Winding Down the Week

Hey, B.

I have a few minutes here before picking up JJ for a haircut; I haven't written lately. I haven't been feeling great so I've been going to bed early (earlier than last week, when I was obsessed with the Olympics). I cleared my schedule so I could sub this week, and thankfully I didn't get called yesterday. I ended up having a severe allergy attack first thing in the morning that progressed into being completely debilitated by the afternoon. I have no idea what triggered it (I hadn't even left my house), but I was a mess. Today, I'm feeling better. Since I didn't get anything done yesterday, I ran a bunch of errands this morning, got my nails done, paid some bills, etc. I thought I'd do the haircut with JJ early in the afternoon so we can all be home for dinner together tonight with no plans.

There's my play-by-play. I expect I'll get a sub call tomorrow; I usually do on Fridays. I put the word out at JJ's school that I'm subbing full time and some of the teachers I know there have already put me in their Favorites List. So, hopefully....

How is D doing? And how are you coping? Any snow days this week?

So, I saw M the other day. Kind of a strange experience. I saw him walking on the street by the highschool, as I was killing an hour between JJ's basketball and baseball practices. I was suddenly very sad, and pulled over in a parking lot to cry for a minute. (I'm working on allowing myself to feel, something I'm not very good at.) When I pulled myself together, I drove back the way I had come, to see if I could see him again. He was sitting at a table outside Starbucks; impulsively, I parked the car and walked up to him.

He wasn't mean or hateful, as usual. He wasn't all super-glad-to-see-you nice or anything, but he took his earbuds out and actually talked to me. I invited him to come watch the end of JJ's practice, and he agreed. We rode over to the school in awkward silence, except for a couple of questions any stranger might ask a teenage boy she had just picked up on the street. He stayed for the practice, then the boys and I dropped him off at the train station to head home.

It was all very weird. Mostly, just awkward; I was nervous and anxious, but I'm glad I stopped. It was kind of nice. Not normal, not better, not fixed, but nice.

The next day, I emailed him JJ's b-ball game schedule, as I had promised to do. He emailed me right back with "It was really good to see you too :) I'll come to the first two games and probably the last one too. Love you too. " That was way more than I had expected.

I told MC that I didn't really know how I felt about the whole thing, except that I didn't want to just jump back in like nothing ever happened. There needs to be much conversation before we start hanging out on a regular basis. She laughed at me and said that might be a bit down the line. I agreed; the fact that he took his earbuds out was big. HUGE. I should relax and take this for what it is, one tiny, baby step at a time.

Nothing else going on here. We might have a good-weather weekend, which would be nice, since gardening is free therapy. No plans at all for the evenings, for which I am grateful. A quiet weekend at home is much welcomed.

Hope things are well with you. Let me know how D is doing. I will be around tomorrow if I don't get work, so maybe we can catch up by phone.

Gotta run,
Love you,
A