Happy Monday, Barb.
Sounds like a low-key weekend. Good way to start the school year, probably. I enjoyed the same level of activity, more or less - a little shopping in a way-t00-crowded mall (so we went out to dinner instead), a relaxing couple of hours in the Executive Lounge with K&R&TN, flipping between sports channels so as to catch the Seahawks, the Mariners and Indy Cars, all in one evening. TN roasted a leg of lamb (it was Saturday night...I will starve if he moves out and gets a place of his own). I am not a huge lamb fan, by any stretch, but I'll always try it. I think I had really bad experiences with it as a child or something. At any rate, it was phenomenal and I ate it all and then had it cold for leftovers the next morning too. I'm onto something new, evidently!
Sunday, we spent in the garden, after JJ and I spent an hour and a half at the gym. He kicked my butt on the bike - ow, is all I have to say. I know I should go do some cardio this morning but we also did some weights yesterday and I am quite sore. We'll see how the day goes. I have sub "orientation" this afternoon (as if I can't remember all that s**t from last year and the 12 years prior to that). It's required to fill out paperwork. Whatever.
Nothing going on this week other than that. I'm anxious for school to start and to be able to work a little; I'm really stressing about money right now. I can sympathize with W on what's available out there - as in, nothing. If only I were a nurse. Or a truck driver. I'm getting sick of looking for a job already and I've hardly started my search, compared to some. If not a huge money maker, at least a sub job here or there will make me feel somewhat productive.
I hope this first week with students goes well for you. Love you! - A
Monday, August 31, 2009
Grunts and Groans
Hey, A.
The weekend didn’t play out exactly as I had planned, but it was good nonetheless. And oddly enough, it felt like enough…enough time to relax and be off from work.
After cocktails with C on Friday afternoon, I went home and watched the Memorial Service Friday night; Saturday I stayed glued to the TV throughout the funeral. Eventually I forced myself outside and went out to dinner on Saturday night.
Yesterday I did some nesting in the morning, and eventually went out to the pool in the late afternoon and started reading a new book. I came in—debated on going out for Mexican—and stuck with the original plan of making shrimp Caesar salad and bruschetta. I read some more and went to bed.
Nothing eventful, as you can see, but it was a weekend….another without W, and without much communication. He had a family church function on Saturday and was tied up most of the day, but I honestly was glad for a break from the depression, those phone calls that seem like nothing but a pregnant pause. His response to my always cheerful how are you? has moved from a grunt or “so-so” to “terrible.” Talk about a great conversation starter. Arg. I know that he is terrible, and I don’t want him to lie, but it would also be nice to see some effort to let me be a distracter, our moments on the phone a bright spot in his day. Wishful thinking.
Oh well, I’m back at work and am spared another phone call now until after 3. Maybe by the grace of god he’ll hear about an interview today. This is going to break him. Sometimes I fear it’s going to break us first.
Still, I am well, staying positive where I can. Hope you had a good weekend.
Love,
Barb
The weekend didn’t play out exactly as I had planned, but it was good nonetheless. And oddly enough, it felt like enough…enough time to relax and be off from work.
After cocktails with C on Friday afternoon, I went home and watched the Memorial Service Friday night; Saturday I stayed glued to the TV throughout the funeral. Eventually I forced myself outside and went out to dinner on Saturday night.
Yesterday I did some nesting in the morning, and eventually went out to the pool in the late afternoon and started reading a new book. I came in—debated on going out for Mexican—and stuck with the original plan of making shrimp Caesar salad and bruschetta. I read some more and went to bed.
Nothing eventful, as you can see, but it was a weekend….another without W, and without much communication. He had a family church function on Saturday and was tied up most of the day, but I honestly was glad for a break from the depression, those phone calls that seem like nothing but a pregnant pause. His response to my always cheerful how are you? has moved from a grunt or “so-so” to “terrible.” Talk about a great conversation starter. Arg. I know that he is terrible, and I don’t want him to lie, but it would also be nice to see some effort to let me be a distracter, our moments on the phone a bright spot in his day. Wishful thinking.
Oh well, I’m back at work and am spared another phone call now until after 3. Maybe by the grace of god he’ll hear about an interview today. This is going to break him. Sometimes I fear it’s going to break us first.
Still, I am well, staying positive where I can. Hope you had a good weekend.
Love,
Barb
Friday, August 28, 2009
Can't Think of a Title
Hey,
What sucked was that when I got home and J asked me how it went, I said I really wanted to do it but that I knew we couldn't afford it. Instead of being supportive in the way that I really needed him to be, as in, if this is something you really want to do, we'll find a way, he was "supportive" in his weird, condescending way that makes me want to punch him. He starts in with this whole line of questioning about whether or not I will truly commit to it, and what makes it different from any other thing I've tried and his tone made me feel like I was about 10 years old, asking for a new bike or something. By the time he was done, not only did I not want to join the gym, I wanted to scream. Then! T came over I was talking to him about it - briefly, in passing. Suddenly, the two of them are talking to me about it, telling me all the s**t I really don't want to hear about myself, like how I can't commit to anything and how I'm flaky and why don't I just go to the gym I already belong to....I was miserable. I didn't plan on going to therapy last night.
Payday. I would love one of those! Dinner, L&T - I'm jealous! Congrats on one week down. You sound well; sorry to hear W is still struggling. I wish I knew what to say too. It just sucks, plain and simple.
I was up at dawn this morning trying to make camping reservations for our annual Memorial Day trip next year. Crazy that you have to do it 9 months in advance to get good spots; I am retiring from this Julie the Cruise Director position [albeit self-imposed] this year. I get all pressured and nervous about not getting sites people like or not collecting the money in time to prevent a NSF charge on my debit card. This is all my own doing - I'm just going to pass the torch and be done with it. Arghhh!
Sorry I went off on the neighborhood thing last post. Turns out C is grounded for the rest of the week. Hurrah! JJ has found a new/old friend to hang out with - I think he and his little bro stopped by one day when we were out on the deck. B and JJ have always played ball together and he lives within biking distance, but they've never really been close. The past few days, though, they're practically inseparable. He had dinner here and spent the night last night and he's a great houseguest. I'm grateful for the new friendship.
I went to my "personal trainer" yesterday for my consultation. Little did I know, the cost of this was going to be not only exorbitant but completely impossible for me. Unfortunately, I loved her and felt so motivated to work with her. I was so excited to get started until we started talking about price and my hopes were dashed. Yes, I know, my health is worth the price...yada, yada, yada. My bank account, on the other hand, disagrees. The thing that sucked, though, wasn't that I couldn't afford it. Can I bitch a minute? Promise not to write four paragraphs on blackberry handprints.
What sucked was that when I got home and J asked me how it went, I said I really wanted to do it but that I knew we couldn't afford it. Instead of being supportive in the way that I really needed him to be, as in, if this is something you really want to do, we'll find a way, he was "supportive" in his weird, condescending way that makes me want to punch him. He starts in with this whole line of questioning about whether or not I will truly commit to it, and what makes it different from any other thing I've tried and his tone made me feel like I was about 10 years old, asking for a new bike or something. By the time he was done, not only did I not want to join the gym, I wanted to scream. Then! T came over I was talking to him about it - briefly, in passing. Suddenly, the two of them are talking to me about it, telling me all the s**t I really don't want to hear about myself, like how I can't commit to anything and how I'm flaky and why don't I just go to the gym I already belong to....I was miserable. I didn't plan on going to therapy last night.Yea, the truth hurts. Got it. I'm flaky. Did I really need to be slammed with that, though? I was so excited to try something new that I felt really motivated about, something that, cost aside, I thought might really work for me. No, I don't have a great track record. But I coulda used a little more faith. That's all I'm sayin'.
