SELF esteem

Hey, A.

It was good to hear from you. Thanks for writing today, despite your mood. I hope you start feeling better (even though you decided to go cold turkey AMA!). I also hope that some day you stop beating yourself up about stuff...all sorts of stuff...

Funny, but of all things I would say about you, I would never say you are someone who likes to be alone. At least that's not how you are living your life--right now, anyway. You are in and out of people's homes and they yours, and part of a big extended family. And I have to wonder, as I draw that comparison between me and you and how we live our lives, if maybe it's easier for me to maintain my self-esteem because I'm not surrounded by people all the time. It's all me. You, on the other hand, are around people all the time and maybe, therefore, you compare yourself to others and judge yourself--even unwittingly--all the time. Maybe not. Just a thought. And in a way a continuation of the conversation we had a K's. (By the way, I'm not really scared about my being so reclusive. I meant scary like freaky, odd, uncommon?)

It's 5:30 and I haven't left the house yet even though it hasn't rained a single drop. I think I may hop in the shower and head out, although I don't really have a destination, or any money to spend if I come up with one. I go to L's tomorrow to babysit, and the beach club with the kids on Friday. I'll check in again before I go.

Keep hanging on.
Love,
Barb