New Bumper Sticker:

MY DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY IS WORSE THAN YOUR DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY

Hey,

I'm sorry you are having relative craziness in your life too. I hope it all works out - I was right there with you on the staying in Boston and having an extra slice of chocolate delight instead. :-)

It's only 8:15 but I feel like it's midnight. We had basketball starting at 4:00 this afternoon and right up to dinner (McD's), after which I dropped JJ off at his coach's house to go to practice. J decided to stay home so I invited K over for a drink...and who should show up on the doorstep at exactly the same moment she did? Yup, M.

Duffle bag in hand, he came to the front door and I asked "Are you home?" He replied, "If that's ok." He didn't want to talk, he didn't even seem all that friendly or warm; my gut is that S's mom told him he couldn't stay there, and he truly has nowhere else to go, short of a bridge in Tacoma.

My meeting with MC went well today; I managed to spill three months of information and facts and details in about 15 minutes, then I was able to process some of it. While I did not get the answer I thought I was seeking, to the question, "What do I do now?", I did leave with some clarity: Let go, let God. Just get out of your own way; you don't need to call every hotline and every counseling agency and you don't need to devise some underhanded way to get him committed to a psych ward tonight. You don't need to register him for some boot camp private school in Wyoming. Just let it go.

And I did, and look what happened. She even made the point that as long as I keep trying to make things better with him, being the one to patch things up and smooth things over, he will never have to take responsibility for his own actions. He won't ever have to own up and apologize, or be the one who makes the first move.

Here's the kicker: I go upstairs to give J a head's up that he's home (he was changing clothes) and he starts in on me with all these questions. Like, if he doesn't want to talk now, will he be required to talk at some point? Or are we just supposed to go on like nothing happened? Are you thinking of laying down some ground rules?

And I'm standing there, completely dumbfounded, because A) he thinks everything's right with us since I curled up to him last night and 2) how in the world should I know what I'm going to do now? I haven't given it more than 50 minutes of thought and analysis; I haven't made any plans, I didn't expect him to come back at all, let alone this soon. Are you f***ing kidding me? What's my plan? Buddy, my plan is to go downstairs and throw back a bottle of my better red with K. That's about as far out as my agenda goes. Check in with me later.

Good lord, could this family be any more dysfunctional? K left a few moments ago and I went upstairs (while I'm still sober) to see if M wanted to talk. No, he was asleep. So here I am. JJ walked in just now and hopped in the shower; J walked in right after him and sat down in front of the tv. (He retreated to T's as soon as K and I opened the bottle of wine.)

I am expecting a call from the intervention specialist at school tomorrow, thanks to the Principal, with whom I spoke this afternoon. We're supposed to go camping Saturday morning, but I really, really, really don't want to go. And if M decides to fight us on going, where exactly am I supposed to leave him? Which means that we will have to force him to go with us, which will be perfectly miserable, as if camping, and camping in February, weren't already the last two things on earth I want to do this weekend.

I am so tired of dealing with this alone....I bow to every single mother ever, even the crack moms. I think I'll have another glass of this fabulous Malbec that my friend Jimmy (the wine distributor) sent to me at the Silpada party, via his wife. Malbec is one of my very favorites and this one is particularly yummy.

Did I mention that I'm 3/4 of the way through Then She Found Me? Way better than Isabel's Bed. I'm actually liking it quite a bit, although I'm having some character issues with Alice. I'll say more when I'm finished. I just have this awful picture of unshaved legs and Dansko clogs, and it's hard to get into the sex scenes with that vision in my head. No further comment until I'm done.

Which may be tonight...I think I'll curl up and read for a bit before bed. Tomorrow, Fri. Treats and grocery/trip shopping (argh!) and packing (double argh!). But, did I tell you that tomorrow night we get another girl's night out? Only this one you can't really make fun of, because it's really legit. The daughter of my friend S, (high-powered executive married to hot stay-home-dad), is in her freshman year at a local university. Tomorrow night is the opening night of The Vagina Monologues at her school, and T (the daughter) has scored the part of Moderator. There are about a dozen neighbor girls meeting for Mexican Happy Hour in downtown Tacoma, then going to the play together afterward. I'm traveling with S and Kim; K backed out at the last minute. No matter, we'll have a blast I'm sure.

Ok, that's about it. I ended up spending my afternoon napping instead of writing, so I haven't made much progress. Baby steps. One thing at a time. Let go, let God.

Love you,
A