Today....working on my resume and such, watering my poor, dried-out garden, and going to my old gym. This weekend...no plans that I know of. There's some car show thing tomorrow that I thought might be fun but we'll see. Other than that, pretty quiet. If I do get paid by the camping crew on time, I may treat myself and CK to some sushi...it was her birthday last night and I didn't accept a celebratory dinner invite because I wasn't into spending the evening with her ex-hub. Selfish, I know. Wasn't up for it. Who invites her ex-of-four-years to her birthday anyway?
Enjoy your weekend, drinks with C, steak, etc. Looking forward to hearing about lost faces on the internet....!
Love, A
First Friday
Hey, A.
My first week is over. I survived, and have a decent paycheck to show for it...To celebrate all of the above, I am going out with C after work for a couple of drinks. Other than that, my weekend plans are light. I'll probably go out for steak tonight or tomorrow night and go grocery shopping at some point, maybe even to Staples (finally!). Oh, and I do have a coupon for extra 25% off at L&T....It's supposed to rain so hanging out by the pool is probably out of the realm of possibility. But honestly, I don't mind taking a break from that either.
W remains in a funk, the worst he's been in to date. And I'm still at a loss for what to say or do. I miss him and want to spend time with him, and we have plans for next weekend, but it feels like it's going to be a reaaallllly long week getting there.
Hope all is well with you and that you have no major neighborhood dramas to report.
xo,
Barb
My first week is over. I survived, and have a decent paycheck to show for it...To celebrate all of the above, I am going out with C after work for a couple of drinks. Other than that, my weekend plans are light. I'll probably go out for steak tonight or tomorrow night and go grocery shopping at some point, maybe even to Staples (finally!). Oh, and I do have a coupon for extra 25% off at L&T....It's supposed to rain so hanging out by the pool is probably out of the realm of possibility. But honestly, I don't mind taking a break from that either.
W remains in a funk, the worst he's been in to date. And I'm still at a loss for what to say or do. I miss him and want to spend time with him, and we have plans for next weekend, but it feels like it's going to be a reaaallllly long week getting there.
Hope all is well with you and that you have no major neighborhood dramas to report.
xo,
Barb
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
OPC - only not the cute kind
Hey,
I am well, thank you! I feel really good these days. I am very much looking forward to my consultation tomorrow at Body: Logic (how cute is that?), even though I've had to write down everything that has gone into my mouth for the past three days. Good Lord, really? I can hardly stand to look at the page at the end of the day and see what kind of crap passes my lips. I have been painfully honest, though, because I really want to be successful at this. They're going to flip when they see how much I drink. K tells me that quitting drinking is really the hardest part - I am sooooo not looking forward to that. But I know I need it.
We had a little run-in with JJ and C and another boy in the neighborhood last night, so we're laying low today. I had planned a little shopping trip with K, but R got sick and is home, so it worked out ok to cancel. We might go get school supplies or something, even though - how is this possible? - I have a kid who is not the least bit excited about pens and folders. He might as well have to shop for underwear, the way he's acting. Unbelievable.
At any rate, the goal is to keep him apart from C for at least the day. Technically speaking, in any normal situation, C should be grounded for about a month. But this is C....and so he is probably out getting ice cream or something. Last night, S called to see if he was over here and to send him home for dinner. When I went out front to find him, I discovered him, JJ and T, this other kid, getting their butts chewed by my neighbor, L. Evidently, the boys had been picking blackberries in T's back 40 and decided it would be fun to write on the side of L's house with the juice. Turns out, though, as the story unfolded, C was the only one doing that. The other two, with clean hands (pardon the pun), swore up and down they hadn't written anything, anywhere, and had even told C to stop. Of course, C lied up one side and down the other, his story changing with every sentence, until the truth came out.
Well, I guess later on, JJ was over at S&T's to return a toy or something and T chewed him out. I don't mind that - I mean, I'm all about it takes a village - but I get so tired of him thinking that his kid can do no wrong, and when he does, it's always someone else's fault. He was implying that J & T had been in on the vandalism, which I so believe they were not, because he just can't believe that C is capable of behavior like that all on his own. Honestly? JJ & T didn't have berry juice on their hands, and C's were covered. Hello!!!
I'm sure you didn't need all those details, but it makes me crazy. I don't know how to tell them that their kid is really headed for trouble, without jeapordizing our own friendship. And let me just add here, to cover my own ass, that my son is not perfect either.
So that's the scoop around here. Working on my new career choice lately- the horrendously difficult task of learning to create a website. I'm enjoying it, but it's so out of my realm of brain activity. CC is helping me quite a bit since she's already got a headstart with her own website. Which is good and bad, as you know. She's full of good info. But.
Love you,
A
I am well, thank you! I feel really good these days. I am very much looking forward to my consultation tomorrow at Body: Logic (how cute is that?), even though I've had to write down everything that has gone into my mouth for the past three days. Good Lord, really? I can hardly stand to look at the page at the end of the day and see what kind of crap passes my lips. I have been painfully honest, though, because I really want to be successful at this. They're going to flip when they see how much I drink. K tells me that quitting drinking is really the hardest part - I am sooooo not looking forward to that. But I know I need it.
We had a little run-in with JJ and C and another boy in the neighborhood last night, so we're laying low today. I had planned a little shopping trip with K, but R got sick and is home, so it worked out ok to cancel. We might go get school supplies or something, even though - how is this possible? - I have a kid who is not the least bit excited about pens and folders. He might as well have to shop for underwear, the way he's acting. Unbelievable.
At any rate, the goal is to keep him apart from C for at least the day. Technically speaking, in any normal situation, C should be grounded for about a month. But this is C....and so he is probably out getting ice cream or something. Last night, S called to see if he was over here and to send him home for dinner. When I went out front to find him, I discovered him, JJ and T, this other kid, getting their butts chewed by my neighbor, L. Evidently, the boys had been picking blackberries in T's back 40 and decided it would be fun to write on the side of L's house with the juice. Turns out, though, as the story unfolded, C was the only one doing that. The other two, with clean hands (pardon the pun), swore up and down they hadn't written anything, anywhere, and had even told C to stop. Of course, C lied up one side and down the other, his story changing with every sentence, until the truth came out.
Well, I guess later on, JJ was over at S&T's to return a toy or something and T chewed him out. I don't mind that - I mean, I'm all about it takes a village - but I get so tired of him thinking that his kid can do no wrong, and when he does, it's always someone else's fault. He was implying that J & T had been in on the vandalism, which I so believe they were not, because he just can't believe that C is capable of behavior like that all on his own. Honestly? JJ & T didn't have berry juice on their hands, and C's were covered. Hello!!!
I'm sure you didn't need all those details, but it makes me crazy. I don't know how to tell them that their kid is really headed for trouble, without jeapordizing our own friendship. And let me just add here, to cover my own ass, that my son is not perfect either.
So that's the scoop around here. Working on my new career choice lately- the horrendously difficult task of learning to create a website. I'm enjoying it, but it's so out of my realm of brain activity. CC is helping me quite a bit since she's already got a headstart with her own website. Which is good and bad, as you know. She's full of good info. But.
Love you,
A
Progress Report
Hey, A.
We just had a faculty luncheon—administrators on the busy end of the grill and pot luck dishes contributed by all—and now we are really in a crunch to get ready for the first day of school. That is, I have no business taking a few more minutes to write before getting my ducks in a row. But I am anyway. And I’m not really nervous.
I guess somewhere along the line I became a pro at this. If we had a gas leak and needed to evacuate the building at this very moment, I know I could still start tomorrow. I leave all the nervousness to the newbies. I am so glad I’m not there anymore, and so grateful for the forecast.
