Decadence

Hello, Amanda.

After spending a couple of bills on alcohol this afternoon, I took myself out to dinner. Who am I? I indulged in a 3 course prix fixe dinner at one of my favorite restaurants. I started with a roasted beet salad with greens and goat cheese and candied walnuts tossed in a sherry vinaigrette. It was delicious. For my entree I chose the petit filet, which was surrounded by roasted potatoes and crispy bits of bacon, caramelized onions and bite size florets of cauliflower, all atop a Bearnaise that was decadent. A top-10 meal. For my third, dessert course I had them wrap up a chocolate cheesecake with biscotti and berries to go. I may get around to that tomorrow....

I am struggling with W, while he is being proud and holding off on getting together because he can't comfortably foot the bill. Telling him we can do nothing, i.e., hang out here and watch movies and eat in, or that I will cover our bar tabs has been met with resistance. He thinks I don't understand where he is coming from; I tell him I do, that I'm not offering to pay his bills, simply willing to cover our costs while he looks for work because I think it's important for us to spend time together. I stop just short of saying I didn't sign up for a pen pal. Tonight--instead of listening to him moan and groan and make me feel like a stupid, naive little cheerleader--I went out for that meal, and kept my phone in my purse for all three courses.

What gets me is that I used to do things like that all the time, but lately a random night out for me is reactive. Since being with him, I rarely go out alone. Even last Friday night, when I went to that local place and ran into people I knew, felt like a reaction to his not coming down to visit. I don't want to be that person who only goes out with my boyfriend or goes out alone when I'm pissed off at my boyfriend. It's ridiculous. I'm oversimplifying (or am I over complicating?) but I know you get where I'm coming from, if only because you get how I work, how my Gemini mind is prone to MTM disease.

Okay, one more chilled amaretto and maybe a forkful of that cheesecake and I'm ready for bed.

Hope you had a good day, a good meal, or a good work out today.

Love,
Barb