Hi, Amanda.
Thanks for the quick hello...Mine will be the same.
I ran errands after school then out for some cheap eats (mussels at my local place) and a couple glasses of wine. I still had that coupon for a free app at Friday's, but I wasn't in the mood for the loud music and the corporate pour. Instead, I was happy to pay 4.50 for mussels and 4.oo for a glass of wine. Of course I didn't stop at one glass, but.... (I wonder, by the way, if restaurants around you, as here, are offering happy hour prices on appetizers and 3 course prix fixe menus at higher end places.) Anyway, I got home around 6 and have been worthless since. It probably didn't help that I got another migraine at around 3. ( That's 4 in 5 days...almost alarming enough to go to the doctor.)
I'm glad you had a good, grown-up lunch with J and your brother. Sounds like it was what you needed. I hope you enjoy your visit with C and won't expect to here from you here. Read: I won't guilt trip you if you don't write. ;-) Please tell her I say hello! I will call Thursday though if I don't hear from you first. I will be thinking of you, as always.
Love you!
Barb
PS I need a signature drink...
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
quick hello
Hey you.
Thought I'd check in now before heading to baseball in the event that I don't make it back to the computer later this evening. I'm glad to hear that things were somewhat diffused with N and that you didn't have to resign. I'm also so glad you stood up for yourself!
Like I said, we're headed to a game, which isn't exactly my dream ending to this day, but whatever. It's not raining. No, it's not nice out, it's just not raining. I had a pretty good day (6am at the gym!!) - got the HD cable figured out, did some research on delinquent teenagers, then met J and my brother for lunch in the city. We're thinking of doing a re-fi on the house; if Bro J does it for us, he gets the commission so it works for everyone. We ended up spending 20 minutes on business and the next hour and a half on TIM. It was a great time, really, despite the topic. He's very supportive. Plus, we went to this awesome Mexican place - enjoyed my signature (these days) Manhattan and eating out like a grown up.
By the time I got home, it was after 3 and now here we are...walking out the door again. Casey's due in tonight for the rest of the week and I'm very much looking forward to that. I know I promised to write this morning and I didn't, so I won't make any promises for tomorrow. Hope you had a good Tuesday...
Love, A
Thought I'd check in now before heading to baseball in the event that I don't make it back to the computer later this evening. I'm glad to hear that things were somewhat diffused with N and that you didn't have to resign. I'm also so glad you stood up for yourself!
Like I said, we're headed to a game, which isn't exactly my dream ending to this day, but whatever. It's not raining. No, it's not nice out, it's just not raining. I had a pretty good day (6am at the gym!!) - got the HD cable figured out, did some research on delinquent teenagers, then met J and my brother for lunch in the city. We're thinking of doing a re-fi on the house; if Bro J does it for us, he gets the commission so it works for everyone. We ended up spending 20 minutes on business and the next hour and a half on TIM. It was a great time, really, despite the topic. He's very supportive. Plus, we went to this awesome Mexican place - enjoyed my signature (these days) Manhattan and eating out like a grown up.
By the time I got home, it was after 3 and now here we are...walking out the door again. Casey's due in tonight for the rest of the week and I'm very much looking forward to that. I know I promised to write this morning and I didn't, so I won't make any promises for tomorrow. Hope you had a good Tuesday...
Love, A
Monday, March 30, 2009
A Brief Glimpse
Hello there.
Thanks so much for your encouraging post this morning. It really was a great accompaniment to my coffee, which incidentally tasted particularly good this morning. Anyway, I made it through the day... but not without another migraine. First period, just after I scheduled a meeting with N through his secretary, I started strobing, then I started preparing for the meeting. I had no choice. In doing so, I found out that N's story was wrong. Either he didn't do his homework (and there's a high probability of that) or he changed his story once I had the facts. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
C came in with me as my union representative. (I said, "C is here with me so I can be on the record, and as a way to insure that I stay professional and not familiar.) Because I had done my homework I knew his need to usurp my authority unnecessary (kid isn't in jazz band, it's wind ensemble, and that has been a 1/2 credit course for the three years he's been in it; i.e, it's not a change N made and needs to repair)(oh, and btw, the recommendations he does have are POOR so he probably won't get in anyway). I backed off a little since I didn't need to resign, but I did make it clear that the executive decision he was proposing to make would have had ramifications I didn't think he had considered and would have upended the entire application process. I also let him know that had his original story been the case (it used to be an activity and now kids get credit) it would have required some review and evaluation by the NHS faculty committee. I said my piece.
Thing is, I don't think he gets it. I don't think he'll take even a minute to reflect and say, Wow, even Barb is coming in with union representation. I've alienated even her. Such a shame. At least I did my thing...and I kept my cool, thanks in part to you, to being able to process and prepare with you and D and C and F. Being prepared made it much easier to to leave my emotions (read: passion) aside and be businesslike, calm and collected. And right! Yay me.
That's enough of that.
Thanks for your white light about W too. He hasn't heard yet to schedule that second interview, but I hope it will be in the next day or two. And he is still on board for the creative visualization. Funny, he and I had kind of an unexpected tender moment last night--unrelated to this though, so new paragraph.
While I was at my mom's he sent me a picture via cell phone (that's not texting, so what is it?) of his new nephew, born in December. I've seen pictures already, and he is adorable, so I'm not sure what prompted it--other than maybe I was with my nieces and nephews and it made him think of his. As a joke, I almost texted, Want one? but I didn't want to give him a stroke. You and I know well that sometimes tone isn't conveyed via text or email. But later, when I got to speak with him I told him that whole bit, and he did the no thank you! and we laughed and that was that. Now W and I have talked about the fact that it's too late in our lives and a commitment we didn't think we could make to have children, so we've agreed--did from the beginning--we'd have no kids and but that's it. So I found it sweet when we talked again later (because we talk 10 times a day) and he brought it up. I know we're on the same page, and no thank you, but boy if we did, they'd be pretty, hu? , he said. Yes they would, I agreed, and continued, I guess if we had met 15 or 20 years ago, we could have seen for ourselves, but not in this life. I'm not quite sure why that meant so much, but it did.
Whoa. I am just clicking away with my keyboard diarrhea. Sorry. I guess I just wanted to fill you in on the N issue, but didn't want to end on that sour story. I wanted to end with something a little sweeter....
Thanks again for letting me vent last night and thanks for reading. Hope you're having a good day.
Love,
Barb
Thanks so much for your encouraging post this morning. It really was a great accompaniment to my coffee, which incidentally tasted particularly good this morning. Anyway, I made it through the day... but not without another migraine. First period, just after I scheduled a meeting with N through his secretary, I started strobing, then I started preparing for the meeting. I had no choice. In doing so, I found out that N's story was wrong. Either he didn't do his homework (and there's a high probability of that) or he changed his story once I had the facts. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
C came in with me as my union representative. (I said, "C is here with me so I can be on the record, and as a way to insure that I stay professional and not familiar.) Because I had done my homework I knew his need to usurp my authority unnecessary (kid isn't in jazz band, it's wind ensemble, and that has been a 1/2 credit course for the three years he's been in it; i.e, it's not a change N made and needs to repair)(oh, and btw, the recommendations he does have are POOR so he probably won't get in anyway). I backed off a little since I didn't need to resign, but I did make it clear that the executive decision he was proposing to make would have had ramifications I didn't think he had considered and would have upended the entire application process. I also let him know that had his original story been the case (it used to be an activity and now kids get credit) it would have required some review and evaluation by the NHS faculty committee. I said my piece.
Thing is, I don't think he gets it. I don't think he'll take even a minute to reflect and say, Wow, even Barb is coming in with union representation. I've alienated even her. Such a shame. At least I did my thing...and I kept my cool, thanks in part to you, to being able to process and prepare with you and D and C and F. Being prepared made it much easier to to leave my emotions (read: passion) aside and be businesslike, calm and collected. And right! Yay me.
That's enough of that.
Thanks for your white light about W too. He hasn't heard yet to schedule that second interview, but I hope it will be in the next day or two. And he is still on board for the creative visualization. Funny, he and I had kind of an unexpected tender moment last night--unrelated to this though, so new paragraph.
While I was at my mom's he sent me a picture via cell phone (that's not texting, so what is it?) of his new nephew, born in December. I've seen pictures already, and he is adorable, so I'm not sure what prompted it--other than maybe I was with my nieces and nephews and it made him think of his. As a joke, I almost texted, Want one? but I didn't want to give him a stroke. You and I know well that sometimes tone isn't conveyed via text or email. But later, when I got to speak with him I told him that whole bit, and he did the no thank you! and we laughed and that was that. Now W and I have talked about the fact that it's too late in our lives and a commitment we didn't think we could make to have children, so we've agreed--did from the beginning--we'd have no kids and but that's it. So I found it sweet when we talked again later (because we talk 10 times a day) and he brought it up. I know we're on the same page, and no thank you, but boy if we did, they'd be pretty, hu? , he said. Yes they would, I agreed, and continued, I guess if we had met 15 or 20 years ago, we could have seen for ourselves, but not in this life. I'm not quite sure why that meant so much, but it did.
Whoa. I am just clicking away with my keyboard diarrhea. Sorry. I guess I just wanted to fill you in on the N issue, but didn't want to end on that sour story. I wanted to end with something a little sweeter....
Thanks again for letting me vent last night and thanks for reading. Hope you're having a good day.
Love,
Barb
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Late Night Sunday
Hey,
Quick good morning to you, since you do have to go to school and I do not have to get up. I just spent the evening with S, just the two of us, for the most part. J got called out early on and since S's kids were sick, T stayed home with them. S came over around 7:00 and the two of us enjoyed a lovely steak dinner while perusing the deck design books J and I bought this weekend. (You will see, in August, why I always consult S for any kind of yard/garden ideas. She might as well work for BH&G as will be obvious in August, when her entire yard looks like something off the Martha Stewart show.) We had a great evening, ending just now with me putting JJ to bed at 11:30 and feeling quite wiped out myself. J went to bed long ago, which is fine...we've had such a wonderful weekend together that curling up to his warm, snoring body will be a treat in itself.
Sending you white light for dealing with N today, sending more for W and the job...let me know how it all goes!
Love,
A
Quick good morning to you, since you do have to go to school and I do not have to get up. I just spent the evening with S, just the two of us, for the most part. J got called out early on and since S's kids were sick, T stayed home with them. S came over around 7:00 and the two of us enjoyed a lovely steak dinner while perusing the deck design books J and I bought this weekend. (You will see, in August, why I always consult S for any kind of yard/garden ideas. She might as well work for BH&G as will be obvious in August, when her entire yard looks like something off the Martha Stewart show.) We had a great evening, ending just now with me putting JJ to bed at 11:30 and feeling quite wiped out myself. J went to bed long ago, which is fine...we've had such a wonderful weekend together that curling up to his warm, snoring body will be a treat in itself.
Sending you white light for dealing with N today, sending more for W and the job...let me know how it all goes!
Love,
A
Sunless Sunday
Dear Amanda,
Okay, when it snows like crazy here in New England we get an inch and hour. A half inch is a dusting, from a flurry, not after it snows like crazy all night long. lol Yet another case of it's all relative....Today sucks here, though. It's not anything like yesterday. Instead it's been cold and rainy and clammy and in the 40s all day today. We'll be back in the 50s tomorrow, but I didn't see 60 anywhere in the 5 day forecast. The stops and starts of a New England spring.
Just got back from my mom's, which was good. She made turkey dinner (she kills me). Unsolicited I made a spinach salad with bacon and thin, thin, thin red onions and a warm vinaigrette. It all went. Unfortunately, my mom's tossed salad was untouched. I guess I probably should have called to tell her not to make a salad. Actually, I take that back. If I had told her I'd bring the salad she would have put up a fuss and said not to. And I wanted to. Anyway, that's the food. As far as the company and tone....tense at times as always. I'm just so over V's dirty looks and demeaning sighs. I can't stand it. But it was great to see the kids and L and J and just hang out on a day that was meant for hanging out....
Which is what I am doing now, on my own. I am not looking forward to tomorrow and revisiting the conversation my principal had with me (yeah, we didn't have a conversation, he came in and told me what he decided would happen with an NHS issue) at all. Anway, while hanging out I figure I may as well finish this bottle of wine that I started last night while watching Without Reservations before I call it a night. I actually may give you a call to get your take on this whole ridiculous issue...but if not...
I'm glad to hear you had a great Saturday. Hope today is good too.
Love, Barb
Okay, when it snows like crazy here in New England we get an inch and hour. A half inch is a dusting, from a flurry, not after it snows like crazy all night long. lol Yet another case of it's all relative....Today sucks here, though. It's not anything like yesterday. Instead it's been cold and rainy and clammy and in the 40s all day today. We'll be back in the 50s tomorrow, but I didn't see 60 anywhere in the 5 day forecast. The stops and starts of a New England spring.
Just got back from my mom's, which was good. She made turkey dinner (she kills me). Unsolicited I made a spinach salad with bacon and thin, thin, thin red onions and a warm vinaigrette. It all went. Unfortunately, my mom's tossed salad was untouched. I guess I probably should have called to tell her not to make a salad. Actually, I take that back. If I had told her I'd bring the salad she would have put up a fuss and said not to. And I wanted to. Anyway, that's the food. As far as the company and tone....tense at times as always. I'm just so over V's dirty looks and demeaning sighs. I can't stand it. But it was great to see the kids and L and J and just hang out on a day that was meant for hanging out....
Which is what I am doing now, on my own. I am not looking forward to tomorrow and revisiting the conversation my principal had with me (yeah, we didn't have a conversation, he came in and told me what he decided would happen with an NHS issue) at all. Anway, while hanging out I figure I may as well finish this bottle of wine that I started last night while watching Without Reservations before I call it a night. I actually may give you a call to get your take on this whole ridiculous issue...but if not...
I'm glad to hear you had a great Saturday. Hope today is good too.
Love, Barb
Too Funny!
Um...did I say it was Spring here? This is what we woke up to this morning. Ok, this isn't really my yard. It's a picture of a blizzard somewhere in the midwest, but it did snow like crazy all night long, and we woke up to a good 1/2" dusting today. March 29th. WeirdSo we don't have the windows open, nor do we plan to have the car windows open as we head out shopping this afternoon. Sunglasses may be in order, but only for glare, not the promise of summer.
So far, this has been a great weekend. Friday night I did go over to my PTA friend's house for Bunco. It was pretty fun; there were many people there I didn't know and most of them (except S's mom) were waaaaaay younger than I. There was a pregnant woman there and I was laughing to myself, thinking the only pregnant people I know anymore are daughters of friends. But we had a good time and I was able to cut out early when J and JJ picked me up after baseball. Saturday morning we headed out for a 9:00 game but after a half an hour of standing around at the field, the coaches called a rain-out. We went to Starbucks and had morning coffee then, and afterwards the three of us went to the mall. We spent half the day there, dinking around in the sporting goods store, where J insisted I buy a whole new wardrobe of workout clothes, since they were all on sale and my 5K training started last night. We went out to lunch and finally got home around 5:00...I left the two of them on the couch with JK and went to my 5K thing. It was just an informative kick-off, but I was all geared up to go this morning.
J and T joined me at the gym this morning, which was nice. I had a super workout and a healthy breakfast. Apart from the sinus infection that makes me want to rip my head off, I'm feeling really good today! I even put on this ridiculously juvenile outfit to go out - I'm sure J is mortified but whatever. I bought myself a pair of knock-off Converse sneakers (I've been coveting a pair of Ed Hardy's for about a month now, but I don't think any amount of tax return is going to make $89 for a pair of sneakers acceptable). They're plaid and velcro and totally fun; I complimented that with a t-shirt-under-a-t-shirt (white under bright bright tangerine), that's the part J really hates. He says it makes you look confused, like you couldn't choose which shirt to wear, long or short sleeve, so you just gave up and put them both on.
JJ wanted to go to the local furniture store today to watch the electric trains that run throughout the place on elevated tracks. Weird kid. I'm good with that, though; we're going to check out new kitchen tables and maybe an armchair for the living room.....
...maybe dinner at BLU tonight, if S&T's kids are feeling better. I guess they were barfing this morning, so we'll see. Tomorrow is the first day of spring break, so we really should celebrate by drinking too much and letting the kids stay up late. After all, it is only three months til summer vacation....and snow or no snow, there's no reason we can't start practicing.
Glad to hear you're having such a great weekend. Hope you have/had fun at mom's today and enjoyed time with the kids!
Love you!
A
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Hooray for Saturdays!