I remember lots of first days of 90 and humid weather, but the heat is supposed to break overnight and it’s supposed to be a pleasant “fall preview” 75 tomorrow and Friday, so I don’t have to worry about sweating like some Saturday night live skit either. See, it’s all good. And—despite all the complaining—I know I will have a good year, even though I haven’t had my annual trip to Staples yet. And I truly am grateful just to have a job....
W is really depressed and I’m not sure how I can help, what to ever say to him. What’s worse is sometimes I have the hardest time just giving him space and saying nothing. I feel like I always want to jump in and share a job-search tip I heard on this show or that show when what I probably should just shut up. Say, I’m so sorry, babe, I don’t know what to say, and leave it at that.
Glad you still have some time to yourself before the school year. You sound well and that makes me smile.
xo,
Barb
We just had a faculty luncheon—administrators on the busy end of the grill and pot luck dishes contributed by all—and now we are really in a crunch to get ready for the first day of school. That is, I have no business taking a few more minutes to write before getting my ducks in a row. But I am anyway. And I’m not really nervous.
I guess somewhere along the line I became a pro at this. If we had a gas leak and needed to evacuate the building at this very moment, I know I could still start tomorrow. I leave all the nervousness to the newbies. I am so glad I’m not there anymore, and so grateful for the forecast.
I remember lots of first days of 90 and humid weather, but the heat is supposed to break overnight and it’s supposed to be a pleasant “fall preview” 75 tomorrow and Friday, so I don’t have to worry about sweating like some Saturday night live skit either. See, it’s all good. And—despite all the complaining—I know I will have a good year, even though I haven’t had my annual trip to Staples yet. And I truly am grateful just to have a job....
W is really depressed and I’m not sure how I can help, what to ever say to him. What’s worse is sometimes I have the hardest time just giving him space and saying nothing. I feel like I always want to jump in and share a job-search tip I heard on this show or that show when what I probably should just shut up. Say, I’m so sorry, babe, I don’t know what to say, and leave it at that.
Glad you still have some time to yourself before the school year. You sound well and that makes me smile.
xo,
Barb
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Last Days of Summer Indeed
Hi, Barb.Ugh. I don't envy you being back to work, but is there even a tiny bit of excitement and anticipation? It's a new year and it's going to be a great one. Plus I got new school supplies. No? Maybe? Hope so.
All is well here. We are enjoying the last days of summer, too. We had a very nice trip camping last weekend, just the three of us. Quiet. Remote. I loved it. I took a bunch of pictures but most of them didn't come out very well. There's a surprise; Annie Liebowitz I am not. We took a day trip up over the pass and did some hiking, scoping out new campgrounds, generally exploring and enjoying the perfect weather. JJ learned to use an axe and a hatchet and put his skills to good use chopping downed trees left around our campsite. Even without a friend in tow, he had a great time.
He's spent the past couple of days with B, and I've been on my own more or less. I've been working on my resume and trying to do some on-line tutorials in web design and all that it entails. I think I am going to enroll in a class at our local community college in September, too.
You mention awhile back that you had joined a gym and I forgot to comment on that. Good for you!! How is it going? I recently had my own realization moment and am changing my gym membership over to a personal training gym this week. My first appointment is Thursday. This is the same place Karma goes to and she loves it. I hope it will be a better place for me.
Nothing much going on here. We don't start school til the 8th so we're off the hook for another week and some. I'll be subbing right off the bat but still looking for other work too.
I hope you're well and that the school year is starting off on a good note for you. Good luck with the computer stuff, too. I will keep writing!
Love, A
Back to School
Hey, Amanda.
I haven't resolved my home computer issues, but I am back at school and hope soon enough to have more time to write here (until I figure out what's going on with my laptop). And either way(or place, I should say) I hope to write about the last days of my vacation soon.
Meantime, I am trying still to stay in summer mode even though I'm working (again) like so much of the world. Yesterday after school I went and sat by the pool and read more of my latest book because it was beautiful out. Today I plan on doing the same. It is still summer after all.
SO...that's the nutshell version of what's going on here. Hope all is well and hope to hear from you soon about your camping trip and everything else...
Love,
Barb
I haven't resolved my home computer issues, but I am back at school and hope soon enough to have more time to write here (until I figure out what's going on with my laptop). And either way(or place, I should say) I hope to write about the last days of my vacation soon.
Meantime, I am trying still to stay in summer mode even though I'm working (again) like so much of the world. Yesterday after school I went and sat by the pool and read more of my latest book because it was beautiful out. Today I plan on doing the same. It is still summer after all.
SO...that's the nutshell version of what's going on here. Hope all is well and hope to hear from you soon about your camping trip and everything else...
Love,
Barb
Thursday, August 20, 2009
I'm Back?...
Hey, A.
I swear I don't know what I did, if anything, but I have been on my computer for over a half hour now. Maybe an hour. With like 4 browsers open. The only way I can explain it is that god had mercy on me. Really. It has been awful not to be able to log on and write, check emails, while away hours googling info and browsing on line. Aside from satisfying my intellectual curiosity, it has been an enjoyable and FREE activity, especially in the evening, as sitting by the pool has been during the day.
Anyway, I have only a couple of days left (one week day, then the weekend) of vacation before going back to school. I have been trying to stay positive, knowing that the weather will remain summer like for a while and that I will have evenings to myself to sit by the pool and read if I choose, at least for a couple more weeks. But once I'm back I'm usually back...We'll see how it works out.
Tonight I plan on more reading over caprese and wine, tomorrow will be about laundry and cleaning (and an Outback special!), and then Saturday my Sunshine will be coming for an overnight. Sunday I'll spend some time with her at the pool before we all get together at my mom's.
If all goes well, I'll write again soon. Kept your fingers crossed! And have fun camping.
Love,
Barb
I swear I don't know what I did, if anything, but I have been on my computer for over a half hour now. Maybe an hour. With like 4 browsers open. The only way I can explain it is that god had mercy on me. Really. It has been awful not to be able to log on and write, check emails, while away hours googling info and browsing on line. Aside from satisfying my intellectual curiosity, it has been an enjoyable and FREE activity, especially in the evening, as sitting by the pool has been during the day.
Anyway, I have only a couple of days left (one week day, then the weekend) of vacation before going back to school. I have been trying to stay positive, knowing that the weather will remain summer like for a while and that I will have evenings to myself to sit by the pool and read if I choose, at least for a couple more weeks. But once I'm back I'm usually back...We'll see how it works out.
Tonight I plan on more reading over caprese and wine, tomorrow will be about laundry and cleaning (and an Outback special!), and then Saturday my Sunshine will be coming for an overnight. Sunday I'll spend some time with her at the pool before we all get together at my mom's.
If all goes well, I'll write again soon. Kept your fingers crossed! And have fun camping.
Love,
Barb
"......."
Read this on H's Facebook today. Loved it.
"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one." ~ C.S. Lewis
"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one." ~ C.S. Lewis
Yada Yada Yada
Good morning, Barb.
Thought I'd check in, just in case you have an opportunity to get to Mary's this week. I am attempting to get my day started but am moving a little slowly, with a killer headache. I made a pot of coffee and sucked down a cup before I had my eyes opened, but it's not helping yet.
JJ had a birthday party to go to last night so J and I met up with K&R at a local wine bar for dinner. What a delightful evening...no kids, no S&T's kids (different from other kids). We sat outside on the patio (smile) even though it was pretty darn hot. I made J sit in the sun. It was Stella Night there, so when you order a Stella you get to keep the cool beer glass. The boys did their part so we all ended up with a glass, but K & I drank cosmos. That could be the root of the head pain this morning, but I only had two. I ate a big ole burger and potato salad, too, so who knows. It was worth it; we had such a nice time. There's such a difference in dynamics when it's just the four of us. I'm sure you know what I mean.
