WWBD?

Good morning, B.

Sounds like you had a great time last night. Don't you just love those spontaneous events that make such wonderful memories?!

I am enjoying my "alone" time quite a bit. I had actually sent out a BLU dinner invite text from Walmart yesterday, but everyone had other plans. When I got home, JJ informed me that he'd been invited to JK's grandma's house for dinner, so even my little culinary treat for him - bacon cheeseburgers - was out of the question. I sat down on the couch at around 3:00 and thought to myself, Hmmm. What do I do with myself? This doesn't happen very often. Do I worry about dinner at all? Take a nap? Get productive and do laundry?

I hopped in my car, went to Sleep Country and bought myself a new mattress. Just like that. I am soooo excited to have it delivered today! Then I dinked around town, literally just driving and stopping nowhere, until I had to pee. This was in painful defiance of a strong urge to go to Marshalls and buy an entirely new bed linen set. Yeah! I did it!

I came home and decided to indulge myself with a movie, even though I'm quite enjoying my book. I rented Gran Torino and absolutely f*ng LOVED IT. Best movie I've seen in a long time. And then I was hungry, so I thought, Wow! I could have anything I want! I could go out! I could eat in! I could have a hot fudge sundae with a side of chips and guac! What would Barb do?

Driving clear over to Outback for a steak wasn't an option; I couldn't have a glass or two of wine with my meal since I'd have to drive all the way home. Nothing here in town sounded appealing, even Mexican, for which I am normally jonesin' 24/7. I did the whole stand-in-front-of-the-fridge-with-the-door-open thing for awhile until I figured it out.

A glass of wine later, my New York steak, spread liberally with blue cheese crumbles, was grilling beautifully next to my foiled ear of corn, wrapped tightly with lots of butter, salt and fresh Parmesan. I wandered around my garden, wine in hand, touching up plants and flowers, until my dinner was done. I set a place for myself at the deck table and sat down. Alone. And I loved it! As I started to cut my first bite of steak, I stopped, put my fork down and lifted my glass. To you. Thanks for a terrific dinner!

Anyway, I treated myself to another movie - Taken - after that, and then sat out on the front porch finishing my bottle of wine until CK and the kids got home at 10:30. One of my neighbors, G, coming home from another house, stopped and said hello. She has a 9 month old baby so I had a few moments of bliss while we chatted, his fat little arms splayed across my chest, his sweaty little head, heavy on my shoulder, as he fought to stay awake. Why do babies always smell so good? I started to have a moment, then it passed. G knows all about M and what we've been through, and I could have gone ahead with my little breakdown, but I wasn't in the mood. I just inhaled deeply and said a little prayer for S, the pudgy bundle of innocence and hope in my arms, and his older brother I. Hold him like this, I asked God. Since I can't.

Today I am up and going, on a mission to do the bedroom makeover, even though nothing will really be visibly new. J will be home tonight for the Memorial Service tomorrow (one-year anniversary of Chief's death - big dedication of a pond/fountain/brick path at the fire station) and it looks like, he says, he may not have to go back to this fire. That doesn't mean he won't be sent out on another one, but for now, he should be home for your visit!

Enjoy your day in the sun and remember, by the pool today, when you feel your heart breaking, it's because you are a good person and you are full of love.

Love, A