...And today is a particularly nice one. It's 60 and sunny, the kind of day you couldn't think of staying indoors. I'm not going hiking or anything, but while I was out doing my errands, I had my sunglasses on and the window down and it was great. Now that I'm home my blinds are dining room window are open and even though I'm not out there, I feel it in here.
I crashed early last night after my Outback special and slept in this morning. My migraine is gone and I feel great. I'm done with my errands so the rest of the day is up to me. I haven't a clue what I want to do....
Tomorrow I have family dinner at my parents' for my mother's 70th birthday (typical Mom: cooking her own birthday dinner!) and L's 45th... which means I get to see S and C :) as well as M and V et. al. Good news is L and J will be there to help diffuse the tension. Dinner isn't until 2 so I'm hoping to get in my workout, my weekend mimosas, and weekly Sunday conversation with D beforehand.
I hope you are having a good weekend, that it's as bright and sunny there as it is here.
Love you!
Barb
Friday, March 27, 2009
Winds of Change
Yay. I love good days! And you definitely deserve one. ;-)
And your night last night sounds awesome start to finish. I would have cried too! How proud you must be.
My day today was mixed. It was pretty good mostly (even my classes!), then at 2:15 when I was doing all my logging off, the principal came to see me about an NHS issue and he f--ed up my mood. When I got in the house I started strobing: my first migraine in a while. I took my meds immediately though, so I'm hoping it doesn't ruin my night.
My plan was to come home and have a lemon drop (in progress) and some shrimp cocktail (thawing), then decide what comes next. Mussels at my local place? A 10 dollar steak dinner at Outback? A free app with any drink purchase at TGIFriday's (with my coupon)? A trip to the grocery store for prosciutto and good Parmesan so I can recreate my Italian arugula and prosciutto pizza? Well, that one is out. There's no way I'm making that tonight. I can't concentrate long enough to get my dough cracker thin. I'm fried. So it's down to the three restaurant choices. Chances are I'll end up at Outback...I love my girls there--and we had some good laughs when W and I were in last weekend. I guess maybe that means that I'm looking for a little company with my dinner, and I know I'll have some there. Looks like I've made up my mind.
W was moved on to the second round of interviews on the spot, so that rocks. Today I was talking to the secretaries in the office, who are all so supportive, and as I told them and they waved crossed fingers in the air, I got chills. Not for the first time I might add. I even said to W this morning, I know you aren't all new age and spiritual like me, but please, take a minute today and picture yourself walking to work. And say out loud, at least once today, "I love my new job at Dana Farber." And--get this--he got on board!...I feel the winds of change...
Talk to you soon.
xo,
Barb
And your night last night sounds awesome start to finish. I would have cried too! How proud you must be.
My day today was mixed. It was pretty good mostly (even my classes!), then at 2:15 when I was doing all my logging off, the principal came to see me about an NHS issue and he f--ed up my mood. When I got in the house I started strobing: my first migraine in a while. I took my meds immediately though, so I'm hoping it doesn't ruin my night.
My plan was to come home and have a lemon drop (in progress) and some shrimp cocktail (thawing), then decide what comes next. Mussels at my local place? A 10 dollar steak dinner at Outback? A free app with any drink purchase at TGIFriday's (with my coupon)? A trip to the grocery store for prosciutto and good Parmesan so I can recreate my Italian arugula and prosciutto pizza? Well, that one is out. There's no way I'm making that tonight. I can't concentrate long enough to get my dough cracker thin. I'm fried. So it's down to the three restaurant choices. Chances are I'll end up at Outback...I love my girls there--and we had some good laughs when W and I were in last weekend. I guess maybe that means that I'm looking for a little company with my dinner, and I know I'll have some there. Looks like I've made up my mind.
W was moved on to the second round of interviews on the spot, so that rocks. Today I was talking to the secretaries in the office, who are all so supportive, and as I told them and they waved crossed fingers in the air, I got chills. Not for the first time I might add. I even said to W this morning, I know you aren't all new age and spiritual like me, but please, take a minute today and picture yourself walking to work. And say out loud, at least once today, "I love my new job at Dana Farber." And--get this--he got on board!...I feel the winds of change...
Talk to you soon.
xo,
Barb
A Good Day!
Hey there.
Yay on the W front!! Please keep me posted about the job and I will definitely be sending white light his way!
About five minutes ago, I was filled with all kinds of writing inspiration so I sat down to get started. Then I started reading everyone else's blogs and now I'm roadblocked. I'm in a good mood today, let's start there, I guess.
I am thankful for little things today: Even though the washer repair guy never showed up yesterday, he did show up first thing this morning, and it cost me less than $200 to fix it. Someone is covering for me at Friday Treats because of that, and because that sinus infection is back, two-fold. I have the whole day now, with nowhere to go and nothing to do, AND I have digital music on my new HD TV setup thingie (technical term).
We had an awesome evening last night, J and I. I dropped JJ off at his baseball game in the care of our "new" friends, A&F, whose son is on the team. We have known them for years through sports and school and such, but have never gotten to know them until now. Turns out they are very cool and fun and we're having a great time hanging out with new people. Anyway, the reason we didn't go to JJ's game was because J was going to win an award at a community dinner last night, so we went to that. I wasn't so excited about a prime rib dinner at the big hurkin' Koolaid church, but this community summit is, evidently, a pretty big deal. My crack friend, JT, is very involved in some of the task forces and has been trying to get me involved too. After having been to one of the breakout sessions, I definitely will. I could only make it to one forum (they went all day) but it was worth it. Anyway, at 6 everyone went into the main area (of this huge church) and there were tables all set up - really a class act. Dinner was great, the highschool band serenaded us while we ate. There was a keynote speaker, some guy who works with youth and is very entertaining, then they presented a bunch of awards to various people. John was honored with the Unsung Hero award (the plaque is really pretty and unique). Many people from his office were there and we had a big table full of fire people to enjoy the evening with. My favorite moment ~~~ there were many people who won awards and after each one, the room broke into applause. (There had to be 200 people there.) When J went up there, he shook hands with the MC and the other recipients and when he turned around, had a standing ovation. He teared up, S and I started crying; what a great moment. I'm so glad I went.
When it was over, we were supposed to go pick up JJ at A & F's house, but she had texted me that they were at the local Italian place for a late dinner. We headed over there and met up with them and another family we know pretty well; we had a great time just yakking and drinking wine and the kids all hanging out...we didn't get home until after 10!! Still, it was just a great evening, start to finish. :-)
Things with TIM are per usual - found out that crazy mom applied for free lunch for M under the homeless act; seriously, he qualifies for that as a runaway, even though he is, in no way, homeless or disadvantaged. No wonder our government is a gazillion dollars in debt. Jesus! I had to make a slew of phone calls to make sure that she hadn't tried to forge my name or anything; I'm telling you, she's a Nut Job. I just can't wait until Thursday and this whole thing will come to some kind of a head.
I'm on a roll to clean my house today; K called to ask if I wanted to go to Nordstrom and I actually passed on it! I'm supposed to go to PTA friend S's tonight for drinks so I'd like to get something productive done today. I hope your Friday is going well and that W hears something before the weekend!
Love,
A
Yay on the W front!! Please keep me posted about the job and I will definitely be sending white light his way!
About five minutes ago, I was filled with all kinds of writing inspiration so I sat down to get started. Then I started reading everyone else's blogs and now I'm roadblocked. I'm in a good mood today, let's start there, I guess.
I am thankful for little things today: Even though the washer repair guy never showed up yesterday, he did show up first thing this morning, and it cost me less than $200 to fix it. Someone is covering for me at Friday Treats because of that, and because that sinus infection is back, two-fold. I have the whole day now, with nowhere to go and nothing to do, AND I have digital music on my new HD TV setup thingie (technical term).
We had an awesome evening last night, J and I. I dropped JJ off at his baseball game in the care of our "new" friends, A&F, whose son is on the team. We have known them for years through sports and school and such, but have never gotten to know them until now. Turns out they are very cool and fun and we're having a great time hanging out with new people. Anyway, the reason we didn't go to JJ's game was because J was going to win an award at a community dinner last night, so we went to that. I wasn't so excited about a prime rib dinner at the big hurkin' Koolaid church, but this community summit is, evidently, a pretty big deal. My crack friend, JT, is very involved in some of the task forces and has been trying to get me involved too. After having been to one of the breakout sessions, I definitely will. I could only make it to one forum (they went all day) but it was worth it. Anyway, at 6 everyone went into the main area (of this huge church) and there were tables all set up - really a class act. Dinner was great, the highschool band serenaded us while we ate. There was a keynote speaker, some guy who works with youth and is very entertaining, then they presented a bunch of awards to various people. John was honored with the Unsung Hero award (the plaque is really pretty and unique). Many people from his office were there and we had a big table full of fire people to enjoy the evening with. My favorite moment ~~~ there were many people who won awards and after each one, the room broke into applause. (There had to be 200 people there.) When J went up there, he shook hands with the MC and the other recipients and when he turned around, had a standing ovation. He teared up, S and I started crying; what a great moment. I'm so glad I went.
When it was over, we were supposed to go pick up JJ at A & F's house, but she had texted me that they were at the local Italian place for a late dinner. We headed over there and met up with them and another family we know pretty well; we had a great time just yakking and drinking wine and the kids all hanging out...we didn't get home until after 10!! Still, it was just a great evening, start to finish. :-)
Things with TIM are per usual - found out that crazy mom applied for free lunch for M under the homeless act; seriously, he qualifies for that as a runaway, even though he is, in no way, homeless or disadvantaged. No wonder our government is a gazillion dollars in debt. Jesus! I had to make a slew of phone calls to make sure that she hadn't tried to forge my name or anything; I'm telling you, she's a Nut Job. I just can't wait until Thursday and this whole thing will come to some kind of a head.
I'm on a roll to clean my house today; K called to ask if I wanted to go to Nordstrom and I actually passed on it! I'm supposed to go to PTA friend S's tonight for drinks so I'd like to get something productive done today. I hope your Friday is going well and that W hears something before the weekend!
Love,
A
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Thoughts and Prayers
Hi, Amanda.
Just got in from Happy Hour with C....although it was more about b*tching and moaning than being happy, since we went after a faculty meeting. Oh well. We did catch up on some other things too, and the mini pulled pork sandwiches were good, so I am not in a foul mood at all. Throw a pork product my way and I'm bound to be happy.
I don't have much else to report, other than W had an interview today with one of the Longwood area hospitals that he felt really good about. I heard it in his voice and then he actually said it's the best he's felt about an interview! So send white light if you could.
I continue to send it your way, and think about you throughout the day.
Love,
Barb
Just got in from Happy Hour with C....although it was more about b*tching and moaning than being happy, since we went after a faculty meeting. Oh well. We did catch up on some other things too, and the mini pulled pork sandwiches were good, so I am not in a foul mood at all. Throw a pork product my way and I'm bound to be happy.
I don't have much else to report, other than W had an interview today with one of the Longwood area hospitals that he felt really good about. I heard it in his voice and then he actually said it's the best he's felt about an interview! So send white light if you could.
I continue to send it your way, and think about you throughout the day.
Love,
Barb
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Random, Unconnected Thoughts
Dear Amanda,
Okay...
A) You lost the chance to be [his] mother? As if it's a f*cking privilege?!?! Um, dude, not a privilege, but a biological fact. You should be so lucky to be born of your mother and not of that white trash b*tch, who clearly gets you only because she too is arrested (no offense) in adolescence. Come 'ere for your reality slap!
2) I'd be happy to do all the cooking while I'm out in August. That will make it vacation for both of us...because, really, what kind of vacation would it be for you if you had to do all the cooking for me? Just take me to the grocery store...
~~~~
Glad to hear you're okay despite TIM. (Great acronym choice, by the way. Insanity today, incarceration tomorrow...)(Ooh. I hope I didn't cross a line.) You and J and JJ seem to be holding each other up (and JJ doesn't even know it!). I love that you played hooky with JJ, and that you watched a movie with him and J at night. That's what I mean about putting your energy where it can actually make a difference. I'm okay too. Today I feel like I got into that creative place, the writer's zone. I wrote last night, and during school today took out my little green notebook and took notes on 3 new topics about which to write. While I was on my way home I started writing an entirely different topic in my head. I almost pulled over so I could write notes, but my brain just kept firing, and I trusted myself to remember the thoughts for 15 minutes. I hadn't had a cocktail, of course; I was only on my way home. lol (Did I tell you I started a new novel/new premise to my old novel last week?)
That was six hours ago, though, so the white wine I had with my sesame noodles (that I made last night with the pasta I didn't put in my arugula and fish dish) and the two glasses I have had since are making me sleepy, calling me away from the page and toward my comfy bed.
Love you, too!-B
Okay...
A) You lost the chance to be [his] mother? As if it's a f*cking privilege?!?! Um, dude, not a privilege, but a biological fact. You should be so lucky to be born of your mother and not of that white trash b*tch, who clearly gets you only because she too is arrested (no offense) in adolescence. Come 'ere for your reality slap!
2) I'd be happy to do all the cooking while I'm out in August. That will make it vacation for both of us...because, really, what kind of vacation would it be for you if you had to do all the cooking for me? Just take me to the grocery store...
~~~~
Glad to hear you're okay despite TIM. (Great acronym choice, by the way. Insanity today, incarceration tomorrow...)(Ooh. I hope I didn't cross a line.) You and J and JJ seem to be holding each other up (and JJ doesn't even know it!). I love that you played hooky with JJ, and that you watched a movie with him and J at night. That's what I mean about putting your energy where it can actually make a difference. I'm okay too. Today I feel like I got into that creative place, the writer's zone. I wrote last night, and during school today took out my little green notebook and took notes on 3 new topics about which to write. While I was on my way home I started writing an entirely different topic in my head. I almost pulled over so I could write notes, but my brain just kept firing, and I trusted myself to remember the thoughts for 15 minutes. I hadn't had a cocktail, of course; I was only on my way home. lol (Did I tell you I started a new novel/new premise to my old novel last week?)
That was six hours ago, though, so the white wine I had with my sesame noodles (that I made last night with the pasta I didn't put in my arugula and fish dish) and the two glasses I have had since are making me sleepy, calling me away from the page and toward my comfy bed.
Love you, too!-B
Right is Relative :)
Heads up: Evidently, not writing for days means I should write for hours.
Good morning!
What a wonderfully inspiring post...thank you so much. Kudos to you for turning your day around! I'm impressed with your positive attitude and wilingness to keep it, in the face of all those idiot teenagers. And thank you, too, for not making excuses for them in order to adjust your perspective. How healthy to simply live the serenity prayer. Change the things I can. You started my day with a big smile!
Yesterday was a good day. I worked the book fair in the morning, which was pretty boring, really. We were in there for four hours, but the kids only came in for short bursts, maybe an hour total in all that time. There was a whole lot of sitting around, and the gals I was with weren't exactly my roudy PTA moms from Friday Treats. (And the librarian, good Lord, what a stereotype -- she actually has the kids call her Madam Librarian.) At any rate, I had a chance to peruse all the new books (and not buy them at full price, but to make a long wish list for my next Amazon coupon). When I was finished there, it was the beginning of JJ's recess...I took him out of school and we went to get his allergy shots. I bribed him with McDonald's, but when we got over there, we were also near The Rock, my favorite pizza place. After a short conversation about it, he chose to go there instead. It was the absolute highlight of my week, maybe my month...a little playing hooky with my kid, sitting in a cool restaurant for no reason at all, just chatting and enjoying the heck out of his company.
I dropped him back off at school and ran a few errands, not attempting too much (lazy ass), but got the big stuff done. When I got home, I was feeling awake and alive and happy and right, as you say. I called JB and chatted with her awhile, which is always good and grounding for me. She's so pragmatic about things. She's a problem solver, an analyst; but somehow she manages to address things with sympathy and softness. She always leaves me feeling a little less sorry for myself, which is always in order.
By the time JJ got home, I was winding down a bit, putting off dealing with the M thing. (I should come up with some kind of code name for this whole debacle, like TIM - The Insanity of M - I crack myself up!) Monday, as I was talking with you on the phone, I found my way to the DSHS office and, from there, to Juvenile Court. Before filling out the hour of necessary paperwork via computer, I reviewed the Family Assessment that LA (our case worker) had written up after the meeting on Friday. Interestingly, instead of a standard psych eval, she recommended a domestic violence eval. She told me that this would be far more comprehensive and far more difficult for him to BS his way out of. Also, she mentioned that since we only suspect drug use, I should ask for an on-the-spot UA right there in court to rule it out. (I guess this is a routine request.) Ha! The little things make me giddy! I am also able to get a no-contact order against the crazy mom if I want to.