We are supposed to go camping today, but may wait until tomorrow. Last weekend when we were hiking, T showed us a campsite we had never been to. We loved it so much we immediately got it in our heads to go this weekend and J took Friday off. It's very remote and it's dry camping (no water, no electric or sewer) but it's a gorgeous location, on a river, with tons of hiking trails. And quiet!! J just can't decide if he wants to leave today or not, so I have some stuff to get done. I have my potatoes and eggs cooked for my potato salad but still have to compose it, and cookies to make, etc. As if any of us needs all that food.
I also have to go through the custody papers from K, which I have been avoiding all week. Like a bill I know I have to open but can't bear to see the amount. I know what the papers say, I just don't want to read them. Too permanent, too real.
Other than that, though, not much going on. JJ and JK's day camp has been going so well this week and they're having a blast. Between this and the car washing and getting a reward for finding a lost dog this week, JJ is loaded! He's trying to get to $100 so he can get a $100 bill at the bank. Hilarious. Maybe it will be so cool he won't want to spend it. Yeah, that doesn't work for me either.
I should probably sign off. JJ just came in and was reading over my shoulder, asking all kinds of questions about our blog. So I scrolled back a few months and showed him how it all works and his response was: "Well, maybe you don't write as often as Barb, but you write more. Like a lot more. " And please know, that wasn't a comment in my defense, it was sort of a slam. As in, Wow, you can really ramble, Mom!
Off I go, Peppy Polly again today, to get ready for our trip. I'm so psyched that you got to go see The Boss last night and I bet it was spectacular. I have always wanted to go, but that's the kind of concert I feel lucky to just know someone who's been. I didn't believe real people like us ever got tickets. So thanks for my shot of vicarious living yesterday.
Love you!
A
Thought I'd check in, just in case you have an opportunity to get to Mary's this week. I am attempting to get my day started but am moving a little slowly, with a killer headache. I made a pot of coffee and sucked down a cup before I had my eyes opened, but it's not helping yet.
JJ had a birthday party to go to last night so J and I met up with K&R at a local wine bar for dinner. What a delightful evening...no kids, no S&T's kids (different from other kids). We sat outside on the patio (smile) even though it was pretty darn hot. I made J sit in the sun. It was Stella Night there, so when you order a Stella you get to keep the cool beer glass. The boys did their part so we all ended up with a glass, but K & I drank cosmos. That could be the root of the head pain this morning, but I only had two. I ate a big ole burger and potato salad, too, so who knows. It was worth it; we had such a nice time. There's such a difference in dynamics when it's just the four of us. I'm sure you know what I mean.
We are supposed to go camping today, but may wait until tomorrow. Last weekend when we were hiking, T showed us a campsite we had never been to. We loved it so much we immediately got it in our heads to go this weekend and J took Friday off. It's very remote and it's dry camping (no water, no electric or sewer) but it's a gorgeous location, on a river, with tons of hiking trails. And quiet!! J just can't decide if he wants to leave today or not, so I have some stuff to get done. I have my potatoes and eggs cooked for my potato salad but still have to compose it, and cookies to make, etc. As if any of us needs all that food.
I also have to go through the custody papers from K, which I have been avoiding all week. Like a bill I know I have to open but can't bear to see the amount. I know what the papers say, I just don't want to read them. Too permanent, too real.
Other than that, though, not much going on. JJ and JK's day camp has been going so well this week and they're having a blast. Between this and the car washing and getting a reward for finding a lost dog this week, JJ is loaded! He's trying to get to $100 so he can get a $100 bill at the bank. Hilarious. Maybe it will be so cool he won't want to spend it. Yeah, that doesn't work for me either.
I should probably sign off. JJ just came in and was reading over my shoulder, asking all kinds of questions about our blog. So I scrolled back a few months and showed him how it all works and his response was: "Well, maybe you don't write as often as Barb, but you write more. Like a lot more. " And please know, that wasn't a comment in my defense, it was sort of a slam. As in, Wow, you can really ramble, Mom!
Off I go, Peppy Polly again today, to get ready for our trip. I'm so psyched that you got to go see The Boss last night and I bet it was spectacular. I have always wanted to go, but that's the kind of concert I feel lucky to just know someone who's been. I didn't believe real people like us ever got tickets. So thanks for my shot of vicarious living yesterday.
Love you!
A
Sunday, August 16, 2009
The New and Improved Amanda
Happy Sunday, Barb.
I just got all caught up on my favorite blogs and am hoping you'll be able to rejoin our page here soon. (Listen to me!! The Queen of Not Writing, whining about you being gone!) Isn't it funny how dependent we have become on our technology. I was just thinking how impossible it would be to try to revamp my resume without my computer, my email and Google.
Which is what I've been doing the past couple of days, by the way. Ever since I got off this Prozac and have modified my drug intake all around, I swear I am a new person. I can't tell you how much better I feel every day. One of the things that has been coming into focus lately is my need to do something, as in, other than sit around my house and pretend to be a Stay Home Mom. That's not a self-deprecating statement, it's pretty true. I don't really do the "job" - clean, cook, lavish JJ with attention - I just sit around the house and watch tv, occasionally vacuum, sometimes cook. Most of the time, I'm not really doing anything other than being here. I know, that has value of its own, particularly for boys like mine: homebodies who don't need a lot of interaction but who are most comfortable knowing I am within arm's reach at all times.
Still, I am bored. I didn't think I was, when I was sedated. I thought I was crazy. I thought I could never get enough energy to go to a job or do anything productive because I was so freakin' tired all the time. But now, I'm up and going in the morning and am just antsing for something to do. ( I just realized that that's not a word - not a verb, not an adjective - even though my mother used it my entire childhood. I guess whatchamajigger isn't real either...)
Cleaning my house isn't it, though. I feel like being a part of the world again, not just my corner of it. I have been wandering around Monster.com and other job sites, trying to decide (for the umpteenth time in my life) what I want to be when I grow up. I called TL, J's former Assistant who is now in HR at the Dep't., and asked if she would help me redo my resume. She did J's last year and is really good at that. We met Friday for lunch and she went through all my stuff - what a huge help. I didn't even know where to start. My resume looked liked something from the late 80's and couldn't have been more tailored to teaching. I want to get out of that, and didn't know how to parlay any of the info on the resume, so she was a gift from above.
When I got home, though, instead of spending the rest of the day working on it, I took JJ school clothes shopping. We had a great time and he actually bought some very cool clothes. Somehow, we've managed to steer him away from nylon shorts and t-shirts that match nothing. He ended up with a bunch of shirts and jeans and it didn't break the bank. Friday night I was headed out to the store to grab dinner and S&T were headed to my house for a drink when I left. Imagine this, they stayed for dinner. We migrated to the fire pit later and sat around with K, R, & TN until late, late, late, laughing our heads off and generally enjoying summer. God, I love my friends.
Saturday morning, J got a bee in his bonnet to do something so outside his box, it was crazy. T&S were taking their kids up to some mountain, an hour+ away, to go hiking for the day and wanted JJ to come with. So J decided that we should go too, all of us, one big happy hiking group...Hello??? First off, those kids make him insane, and an hour in the car with them is only marginally worse than several hours on a mountain trail with them. Not to mention, the lawn needed to be mowed. But off we went, the seven of us, cooler packed with snacks, to Mount Rainier or somewhere near there, to hike a trail T had hiked as a kid.
