Can't Think of a Title

Hey,

Payday. I would love one of those! Dinner, L&T - I'm jealous! Congrats on one week down. You sound well; sorry to hear W is still struggling. I wish I knew what to say too. It just sucks, plain and simple.

I was up at dawn this morning trying to make camping reservations for our annual Memorial Day trip next year. Crazy that you have to do it 9 months in advance to get good spots; I am retiring from this Julie the Cruise Director position [albeit self-imposed] this year. I get all pressured and nervous about not getting sites people like or not collecting the money in time to prevent a NSF charge on my debit card. This is all my own doing - I'm just going to pass the torch and be done with it. Arghhh!

Sorry I went off on the neighborhood thing last post. Turns out C is grounded for the rest of the week. Hurrah! JJ has found a new/old friend to hang out with - I think he and his little bro stopped by one day when we were out on the deck. B and JJ have always played ball together and he lives within biking distance, but they've never really been close. The past few days, though, they're practically inseparable. He had dinner here and spent the night last night and he's a great houseguest. I'm grateful for the new friendship.

I went to my "personal trainer" yesterday for my consultation. Little did I know, the cost of this was going to be not only exorbitant but completely impossible for me. Unfortunately, I loved her and felt so motivated to work with her. I was so excited to get started until we started talking about price and my hopes were dashed. Yes, I know, my health is worth the price...yada, yada, yada. My bank account, on the other hand, disagrees. The thing that sucked, though, wasn't that I couldn't afford it. Can I bitch a minute? Promise not to write four paragraphs on blackberry handprints.

What sucked was that when I got home and J asked me how it went, I said I really wanted to do it but that I knew we couldn't afford it. Instead of being supportive in the way that I really needed him to be, as in, if this is something you really want to do, we'll find a way, he was "supportive" in his weird, condescending way that makes me want to punch him. He starts in with this whole line of questioning about whether or not I will truly commit to it, and what makes it different from any other thing I've tried and his tone made me feel like I was about 10 years old, asking for a new bike or something. By the time he was done, not only did I not want to join the gym, I wanted to scream. Then! T came over I was talking to him about it - briefly, in passing. Suddenly, the two of them are talking to me about it, telling me all the s**t I really don't want to hear about myself, like how I can't commit to anything and how I'm flaky and why don't I just go to the gym I already belong to....I was miserable. I didn't plan on going to therapy last night.

Yea, the truth hurts. Got it. I'm flaky. Did I really need to be slammed with that, though? I was so excited to try something new that I felt really motivated about, something that, cost aside, I thought might really work for me. No, I don't have a great track record. But I coulda used a little more faith. That's all I'm sayin'.

Today....working on my resume and such, watering my poor, dried-out garden, and going to my old gym. This weekend...no plans that I know of. There's some car show thing tomorrow that I thought might be fun but we'll see. Other than that, pretty quiet. If I do get paid by the camping crew on time, I may treat myself and CK to some sushi...it was her birthday last night and I didn't accept a celebratory dinner invite because I wasn't into spending the evening with her ex-hub. Selfish, I know. Wasn't up for it. Who invites her ex-of-four-years to her birthday anyway?

Enjoy your weekend, drinks with C, steak, etc. Looking forward to hearing about lost faces on the internet....!

Love, A