I submitted my petition and stood in line behind a string of juvenile delinquents and their tired, frustrated parents, parents to whom I would have referred, a year ago, as trailer trash. Today, I am in that line, my paperwork and my receipts and my case number and my court date in hand. Perhaps my outfit is a little nicer, perhaps my posture is a bit stiffer than theirs, but I am, after all, at the beginning of this journey. I look into their eyes and see the same emotions I feel every day; our situations may be demographically worlds apart, but our hearts are drowning in the same sea. I am no one to judge anymore.
So yesterday, upon arriving home, I had to call LA and figure out what it is I'm supposed to bring to/say in court next Thursday. That's our hearing date - April 2. 8:30am. This is the sort of thing that's normal on my calendar these days. JJ and I hung out a bit and ate dinner, then the phone rang and it was her number. Three times now, in the past month, it has shown up on my caller id and I have chosen not to answer, for fear that it is her and I am not prepared to talk. But this time I picked it up, figuring that at some point, I had to get this over with. Instead, it was M, and boy, was he mad!
An hour later, after listening to his absurdities, accusations and circular reasoning, wherein, among other things, he told me that I had lost my chance to be his mother, that he was never going to speak to me again, and that I was immature and irresponsible because I was going to put him in jail with a bunch of butt-rapists (quote, unquote), the conversation ended with him yelling and me not (yay!) and no resolution as far as he was concerned. He wants me to leave him alone and let him live there and basically remove myself from his life. Yeah, not gonna happen, dude.
Classic M line from the conversation: "Mom, I was not arrested. They had handcuffs there, but they never put them on me." Oh yes, he did.
I managed to compose myself and sit down to a movie with JJ and J, which was really, really good. Not one I would have chosen, or was looking forward to seeing - a sports documentary about highschool girl's basketball that JJ picked - yeah, exactly. But it was awesome and a good distraction. My day ended nicely, then, right up until this horrific noise came screaming out of my laundry room as we were heading up to bed....that would be some part of the washing machine that broke. Because, God knows, we just got a huge tax return back and have nothing better to spend it on than a new f***ing washing machine.
Aaaaaahhhhh...it's Wednesday and I have nothing planned today at all, except more documenting and filing and random crap around the house. If I listen to my good friend, Barb, I will straighten up my shoulders, take a deep breath, and turn my day/week/month around. I will find the courage to change the things I can.
Love you! - A
P.S. your dinner sounded (and looked) like something out of a great restaurant. You are definitely cooking the entire time you're here in August. There would be no point in my offering up anything.
And about that handsful thing...is it blow dried or blew dry? :)
Good morning!
What a wonderfully inspiring post...thank you so much. Kudos to you for turning your day around! I'm impressed with your positive attitude and wilingness to keep it, in the face of all those idiot teenagers. And thank you, too, for not making excuses for them in order to adjust your perspective. How healthy to simply live the serenity prayer. Change the things I can. You started my day with a big smile!
Yesterday was a good day. I worked the book fair in the morning, which was pretty boring, really. We were in there for four hours, but the kids only came in for short bursts, maybe an hour total in all that time. There was a whole lot of sitting around, and the gals I was with weren't exactly my roudy PTA moms from Friday Treats. (And the librarian, good Lord, what a stereotype -- she actually has the kids call her Madam Librarian.) At any rate, I had a chance to peruse all the new books (and not buy them at full price, but to make a long wish list for my next Amazon coupon). When I was finished there, it was the beginning of JJ's recess...I took him out of school and we went to get his allergy shots. I bribed him with McDonald's, but when we got over there, we were also near The Rock, my favorite pizza place. After a short conversation about it, he chose to go there instead. It was the absolute highlight of my week, maybe my month...a little playing hooky with my kid, sitting in a cool restaurant for no reason at all, just chatting and enjoying the heck out of his company.
I dropped him back off at school and ran a few errands, not attempting too much (lazy ass), but got the big stuff done. When I got home, I was feeling awake and alive and happy and right, as you say. I called JB and chatted with her awhile, which is always good and grounding for me. She's so pragmatic about things. She's a problem solver, an analyst; but somehow she manages to address things with sympathy and softness. She always leaves me feeling a little less sorry for myself, which is always in order.
By the time JJ got home, I was winding down a bit, putting off dealing with the M thing. (I should come up with some kind of code name for this whole debacle, like TIM - The Insanity of M - I crack myself up!) Monday, as I was talking with you on the phone, I found my way to the DSHS office and, from there, to Juvenile Court. Before filling out the hour of necessary paperwork via computer, I reviewed the Family Assessment that LA (our case worker) had written up after the meeting on Friday. Interestingly, instead of a standard psych eval, she recommended a domestic violence eval. She told me that this would be far more comprehensive and far more difficult for him to BS his way out of. Also, she mentioned that since we only suspect drug use, I should ask for an on-the-spot UA right there in court to rule it out. (I guess this is a routine request.) Ha! The little things make me giddy! I am also able to get a no-contact order against the crazy mom if I want to.
I submitted my petition and stood in line behind a string of juvenile delinquents and their tired, frustrated parents, parents to whom I would have referred, a year ago, as trailer trash. Today, I am in that line, my paperwork and my receipts and my case number and my court date in hand. Perhaps my outfit is a little nicer, perhaps my posture is a bit stiffer than theirs, but I am, after all, at the beginning of this journey. I look into their eyes and see the same emotions I feel every day; our situations may be demographically worlds apart, but our hearts are drowning in the same sea. I am no one to judge anymore.
So yesterday, upon arriving home, I had to call LA and figure out what it is I'm supposed to bring to/say in court next Thursday. That's our hearing date - April 2. 8:30am. This is the sort of thing that's normal on my calendar these days. JJ and I hung out a bit and ate dinner, then the phone rang and it was her number. Three times now, in the past month, it has shown up on my caller id and I have chosen not to answer, for fear that it is her and I am not prepared to talk. But this time I picked it up, figuring that at some point, I had to get this over with. Instead, it was M, and boy, was he mad!
An hour later, after listening to his absurdities, accusations and circular reasoning, wherein, among other things, he told me that I had lost my chance to be his mother, that he was never going to speak to me again, and that I was immature and irresponsible because I was going to put him in jail with a bunch of butt-rapists (quote, unquote), the conversation ended with him yelling and me not (yay!) and no resolution as far as he was concerned. He wants me to leave him alone and let him live there and basically remove myself from his life. Yeah, not gonna happen, dude.
Classic M line from the conversation: "Mom, I was not arrested. They had handcuffs there, but they never put them on me." Oh yes, he did.
I managed to compose myself and sit down to a movie with JJ and J, which was really, really good. Not one I would have chosen, or was looking forward to seeing - a sports documentary about highschool girl's basketball that JJ picked - yeah, exactly. But it was awesome and a good distraction. My day ended nicely, then, right up until this horrific noise came screaming out of my laundry room as we were heading up to bed....that would be some part of the washing machine that broke. Because, God knows, we just got a huge tax return back and have nothing better to spend it on than a new f***ing washing machine.
Aaaaaahhhhh...it's Wednesday and I have nothing planned today at all, except more documenting and filing and random crap around the house. If I listen to my good friend, Barb, I will straighten up my shoulders, take a deep breath, and turn my day/week/month around. I will find the courage to change the things I can.
Love you! - A
P.S. your dinner sounded (and looked) like something out of a great restaurant. You are definitely cooking the entire time you're here in August. There would be no point in my offering up anything.
And about that handsful thing...is it blow dried or blew dry? :)
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Keeping Right
Dear Barb, I started losing footing today. Already. Just a day later! And so I decided to make my best effort to stay right. After a horrible 2 hours with the most immature 15 year-olds on the planet, the bell rang. I vented with my friend F, whose room is next door, then I decided to stay. I remembered how good I felt just a day before and thought, no, I can't be wrong already, it's too soon to be off. I wanted when I walked out the door not to hate my job, not to want to run home to my martini shaker. So I stayed for another 2 hours, and did things I enjoy doing. I organized a little and I wrote a new quiz, rewrote some notes and questions from a Nova I show, and looked for images of karyotypes I can use on a test I want to re-write. When I left at 4 I was in an entirely different mood than I was when the bell rang at 2.
Oprah was already in progress when I got home, so I watched the rest of it, then got busy in the kitchen. I had made a pilgrimage to Trader Joe's over the weekend and had some ingredients I wanted to use, so my menu was already in my head. With mahi mahi thawing, a new bag of arugula, and a jar of piccata sauce I picked up to test, I was ready to go. I wasn't sure how I'd like the jarred sauce or not, so I didn't want it to be the focus of my dish and since I had fresh ingredients on hand, I didn't want to drown them in it. So this is what I did.
I put a couple of generous handfuls (side note: why is it brothers-in-law and passersby, but not handsful?) of arugula in the bottom of my shallow, rimmed pasta bowl, squeezed the juice of half a lemon on it and drizzled a little olive oil. I seasoned with salt and fresh ground pepper and tossed with my fingers. I put just a sprinkle of shredded Parmesan on top. While the pasta was cooking I put the mahi mahi, seasoned with salt and pepper on both sides, in a smoking hot sauté pan with a little olive oil. (I got a great crispy sear on it! Yay.) Then, as instructed on the label, when the fish (or chicken) is done, I added the sauce to heat through. (Actually, I did that just before the fish was done, just after I turned it over.) I turned the stove off and let it sit while I waited for the pasta to finish cooking. When the pasta was ready I tossed it with a little olive oil and lemon juice in a separate bowl, then put that on the arugula. I topped it with the fish and sauce and put in a slice of lemon and sat down and ate.
It was SO GOOD. Of course, three bites in I decided to go ahead and mix the arugula with the pasta, and a couple of bites after that I decided to take a picture. It just looked so pretty. And so spring-like. And I wanted evidence that I turned my day around. I could make myself happy in my classroom with my science and curriculum writing skills and I can make myself happy in the kitchen. I am creative and being creative makes me happy. Whether I'm writing new materials for my classes or blogging here or elsewhere, making delicious dinners or taking pictures, being creative makes me happy. It keeps me right.
I hope you are right today, too. Or figuring out a way to get there when you can.
Love you,
Barb
Monday, March 23, 2009
Right
Hey, Amanda. 
I feel right today. Not tired, not like I'm drugged or walking under water, not stressed, not disgusted, not counting hours till vacation or the next weekend or praying for a freak, late season Nor'easter and snow day. Just right. Like I had the right amount of time off from work, enough fun and enough sleep, and good dose of endorphins set free to soothe me. It occurred to me, as I did this self-survey of a sort, that I haven't felt like this in a while. Maybe it's about balance. Maybe this weekend I struck the right balance when I included girlfriend and friend in my profile to complement teacher, best aunt in the world, independent woman who's okay being alone. God knows how long it'll last, but today it feels good.
I enjoyed chatting with you earlier and getting up-to-date on things with M. I commend your composure. Honestly, I think you are doing remarkably well. I know that you are past blaming yourself; I think it would be a good time, therefore, to congratulate yourself for holding it together so well. Really. Know that every day I hope this nightmare finds its proper resolution soon, and that you'll trust in the universe to figure out what exactly that is.
Sending my love,
Barb
I feel right today. Not tired, not like I'm drugged or walking under water, not stressed, not disgusted, not counting hours till vacation or the next weekend or praying for a freak, late season Nor'easter and snow day. Just right. Like I had the right amount of time off from work, enough fun and enough sleep, and good dose of endorphins set free to soothe me. It occurred to me, as I did this self-survey of a sort, that I haven't felt like this in a while. Maybe it's about balance. Maybe this weekend I struck the right balance when I included girlfriend and friend in my profile to complement teacher, best aunt in the world, independent woman who's okay being alone. God knows how long it'll last, but today it feels good.
I enjoyed chatting with you earlier and getting up-to-date on things with M. I commend your composure. Honestly, I think you are doing remarkably well. I know that you are past blaming yourself; I think it would be a good time, therefore, to congratulate yourself for holding it together so well. Really. Know that every day I hope this nightmare finds its proper resolution soon, and that you'll trust in the universe to figure out what exactly that is.
Sending my love,
Barb
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Heavy Sigh
The weekend is over...[heavy sigh]....My long, lovely, love-filled weekend is over.
I miss W already, and though I'm tired enough to go to bed after my busy--but fun--weekend, doing so means acknowledging that I have to get a good night's rest because I have to go back to work tomorrow. And I'm not quite there yet.
W and I did all the things we planned: March Madness and steak dinner Friday, shopping and a visit with M and J on Saturday--followed by drinks at our fave place and a late, low key dinner at home (hot dogs!) and a movie that we fell asleep while watching. It was perfect.
As always, after he was gone there was this stillness here, an emptiness that one minute is peaceful and the next lonely. After I load the dishwasher and pick up around here, it's nice to lie down on the couch where W usually stretches out and watch some Food Network TV...Then I see his slippers or get up to get a drink and have to stop myself from asking, "Can I get you anything, babe?" Tonight I will smell his cologne on his pillow and wish he were there, but I will enjoy not waking up in the middle of the night to his snoring or stirring. And then tomorrow, the alarm clock calling me to life will be a huge disappointment....Such is long distance love, I guess. I signed up for it nearly 4 years ago (can you believe it?), so I know how this works, but it's not always easy.
I hope you had a good weekend and look forward to catching up soon.
xo,
Barb
I miss W already, and though I'm tired enough to go to bed after my busy--but fun--weekend, doing so means acknowledging that I have to get a good night's rest because I have to go back to work tomorrow. And I'm not quite there yet.
W and I did all the things we planned: March Madness and steak dinner Friday, shopping and a visit with M and J on Saturday--followed by drinks at our fave place and a late, low key dinner at home (hot dogs!) and a movie that we fell asleep while watching. It was perfect.
As always, after he was gone there was this stillness here, an emptiness that one minute is peaceful and the next lonely. After I load the dishwasher and pick up around here, it's nice to lie down on the couch where W usually stretches out and watch some Food Network TV...Then I see his slippers or get up to get a drink and have to stop myself from asking, "Can I get you anything, babe?" Tonight I will smell his cologne on his pillow and wish he were there, but I will enjoy not waking up in the middle of the night to his snoring or stirring. And then tomorrow, the alarm clock calling me to life will be a huge disappointment....Such is long distance love, I guess. I signed up for it nearly 4 years ago (can you believe it?), so I know how this works, but it's not always easy.
I hope you had a good weekend and look forward to catching up soon.
xo,
Barb
Friday, March 20, 2009
Sunny Day
Good morning to you!
What a nice image to wake up to! Thanks so much. Funny, though, I have the Today show on and it's actually snowing in New York today! But it's bright and sunny here...
While I did get things done yesterday after school (washed my sheets and comforter, vacuumed my upstairs), I left more for myself to do this morning than I should have, so I don't have much time to sit and write. Looks like my second cup needs to come along with me as I empty the dishwasher, clean up the kitchen and vacuum the living room.
Sounds like you had a great day yesterday. I can hear the good cheer in your voice and that makes me happy. I hope that you decide on foofy drinks instead of the gym today, and your weekend goes swimmingly!
I'll check in Sunday if not before.
Love you!
Barb
What a nice image to wake up to! Thanks so much. Funny, though, I have the Today show on and it's actually snowing in New York today! But it's bright and sunny here...
While I did get things done yesterday after school (washed my sheets and comforter, vacuumed my upstairs), I left more for myself to do this morning than I should have, so I don't have much time to sit and write. Looks like my second cup needs to come along with me as I empty the dishwasher, clean up the kitchen and vacuum the living room.
Sounds like you had a great day yesterday. I can hear the good cheer in your voice and that makes me happy. I hope that you decide on foofy drinks instead of the gym today, and your weekend goes swimmingly!
I'll check in Sunday if not before.
Love you!
Barb
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Friday!
Good morning, Sunshine!It's Spring here too, and this is my very favorite sign!
I hope you enjoyed your sleep-in today and are looking forward to a Free Friday. How nice to end the week on Thursday!
Good day today...cleaned my bathroom top to bottom (this is an all day project, pretty much), went to see MC, got my nails and toes done AND sat down for lunch while watching CSI. Managed to finish my documentation for tomorrow and get all my ducks in a row, even though chances are high M won't even show for the meeting.
K and I are supposed to meet for a workout after that, but she thought maybe noon cocktails might be in better order, so we'll see. There's a great little restaurant near here that we love; it's spendy, particularly for lunch, but they make awesome foofy girl drinks (loosely called martinis) and have a steamer clam appetizer to die for. I'm leaning towards that, away from the treadmill...