What a blast we had! The kids loved it, especially JJ, who was carrying all of our food and water in his backpack (not a single whine or complaint the entire day) and leading our expedition with gusto for seven miles. We saw an elk and a mountain goat long way, the weather was perfectly gorgeous and not too hot, the views were breathtaking. (The workout didn't hurt either!) We didn't get back to the car until almost 6pm, exhausted and sore and starving. K texted just then to tell us that dinner would be ready at 7:30...we had planned to watch the Seahawks opening Exhibition game with them) so that's how we finished off our night. TN made a pan of nachos the size of my couch, then told us it was appetizers. I, of course, had no trouble following that with a chili cheese dog and a half bottle of shiraz.
The boys are all playing golf this morning; J and C are outside washing my car as part of their car washing business. I've done a little laundry and dinked around with the resume, so maybe will head out and hit the garden in a minute. The weather is finally looking up, getting warmer and drying out. I'm ready for sunshine again; my tan is fading fast.
Hope you've had a good weekend and things get fixed with the computer soon.
Love you,
A
I just got all caught up on my favorite blogs and am hoping you'll be able to rejoin our page here soon. (Listen to me!! The Queen of Not Writing, whining about you being gone!) Isn't it funny how dependent we have become on our technology. I was just thinking how impossible it would be to try to revamp my resume without my computer, my email and Google.
Which is what I've been doing the past couple of days, by the way. Ever since I got off this Prozac and have modified my drug intake all around, I swear I am a new person. I can't tell you how much better I feel every day. One of the things that has been coming into focus lately is my need to do something, as in, other than sit around my house and pretend to be a Stay Home Mom. That's not a self-deprecating statement, it's pretty true. I don't really do the "job" - clean, cook, lavish JJ with attention - I just sit around the house and watch tv, occasionally vacuum, sometimes cook. Most of the time, I'm not really doing anything other than being here. I know, that has value of its own, particularly for boys like mine: homebodies who don't need a lot of interaction but who are most comfortable knowing I am within arm's reach at all times.
Still, I am bored. I didn't think I was, when I was sedated. I thought I was crazy. I thought I could never get enough energy to go to a job or do anything productive because I was so freakin' tired all the time. But now, I'm up and going in the morning and am just antsing for something to do. ( I just realized that that's not a word - not a verb, not an adjective - even though my mother used it my entire childhood. I guess whatchamajigger isn't real either...)
Cleaning my house isn't it, though. I feel like being a part of the world again, not just my corner of it. I have been wandering around Monster.com and other job sites, trying to decide (for the umpteenth time in my life) what I want to be when I grow up. I called TL, J's former Assistant who is now in HR at the Dep't., and asked if she would help me redo my resume. She did J's last year and is really good at that. We met Friday for lunch and she went through all my stuff - what a huge help. I didn't even know where to start. My resume looked liked something from the late 80's and couldn't have been more tailored to teaching. I want to get out of that, and didn't know how to parlay any of the info on the resume, so she was a gift from above.
When I got home, though, instead of spending the rest of the day working on it, I took JJ school clothes shopping. We had a great time and he actually bought some very cool clothes. Somehow, we've managed to steer him away from nylon shorts and t-shirts that match nothing. He ended up with a bunch of shirts and jeans and it didn't break the bank. Friday night I was headed out to the store to grab dinner and S&T were headed to my house for a drink when I left. Imagine this, they stayed for dinner. We migrated to the fire pit later and sat around with K, R, & TN until late, late, late, laughing our heads off and generally enjoying summer. God, I love my friends.
Saturday morning, J got a bee in his bonnet to do something so outside his box, it was crazy. T&S were taking their kids up to some mountain, an hour+ away, to go hiking for the day and wanted JJ to come with. So J decided that we should go too, all of us, one big happy hiking group...Hello??? First off, those kids make him insane, and an hour in the car with them is only marginally worse than several hours on a mountain trail with them. Not to mention, the lawn needed to be mowed. But off we went, the seven of us, cooler packed with snacks, to Mount Rainier or somewhere near there, to hike a trail T had hiked as a kid.
What a blast we had! The kids loved it, especially JJ, who was carrying all of our food and water in his backpack (not a single whine or complaint the entire day) and leading our expedition with gusto for seven miles. We saw an elk and a mountain goat long way, the weather was perfectly gorgeous and not too hot, the views were breathtaking. (The workout didn't hurt either!) We didn't get back to the car until almost 6pm, exhausted and sore and starving. K texted just then to tell us that dinner would be ready at 7:30...we had planned to watch the Seahawks opening Exhibition game with them) so that's how we finished off our night. TN made a pan of nachos the size of my couch, then told us it was appetizers. I, of course, had no trouble following that with a chili cheese dog and a half bottle of shiraz.
The boys are all playing golf this morning; J and C are outside washing my car as part of their car washing business. I've done a little laundry and dinked around with the resume, so maybe will head out and hit the garden in a minute. The weather is finally looking up, getting warmer and drying out. I'm ready for sunshine again; my tan is fading fast.
Hope you've had a good weekend and things get fixed with the computer soon.
Love you,
A
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Good Day
Hey, Barb.
It's only 9:30 but it's already dark out - yeah! I do love the long summer nights up here in the north, but it's also nice to feel like it's nightime when I go to bed. It just finished pouring down rain for a bit, which was very cool. It's supposed to get sunny again after this, and that will be perfect timing. Just enough gloom to settle everyone down.
I got a killer haircut today and am so pleased. It's a little like Casey's only not such a drastic A-line in the back. Long and straight in the front with no bangs (!) and no poofy Kate Gosselin business in the back. I love it! And I had a really good outfit day - not sure why, it was just jeans and my Converse and a fleece vest.
So it was a pretty good day, all in all. I made a yummy chicken, spinach and risotto dinner which the boys liked, so that's always a plus. We've been sitting on the couch watching the game since then, trying, I think, to find a way to talk to each other. Being the world's worst listener, though, J is striking out pretty effectively (no pun intended). I am trying not to get all pissy and launch into a bad mood just because he's ignoring me, even though I keep attempting to start a conversation.
Tomorrow, nothing planned. This weekend we're supposed to go to a Welcome Home BBQ for a friend who has been in Iraq for 8 months. Other than that, nothing going on.
About the alone idea...yes, I know it appears that I am in need of contact with others all the time, but it's not a need so much as it just is the way it is. It's hard to be alone with kids. They kind of attract other people whether I want them to or not. And I don't mind all the people in my space all the time, don't get me wrong. I think i probably love my alone time more because of it. Since I don't get much of it, I seem to crave it, treasure it, savor it. I do think you might have a point with the self esteem, though. I am constantly surrounded by other people and their opinions and judgements, so it's probably more difficult to just be ok being me, by myself.
Anywho, I'm going to catch the end of this game and hit the hay. More tomorrow,
Love, A
It's only 9:30 but it's already dark out - yeah! I do love the long summer nights up here in the north, but it's also nice to feel like it's nightime when I go to bed. It just finished pouring down rain for a bit, which was very cool. It's supposed to get sunny again after this, and that will be perfect timing. Just enough gloom to settle everyone down.
I got a killer haircut today and am so pleased. It's a little like Casey's only not such a drastic A-line in the back. Long and straight in the front with no bangs (!) and no poofy Kate Gosselin business in the back. I love it! And I had a really good outfit day - not sure why, it was just jeans and my Converse and a fleece vest.
So it was a pretty good day, all in all. I made a yummy chicken, spinach and risotto dinner which the boys liked, so that's always a plus. We've been sitting on the couch watching the game since then, trying, I think, to find a way to talk to each other. Being the world's worst listener, though, J is striking out pretty effectively (no pun intended). I am trying not to get all pissy and launch into a bad mood just because he's ignoring me, even though I keep attempting to start a conversation.
Tomorrow, nothing planned. This weekend we're supposed to go to a Welcome Home BBQ for a friend who has been in Iraq for 8 months. Other than that, nothing going on.
