Yuk

Hey there.

I so meant to write today but --- don't know what happened. I wish I had something happy and positive to write about - I could lie and say all is well here, but it's not. M is gone again - according to him, he's moving in with S. S's mom is bugging me with texts and phone calls and I just can't talk to her. J had a meltdown with M last night and told him to "get the f out, you're not welcome in my house anymore." That was just super, especially with JJ looking on, crying. I swear to God, I ought to just sell this house and move into a trailer; at least my surroundings would fit with my environment. At least there would be better feng shui, you know, if the two matched up better. As you can imagine, this all ended with JJ crying himself to sleep while in my arms, M leaving, and J and I getting into a way-too-late-at-night blowup that left me unable to sleep and paralyzed by morning.

I did manage to make my breakfast date with KB, which was good, since it got me showered and out of the house first thing. I ran a bunch of errands before going home, including stopping at the School district and picking up all the necessary forms for applying to substitute. It was one of those days where I was able to scratch off most of the things on my list, because everything just happened to be open, or on sale, or didn't have a big line, or whatever. I even found a "new" coffee table on Craig's list that's similar enough to the one that was smashed into pieces by J's foot last night. $25. Ugly, oak, used. Just like the old one. I'm picking it up in the morning at some storage place in Lakewood - which will require my leaving a text trail with K in the event that I am kidnapped and killed there, which is not entirely unlikely. Lakewood is one of the most commonly filmed cities on COPS, by the way. What a legacy.

I got a nap in this afternoon and was glad I skipped the movie with the girls. I read some of my book and got the sub application all filled out. I got to baseball on time, with almost two hours to sit and read my book. Instead, I ended up on the phone with my sister-in-law, asking her not to harbor M should he turn up on her door step looking for an empty couch. Then J showed up and we sat in the car and he tried to apologize for things last night but Barb, to be honest, I'm so tired I can't even care right now.

We sat through another hour of basketball after that and we're finally home. We finished dinner at 8:45. You wondered if 8:00 wasn't a bit late for 9 year olds to have a game...tell me about it. I don't have A tomorrow morning; I'm tempted to let JJ sleep in and just drive him to school whenever we wake up....the minute I said that I realized I have to meet the coffee table guy at 9:00. So much for sleeping in....

Tomorrow I will wake up positive, still without answers, but I will try to look positively at things: J didn't actually leave me, as he indicated he was going to. M is not on the streets, at the very least. I have a healthy, normal child left at home. I will be employed by next week. I have Friday Treats tomorrow.

Sorry to be such a downer.
Love,
A