I didn't sleep well last night at all so I'm going to crash early tonight. I'm a little nervous about this whole thing in the morning, but I'm sure whatever happens, I'll at least know what to do next.
Relax and luxuriate today and have fun with the man this weekend!
Love, A
Barely Here
Hey, Amanda.
No worries. I haven’t been good about writing either. Honestly, I just feel off lately. Despite the new, spring-like weather I am feeling tired and sluggish. So much so that I wonder if my thyroid is off again. I’ve been going to bed early, but can’t sleep through the night, so waking up is a chore. Like I’ll skip a shower today and sleep another half hour chore.
Good news is I plan on taking tomorrow off. I’ll sleep in, then take a shower AND shave, and then W comes early afternoon, and we are starting our weekend by meeting J and K (the couple who got married in Maine this summer) at the local sports bar (they are both taking the day off, too) to watch March madness. Then W and I will go out for steak after a few beers and basketball. (Conveniently, Outback is across the street; both are close to home.)
Plans for the rest of the weekend include a lazy Saturday morning and nice breakfast with mimosas, stopping by my friend M’s house (M was with me the day W and I met and they haven’t seen each other since) later on, a little shopping, maybe more March madness, and cocktails later at our favorite restaurant. He has to head back early Sunday, so that’ll leave me with some me time on Sunday. Perfect.
Side note on being tired, that interestingly enough, even when I am, I can be pretty creative. In fact, sometimes I wonder if my bursts of creativity create the fatigue, as if zap me of my energy and leave me needing to fill the well with sleep first. A new idea came to me yesterday, through emails back and forth with C. I worked on it in my head last night, and this morning sat and wrote a first paragraph. We’ll see what happens…
Great to hear from you. Have a good day! I’ll write tomorrow over leisurely coffee.
xo,
Barb
No worries. I haven’t been good about writing either. Honestly, I just feel off lately. Despite the new, spring-like weather I am feeling tired and sluggish. So much so that I wonder if my thyroid is off again. I’ve been going to bed early, but can’t sleep through the night, so waking up is a chore. Like I’ll skip a shower today and sleep another half hour chore.
Good news is I plan on taking tomorrow off. I’ll sleep in, then take a shower AND shave, and then W comes early afternoon, and we are starting our weekend by meeting J and K (the couple who got married in Maine this summer) at the local sports bar (they are both taking the day off, too) to watch March madness. Then W and I will go out for steak after a few beers and basketball. (Conveniently, Outback is across the street; both are close to home.)
Plans for the rest of the weekend include a lazy Saturday morning and nice breakfast with mimosas, stopping by my friend M’s house (M was with me the day W and I met and they haven’t seen each other since) later on, a little shopping, maybe more March madness, and cocktails later at our favorite restaurant. He has to head back early Sunday, so that’ll leave me with some me time on Sunday. Perfect.
Side note on being tired, that interestingly enough, even when I am, I can be pretty creative. In fact, sometimes I wonder if my bursts of creativity create the fatigue, as if zap me of my energy and leave me needing to fill the well with sleep first. A new idea came to me yesterday, through emails back and forth with C. I worked on it in my head last night, and this morning sat and wrote a first paragraph. We’ll see what happens…
Great to hear from you. Have a good day! I’ll write tomorrow over leisurely coffee.
xo,
Barb
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Short...but here
Hey,
Slacking again, aren't I? Just got home from my support group (it was great) and watched a couple of minutes of tv with J; now I'm off to bed. Today was good...didn't do much other than the sub orientation thing. That was a half hour of filling out forms and getting my name badge (really good picture!) and now I'm all signed up to start on Monday.
Came home and napped (this cold is lingering a little, so I'm milking it) then JJ came home and we did homework, had a snack, etc. He and J left around 5:30 for baseball and I made - get this - homemade pizza! Ok, so the crust was premade (but it was fresh, from TJ's) and the sauce was premade (fresh, TJ's) but I had to roll it out and knead it and all that, so it felt like I was doing something homemade. I did sausage, green peppers and onions and left it for the boys to eat after the game. Guess it was a hit - they both loved it. I, on the other hand, scarfed a cheeseburger while out this evening. So nutritious.
Tomorrow I have a noon appt with Margy and nothing else all day, so I think I'll get my act together for Friday's meeting and try to clean some of my junk out of the garage so J can get his ladder back in there. He had to take it out to get the Big Girl's fridge in there, and the last thing we need right now is a ladder in the back yard, so handy for a teenager looking for a way in.....
I may go get my nails done, may not...not feeling particularly motivated. Like that's anything new.
Happy late St. Paddy's day! Hope dinner was fun, A), and 2) I LOVE corned beef and cabbage!!
Love,
A
Slacking again, aren't I? Just got home from my support group (it was great) and watched a couple of minutes of tv with J; now I'm off to bed. Today was good...didn't do much other than the sub orientation thing. That was a half hour of filling out forms and getting my name badge (really good picture!) and now I'm all signed up to start on Monday.
Came home and napped (this cold is lingering a little, so I'm milking it) then JJ came home and we did homework, had a snack, etc. He and J left around 5:30 for baseball and I made - get this - homemade pizza! Ok, so the crust was premade (but it was fresh, from TJ's) and the sauce was premade (fresh, TJ's) but I had to roll it out and knead it and all that, so it felt like I was doing something homemade. I did sausage, green peppers and onions and left it for the boys to eat after the game. Guess it was a hit - they both loved it. I, on the other hand, scarfed a cheeseburger while out this evening. So nutritious.
Tomorrow I have a noon appt with Margy and nothing else all day, so I think I'll get my act together for Friday's meeting and try to clean some of my junk out of the garage so J can get his ladder back in there. He had to take it out to get the Big Girl's fridge in there, and the last thing we need right now is a ladder in the back yard, so handy for a teenager looking for a way in.....
I may go get my nails done, may not...not feeling particularly motivated. Like that's anything new.
Happy late St. Paddy's day! Hope dinner was fun, A), and 2) I LOVE corned beef and cabbage!!
Love,
A
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
Hey there.
It was so great to talk to you last night, but there was clearly no reason I needed to continue to sip wine while we chatted, after being out with C. Whoa. It's just that it was like a party to me. Yay! I get to out with C and talk to Amanda in the same day!...Needless to say, I was a little off this morning.
School today was okay, but it was my lab day with my tough bunch--the last 2 hours of the day. Tomorrow I get a little reprieve and start with a 2 hour lab with my best bunch. Then Thursday my big immature bunch ends the day. Anyway. By noon my head felt fine, I had lunch in me, and the light was at the end of the tunnel. Today the light took the form of my couch.
For two hours I lay there watching Ellen, and Oprah. I drowsed a little during Ellen and it took me most of Oprah to get up. Now I'm good. But unfortunately, I need to get myself dressed again to go to my parents'. It's V's birthday and my mother makes corned beef and cabbage--probably my least favorite meal of the year. Oh well. It'll be nice to see the kids anyway.
I hope you had a good day today.
Love you,
Barb
It was so great to talk to you last night, but there was clearly no reason I needed to continue to sip wine while we chatted, after being out with C. Whoa. It's just that it was like a party to me. Yay! I get to out with C and talk to Amanda in the same day!...Needless to say, I was a little off this morning.
School today was okay, but it was my lab day with my tough bunch--the last 2 hours of the day. Tomorrow I get a little reprieve and start with a 2 hour lab with my best bunch. Then Thursday my big immature bunch ends the day. Anyway. By noon my head felt fine, I had lunch in me, and the light was at the end of the tunnel. Today the light took the form of my couch.
For two hours I lay there watching Ellen, and Oprah. I drowsed a little during Ellen and it took me most of Oprah to get up. Now I'm good. But unfortunately, I need to get myself dressed again to go to my parents'. It's V's birthday and my mother makes corned beef and cabbage--probably my least favorite meal of the year. Oh well. It'll be nice to see the kids anyway.
I hope you had a good day today.
Love you,
Barb
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Could it be Spring?
Hey, A,
It's 60 and gorgeous, still sunny here. I had the weekend to myself and feel like myself again. Winter is melting away and life is no longer about hibernating. I got things done and spent a fair amount of time indoors, but not because it was the only reasonable option. I also bought myself a new purse on Friday, took myself out to lunch yesterday and have been out about 5 times today. Since I had the whole weekend to myself, I didn't need to be organized, so I was disorganized, and it took most of the day today to run my errands. (Remember? Gas expands to fit its container.) But rather than be frustrated with myself, every time I walked outside--without a coat on--and heard birds chirping, I smiled.
So I've had a good weekend and I'm looking forward to this week, to not having papers to correct in my bag, to not be dreading the big NHS push, to seeing W next weekend and to being relaxed.
I hope you've had a good weekend, a few minutes of reprieve from the thoughts that haunt you and the pain of the missing part of yourself.
I continue to think of you, always, and send good thoughts your way.
Love you,
Barb
It's 60 and gorgeous, still sunny here. I had the weekend to myself and feel like myself again. Winter is melting away and life is no longer about hibernating. I got things done and spent a fair amount of time indoors, but not because it was the only reasonable option. I also bought myself a new purse on Friday, took myself out to lunch yesterday and have been out about 5 times today. Since I had the whole weekend to myself, I didn't need to be organized, so I was disorganized, and it took most of the day today to run my errands. (Remember? Gas expands to fit its container.) But rather than be frustrated with myself, every time I walked outside--without a coat on--and heard birds chirping, I smiled.
So I've had a good weekend and I'm looking forward to this week, to not having papers to correct in my bag, to not be dreading the big NHS push, to seeing W next weekend and to being relaxed.
I hope you've had a good weekend, a few minutes of reprieve from the thoughts that haunt you and the pain of the missing part of yourself.
I continue to think of you, always, and send good thoughts your way.
Love you,
Barb
Saturday, March 14, 2009
I get it
Good morning, A.
I left you a message last night to tell you I was thinking about you, and to let you know that I would be around--sans W-- this weekend. He had an interview at 2:30 yesterday so that cut into his coming down yesterday, which at first I was glad about. As I wrote about, I think, I didn't want to run around Thursday and be stressed about his arrival so we decided to do just Saturday to Sunday. Then I realized even that wasn't hugely appealing to me. For two weekends in a row I have spent an overnight away, and the one before that was Boston. Suddenly it occurred to me that I haven't spent a whole weekend at home in a long time, and as much as I'd like to have W here with me, that would entail some work, and I have a lot of catching up to do. My day home earlier this week didn't make a dent in the projects I have to do. So we mutually agreed to wait another week and do a whole weekend together. Perfect. I'll have a whole weekend to myself and a whole week to get ready for him. Not that it takes a week, it's just that last week I could think of nothing but grades and NHS. It'll be nice to have the time to think of a special touch, maybe a meal I can make for us, e.g., and have time to make it happen. Plus we haven't hung out with my boys from school in a while and next weekend starts March madness, so we know next Saturday we can find them all at the local sports bar, and join them for a couple of beers there. Wow. That was a whole lot of explaining I didn't need to do. Especially since I should have started with you.
Even with the drinks in you, what you wrote was eloquent. I remember a while ago you wrote about being a mom and what that feels like and reading your post reminded me of that other eloquent post. I thought, She lost a part of herself. It's like she lost her arm. The other one works fine, her legs are there, but she's still missing an arm. And it's hard to go 2 minutes without thinking about it. I'm so sorry, Amanda.
Call if you feel like talking.
Love you,
Barb
I left you a message last night to tell you I was thinking about you, and to let you know that I would be around--sans W-- this weekend. He had an interview at 2:30 yesterday so that cut into his coming down yesterday, which at first I was glad about. As I wrote about, I think, I didn't want to run around Thursday and be stressed about his arrival so we decided to do just Saturday to Sunday. Then I realized even that wasn't hugely appealing to me. For two weekends in a row I have spent an overnight away, and the one before that was Boston. Suddenly it occurred to me that I haven't spent a whole weekend at home in a long time, and as much as I'd like to have W here with me, that would entail some work, and I have a lot of catching up to do. My day home earlier this week didn't make a dent in the projects I have to do. So we mutually agreed to wait another week and do a whole weekend together. Perfect. I'll have a whole weekend to myself and a whole week to get ready for him. Not that it takes a week, it's just that last week I could think of nothing but grades and NHS. It'll be nice to have the time to think of a special touch, maybe a meal I can make for us, e.g., and have time to make it happen. Plus we haven't hung out with my boys from school in a while and next weekend starts March madness, so we know next Saturday we can find them all at the local sports bar, and join them for a couple of beers there. Wow. That was a whole lot of explaining I didn't need to do. Especially since I should have started with you.
Even with the drinks in you, what you wrote was eloquent. I remember a while ago you wrote about being a mom and what that feels like and reading your post reminded me of that other eloquent post. I thought, She lost a part of herself. It's like she lost her arm. The other one works fine, her legs are there, but she's still missing an arm. And it's hard to go 2 minutes without thinking about it. I'm so sorry, Amanda.
Call if you feel like talking.
Love you,
Barb
Friday, March 13, 2009
Why I shouldn't drink....
Hey,
I should probably be emailing instead of blogging, as much as I've had to drink tonight. Manhattans, with pomegranate juice, my new poison. K and S and I decided to bypass dinner this evening and go straight to the hooch, while the guys went to the local skank bar, the BLT(avern)... with K's youngest son, TN. By the time they got home, the three of us were several drinks into it and they were several drinks ahead of us. We sat and laughed awhile, but the reality of Little League, and Children Who Need to Be in Bed before Midnight, eventually hit us and it was time to break up the fun. I came home and J got JJ to bed...suddenly it occured to me that I'm missing a kid.
Like a ton of bricks, half a bottle of Maker's Mark came crashing down on me, reminding me that while I have great friends and an ideal 11-year-old, up-and-coming baseball star, I also have a kid just this side of juvie...a kid I don't know, can't talk to, miss terribly....
I want to go to bed and make love with my husband, but I can't. I want to curl up next to JJ and thank God for the good in my life, but I can't. Everything in me wants to curl up on the couch and sink into mindless thought and forget that I'm missing a kid. There's this huge part of my life that's just gone, and nobody gets it.
Being with you was the moment I opened my eyes... - Buckcherry
I should probably be emailing instead of blogging, as much as I've had to drink tonight. Manhattans, with pomegranate juice, my new poison. K and S and I decided to bypass dinner this evening and go straight to the hooch, while the guys went to the local skank bar, the BLT(avern)... with K's youngest son, TN. By the time they got home, the three of us were several drinks into it and they were several drinks ahead of us. We sat and laughed awhile, but the reality of Little League, and Children Who Need to Be in Bed before Midnight, eventually hit us and it was time to break up the fun. I came home and J got JJ to bed...suddenly it occured to me that I'm missing a kid.
Like a ton of bricks, half a bottle of Maker's Mark came crashing down on me, reminding me that while I have great friends and an ideal 11-year-old, up-and-coming baseball star, I also have a kid just this side of juvie...a kid I don't know, can't talk to, miss terribly....
I want to go to bed and make love with my husband, but I can't. I want to curl up next to JJ and thank God for the good in my life, but I can't. Everything in me wants to curl up on the couch and sink into mindless thought and forget that I'm missing a kid. There's this huge part of my life that's just gone, and nobody gets it.
Being with you was the moment I opened my eyes... - Buckcherry
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Eyes on the Prize
Hey, A.
Clearly someone in the PTA or front office likes alliteration a little too much...Cute. Very cute.
I made it through the NHS informational meeting and application distribution, fielded some questions I couldn't answer, and generally wondered all day why I signed up for this. The answer came to me as I was driving home, smoking a cigarette (shame on me). Oh yeah, that $1800 dollar stipend, that even after getting chopped to $1200 by taxes, will pay for lots of extras I haven't had in two summers. Two summers ago I moved and bought new furniture and needed to pursue legal channels to get my deposit back from my former landlord, and last year I had elected not to get a balloon check. Talk about stu-pit. Anyway, this summer I look forward to having money to have fun.
Speaking of having fun, I should get changed and ready to meet C at my local place. We're doing a couple of happy hour snacks and will go from there, maybe something from the dinner menu.
Hope you're feeling better and that Muffins with Mom was a success.
Love,
Barb
Clearly someone in the PTA or front office likes alliteration a little too much...Cute. Very cute.
I made it through the NHS informational meeting and application distribution, fielded some questions I couldn't answer, and generally wondered all day why I signed up for this. The answer came to me as I was driving home, smoking a cigarette (shame on me). Oh yeah, that $1800 dollar stipend, that even after getting chopped to $1200 by taxes, will pay for lots of extras I haven't had in two summers. Two summers ago I moved and bought new furniture and needed to pursue legal channels to get my deposit back from my former landlord, and last year I had elected not to get a balloon check. Talk about stu-pit. Anyway, this summer I look forward to having money to have fun.