About the alone idea...yes, I know it appears that I am in need of contact with others all the time, but it's not a need so much as it just is the way it is. It's hard to be alone with kids. They kind of attract other people whether I want them to or not. And I don't mind all the people in my space all the time, don't get me wrong. I think i probably love my alone time more because of it. Since I don't get much of it, I seem to crave it, treasure it, savor it. I do think you might have a point with the self esteem, though. I am constantly surrounded by other people and their opinions and judgements, so it's probably more difficult to just be ok being me, by myself.
Anywho, I'm going to catch the end of this game and hit the hay. More tomorrow,
Love, A
SELF esteem
Hey, A.
It was good to hear from you. Thanks for writing today, despite your mood. I hope you start feeling better (even though you decided to go cold turkey AMA!). I also hope that some day you stop beating yourself up about stuff...all sorts of stuff...
Funny, but of all things I would say about you, I would never say you are someone who likes to be alone. At least that's not how you are living your life--right now, anyway. You are in and out of people's homes and they yours, and part of a big extended family. And I have to wonder, as I draw that comparison between me and you and how we live our lives, if maybe it's easier for me to maintain my self-esteem because I'm not surrounded by people all the time. It's all me. You, on the other hand, are around people all the time and maybe, therefore, you compare yourself to others and judge yourself--even unwittingly--all the time. Maybe not. Just a thought. And in a way a continuation of the conversation we had a K's. (By the way, I'm not really scared about my being so reclusive. I meant scary like freaky, odd, uncommon?)
It's 5:30 and I haven't left the house yet even though it hasn't rained a single drop. I think I may hop in the shower and head out, although I don't really have a destination, or any money to spend if I come up with one. I go to L's tomorrow to babysit, and the beach club with the kids on Friday. I'll check in again before I go.
Keep hanging on.
Love,
Barb
It was good to hear from you. Thanks for writing today, despite your mood. I hope you start feeling better (even though you decided to go cold turkey AMA!). I also hope that some day you stop beating yourself up about stuff...all sorts of stuff...
Funny, but of all things I would say about you, I would never say you are someone who likes to be alone. At least that's not how you are living your life--right now, anyway. You are in and out of people's homes and they yours, and part of a big extended family. And I have to wonder, as I draw that comparison between me and you and how we live our lives, if maybe it's easier for me to maintain my self-esteem because I'm not surrounded by people all the time. It's all me. You, on the other hand, are around people all the time and maybe, therefore, you compare yourself to others and judge yourself--even unwittingly--all the time. Maybe not. Just a thought. And in a way a continuation of the conversation we had a K's. (By the way, I'm not really scared about my being so reclusive. I meant scary like freaky, odd, uncommon?)
It's 5:30 and I haven't left the house yet even though it hasn't rained a single drop. I think I may hop in the shower and head out, although I don't really have a destination, or any money to spend if I come up with one. I go to L's tomorrow to babysit, and the beach club with the kids on Friday. I'll check in again before I go.
Keep hanging on.
Love,
Barb
I Pick "C"
Dear Barb,
Wow, you know me, don't you? I believe 'C' is the answer I will choose, translated perfectly from my brain to your pen. I'm sorry I haven't taken two minutes out of my nap/daze/vegetative state on the couch/movie/book/doing nothing at all to drop you a note, or even pick up the phone. No, I'm not ok really, but I couldn't tell you exactly what's wrong.
I went to the Doc after you left and told him that I couldn't be on this Prozac any longer; the side effects of insomnia and sweating are just unbearable. So he put me on this wean-off dose for 12 weeks or some ridiculous thing, which, of course, I won't do, because a) I couldn't possibly remember to change all the doses on the right days and pay that much attention and 2) I want OFF of it NOW. Not in 12 weeks. I feel like I'm losing my mind.
So, being the medically trained professional that I am, I decided to just go cold turkey and sweat it out, pardon the pun. I even told him I was going to do it, and he told me to just keep on eye on it and be conscious of the repercussions. I'm conscious of them alright; I am a freakin' mess most of the time. BUT - I'm ok with that. I know what's going on in my body and I'm just riding it out. It's not all that conducive to being social, though, since I'm on a bit of a Jekyll and Hyde thing. I told S last night: one minute I'm totally fine, the next I'm suicidal, the next I'm hyper as all get out, the next I'm napping. It should only last another week or so, which is better than 12 more weeks of sweating and watching obscure tv channels no one knows about at 3 in the morning.
That's my brain, physically speaking. It's in detox, so I am forgiving myself whacky behavior for now, and trying to stay out of everyone's way in the meantime, so as not to subject anyone else to the fray.
Other than that, the weather has changed drastically and I know that's part of the mood swings too. It is dark and foggy and raining and gloomy and wonderful today! Everything is green again and cool enough to wear a sweatshirt (even for me!) I even made spaghetti the other night and we ate indoors! How funny that I craved the outside all summer, but now that the rain's here, I'm delighted. I missed my Washington weather!! Seems everyone is feeling this way, it's like our spirits have all lifted a bit and things aren't moving quite so slowly.
J is hating - and I mean hating - his job and has one of his top guys about ready to quit on him because of the new admin. He's miserable, which isn't jiving too well with my own weirdness, so we're at odds with each other. His options are limited and I don't know how to help...it will pass, I know, but it's difficult right now.
There's my story. I'm sure it's disjointed. That's why I haven't been writing; I feel like I'm pouring out crap that isn't literate or even informational. I'm on a low self-esteem slide right now. HOWEVER, in one of my bursts of clarity and motivation, I sat down and opened a new file for a new BOOK - yes, a real book, but not a novel - and I will tell you more later. I haven't written more than a couple of paragraphs, but it might go somewhere.
As for now, I'm trying to focus on real things that already exist and that make me feel like I'm producing something each day. Like today I printed out all the stuff JJ needs for school to start, like the bus schedule, etc. and posted it on the bulletin board. I got all his immunizations and paperwork ready to go yesterday and today we go to the dentist to get his teeth checked from the accident in the spring. This may entail finding a new dentist, so I have something in my in-basket.
It's getting better. I know I'm not supposed to do this, the cold turkey thing, but I'm glad I did. I did not sweat at all last night!! (Yeah, I know, it's about 30 degrees cooler in my house, but still.) I even slept the whole night through.
Ok, enough about me. Did you go to your parents? You so don't owe them that, you're such a good daughter. I was thinking, too, how much I love being alone and I really get what you're saying. Maybe it's an age thing - maybe we've just grown past the I need other people to validate me phase of life and are truly coming into our own. Hmmm?? I don't think there's anything scary about it, like are you afraid you're going to start hoarding cats and start using home shopping and end up like Howard Hughes? I think you're ok. No worries. Alone is good.
Did you ever listen to that T-Shirt song I wrote about? Hello! W's t-shirt!!
I gotta run and take a shower before going to the dentist. I am getting my hair cut this afternoon then will be home and will try to write later too. I am so sorry about being absent and not even having the courtesy to respond to your posts. Thanks for being so patient with me!
Miss you,
A
Wow, you know me, don't you? I believe 'C' is the answer I will choose, translated perfectly from my brain to your pen. I'm sorry I haven't taken two minutes out of my nap/daze/vegetative state on the couch/movie/book/doing nothing at all to drop you a note, or even pick up the phone. No, I'm not ok really, but I couldn't tell you exactly what's wrong.
I went to the Doc after you left and told him that I couldn't be on this Prozac any longer; the side effects of insomnia and sweating are just unbearable. So he put me on this wean-off dose for 12 weeks or some ridiculous thing, which, of course, I won't do, because a) I couldn't possibly remember to change all the doses on the right days and pay that much attention and 2) I want OFF of it NOW. Not in 12 weeks. I feel like I'm losing my mind.
