One Foot in Front of the Other

Hi there, B.

Just a short note before I turn in...thanks for the supportive words yesterday. I hope you had a wonderful time with S and stayed to meet her friends. And get with the program, wouldya? HMS3 is out on DVD. Duh.

We went to a painfully boring 50th birthday party this evening (a painfully Christian non-drinking family) ...woo hoo! They are friends of ours from camping whose girls have grown up with M and were dying to see him. Of course he didn't go with us, so we had to make up some white lie about why not. Not the kind of people you want to discuss this sort of thing with. They'd get everyone and God on a task force to save him. And us.

Quick update on the rollercoaster of my life: turns out the big blowup on Wednesday night was a good thing for J and me; we have been jokingly calling ourselves the GWAGA, Grownups Who Are Getting Along. We've been talking a lot and have agreed to get back into counseling on a long-term, goal oriented basis. We have some friends (P&C, P works for J) who have basically lived this nightmare word for word. Their family situation (step kids, etc) is exactly the same as ours and their problems started when their son was nine. He is 23 now, and on his way to prison for 5 to 10 years for robbery. So their story didn't end happily, or hasn't ended yet, if that's a more positive way to look at it. We aren't particularly close with them, but it's amazing how you can connect in an instant with someone who gets it. C has already given me a lot of information and has been so supportive; it's eerie how parallel the stories are, but comforting and validating at the same time. She hooked me up with a parent support group that they went to for awhile and found very helpful and healing. So I'll be going to that on Wednesday night; the only reason J isn't going is because he'll be out of town on business.

One of the things we've been working on is getting on the same page and trying to communicate better. We know we have to be there for JJ; Friday I took him with me to get the coffee table, then took him to McD's for breakfast and let him be an hour late to school. Today, J and I went to his first baseball game then took him to the sporting goods store to get all his equipment for the season. J played catch with him while I made lunch and we tried to spend as much time together as we could today. JJ went with us to this awful party and I'm surprised he didn't slip into a coma. Instead, we got in the car to leave and he said, all cheery and JJ-like, "Well, that was fun!" God I love that kid.

Tomorrow is my big Jonas Bros date (which JJ did talk JK into going to) and I'm looking forward to it very much. My new friend ST, from Friday Treats, was worried that I had too much on my plate to deal with it, but honestly, I just have to keep doing normal things. Today, driving home, we saw M on the street with S and some other kid. He had gotten a haircut. That freaked me out. Like, who paid for that? Who took him there? Plus, when we saw him, it was right in the middle of his scheduled work shift today, which means he either called in and said he was homeless and couldn't get his uniform (which he could, I would have let him) or he simply didn't go and will now get fired. I wanted so much to stop the car and talk to him, but what would I say? We're beyond come home, or why aren't you at work? at this point. I felt really helpless driving by; fortunately he was on the opposite side of the highway and didn't even see us. I keep waiting for the phone to ring - a call from the cops, probably. I keep waiting for some magic answer to fall from the sky that will point me in the right direction. P and C kept saying, over and over again, this is not your fault. This is not a reflection on your parenting. This is not about you. It's become my mantra; it has to.

I hope to write more in the morning over my Sunday coffee but won't make a promise.
Love, A
P.S. Obviously did not get killed in Lakewood. New table is perfect. Not worth attaching a picture, but perfect.