Speaking of having fun, I should get changed and ready to meet C at my local place. We're doing a couple of happy hour snacks and will go from there, maybe something from the dinner menu.
Hope you're feeling better and that Muffins with Mom was a success.
Love,
Barb
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Crashing quickly...
Hi there,
Smart of you to de-stress your weekend a little. I hope you enjoy your dinner with C too...
Just a quick quick note to say good morning...I am beat with this cold. I'll write in the morning when I get home from Muffins with Mom. (Yup, there's Donuts with Dad too. And Pastries with Parents on the last day.)
Love,
A
Smart of you to de-stress your weekend a little. I hope you enjoy your dinner with C too...
Just a quick quick note to say good morning...I am beat with this cold. I'll write in the morning when I get home from Muffins with Mom. (Yup, there's Donuts with Dad too. And Pastries with Parents on the last day.)
Love,
A
Spent
Hey, A,
Thanks for the post that I read in the few me minutes I had when I walked in after 5, before I got busy finishing correcting and updating grades. Now that I'm finally done, at 11, the me time I'm going to take is with my eyes closed in my comfy bed.
Another busy/stressful school day tomorrow, but after the NHS meeting I get to kick back over dinner with C. Then, rather than stress to get ready for a Friday visit with W, I decided to change plans and tell him I'd prefer to wait until Saturday. After school Friday I'll take care of the running around and the little things that make our weekends work.
I'm not sure I made any sense or constructed a single grammatically correct sentence above, but I wanted to say hi and thanks for writing. Sounds like you're doing okay.
Love,
Barb
Thanks for the post that I read in the few me minutes I had when I walked in after 5, before I got busy finishing correcting and updating grades. Now that I'm finally done, at 11, the me time I'm going to take is with my eyes closed in my comfy bed.
Another busy/stressful school day tomorrow, but after the NHS meeting I get to kick back over dinner with C. Then, rather than stress to get ready for a Friday visit with W, I decided to change plans and tell him I'd prefer to wait until Saturday. After school Friday I'll take care of the running around and the little things that make our weekends work.
I'm not sure I made any sense or constructed a single grammatically correct sentence above, but I wanted to say hi and thanks for writing. Sounds like you're doing okay.
Love,
Barb
My boys, Tom and Elvis
Hey.
Yeah, I know, I'm not showing up at the page. Thanks for your long note last night. Let's stop with the "I'm so pathetic" thing, ok? Everything is relative. Sometimes I look at the lives of other mothers with full time jobs, or no husband, or more kids than I have, and I think 'what the hell am I complaining about?' And then I sit back and remember that my situation is just as taxing, on whatever level, as anyone else's. And so is yours. Nothing's better or worse or harder or easier in the big picture; every day is its own challenge. So there.
~~~ And when I do get feeling "pathetic", it sometimes helps to think that even Paris Hilton needs a day off, here and there. It's all relative. ~~~
My sinus infection has gone from an annoying headache to a full-blown cold, even though I did start Augmenten yesterday. I feel absolutely miserable, but, strangely, only physically. It's a good mental day, so far. It's late start, so JJ and I slept in until 8:30 (woo hoo!) and lazed around after breakfast. I spiked up his hair a little (much to his protest), informing him that if he was going to grow it out, he had to actually do something with it in the mornings. That or I am going to make him cut it. He complied, and after a couple squirts of Wired and half a can of hairspray, he was ok with his new look. Why do I have boys who use more hair products than I do???? I should have taken a picture, though; he looked pretty hip in his skinny jeans, his My Chemical Romance t-shirt (mom of the year) and Elvis Costello hair. I hope I know him as well as I think I do; this little phase will pass sooner or later. And, I have to say, it's not so much Emo as it is what appears to be mostly in fashion these days. I'm still such a fan of regular old Levis, polo shirts and sweatshirts, but I know I have to give a little and choose my battles. Twenty minutes of sobbing, "I. HATE. THAT. SHIRT!" is not worth it in the grand scheme of things.
Anyhoo, S, T, B (mother of "My A" who comes in the mornings) and I stood out on the sidewalk for a good half an hour after the bus came, jaw-jacking and laughing about all kinds of things Not M. It was wonderful....I'm all about the diversions where I can get them. I stopped in at B's for a minute to meet their new dog, then came home and faced my day: I made a list, wrote two emails I meant to get out last night, rotated the laundry, did the breakfast dishes and here I am at the page. This was on my priority list since I didn't write last night.
I ended up going to bed at 9:00, before JJ even. I took two Nyquil and a glass of Shiraz upstairs, did a couple of Sudoku and watched part of The Mentalist, and I was out before 9:30 I think.
Quick update: I think I talked to you after I talked to my case worker, (we'll call her CW, shall we?) She is very nice and compassionate, yet firm, business like. I liked that. She treated me with respect and dignity, unlike the a*****e cop I had to talk to on Monday. I think I told you that she was going to contact M and get "his side of the story".
She called me back late in the afternoon to tell me that she had spoken to him briefly and that he refused to talk with, or meet with, her. He told her that he would talk with me, M and S (evidently his new family) and that was it. She explained to him that if he did not talk with her that I was going to file this YAR petition, which would put him in front of a judge, and he said he understood. She asked him if he understood that he could come home willingly, right now, abide by the rules and avoid all of this. He understood. She told him he could end up in juvie. He said he understood. He asked her "What if I just hop a train?" (Who does he think he is? Tom Sawyer?) She told him he would be reported in contempt of a court order and have a warrant out for his arrest. Ok, he said.
Two issues now: since we can't file him as a runaway (so far; J is talking to the police chief today) we subsequently cannot file a harboring a runaway report against M. This causes yet another roadblock. However, CW said she was going to try to process the paperwork for the petition anyway.
My brother called me (his bi-annual call) to tell me that they were really worried about M ending up in jail, since CC's brother had spent so much time there and it really ruined him. He offered again for M to live with them and I told him I appreciated it, but that M is making his own (poor) decisions right now. They really don't get it; Bro J thinks I'm being too harsh, I'm sure, voluntarily putting my kid in juvie.
Dude, if and when you ever get here, give me a call back.
That's about it for now. I've just got housework to do and then a little awards thing for J tonight at work...maybe I'll go, maybe not.
Hope your day is going well....love you!
A
Yeah, I know, I'm not showing up at the page. Thanks for your long note last night. Let's stop with the "I'm so pathetic" thing, ok? Everything is relative. Sometimes I look at the lives of other mothers with full time jobs, or no husband, or more kids than I have, and I think 'what the hell am I complaining about?' And then I sit back and remember that my situation is just as taxing, on whatever level, as anyone else's. And so is yours. Nothing's better or worse or harder or easier in the big picture; every day is its own challenge. So there.
~~~ And when I do get feeling "pathetic", it sometimes helps to think that even Paris Hilton needs a day off, here and there. It's all relative. ~~~
My sinus infection has gone from an annoying headache to a full-blown cold, even though I did start Augmenten yesterday. I feel absolutely miserable, but, strangely, only physically. It's a good mental day, so far. It's late start, so JJ and I slept in until 8:30 (woo hoo!) and lazed around after breakfast. I spiked up his hair a little (much to his protest), informing him that if he was going to grow it out, he had to actually do something with it in the mornings. That or I am going to make him cut it. He complied, and after a couple squirts of Wired and half a can of hairspray, he was ok with his new look. Why do I have boys who use more hair products than I do???? I should have taken a picture, though; he looked pretty hip in his skinny jeans, his My Chemical Romance t-shirt (mom of the year) and Elvis Costello hair. I hope I know him as well as I think I do; this little phase will pass sooner or later. And, I have to say, it's not so much Emo as it is what appears to be mostly in fashion these days. I'm still such a fan of regular old Levis, polo shirts and sweatshirts, but I know I have to give a little and choose my battles. Twenty minutes of sobbing, "I. HATE. THAT. SHIRT!" is not worth it in the grand scheme of things.
Anyhoo, S, T, B (mother of "My A" who comes in the mornings) and I stood out on the sidewalk for a good half an hour after the bus came, jaw-jacking and laughing about all kinds of things Not M. It was wonderful....I'm all about the diversions where I can get them. I stopped in at B's for a minute to meet their new dog, then came home and faced my day: I made a list, wrote two emails I meant to get out last night, rotated the laundry, did the breakfast dishes and here I am at the page. This was on my priority list since I didn't write last night.
I ended up going to bed at 9:00, before JJ even. I took two Nyquil and a glass of Shiraz upstairs, did a couple of Sudoku and watched part of The Mentalist, and I was out before 9:30 I think.
Quick update: I think I talked to you after I talked to my case worker, (we'll call her CW, shall we?) She is very nice and compassionate, yet firm, business like. I liked that. She treated me with respect and dignity, unlike the a*****e cop I had to talk to on Monday. I think I told you that she was going to contact M and get "his side of the story".
She called me back late in the afternoon to tell me that she had spoken to him briefly and that he refused to talk with, or meet with, her. He told her that he would talk with me, M and S (evidently his new family) and that was it. She explained to him that if he did not talk with her that I was going to file this YAR petition, which would put him in front of a judge, and he said he understood. She asked him if he understood that he could come home willingly, right now, abide by the rules and avoid all of this. He understood. She told him he could end up in juvie. He said he understood. He asked her "What if I just hop a train?" (Who does he think he is? Tom Sawyer?) She told him he would be reported in contempt of a court order and have a warrant out for his arrest. Ok, he said.
Two issues now: since we can't file him as a runaway (so far; J is talking to the police chief today) we subsequently cannot file a harboring a runaway report against M. This causes yet another roadblock. However, CW said she was going to try to process the paperwork for the petition anyway.
My brother called me (his bi-annual call) to tell me that they were really worried about M ending up in jail, since CC's brother had spent so much time there and it really ruined him. He offered again for M to live with them and I told him I appreciated it, but that M is making his own (poor) decisions right now. They really don't get it; Bro J thinks I'm being too harsh, I'm sure, voluntarily putting my kid in juvie.
Dude, if and when you ever get here, give me a call back.
That's about it for now. I've just got housework to do and then a little awards thing for J tonight at work...maybe I'll go, maybe not.
Hope your day is going well....love you!
A
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Hooky
Good afternoon, Amanda.
Not that I'm counting, but I didn't have a Monday morning read or a Tuesday morning read...but I have no right to complain, since my Monday entry was a post script to my quick Sunday night post.
I'm feeling a little stressed this week, as it took Monday evening to begin to catch up on weekend prep and nesting--a trip to the supermarket for lunch for the week, etc.--and even then, I didn't have it in me to wash and spin the lettuce or make lunch for today. But lunch prep was really an insignificant part of stress, which was more about the standardized testing schedule that has us all off-kilter, about mid-quarter grades being due Thursday morning and my having 50 uncorrected lab reports in my bag (that is, clearly, my decoy) and having to get everything together--including my chutzpah (sp?)--to meet with the academically eligible NHS candidates later this week. ("No, a job is not an activity." "No, that's not considered an on-going activity." "I appreciate, Mrs. Hovercraft, that it would be quite an honor for Jock, but he didn't meet the minimum academic requirement.")
I knew this was all coming, which is partly why I was a little reluctant/not so thrilled going into my auntie overnight last weekend. I think I knew that after this great time with S and C, with L and M, I'd be coming back to an even busier reality. Oh, and did I mention I really needed to sit down with my calculator and budget to make sure I'm on track for San Diego next month, and my laundry is piling up as is my junk mail and magazines? And W is coming this weekend? I know that in the grand scheme of things, I'm okay (yes, I know, at least I can pay my bills), but it's a lot for me. And it's all on me: I can't pass on grocery tasks or share the laundry or cleaning. No one can correct the lab reports besides me.
So yesterday, although in my head I had previously decided to take Friday off so that I can clean up and get ready for my weekend with W, I looked at my schedule for today and realized it was an easy day to take off...and wouldn't it be nice to not have to cram everything in on Friday? I could do some house stuff and correct a little and feel better after my silent protest of the testing schedule (by playing hooky one of the days). I left plans on my desk but waffled until last night when I remembered that I had a department meeting this afternoon and it would be glorious to miss it....
I bet I don't need to tell you that I emailed in sick after all. I slept in, then after toast and 2 cups of coffee, unloaded my dishwasher, and washed and cut and spun my lettuce dry. I made up 4 salads for the week, with carrots and cuke and celery, red onion, grape tomatoes, craisins and sunflower seeds. I sliced some chicken that is marinating in the same prep as the shrimp I made last week then went upstairs and tackled my shower and tub. I organized laundry so I don't have to wait until Friday (which I will also take off) to do it; I can get a load or two done tonight, and the same tomorrow. (Thursday I'm going out with C, and will probably get my weekend grocery shopping done after that.) Friday I can do my dusting and vacuuming, then luxuriate in a long shower during which time I'll shave my legs, and after which I'll paint my toenails.
I feel pathetic, like sometimes it takes more energy than it should to live my simple, single life. Some times I wonder if it's depression that interferes, and others I remember that I share none of the aforementioned tasks that I must perform around the taxing schedule of a teacher (despite the occasional snow day). Seriously though. It is hard to want to do anything other than sip wine and watch TV after a day in the trenches. (Although, sadly, most of my colleagues teach and raise children...God, I really am pathetic!) I'm not making excuses or looking for them, but I am saying that every once in a while I need to take a break. This week I'm taking two.
That being said, I hope all is well for you. I plan to call in a bit to check in. Should I not catch you, know that I am thinking of you.
Love,
B
PS I didn't tell W I took the day off...
Not that I'm counting, but I didn't have a Monday morning read or a Tuesday morning read...but I have no right to complain, since my Monday entry was a post script to my quick Sunday night post.
I'm feeling a little stressed this week, as it took Monday evening to begin to catch up on weekend prep and nesting--a trip to the supermarket for lunch for the week, etc.--and even then, I didn't have it in me to wash and spin the lettuce or make lunch for today. But lunch prep was really an insignificant part of stress, which was more about the standardized testing schedule that has us all off-kilter, about mid-quarter grades being due Thursday morning and my having 50 uncorrected lab reports in my bag (that is, clearly, my decoy) and having to get everything together--including my chutzpah (sp?)--to meet with the academically eligible NHS candidates later this week. ("No, a job is not an activity." "No, that's not considered an on-going activity." "I appreciate, Mrs. Hovercraft, that it would be quite an honor for Jock, but he didn't meet the minimum academic requirement.")
I knew this was all coming, which is partly why I was a little reluctant/not so thrilled going into my auntie overnight last weekend. I think I knew that after this great time with S and C, with L and M, I'd be coming back to an even busier reality. Oh, and did I mention I really needed to sit down with my calculator and budget to make sure I'm on track for San Diego next month, and my laundry is piling up as is my junk mail and magazines? And W is coming this weekend? I know that in the grand scheme of things, I'm okay (yes, I know, at least I can pay my bills), but it's a lot for me. And it's all on me: I can't pass on grocery tasks or share the laundry or cleaning. No one can correct the lab reports besides me.
So yesterday, although in my head I had previously decided to take Friday off so that I can clean up and get ready for my weekend with W, I looked at my schedule for today and realized it was an easy day to take off...and wouldn't it be nice to not have to cram everything in on Friday? I could do some house stuff and correct a little and feel better after my silent protest of the testing schedule (by playing hooky one of the days). I left plans on my desk but waffled until last night when I remembered that I had a department meeting this afternoon and it would be glorious to miss it....
I bet I don't need to tell you that I emailed in sick after all. I slept in, then after toast and 2 cups of coffee, unloaded my dishwasher, and washed and cut and spun my lettuce dry. I made up 4 salads for the week, with carrots and cuke and celery, red onion, grape tomatoes, craisins and sunflower seeds. I sliced some chicken that is marinating in the same prep as the shrimp I made last week then went upstairs and tackled my shower and tub. I organized laundry so I don't have to wait until Friday (which I will also take off) to do it; I can get a load or two done tonight, and the same tomorrow. (Thursday I'm going out with C, and will probably get my weekend grocery shopping done after that.) Friday I can do my dusting and vacuuming, then luxuriate in a long shower during which time I'll shave my legs, and after which I'll paint my toenails.
