Self-Analysis

Hey,

A couple of days away from the incident and a session with Margy - now I'm feeling better about Monday morning's little blowup.

T asked me tonight why I carry so much anger around that isn't mine. Great question. Where does that come from? Why do I ingest other people's problems so entirely? Why is it so hard for me to be objective and/or neutral? I was thinking I have this problem with people I love, but then why do I get so caught up with CC? I certainly don't love her. 

There's that horrible part of me - the judgemental part - that thinks I know better than anyone else how to solve a problem, I guess. I feel like people share their drama with me, and instead of listening and letting it go, I pack it into my own psyche as if I own it too, maybe because I feel obligated (capable of?) solving it all.  I don't know if that's really it, or if I get myself all up in everyone's business because it's better than dealing with my own business.

Or maybe I just love my brother and I think his wife is kind of unstable and I'm worried about him, and that's perfectly normal.  I don't know why I hate her so much - really, if I had to break it down into reasons, I guess I could, but why am I so bitter?  Is it because she makes him so miserable? Isn't that his own fault? Isn't he the one who chose this? Why am I mad at her???

Clearly I need more therapy. Or alcohol. T cracked me up tonight when I told him about my tirade the other day; he said "Wow, you're a bitch when you don't drink." Hahaha! So true. Just clear headed, I guess.

Anyway, tomorrow should be a good day, coffee with my friend J in the morning, then shopping with K in the afternoon. I am down nearly two sizes, but not quite there yet, so I probably won't buy anything just yet. Still, it's way more fun to look now that I feel so much better :)

Hope you had a good day today. That light at the end of the tunnel just keeps getting brighter....wait, it's the sun!!

Love,
A