much to offer there; besides, the WS game we thought was rained out actually wasn't, so T was in a hurry to get home and park his butt in front of the Phillies. We ordered a pizza and K came over - R is still in Australia - with a friend visiting from Chicago.

I decided not to drink last night. S was more than delighted to make me a cup of tea (she's a serious tea afficionado) even though she knows tea's not my thing. It just sounded good. Indeed, it was; it was a coconut tea that, with a cube of raw sugar, was exactly what I wanted. I wasn't trying to make a statement, or see if I could do it; alcohol just really wasn't appealing at all. I was afraid I'd get a headache or not be able to sleep. Plus, I think I must be carrying around at least 10 lbs of bloat weight from all the booze I drink. By the time the game was over though, I was exhausted; I could have fallen asleep on my feet.

Today didn't quite go as I had planned. I think I may have made the mistake of assuming certain things were going to happen that no one else had voted on. Last night, J had made some comment about not wanting to carve pumpkins today and C and I both told him not to be stupid, of course he was going to carve pumpkins, it's a family thing. Well, this morning I asked him if he had meant that, that he wasn't going to carve pumpkins. "I dunno," he says, "I don't know if I will or not." Because it's boring? Messy? Stupid? Not something you enjoy doing? You couldn't just do it for the family, could you?

But I don't say that. I have learned not to say that because ultimately, I hate feeling like I'm begging him to do things he doesn't want to do, whether it's for the kids or the family, or me, or whomever. He went out to mow the lawn and I wrote for bit, then C packed up her things (and her uncarved pumpkins) and went home. I decorated the front porch and JJ took his pumpkin next door to carve it with the neighbors. M, although actually in the house (which is rare) wouldn't be interested in carving a pumpkin any more than he would be in having his left arm removed.

If I could feel any sorrier for myself, believe me, I would. Could I have carved with C and JJ this afternoon? Probably. No one appeared to be all that interested in it (C said she was going to do it with friends at home) and JJ got the invite to go next door....so.....why should I try so hard? I think I just thought in my head that everyone was into it, and that it would be a cool thing to do as a family, but ...well, this is how it usually goes with "family stuff" around here. I should know better.

If I had money, I think I'd duck out and go see a movie, but like you, I'm flat broke. So I'll probably write a little more, maybe read some, plan for my three day hiatus from J as he's going out of town tomorrow until Wednesday. It's always nice when feeling alone and living alone are in sync for a bit.

OMG would you listen to me!! I'm laughing out loud at myself, just so you know. I better stop before I drown.

Love you,
A