I feel pathetic, like sometimes it takes more energy than it should to live my simple, single life. Some times I wonder if it's depression that interferes, and others I remember that I share none of the aforementioned tasks that I must perform around the taxing schedule of a teacher (despite the occasional snow day). Seriously though. It is hard to want to do anything other than sip wine and watch TV after a day in the trenches. (Although, sadly, most of my colleagues teach and raise children...God, I really am pathetic!) I'm not making excuses or looking for them, but I am saying that every once in a while I need to take a break. This week I'm taking two.
That being said, I hope all is well for you. I plan to call in a bit to check in. Should I not catch you, know that I am thinking of you.
Love,
B
PS I didn't tell W I took the day off...
Woopsie Daisy!
Hi, Barb.
I feel terrible! I started this post last night but I never finished it!! I thought I had finished and published, but T&S came over and I got sidetracked and didn't come back. So I woke up this morning, all excited to read and - voila! - there's my draft just sitting there on the screen, stopped in mid-sentence. What a freakin' dork I am. (I cut and pasted this, like you said, to a new entry, so it would be in the right order.)
Glad to hear you had such a good time over the weekend...I knew you would! :-) You're a very lucky aunt. Oh wait, didn't I say that two days ago?
Today (meaning Monday) was a good day, actually. M called here last night wanting to come over and pick up some of "his things". He wasn't very pleased to hear that I wanted him to come home, and that he wasn't allowed to take all of his things with him to live somewhere else. We talked for awhile, in complete circles; it was non-productive and hurtful. J and I had already decided that we were going to start the process of reporting a runaway today, but I didn't get the information I needed until late in the day. Fortunately, in getting that info, I also learned lots of other, very helpful stuff. I won't bother with all the details (they bore me) but suffice to say that I believe we may have a course of action - a plan - now. Of course it involves the police, Family and Child Services, and Juvenile Court, in addition to filing a court order against my kid, but what the hell, eh? I'm thinking I'll have to let go of my worries about being viewed as a PWT Mom ~~~ here's where I left off; how could I have thought I was done? ~~~ since I know that I'm not one, A), and 2) At this point, what do I really care what anyone else thinks?
tuesday now...
I have to run out to a doc appt (sinus infection) here in a minute but I wanted to post this before I left. Yesterday I had a complete debacle at the police department, made another slew of phone calls this morning and am basically just waiting for the Family Reconciliation Services to call me with my assessment date and time. I'll explain more later - maybe on the phone, seriously, this bores me.
Talk to you later,
Love you!
A
I feel terrible! I started this post last night but I never finished it!! I thought I had finished and published, but T&S came over and I got sidetracked and didn't come back. So I woke up this morning, all excited to read and - voila! - there's my draft just sitting there on the screen, stopped in mid-sentence. What a freakin' dork I am. (I cut and pasted this, like you said, to a new entry, so it would be in the right order.)
Glad to hear you had such a good time over the weekend...I knew you would! :-) You're a very lucky aunt. Oh wait, didn't I say that two days ago?
Today (meaning Monday) was a good day, actually. M called here last night wanting to come over and pick up some of "his things". He wasn't very pleased to hear that I wanted him to come home, and that he wasn't allowed to take all of his things with him to live somewhere else. We talked for awhile, in complete circles; it was non-productive and hurtful. J and I had already decided that we were going to start the process of reporting a runaway today, but I didn't get the information I needed until late in the day. Fortunately, in getting that info, I also learned lots of other, very helpful stuff. I won't bother with all the details (they bore me) but suffice to say that I believe we may have a course of action - a plan - now. Of course it involves the police, Family and Child Services, and Juvenile Court, in addition to filing a court order against my kid, but what the hell, eh? I'm thinking I'll have to let go of my worries about being viewed as a PWT Mom ~~~ here's where I left off; how could I have thought I was done? ~~~ since I know that I'm not one, A), and 2) At this point, what do I really care what anyone else thinks?
tuesday now...
I have to run out to a doc appt (sinus infection) here in a minute but I wanted to post this before I left. Yesterday I had a complete debacle at the police department, made another slew of phone calls this morning and am basically just waiting for the Family Reconciliation Services to call me with my assessment date and time. I'll explain more later - maybe on the phone, seriously, this bores me.
Talk to you later,
Love you!
A
Monday, March 9, 2009
PS to Last Night's Entry
Good morning, Amanda.
Last night, as I was watching TV, my brother-in-law texted that C cries now when I leave…He happened to be napping when I dropped L off so I didn't say goodbye. When he woke up he was all out of sorts that I was gone. aawwww
I forgot that one drawback of getting another hour of daylight late in the day is waking up and driving to work in the dark. Given that it is also raining today, this morning was just brutal…
Sending you white light to get through your day and list of things to do.
xo, Barb
Last night, as I was watching TV, my brother-in-law texted that C cries now when I leave…He happened to be napping when I dropped L off so I didn't say goodbye. When he woke up he was all out of sorts that I was gone. aawwww
I forgot that one drawback of getting another hour of daylight late in the day is waking up and driving to work in the dark. Given that it is also raining today, this morning was just brutal…
Sending you white light to get through your day and list of things to do.
xo, Barb
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Quotes
Hey, A.
It's 7:30. I am home safe and sound after a good 24 hours away. I have laugh to at myself that there was even a morsel of dread in my reporting my plans. The sleep over/babysitting S and C was fun; it always is. C gets excited about me visiting the way S did at his age, the way she still does. This morning, since L and J were out late, we were the first up. We made cinnamon rolls and had that time that seems to be my favorite--waking up slowly with kids with bed head and big, innocent hearts whom I want to freeze in time in their pajamas.
Lunch with L and our friend M was great--food was good, ditto that on conversation and company. And then the reading was good too. It was a sold out event; the middle school auditorium was where it was held was jammed. She was down to earth and great in the question and answer part of the event. Two things she said I wrote down as I listened. "I find it is easier to write what I don't know, but am willing to learn." The other I didn't really need to bother to write down.
"A real writer can't not write."
I leave you with that.
I hope today was good. Good luck tomorrow.
Love,
B
It's 7:30. I am home safe and sound after a good 24 hours away. I have laugh to at myself that there was even a morsel of dread in my reporting my plans. The sleep over/babysitting S and C was fun; it always is. C gets excited about me visiting the way S did at his age, the way she still does. This morning, since L and J were out late, we were the first up. We made cinnamon rolls and had that time that seems to be my favorite--waking up slowly with kids with bed head and big, innocent hearts whom I want to freeze in time in their pajamas.
Lunch with L and our friend M was great--food was good, ditto that on conversation and company. And then the reading was good too. It was a sold out event; the middle school auditorium was where it was held was jammed. She was down to earth and great in the question and answer part of the event. Two things she said I wrote down as I listened. "I find it is easier to write what I don't know, but am willing to learn." The other I didn't really need to bother to write down.
"A real writer can't not write."
I leave you with that.
I hope today was good. Good luck tomorrow.
Love,
B
quiet sunday
Hi there,
It was so good to talk to you yesterday - thanks for being there for me! How was your trip do L's? I hope, in the end, it was worth the time in your weekend! :)
After we talked yesterday, I ran my errands and went to the baby shower for a short while. J and I were supposed to work out this thing with M, but didn't have enough time. We went over to K&R's for a couple of hours to watch a basketball game, but I was so tired I finally came home and took a nap. At 6:00, our friends T&R (the one who works with J, his wife, I told you...) picked us up and we went over to Tacoma for dinner. We went to an Argentinian restaurant and it was very good. Great atmosphere, if a little loud (but maybe that's because I'm getting old) and my serrano-wrapped prawns were a bit overcooked. Our waitress was weirdly inattentive; she took forever to take our dinner order (after we had finished our appetizers). Then she did the same thing with dessert - just long periods of time - maybe it's a cultural thing, maybe I'm just used to being rushed through a meal anymore. The food was terrific - definitely worth going back to, maybe with you! We also happened to discover two jazz clubs while we were in that part of town and are hoping to make a second date to try one of them.
Got home at 10:00 and they stayed for a drink. By 11:00 we were all in bed and by 1:30 I was completely sick to my stomach and having some kind of sinus thing. I have no idea what was going on, but lately I feel like I've been fighting a sinus infection and it hit me like a ton of bricks in the middle of the night. The nausea was a result of nasal drip and coughing like crazy...fortunately, that passed, but my head was killing me. It took me a couple of hours to get settled down and I ended up spending the rest of the night on the couch....makes for a tired day today. When I first woke up, I was so afraid that I had food poisoning - something to do with dinner, but that wasn't it, thank God. I guess I should make an appointment for the sinus thing before it gets any worse.
Today JJ and I woke up and made a big breakfast together. Actually, he made most of it: eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast. He cooked it all and then served us at the table, delightfully, as if it were a restaurant. He really likes to cook, but he can't focus for long periods of time so that's kind of an issue :) J and I sat down after that and have spent the last couple of hours tackling the M thing. Cried, laughed, said "I don't know the answer to that" about 25 times...in then end, I still don't know exactly what happens next. I have some more calls to make tomorrow before I call the runaway hotline and report him; our biggest question is How do we enforce all these rules when there isn't any consequence or reward that matters to him?
J's out running around town now and I'm avoiding cleaning M's room (again). At 5:00, we have JJ's basketball awards dinner (argh!) then, hopefully, a very early night to bed for all of us. Gym first thing in the morning and maybe nails and toes later on...we'll see how this all plays out with M...what with the doctor's appointment at 1:45 and all...don't know what we're going to do about that yet...
Hope you had a good visit with the kids and enjoyed the Jodi Piccoult reading. I am sending you Beautiful Boy - don't feel like you have to read it, I just thought that if you ever felt so inclined, you'd have it. Plus, it's just a really good book.
More tomorrow,
Love you!
A
It was so good to talk to you yesterday - thanks for being there for me! How was your trip do L's? I hope, in the end, it was worth the time in your weekend! :)
After we talked yesterday, I ran my errands and went to the baby shower for a short while. J and I were supposed to work out this thing with M, but didn't have enough time. We went over to K&R's for a couple of hours to watch a basketball game, but I was so tired I finally came home and took a nap. At 6:00, our friends T&R (the one who works with J, his wife, I told you...) picked us up and we went over to Tacoma for dinner. We went to an Argentinian restaurant and it was very good. Great atmosphere, if a little loud (but maybe that's because I'm getting old) and my serrano-wrapped prawns were a bit overcooked. Our waitress was weirdly inattentive; she took forever to take our dinner order (after we had finished our appetizers). Then she did the same thing with dessert - just long periods of time - maybe it's a cultural thing, maybe I'm just used to being rushed through a meal anymore. The food was terrific - definitely worth going back to, maybe with you! We also happened to discover two jazz clubs while we were in that part of town and are hoping to make a second date to try one of them.
Got home at 10:00 and they stayed for a drink. By 11:00 we were all in bed and by 1:30 I was completely sick to my stomach and having some kind of sinus thing. I have no idea what was going on, but lately I feel like I've been fighting a sinus infection and it hit me like a ton of bricks in the middle of the night. The nausea was a result of nasal drip and coughing like crazy...fortunately, that passed, but my head was killing me. It took me a couple of hours to get settled down and I ended up spending the rest of the night on the couch....makes for a tired day today. When I first woke up, I was so afraid that I had food poisoning - something to do with dinner, but that wasn't it, thank God. I guess I should make an appointment for the sinus thing before it gets any worse.
Today JJ and I woke up and made a big breakfast together. Actually, he made most of it: eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast. He cooked it all and then served us at the table, delightfully, as if it were a restaurant. He really likes to cook, but he can't focus for long periods of time so that's kind of an issue :) J and I sat down after that and have spent the last couple of hours tackling the M thing. Cried, laughed, said "I don't know the answer to that" about 25 times...in then end, I still don't know exactly what happens next. I have some more calls to make tomorrow before I call the runaway hotline and report him; our biggest question is How do we enforce all these rules when there isn't any consequence or reward that matters to him?
J's out running around town now and I'm avoiding cleaning M's room (again). At 5:00, we have JJ's basketball awards dinner (argh!) then, hopefully, a very early night to bed for all of us. Gym first thing in the morning and maybe nails and toes later on...we'll see how this all plays out with M...what with the doctor's appointment at 1:45 and all...don't know what we're going to do about that yet...
Hope you had a good visit with the kids and enjoyed the Jodi Piccoult reading. I am sending you Beautiful Boy - don't feel like you have to read it, I just thought that if you ever felt so inclined, you'd have it. Plus, it's just a really good book.
More tomorrow,
Love you!
A
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Weekend Itinerary
Good morning, Amanda.
I waited for your call until about 5, and then--in my head--I figured you'd call my cell if you didn't catch me at home. I did go out for dinner (I figured it was better to go have a balanced meal and a couple of glasses of wine than go to bed hungry after a few of martinis), and when I got home, I had a message, but didn't call you back because your message indicated that by that time it probably wouldn't be a good time for you to talk. And honestly, somewhere in the interim, maybe while I was having dinner, I thought maybe you weren't in the mood to talk. I can understand that.
I'll be around this afternoon, but this evening I'm off to L's again. I think I mentioned that she and J have a dinner invite and couldn't find a sitter, so I agreed to do it. Sunday I have plans with L to go out to lunch and then to hear Jodi Picoult speak, so it didn't seem like a bad thing to already be there. Of course, as soon as I agreed to it, I started regretting the decision. I was just there, and I don't sleep well there; suddenly I feel like I'm giving up my whole weekend. I'll survive.
If I don't hear from you this afternoon, keep in mind you won't hear from me until Sunday night. I'll check in here and hope to have some good news from you.
Love,
Barb
I waited for your call until about 5, and then--in my head--I figured you'd call my cell if you didn't catch me at home. I did go out for dinner (I figured it was better to go have a balanced meal and a couple of glasses of wine than go to bed hungry after a few of martinis), and when I got home, I had a message, but didn't call you back because your message indicated that by that time it probably wouldn't be a good time for you to talk. And honestly, somewhere in the interim, maybe while I was having dinner, I thought maybe you weren't in the mood to talk. I can understand that.
I'll be around this afternoon, but this evening I'm off to L's again. I think I mentioned that she and J have a dinner invite and couldn't find a sitter, so I agreed to do it. Sunday I have plans with L to go out to lunch and then to hear Jodi Picoult speak, so it didn't seem like a bad thing to already be there. Of course, as soon as I agreed to it, I started regretting the decision. I was just there, and I don't sleep well there; suddenly I feel like I'm giving up my whole weekend. I'll survive.
If I don't hear from you this afternoon, keep in mind you won't hear from me until Sunday night. I'll check in here and hope to have some good news from you.
Love,
Barb
Friday, March 6, 2009
Cinderella Sucks
Hey, you.
Thanks for the post this morning. Today isn't quite as bright and shiny as yesterday; I woke up with my usual lethargy and feelings of uncertainty and fear. This book is killing me. I didn't finish it last night, but I'm not sure I want to. I don't know that I want to get to the end and find out (as I'm sure I will) that there is no end. Ah, the perils of growing up in the world of happy endings. Thanks a lot, Disney. I know this will not end happily; I know that Sheff's journey continues every day, and will, for the rest of his life. It makes me sad, it drains hope out of my own situation, even though I'm trying so hard not to be pessimistic.
The school called this morning to tell me that M had his third tardy this week, so he'll be serving a lunch detention today. All I could do was sigh, and say "Ok, thanks." What else do I do? In this moment? J is still out of town and we agreed not to do anything until he gets home and we can devise a plan. I feel so on edge; I feel like I should be doing something, right now. I should be calling someone, or going down to the school and pulling M out and sitting him down and working things out (whatever that means). Things are going so well with J that I can't jeopardize it; everyone, and I mean everyone, has said that the most important thing you can do in all of this is to take care of your other relationships. Again and again, I hear that maintaining a united front as parents is key, that nourishing and stabilizing your marriage is the one thing that will get you through to the "end". As we haven't exactly been good at that up to this point, it really is a challenging time to take on the task. But I know I have to do it; I know I can't do this alone. And, above all, I know I can't let this all fall apart, for JJ's sake.
Soooo....I have a few little household chores to get done this morning before I head out to FT. I should be back here by 1:00, which gives us some time to talk before you head out for your red meat fix. I'll try you then,
Love,
A
Thanks for the post this morning. Today isn't quite as bright and shiny as yesterday; I woke up with my usual lethargy and feelings of uncertainty and fear. This book is killing me. I didn't finish it last night, but I'm not sure I want to. I don't know that I want to get to the end and find out (as I'm sure I will) that there is no end. Ah, the perils of growing up in the world of happy endings. Thanks a lot, Disney. I know this will not end happily; I know that Sheff's journey continues every day, and will, for the rest of his life. It makes me sad, it drains hope out of my own situation, even though I'm trying so hard not to be pessimistic.