So, being the medically trained professional that I am, I decided to just go cold turkey and sweat it out, pardon the pun. I even told him I was going to do it, and he told me to just keep on eye on it and be conscious of the repercussions. I'm conscious of them alright; I am a freakin' mess most of the time. BUT - I'm ok with that. I know what's going on in my body and I'm just riding it out. It's not all that conducive to being social, though, since I'm on a bit of a Jekyll and Hyde thing. I told S last night: one minute I'm totally fine, the next I'm suicidal, the next I'm hyper as all get out, the next I'm napping. It should only last another week or so, which is better than 12 more weeks of sweating and watching obscure tv channels no one knows about at 3 in the morning.
That's my brain, physically speaking. It's in detox, so I am forgiving myself whacky behavior for now, and trying to stay out of everyone's way in the meantime, so as not to subject anyone else to the fray.
Other than that, the weather has changed drastically and I know that's part of the mood swings too. It is dark and foggy and raining and gloomy and wonderful today! Everything is green again and cool enough to wear a sweatshirt (even for me!) I even made spaghetti the other night and we ate indoors! How funny that I craved the outside all summer, but now that the rain's here, I'm delighted. I missed my Washington weather!! Seems everyone is feeling this way, it's like our spirits have all lifted a bit and things aren't moving quite so slowly.
J is hating - and I mean hating - his job and has one of his top guys about ready to quit on him because of the new admin. He's miserable, which isn't jiving too well with my own weirdness, so we're at odds with each other. His options are limited and I don't know how to help...it will pass, I know, but it's difficult right now.
There's my story. I'm sure it's disjointed. That's why I haven't been writing; I feel like I'm pouring out crap that isn't literate or even informational. I'm on a low self-esteem slide right now. HOWEVER, in one of my bursts of clarity and motivation, I sat down and opened a new file for a new BOOK - yes, a real book, but not a novel - and I will tell you more later. I haven't written more than a couple of paragraphs, but it might go somewhere.
As for now, I'm trying to focus on real things that already exist and that make me feel like I'm producing something each day. Like today I printed out all the stuff JJ needs for school to start, like the bus schedule, etc. and posted it on the bulletin board. I got all his immunizations and paperwork ready to go yesterday and today we go to the dentist to get his teeth checked from the accident in the spring. This may entail finding a new dentist, so I have something in my in-basket.
It's getting better. I know I'm not supposed to do this, the cold turkey thing, but I'm glad I did. I did not sweat at all last night!! (Yeah, I know, it's about 30 degrees cooler in my house, but still.) I even slept the whole night through.
Ok, enough about me. Did you go to your parents? You so don't owe them that, you're such a good daughter. I was thinking, too, how much I love being alone and I really get what you're saying. Maybe it's an age thing - maybe we've just grown past the I need other people to validate me phase of life and are truly coming into our own. Hmmm?? I don't think there's anything scary about it, like are you afraid you're going to start hoarding cats and start using home shopping and end up like Howard Hughes? I think you're ok. No worries. Alone is good.
Did you ever listen to that T-Shirt song I wrote about? Hello! W's t-shirt!!
I gotta run and take a shower before going to the dentist. I am getting my hair cut this afternoon then will be home and will try to write later too. I am so sorry about being absent and not even having the courtesy to respond to your posts. Thanks for being so patient with me!
Miss you,
A
Multiple Choice
Okay, Amanda,
Now I'm wondering if I should worry....Maybe I can make things easier by providing multiple choice selections. Please, if you would, while you're having your morning coffee, pick an answer and send it back.
Dear Barb,
a) I'm fine, just haven't felt like writing (or telling you that).
b) I'm fine, but so busy I haven't had a moment to myself to write.
c) I'm not okay, but I don't really want to write about it. It's not an emergency though so you don't have to worry.
d) my computer sh*t the bed; I didn't think to call.
e) Other.
Love, A
Meantime, if you'd rather talk than write, I'm around today. It's a rainy day so I plan to stay in today in my comfy new t-shirt from W ( I forgot how much I loved men's undershirts).
Love you,
Barb
Now I'm wondering if I should worry....Maybe I can make things easier by providing multiple choice selections. Please, if you would, while you're having your morning coffee, pick an answer and send it back.
Dear Barb,
a) I'm fine, just haven't felt like writing (or telling you that).
b) I'm fine, but so busy I haven't had a moment to myself to write.
c) I'm not okay, but I don't really want to write about it. It's not an emergency though so you don't have to worry.
d) my computer sh*t the bed; I didn't think to call.
e) Other.
Love, A
Meantime, if you'd rather talk than write, I'm around today. It's a rainy day so I plan to stay in today in my comfy new t-shirt from W ( I forgot how much I loved men's undershirts).
Love you,
Barb
Monday, August 10, 2009
Quiet Craziness
Hello, Amanda.
I love a day like I had today. I went out to the pool fairly early (10:30) and stayed until late afternoon (4:30). I alternated my day in the pool and in my beach chair, took a couple of breaks including one for lunch, and sat in the shade for the last hour--but mostly I spent the day by the pool, reading, journaling, socializing occasionally. Sometimes it scares me how much I love to be alone. Or maybe sometimes I just notice more how happy I am to be alone.
But life isn't all reclusive bliss...My parents are all twisted about my not stopping yet to visit with some of my mother's relatives from Poland whom I don't know (neither do my parents, as none of them were born before my parents emigrated) and didn't even know existed but whom my parents were gracious enough to put up without much notice during their travels in the US. Why should I be running over? Mom and Dad, let it go because a) I don't really care about these people (even though they're family), or at minimum have no idea who they are and 2) I wasn't aware that I should have to rearrange my vacation plans at the last minute to visit with people who are using your house as a hotel during theirs. Anyway, I have successfully avoided a visit but will give in and stop by quickly (read: not for a meal) tomorrow when I am running errands. Ugh.
Interestingly enough, those errands include a couple of gym visits. Obviously, my walking efforts--be they at home with my DVD, or outside--are not enough. I love food, and seriously believe I eat well, but I also like a drink, and my peri-menopausal metabolism is not cooperating. As I see it, the only reasonable solution is exercising more, much more than I currently do. Wish me luck...
Hope all is well.
Love you,
Barb
I love a day like I had today. I went out to the pool fairly early (10:30) and stayed until late afternoon (4:30). I alternated my day in the pool and in my beach chair, took a couple of breaks including one for lunch, and sat in the shade for the last hour--but mostly I spent the day by the pool, reading, journaling, socializing occasionally. Sometimes it scares me how much I love to be alone. Or maybe sometimes I just notice more how happy I am to be alone.
But life isn't all reclusive bliss...My parents are all twisted about my not stopping yet to visit with some of my mother's relatives from Poland whom I don't know (neither do my parents, as none of them were born before my parents emigrated) and didn't even know existed but whom my parents were gracious enough to put up without much notice during their travels in the US. Why should I be running over? Mom and Dad, let it go because a) I don't really care about these people (even though they're family), or at minimum have no idea who they are and 2) I wasn't aware that I should have to rearrange my vacation plans at the last minute to visit with people who are using your house as a hotel during theirs. Anyway, I have successfully avoided a visit but will give in and stop by quickly (read: not for a meal) tomorrow when I am running errands. Ugh.
Interestingly enough, those errands include a couple of gym visits. Obviously, my walking efforts--be they at home with my DVD, or outside--are not enough. I love food, and seriously believe I eat well, but I also like a drink, and my peri-menopausal metabolism is not cooperating. As I see it, the only reasonable solution is exercising more, much more than I currently do. Wish me luck...