The school called this morning to tell me that M had his third tardy this week, so he'll be serving a lunch detention today. All I could do was sigh, and say "Ok, thanks." What else do I do? In this moment? J is still out of town and we agreed not to do anything until he gets home and we can devise a plan. I feel so on edge; I feel like I should be doing something, right now. I should be calling someone, or going down to the school and pulling M out and sitting him down and working things out (whatever that means). Things are going so well with J that I can't jeopardize it; everyone, and I mean everyone, has said that the most important thing you can do in all of this is to take care of your other relationships. Again and again, I hear that maintaining a united front as parents is key, that nourishing and stabilizing your marriage is the one thing that will get you through to the "end". As we haven't exactly been good at that up to this point, it really is a challenging time to take on the task. But I know I have to do it; I know I can't do this alone. And, above all, I know I can't let this all fall apart, for JJ's sake.
Soooo....I have a few little household chores to get done this morning before I head out to FT. I should be back here by 1:00, which gives us some time to talk before you head out for your red meat fix. I'll try you then,
Love,
A
Zero Tolerance
Good morning, Amanda.
I made a fantastic dinner last night, and almost wrote about it, but the wine I drank with it went right to my head. I don’t know what’s going on with me lately but I have no tolerance, which is so unlike me. Honestly. I half-slurred through a conversation with J at 9:30, while a third of a bottle of Chardonnay sat in the fridge. What happened to the days I debated open a second bottle?
Anyway. I made shrimp with vegetables, which came out great…I started with a Szechuan shrimp recipe idea and prepared the raw shrimp with a little sherry, garlic, ginger and red pepper flakes. They sat like that while I prepared the vegetables. I sautéed the shrimp in canola oil, then I took them out, and in the nice amount of garlic and ginger that remained in the pan I sautéed onions, carrots, and celery (that I cut nice on a diagonal). Once those were done, I put in about a pound or so of broccoli florets and added some Soyaki and water mixture so the broccoli could steam. In the end I decided to serve this over bean threads. Great flavor, nice crunch and color to the veggies. One of the best Asian dishes I’ve made. And really it was so simple. But fresh. And I think the fresh ginger and garlic makes such a difference.
Tonight I think I’m going to give in and have that steak special dinner I’ve been craving—like a good Catholic girl, eating meat on a Friday in lent. lol Since I go to L’s tomorrow, I feel like tonight is my only opportunity to treat myself to something nice. And because I never sleep well over there and we’re losing an hour to spring ahead, I’m already scheming what day I can take off next week. Based on the testing and proctoring schedule, it looks like Friday will be the easiest day to take off. Since W is coming down next weekend that works out perfectly.
Anyway, I will be home after school if that works out for you to catch up. I should be home 2:30 my time, and will head out to dinner at 5. I’ll be home and in my jammies by 6:30, 7 the latest. I don’t know which of those times will work out best, but I would love to talk.
Have a great day.
Love, B
I made a fantastic dinner last night, and almost wrote about it, but the wine I drank with it went right to my head. I don’t know what’s going on with me lately but I have no tolerance, which is so unlike me. Honestly. I half-slurred through a conversation with J at 9:30, while a third of a bottle of Chardonnay sat in the fridge. What happened to the days I debated open a second bottle?
Anyway. I made shrimp with vegetables, which came out great…I started with a Szechuan shrimp recipe idea and prepared the raw shrimp with a little sherry, garlic, ginger and red pepper flakes. They sat like that while I prepared the vegetables. I sautéed the shrimp in canola oil, then I took them out, and in the nice amount of garlic and ginger that remained in the pan I sautéed onions, carrots, and celery (that I cut nice on a diagonal). Once those were done, I put in about a pound or so of broccoli florets and added some Soyaki and water mixture so the broccoli could steam. In the end I decided to serve this over bean threads. Great flavor, nice crunch and color to the veggies. One of the best Asian dishes I’ve made. And really it was so simple. But fresh. And I think the fresh ginger and garlic makes such a difference.
Tonight I think I’m going to give in and have that steak special dinner I’ve been craving—like a good Catholic girl, eating meat on a Friday in lent. lol Since I go to L’s tomorrow, I feel like tonight is my only opportunity to treat myself to something nice. And because I never sleep well over there and we’re losing an hour to spring ahead, I’m already scheming what day I can take off next week. Based on the testing and proctoring schedule, it looks like Friday will be the easiest day to take off. Since W is coming down next weekend that works out perfectly.
Anyway, I will be home after school if that works out for you to catch up. I should be home 2:30 my time, and will head out to dinner at 5. I’ll be home and in my jammies by 6:30, 7 the latest. I don’t know which of those times will work out best, but I would love to talk.
Have a great day.
Love, B
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Wow! She CAN be brief!
Hey,
Quick note - really! - to say that I'm turning in early tonight so I can finish my book. That, and to get out of the kitchen, since I appear to be devouring everything not nailed down. We got home from basketball late tonight then had math homework that took for-e-ver, but JJ was a good egg about it. I was the one who wanted to just give him all the answers and call it a night. God, I still hate math so much!
I will try to write tomorrow before or after Friday Treats - hope your Friday morning started well and continues that way all day!
Love you,
A
Quick note - really! - to say that I'm turning in early tonight so I can finish my book. That, and to get out of the kitchen, since I appear to be devouring everything not nailed down. We got home from basketball late tonight then had math homework that took for-e-ver, but JJ was a good egg about it. I was the one who wanted to just give him all the answers and call it a night. God, I still hate math so much!
I will try to write tomorrow before or after Friday Treats - hope your Friday morning started well and continues that way all day!
Love you,
A
Spring, please
Hey, Amanda.
I’m sorry I missed your call last night, but I was glad to get word from you first thing this morning. Thanks for that. It sounds like it was just what you needed.
I knew last night that the best thing for me to do was go to bed early. I needed to get out of my own way, and I needed not to start snacking or drinking. So I went to bed at 8:30. No joke. I didn’t fall asleep right away, but I did get a good night’s sleep. I’m off to an okay start today, but all bets are off after the kids are done with standardized testing and show up here, where I’m going to try my best to teach them about cell division. Yeah, right, good luck with that.
I would love to go out for a cheap steak dinner tonight, but I’m not sure if I will. I want to exercise first…and sometimes I don’t move beyond that going home step. I can’t wait for it to be warmer and stay light longer. I think we spring ahead this weekend. Thank God! This SAD is killing me.
Hope today is a good day for you.
Love,
Barb
I’m sorry I missed your call last night, but I was glad to get word from you first thing this morning. Thanks for that. It sounds like it was just what you needed.
I knew last night that the best thing for me to do was go to bed early. I needed to get out of my own way, and I needed not to start snacking or drinking. So I went to bed at 8:30. No joke. I didn’t fall asleep right away, but I did get a good night’s sleep. I’m off to an okay start today, but all bets are off after the kids are done with standardized testing and show up here, where I’m going to try my best to teach them about cell division. Yeah, right, good luck with that.
I would love to go out for a cheap steak dinner tonight, but I’m not sure if I will. I want to exercise first…and sometimes I don’t move beyond that going home step. I can’t wait for it to be warmer and stay light longer. I think we spring ahead this weekend. Thank God! This SAD is killing me.
Hope today is a good day for you.
Love,
Barb
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
First Impressions
Hi there,
Just thought I'd tap out a few thoughts on this meeting I went to tonight, just to preserve this first impression. I was thinking earlier today that I would like to be writing more about all of this, but CiR is not exactly the right place to do it - just a little TMI for my neighbors, I think. So I bought a journal and then realized that, while it is pretty and perfect and crisp and blank, it's paper. Honestly, the thought of writing out my randomness in longhand is frightening anymore.
So I typed instead, and sent it to you via email.
Other than that, nothing else going on. Appt with MC tomorrow and then sports out the ears until 9:00 pm. I'll try to write in the midst.
Love you,
A
Just thought I'd tap out a few thoughts on this meeting I went to tonight, just to preserve this first impression. I was thinking earlier today that I would like to be writing more about all of this, but CiR is not exactly the right place to do it - just a little TMI for my neighbors, I think. So I bought a journal and then realized that, while it is pretty and perfect and crisp and blank, it's paper. Honestly, the thought of writing out my randomness in longhand is frightening anymore.
So I typed instead, and sent it to you via email.
Other than that, nothing else going on. Appt with MC tomorrow and then sports out the ears until 9:00 pm. I'll try to write in the midst.
Love you,
A
Smoke 'em if you got 'em
Hey there.
Thanks for writing last night. It is always a treat when I get to read a little from you in the morning as I start my day.
I commend your efforts to stay positive, go to the gym, train for a 5K, and avoid quick and easy escapes. I've said it before, but it bears repeating that I can't imagine how difficult it is for you. I applaud how well you are keeping it together.
Today was one of those days where I just blew a fuse in the middle of the day and couldn't wait for it to be over. I think the standardize testing in the morning brings out the worst in the kids later in the day. Requiring them to focus and not talk for an hour and a half is clearly more than they can handle; asking them to do so later while you're trying to teach is clearly not gonna happen...The kids I saw today have a hard enough time staying on task on days they aren't bubbling answer keys in the morning for the state of Connecticut, so it was just an exercise in futility. Honestly, I couldn't wait to get out and have a cigarette. I never feel that way anymore. I smoke rarely these days--a cigarette a week maybe. But today I was happy to have that old pack in the pocket of my car door. But yes, at least I have a job.
I stopped my by parents' after school, then ran a couple quick errands, and now I am home. In my jammies, with plans to read tonight. I have a pile of recommended reads building up since I read so much less during the school year, and I'd like to spend more time reading. I'm happy these days with the amount of time I'm writing, but I need to read more. It'll be the final push back to my novel, I believe.
W is still in a good mood today, although the Tuft's lead is only for a temp job. He'll take it if they lay him off after, but that's the point of temp jobs, no? So a company doesn't have to pay the unemployment insurance. Making decent money for 2 months won't pay off if ultimately he can't collect unemployment again when the stint is over. He's going to check with the people but I'm afraid I already know the answer, so it's only a matter of time until Doom and Gloom returns to throw things off a bit. D was so right when she said it's like having a third person in the relationship. Indeed. An unwelcome guest.
Still, overall, things are good. I really can't complain, although that's what we all do, right? Is that because that's what we heard our parents doing? I wonder.
I hope you are having a good day. Thanks for the emails.
Love you lots,
Barb
Thanks for writing last night. It is always a treat when I get to read a little from you in the morning as I start my day.
I commend your efforts to stay positive, go to the gym, train for a 5K, and avoid quick and easy escapes. I've said it before, but it bears repeating that I can't imagine how difficult it is for you. I applaud how well you are keeping it together.
Today was one of those days where I just blew a fuse in the middle of the day and couldn't wait for it to be over. I think the standardize testing in the morning brings out the worst in the kids later in the day. Requiring them to focus and not talk for an hour and a half is clearly more than they can handle; asking them to do so later while you're trying to teach is clearly not gonna happen...The kids I saw today have a hard enough time staying on task on days they aren't bubbling answer keys in the morning for the state of Connecticut, so it was just an exercise in futility. Honestly, I couldn't wait to get out and have a cigarette. I never feel that way anymore. I smoke rarely these days--a cigarette a week maybe. But today I was happy to have that old pack in the pocket of my car door. But yes, at least I have a job.
I stopped my by parents' after school, then ran a couple quick errands, and now I am home. In my jammies, with plans to read tonight. I have a pile of recommended reads building up since I read so much less during the school year, and I'd like to spend more time reading. I'm happy these days with the amount of time I'm writing, but I need to read more. It'll be the final push back to my novel, I believe.
W is still in a good mood today, although the Tuft's lead is only for a temp job. He'll take it if they lay him off after, but that's the point of temp jobs, no? So a company doesn't have to pay the unemployment insurance. Making decent money for 2 months won't pay off if ultimately he can't collect unemployment again when the stint is over. He's going to check with the people but I'm afraid I already know the answer, so it's only a matter of time until Doom and Gloom returns to throw things off a bit. D was so right when she said it's like having a third person in the relationship. Indeed. An unwelcome guest.
Still, overall, things are good. I really can't complain, although that's what we all do, right? Is that because that's what we heard our parents doing? I wonder.
I hope you are having a good day. Thanks for the emails.
Love you lots,
Barb
quick note
Hey,
Sorry to hear your day wasn't stellar. I just wanted to say hello before JJ gets home; I ended up reading a bit this morning, then took myself to the massage place for a one-hour stress reliever. It was helpful; I do feel physically better. After a trip to the grocery store, I headed back home, ate some lunch, and watched a little tv. Now it's time for my second shift and I realized I hadn't written here.
Nutshell:
Subbing
I have all my materials in and they should be processed within the week. I plan on only working maybe two days a week.
Restaurant reviews with K
Nothing yet. Haven't even talked about it lately. I'm a little preoccupied, which sucks for everyone in my life.
Tonight I am dropping JJ off at his basketball coach's house (across the street) for dinner and practice. I am going to the support group at 6:30, the one the school and my friends who have lived the teenage nightmare both suggested. I keep thinking it's going to be a magic pill, that I will leave with some secret handshake into the Club of Parents with Unruly Teens. I have made a long list of questions that plague me every day, and I know I'm setting myself up for failure believing that I will come home tonight with all the answers. Still, it has to be a place to start. The more I read this book, Beautiful Boy, the more I think M is on drugs; in fact, at this point, I can't even pretend that he's not. The behavioral symptoms are just all there and all clear. I am trying not to scare myself, reading my life into this father's story, but I'm also trying to dig myself out of denial. Hopefully, listening to some parents who have been, or are, where I am will be of some help or comfort.
Gotta run - sorry for the short post (God forbid I should write less than a novel!) and i hope you enjoy your evening. What are you reading now?
Love you,
A
Sorry to hear your day wasn't stellar. I just wanted to say hello before JJ gets home; I ended up reading a bit this morning, then took myself to the massage place for a one-hour stress reliever. It was helpful; I do feel physically better. After a trip to the grocery store, I headed back home, ate some lunch, and watched a little tv. Now it's time for my second shift and I realized I hadn't written here.
Nutshell:
Subbing
I have all my materials in and they should be processed within the week. I plan on only working maybe two days a week.
Restaurant reviews with K
Nothing yet. Haven't even talked about it lately. I'm a little preoccupied, which sucks for everyone in my life.
Tonight I am dropping JJ off at his basketball coach's house (across the street) for dinner and practice. I am going to the support group at 6:30, the one the school and my friends who have lived the teenage nightmare both suggested. I keep thinking it's going to be a magic pill, that I will leave with some secret handshake into the Club of Parents with Unruly Teens. I have made a long list of questions that plague me every day, and I know I'm setting myself up for failure believing that I will come home tonight with all the answers. Still, it has to be a place to start. The more I read this book, Beautiful Boy, the more I think M is on drugs; in fact, at this point, I can't even pretend that he's not. The behavioral symptoms are just all there and all clear. I am trying not to scare myself, reading my life into this father's story, but I'm also trying to dig myself out of denial. Hopefully, listening to some parents who have been, or are, where I am will be of some help or comfort.
Gotta run - sorry for the short post (God forbid I should write less than a novel!) and i hope you enjoy your evening. What are you reading now?
Love you,
A
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
good food, food friends and laughter
Hi, B.
Thanks for continuing to write, and check in by email, even though I haven't been responding. I definitely have my fingers crossed for W - it just sucks out there for everyone. I know something will come his way soon.
Today, actually, was a good day. Yes, J and I are still GWAGA, which I am so grateful for since he left town this afternoon until Friday evening. I don't think I would have done very well had he left and we were on bad terms. We had fun at C's party last night, and then had time to have an early dinner this evening before he left; JJ had already eaten, so I made a yummy shrimp and pancetta fettucine and we were able to have a quiet half-hour together.
This morning I got up and went to the gym - again, two days in a row! We ran home to take quick showers then K and I headed up north to pick up the trophies for JJ's basketball dinner this Sunday. We left there and went to the rich people's Trader Joe's; nothing's really different but the clientele. I spent a ton of money, though, maybe it was psychological. I was feeling like eating healthy. Well, that is until we got home, put everything in the freezer and decided to go have Chinese food for lunch. After lunch we went over to the running store and I officially signed up to do the No Boundaries 5K training, starting March 28th. I paid my fee and everything, so there's no turning back. M or no M, I'm going to do this if it kills me. It felt great to walk out of there, knowing I had committed.
I spent the rest of the afternoon reading a little, then went on line to do some research. In answer to your emails today, yes, the book is great and yes, I think M might be using meth. I don't know; I don't know how I'm supposed to know. He shows signs. But he also shows signs of being 16, which are pretty much the same thing. The book is opening my eyes to one important thing: the author repeatedly says that he wishes he hadn't rationalized and downplayed and denied signs, that he had done something earlier, that he had acted on gut feelings. That's how I feel most of the time; I just know, in my heart, that something is really wrong. I can't tell you what it is, I can't tell you where it's going to take him, but something is terribly wrong. That's not even me being the drama queen, it's me being sick to my stomach whenever I think about it too much or even read too much and get more information than I can emotionally handle. (And to answer your question, yes, he's still gone.)
I'm trying so hard not to escape into tv, alcohol, or (my favorite) sleep. I try to get out of the house and stay out as long as I can, in order to avoid my couch. After I got off the computer this afternoon, JJ came home and that's much easier for me. Someone to talk to, some other distraction around. JK came over right after that and the two of them sat around eating snacks and doing their homework, for an hour and a half or so. When J and I finished dinner and he was on the road, I took those two up to the video store and we rented Get Smart. Tomorrow is late start, so we all curled up on the couch and laughed our heads off for a couple of hours, scarfing Dibs and sour gummy worms. Totally hilarious movie, by the way, next time you have the nieces and nephews around. It felt good to laugh, it felt so good to cuddle with my kid(s) and just be normal for awhile.
JJ's in bed now and I'm headed that way. Tomorrow is Day Three of my Get Ready for the 5K Training (kind of like cleaning the house before the maid comes, I guess.) We're going to the gym at 7:00 and home before JJ even wakes up. K is kicking my a** every morning, making me get up and go. I lover her for that!
I (frighteningly) have the whole rest of the day free after that, so maybe I will undertake the daunting task of cleaning M's room. Could be depressing, could be cathartic. Let's hope for the latter. Maybe I'll un-hunch my shoulders and unclench my teeth long enough to call and make a massage appointment before my muscles all permanently move to this ultra-stress position.
More later - glad to hear you had a good day. Sending warmth your way...I had the AC on in the car today, no lie.
Love you,
A
PS. Glad you like A's card. It practically made me cry; I'm such a sap.
Thanks for continuing to write, and check in by email, even though I haven't been responding. I definitely have my fingers crossed for W - it just sucks out there for everyone. I know something will come his way soon.
Today, actually, was a good day. Yes, J and I are still GWAGA, which I am so grateful for since he left town this afternoon until Friday evening. I don't think I would have done very well had he left and we were on bad terms. We had fun at C's party last night, and then had time to have an early dinner this evening before he left; JJ had already eaten, so I made a yummy shrimp and pancetta fettucine and we were able to have a quiet half-hour together.
This morning I got up and went to the gym - again, two days in a row! We ran home to take quick showers then K and I headed up north to pick up the trophies for JJ's basketball dinner this Sunday. We left there and went to the rich people's Trader Joe's; nothing's really different but the clientele. I spent a ton of money, though, maybe it was psychological. I was feeling like eating healthy. Well, that is until we got home, put everything in the freezer and decided to go have Chinese food for lunch. After lunch we went over to the running store and I officially signed up to do the No Boundaries 5K training, starting March 28th. I paid my fee and everything, so there's no turning back. M or no M, I'm going to do this if it kills me. It felt great to walk out of there, knowing I had committed.
I spent the rest of the afternoon reading a little, then went on line to do some research. In answer to your emails today, yes, the book is great and yes, I think M might be using meth. I don't know; I don't know how I'm supposed to know. He shows signs. But he also shows signs of being 16, which are pretty much the same thing. The book is opening my eyes to one important thing: the author repeatedly says that he wishes he hadn't rationalized and downplayed and denied signs, that he had done something earlier, that he had acted on gut feelings. That's how I feel most of the time; I just know, in my heart, that something is really wrong. I can't tell you what it is, I can't tell you where it's going to take him, but something is terribly wrong. That's not even me being the drama queen, it's me being sick to my stomach whenever I think about it too much or even read too much and get more information than I can emotionally handle. (And to answer your question, yes, he's still gone.)
I'm trying so hard not to escape into tv, alcohol, or (my favorite) sleep. I try to get out of the house and stay out as long as I can, in order to avoid my couch. After I got off the computer this afternoon, JJ came home and that's much easier for me. Someone to talk to, some other distraction around. JK came over right after that and the two of them sat around eating snacks and doing their homework, for an hour and a half or so. When J and I finished dinner and he was on the road, I took those two up to the video store and we rented Get Smart. Tomorrow is late start, so we all curled up on the couch and laughed our heads off for a couple of hours, scarfing Dibs and sour gummy worms. Totally hilarious movie, by the way, next time you have the nieces and nephews around. It felt good to laugh, it felt so good to cuddle with my kid(s) and just be normal for awhile.
JJ's in bed now and I'm headed that way. Tomorrow is Day Three of my Get Ready for the 5K Training (kind of like cleaning the house before the maid comes, I guess.) We're going to the gym at 7:00 and home before JJ even wakes up. K is kicking my a** every morning, making me get up and go. I lover her for that!
I (frighteningly) have the whole rest of the day free after that, so maybe I will undertake the daunting task of cleaning M's room. Could be depressing, could be cathartic. Let's hope for the latter. Maybe I'll un-hunch my shoulders and unclench my teeth long enough to call and make a massage appointment before my muscles all permanently move to this ultra-stress position.
More later - glad to hear you had a good day. Sending warmth your way...I had the AC on in the car today, no lie.
Love you,
A
PS. Glad you like A's card. It practically made me cry; I'm such a sap.
Stress-less
My long weekend was certainly nice, and I am happy to report it's not killing me to be back to reality. I must say I caught a break, as we started our state standardized testing today and my schedule was a breeze, so I got a chance to ease back into the routine. So many Mondays or (Tuesdays) I can't wait to get out and get home, I'm practically counting minutes until my contractual obligation is done. (We need to remain 1/2 hour past the school day.) Today I was good. I worked for an hour or so after the last bell, then came home and did my exercise DVD. Now I'm watching Food Network and debating if I should just have a Boca burger or make some sort of shrimp and broccoli dish (I have both available). Leftover pizza (which came out excellent!) is also an option. That is, I have a stress free night at hand, especially since W is in a good way today.
It makes a difference when W is in a good mood, as he is today, which makes me happy too. He has a lead on a job at Tuft's Medical Center so it takes the edge off. Cross your fingers that it comes through...I'm not sure I can take the roller coaster ride much longer. I never know where he is going to be in the ride, and I worry about him. I feel like it should be his time; he's had enough leads that have gone nowhere and he's due for something to work out. Yet my friend K came to me today and told me her husband was laid off on Friday. It's just awful out there, but I don't want to give up hope. Speaking of hope....
I wonder how you are doing. Are you and J still GWAGA? Is M still at S's? Did you make the calls you were going to?...or are you hanging out listening to the Jonas Brothers, 'cause you know that would be okay, too...
Love you,
B
It makes a difference when W is in a good mood, as he is today, which makes me happy too. He has a lead on a job at Tuft's Medical Center so it takes the edge off. Cross your fingers that it comes through...I'm not sure I can take the roller coaster ride much longer. I never know where he is going to be in the ride, and I worry about him. I feel like it should be his time; he's had enough leads that have gone nowhere and he's due for something to work out. Yet my friend K came to me today and told me her husband was laid off on Friday. It's just awful out there, but I don't want to give up hope. Speaking of hope....
I wonder how you are doing. Are you and J still GWAGA? Is M still at S's? Did you make the calls you were going to?...or are you hanging out listening to the Jonas Brothers, 'cause you know that would be okay, too...
Love you,
B
Monday, March 2, 2009
Snowy and Cold or The Never Ending Winter
Hello, Amanda.
The Nor-easter did arrive, as expected, and my call came this morning at 4:45 that we had no school. Several schools were already cancelling last night, as I saw during the 11 o'clock news, but my district was not one of them. Still, I was absolutely 100 percent sure we'd have no school--which is part of the reason I was up until 11 to begin with. (I watched the 2-hour episode of Brothers and Sisters and--you guessed it--wept. Do you happen to watch that show? OMG.)
I've had a good day so far. I was out and about pretty early so I could clear off my car and move it so that my parking space can be plowed, then went on a cleaning frenzy in my kitchen before lunch. Now I'm taking some time for espresso (I've been into making espresso again lately in the afternoon) with a little amaretto on the rocks on the side. I was tempted to make an espresso martini, but thought that might be a bit much. That is, I knew I'd probably have a second, and then my plans to make pizza (chicken, spinach, mushrooms) and put together a nice salad for lunch tomorrow and finish a piece I'm writing would be out the window. Espresso and amaretto is not a bad consolation prize, I must say. It's like having coffee and a cookie--only in liquid form.
Despite, or in light of things with M, it sounds like you are doing well, staying grounded, reminding yourself of things it's important to keep in mind and seeking out the appropriate support. I commend you on keeping it together. And I'm so happy to hear about the GWAGA. Still, I hope to hear from you later. If I'm rolling dough or otherwise engaged in Barb's Bistro, I won't answer, but will call you back when I'm done.
Love,
Barb
The Nor-easter did arrive, as expected, and my call came this morning at 4:45 that we had no school. Several schools were already cancelling last night, as I saw during the 11 o'clock news, but my district was not one of them. Still, I was absolutely 100 percent sure we'd have no school--which is part of the reason I was up until 11 to begin with. (I watched the 2-hour episode of Brothers and Sisters and--you guessed it--wept. Do you happen to watch that show? OMG.)
I've had a good day so far. I was out and about pretty early so I could clear off my car and move it so that my parking space can be plowed, then went on a cleaning frenzy in my kitchen before lunch. Now I'm taking some time for espresso (I've been into making espresso again lately in the afternoon) with a little amaretto on the rocks on the side. I was tempted to make an espresso martini, but thought that might be a bit much. That is, I knew I'd probably have a second, and then my plans to make pizza (chicken, spinach, mushrooms) and put together a nice salad for lunch tomorrow and finish a piece I'm writing would be out the window. Espresso and amaretto is not a bad consolation prize, I must say. It's like having coffee and a cookie--only in liquid form.
Despite, or in light of things with M, it sounds like you are doing well, staying grounded, reminding yourself of things it's important to keep in mind and seeking out the appropriate support. I commend you on keeping it together. And I'm so happy to hear about the GWAGA. Still, I hope to hear from you later. If I'm rolling dough or otherwise engaged in Barb's Bistro, I won't answer, but will call you back when I'm done.
Love,
Barb
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Breathe in ... and exhale ...
Hi, Barb.
You're such a cute auntie! I love that S shares boy stories with you and that you are there for her the way you are. Lucky girl...s.
My Jonas Brothers date was terrific. It was exactly what I needed this afternoon. Not just music I enjoy, but kids I admire and a restoration of faith in young people that's hard to get elsewhere. Especially right now....
M stopped by this morning to pick up his work uniform. Evidently he hasn't been fired (yet). I attempted to spark a conversation with him, but he's still stuck on believing that I need to talk to S's mom and work things out with her. Yeah, not gonna happen. I told him I don't have anything to work out with her, that this is between us, that she has nothing to do with it. He just doesn't get that. So off he went again and I was spared a complete meltdown by five little kids waiting to go to the movies. Thank God.
Tomorrow I will make some more phone calls and arrange to go to the parent support group; I will also make contact with the school since he's been suspended and I need to start making a contact record. It just keeps getting better.
Deep breath. Exhale. Again.
Tonight, a little flank steak and roasted potatoes, some good wine and maybe a visit from K & R later on. JJ and I will get some reading time in before an early bedtime and then it's Monday all over again. I hope you enjoy your snow day tomorrow - or enjoy going to work if that's the case. Maybe I'll try to call you if you're around...or you try me...or whatever.
Love you!
A
You're such a cute auntie! I love that S shares boy stories with you and that you are there for her the way you are. Lucky girl...s.
My Jonas Brothers date was terrific. It was exactly what I needed this afternoon. Not just music I enjoy, but kids I admire and a restoration of faith in young people that's hard to get elsewhere. Especially right now....
M stopped by this morning to pick up his work uniform. Evidently he hasn't been fired (yet). I attempted to spark a conversation with him, but he's still stuck on believing that I need to talk to S's mom and work things out with her. Yeah, not gonna happen. I told him I don't have anything to work out with her, that this is between us, that she has nothing to do with it. He just doesn't get that. So off he went again and I was spared a complete meltdown by five little kids waiting to go to the movies. Thank God.
Tomorrow I will make some more phone calls and arrange to go to the parent support group; I will also make contact with the school since he's been suspended and I need to start making a contact record. It just keeps getting better.
Deep breath. Exhale. Again.
Tonight, a little flank steak and roasted potatoes, some good wine and maybe a visit from K & R later on. JJ and I will get some reading time in before an early bedtime and then it's Monday all over again. I hope you enjoy your snow day tomorrow - or enjoy going to work if that's the case. Maybe I'll try to call you if you're around...or you try me...or whatever.
Love you!
A
Enjoying Possibility
Hey there, Amanda.
It was great to read from you this morning as I drank my coffee and made my plans. I think your mantra is important and I'm glad you and J are moving forward together. I have you all in my thoughts and prayers out here, but know even before I say Dear God, that you will be okay....
In these parts, we're bracing ourselves for a foot of snow overnight tonight, while today we're getting a few flurries. Seriously, the meteorologist on my favorite local station pretty much told kids not to bother to do their homework. Yet I found myself, for the first time with such a forecast looming, ambivalent. It wasn't until I was getting into line at the supermarket with a quart of half and half and a package of bacon, ready to pick up the Sunday newspaper, that I got excited. It occurred to me I couldn't stop it, like it or not. At this point, even if they start taking away April vacation, I am committed to my trip to California and will have to call in sick. So I thought, maybe I'll have a good breakfast tomorrow too, and I know I smiled bright and wide, as if I had voices in my head. If I were home I know I would have followed with a tee hee.
My visit with my Sunshine was great. It meant so much to her that she had people there to watch her play--me, and her grandmother and another aunt (from her dad's side of the family). I could see it in her face and read it in her body language. The game was actually good and dinner was as well, and it was a nice visit overall. I think my favorite part might have been her telling me in the morning that she had a dream about a boy she likes, followed by "but don't tell my mom." (My second favorite moment was her grandmother taking me aside and thanking me for a piece I had written about her late husband.) I equally enjoyed meeting her friends and my introduction to her friends. I left just before they were settling into the HSM3 DVD.
Speaking of tween sensations, good luck today with your Jonas Brothers adventure. I think I may have missed you, as I wrote elsewhere this morning and I'm just getting around to writing here and it's almost noon your time. If I have then I hope you'll check in after; either way I wish you all well.
Love,
Barb
It was great to read from you this morning as I drank my coffee and made my plans. I think your mantra is important and I'm glad you and J are moving forward together. I have you all in my thoughts and prayers out here, but know even before I say Dear God, that you will be okay....
In these parts, we're bracing ourselves for a foot of snow overnight tonight, while today we're getting a few flurries. Seriously, the meteorologist on my favorite local station pretty much told kids not to bother to do their homework. Yet I found myself, for the first time with such a forecast looming, ambivalent. It wasn't until I was getting into line at the supermarket with a quart of half and half and a package of bacon, ready to pick up the Sunday newspaper, that I got excited. It occurred to me I couldn't stop it, like it or not. At this point, even if they start taking away April vacation, I am committed to my trip to California and will have to call in sick. So I thought, maybe I'll have a good breakfast tomorrow too, and I know I smiled bright and wide, as if I had voices in my head. If I were home I know I would have followed with a tee hee.
My visit with my Sunshine was great. It meant so much to her that she had people there to watch her play--me, and her grandmother and another aunt (from her dad's side of the family). I could see it in her face and read it in her body language. The game was actually good and dinner was as well, and it was a nice visit overall. I think my favorite part might have been her telling me in the morning that she had a dream about a boy she likes, followed by "but don't tell my mom." (My second favorite moment was her grandmother taking me aside and thanking me for a piece I had written about her late husband.) I equally enjoyed meeting her friends and my introduction to her friends. I left just before they were settling into the HSM3 DVD.
Speaking of tween sensations, good luck today with your Jonas Brothers adventure. I think I may have missed you, as I wrote elsewhere this morning and I'm just getting around to writing here and it's almost noon your time. If I have then I hope you'll check in after; either way I wish you all well.
Love,
Barb
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