Hope all is well.
Love you,
Barb
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Early to Bed
Hey, A.
Wow, am I tired. Lots of dessert makes me sleepy I guess...We had a good time and great weather but I was a little aggravated with W at some point and more than anything I think I'm just getting into a mood to be by myself, ready to hoard what little I have left of summer to myself.
I wonder how your weekend was? Did J get deployed again? Did JJ go away to the cabin with his BFF? Did you go down and visit C? Would love to hear from you when you get a chance, and I promise to write more tomorrow...For today I just wanted to check in and say hello.
Two weeks of vacation left. I know they will fly....
xo,
Barb
Wow, am I tired. Lots of dessert makes me sleepy I guess...We had a good time and great weather but I was a little aggravated with W at some point and more than anything I think I'm just getting into a mood to be by myself, ready to hoard what little I have left of summer to myself.
I wonder how your weekend was? Did J get deployed again? Did JJ go away to the cabin with his BFF? Did you go down and visit C? Would love to hear from you when you get a chance, and I promise to write more tomorrow...For today I just wanted to check in and say hello.
Two weeks of vacation left. I know they will fly....
xo,
Barb
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Back to *Normal*
Hey, Barb.
Glad to hear you are home safe and sound. Farting??? Really?? Wow.
Things here are relatively back to normal. The kids are fighting like cats and dogs, even CK got into it with S yesterday, so now the drama is spilling over onto the adults. I'm hiding, personally. I'm tucked into my (now) very cool house (it only got up to 73 yesterday and my house is, as only I can exaggerate, freezing.) I don't feel much like socializing, although S did come over for a bit Tuesday and we enjoyed an iced coffee in the afternoon. Sans alcohol, by the way, I'm sooo in detox.
K and I are supposed to go to the movies tonight and maybe some sushi, but not a plan in stone yet. J has some dinner thing so I'm not sure what I'd do with JJ. He and all his peeps got all sideways of each other yesterday to the point that he ended up "grounded" more or less. Not really in trouble, just in for the day. I got tired of my doorbell ringing every two minutes with some tattletale ranting about something, I swear, this is what I think they do: they get into little sub-groups of 2 or 3, then fabricate/elaborate stories about behavior, then they go from house to house tattling on each other, almost choreographed. Like a little bell goes off, like Speed Dating. It's Speed Tattling.
Things are back to their usual state of chaos and clutter and laundry-to-be-done, but at least it's not a thousand degrees. I had a Doc appt yesterday in which I expressed my wish to get off my crazy meds. The side-effects are killing me and I just don't feel I need it any more. So I'm weaning off it and adding a new ADD med; Day Two, so far, so good. I actually have energy today and didn't eat anything not nailed down yesterday.
Today I'll take it easy...the sun's out but it's nice and cool. K sent me the paperwork for M's custody so I guess I'll have to tackle that, as well as my bank balance, which is completely in the negative and which I have been avoiding for fear of it being way worse than I think. I'll also do a little Monster.com perusing, trying to find a perfect source of income that works its way around my social and family life. Ha!! I'll let you know just as soon as I find that, right before I patent it and make millions off it.
Enjoy your sun and I'm glad you didn't go to Newport. You needed the rest. Good choice.
Love and miss you....my deck is so quiet....
A
Glad to hear you are home safe and sound. Farting??? Really?? Wow.
Things here are relatively back to normal. The kids are fighting like cats and dogs, even CK got into it with S yesterday, so now the drama is spilling over onto the adults. I'm hiding, personally. I'm tucked into my (now) very cool house (it only got up to 73 yesterday and my house is, as only I can exaggerate, freezing.) I don't feel much like socializing, although S did come over for a bit Tuesday and we enjoyed an iced coffee in the afternoon. Sans alcohol, by the way, I'm sooo in detox.
K and I are supposed to go to the movies tonight and maybe some sushi, but not a plan in stone yet. J has some dinner thing so I'm not sure what I'd do with JJ. He and all his peeps got all sideways of each other yesterday to the point that he ended up "grounded" more or less. Not really in trouble, just in for the day. I got tired of my doorbell ringing every two minutes with some tattletale ranting about something, I swear, this is what I think they do: they get into little sub-groups of 2 or 3, then fabricate/elaborate stories about behavior, then they go from house to house tattling on each other, almost choreographed. Like a little bell goes off, like Speed Dating. It's Speed Tattling.
Things are back to their usual state of chaos and clutter and laundry-to-be-done, but at least it's not a thousand degrees. I had a Doc appt yesterday in which I expressed my wish to get off my crazy meds. The side-effects are killing me and I just don't feel I need it any more. So I'm weaning off it and adding a new ADD med; Day Two, so far, so good. I actually have energy today and didn't eat anything not nailed down yesterday.
Today I'll take it easy...the sun's out but it's nice and cool. K sent me the paperwork for M's custody so I guess I'll have to tackle that, as well as my bank balance, which is completely in the negative and which I have been avoiding for fear of it being way worse than I think. I'll also do a little Monster.com perusing, trying to find a perfect source of income that works its way around my social and family life. Ha!! I'll let you know just as soon as I find that, right before I patent it and make millions off it.
Enjoy your sun and I'm glad you didn't go to Newport. You needed the rest. Good choice.
Love and miss you....my deck is so quiet....
A
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Yawn
Hey, A.
Whoa. Those overnight flights just suck, although I think I am finally on the mend. (I think the day after is worse than the day you get home.) Yesterday I think I just hydroplaned through the day, not really understanding how tired I was. I napped, sat by the pool, then nursed my cankles. When I woke up today I felt drugged...and could never really wake up. I felt drowsy all day and fought a nap during the evening news. Tonight I plan not to give in to a second wind so I can get eight hours sleep and be fresh tomorrow, although I have nothing planned.
I am not going to Newport after all (long story) so I have a couple of days to myself before Boston. The humidity (dew point was 72 today) is going to break tonight and the next few days are supposed to be glorious. Since I have nothing to do, I plan to do it by the pool.
I hope you are doing well, enjoying not having me around....Write when you can (and check out my pictures).
xo,
Barb
Whoa. Those overnight flights just suck, although I think I am finally on the mend. (I think the day after is worse than the day you get home.) Yesterday I think I just hydroplaned through the day, not really understanding how tired I was. I napped, sat by the pool, then nursed my cankles. When I woke up today I felt drugged...and could never really wake up. I felt drowsy all day and fought a nap during the evening news. Tonight I plan not to give in to a second wind so I can get eight hours sleep and be fresh tomorrow, although I have nothing planned.
I am not going to Newport after all (long story) so I have a couple of days to myself before Boston. The humidity (dew point was 72 today) is going to break tonight and the next few days are supposed to be glorious. Since I have nothing to do, I plan to do it by the pool.
I hope you are doing well, enjoying not having me around....Write when you can (and check out my pictures).
xo,
Barb
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Thanks for Everything!
Hey, Amanda.
I am about to drool on my keyboard, but before I head to bed to catch up on the night's sleep I never got last night ( I swear the woman next to me snored and FARTED the whole way), I wanted to say hello and thanks again for everything. I had a great time, and am so appreciative of the time I got to spend with your family, and the time they donated to me so that I could spend some girl time alone with you.
Hope all is well, that you had a good day at the zoo.
Love you,
Barb
I am about to drool on my keyboard, but before I head to bed to catch up on the night's sleep I never got last night ( I swear the woman next to me snored and FARTED the whole way), I wanted to say hello and thanks again for everything. I had a great time, and am so appreciative of the time I got to spend with your family, and the time they donated to me so that I could spend some girl time alone with you.
Hope all is well, that you had a good day at the zoo.
Love you,
Barb
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