Hey,
Thanks for the long post this afternoon. I only just now had a chance to sit down and read, as I've been with the family since I got up this morning. So much to talk about...I'd love to sit down and chat on the phone. This morning I was supposed to have a phone date with my friend K (from highschool) but my parents showed up two hours early and totally blew that.
We took them, my brother and his kids (minus CC) with us to the Scottish Highland Games today. Lots of bagpipe bands and Scottish dancing competitions and such. It was actually really, really fun. My parents loved it. We got back here around 7 and I had to take JJ to a friend's house. When I got back, everyone had Chinese food waiting. We ate and visited some more until I just needed to sit out on my deck by myself for awhile...no such luck. My bro came out and sat with me, followed by my parents...oh, good Lord! Leave me a lone for a minute! It's 10:00 now and BroJ just left, carting the rents with him. My own J is out on a drowning on the lake and has been most of the evening, so I am finally alone. Ok, if you don't count M and his buddy blasting crazy club dance music upstairs. I'll take that.
Anyway...just a quick catch-you-up:
The AA meeting has been a long time in coming. I had strep throat this week so I think I thought it would be a good time to quit drinking, since it hurts like hell anyway. I ended up not going to another meeting, but a fairly new friend of mine goes to AA and she has offered to take me to her women-only meeting on Monday night. I do have a drinking problem, I'm convinced of that. Sometimes it scares me, sometimes I just think I ought to do something about it.
Things with J just haven't been great lately and I'm working on that with MC. A lot of it is how I deal with things and how I react to his behavior (over which I have no control - imagine!) It has been difficult on our marriage having M back here, to say the least. My anger and resentment issues toward K come out all kinds of sideways on everyone but K, since the bastard's dead and I can't take it out on him. I know I'm doing it and I'm working on it, but some days are better than others.
My relationship with M is good and bad, depending on the day, the hour, sometimes the minute. It's hard to explain. I just don't trust it; it can turn in a heartbeat, in a word --- and I won't have any idea what happened. One minute we'll be laughing and getting along and then next minute I've said something that sets him off like a bomb and we're yelling at each other. Then the hatred I feel towards his dad eats me alive, until I try to share my frustration with J, who then tells me what I did wrong and what I should have done instead.
At which point I start drinking, until I end up at an AA meeting.
That was brilliant, no? That wrap-it-all up ending? I crack myself up.
Other than that, I'm feeling much better from the antibiotics and tomorrow is kind of a slow day. The guys are all playing golf in the morning so my mom should show up for coffee at some point. She'll hang out with me all day - we may go see a movie - then BLU is coming for a barbecue. BroJ and family were invited too, of course but SCC (she used to be CC , but now she's Super CC) is refusing to come because she says I hate her. That's a whole nother story and there just isn't enough wine here to cover that.
Monday morning I have a half hour drive to see MC so maybe I can call you then and I can hear about J (am I thinking J, as in highschool???) I'm glad you and D had such a great visit. And I'm very sad about W and how is family is handling this. Between my ex husband dying and K's sister dying, I've seen way more family dysfunction because of death than I ever knew existed. It's awful that people have to go through that. He's lucky to have you there to support him.
Also, happy to hear that your uncle is on the upswing. That's very good news, even if it is a long haul. Takes some pressure off D, too, I'm sure.
Looking forward to hearing lots of details in the form of your voice soon,
Love,
A
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Good, Good, and Ugly
Hey, Amanda.
I'm feeling so out of touch with you!... I wonder what's going on with J, didn't realize things were not going very well (volatile I think you called it) with M, you threw me for a loop about going to an AA meeting, and I'm curious if this visit from your parents is the one your mom decided to take to check in with your brother after the conversation you had with them in California. Quite a list of things I need more details about, girlfriend, wouldn't you say?
Not much to report here, although I should fill you in on W's mom and D's visit. Oh, and my uncle is in rehab now so that's a good thing too. I'll get more details when I take my cousin D to chemo on Tuesday, but just knowing he's out of the hospital and in a rehab facility is huge. He spent 5 (6?) weeks in a medically induced coma and 2 in a step down unit, and things were pretty uncertain at times, but finally he's in rehab. Definitely good news, although a long road ahead. He went in for heart surgery and came out with a colostomy bag and on dialysis. Whoa.
D's visit was great. She arrived at lunch time on Saturday; after three days here (S, S, M) we headed to Boston on Tuesday morning. We stayed overnight (got a late check out) and she flew home at 4:45 from Boston. It would have been nice to have another day, but because it gave us enough time to hang out here and visit Boston, it ended up being perfect. We had plenty of time just the two of us, visited with my parents, visited with L (she came up for a girls' day: pool time followed by dinner out) and then got a chance to see W in Boston too. (OMG I also saw J--yes, That J, while I was shopping and D was napping...more on that later.) Really, it was a perfect vacation for D--and for me.
As you know, W's mom passed away on Monday...and the services--all of them: viewing, service, burial--are today. Amanda, it has been a week of bickering, a dysfunctional family fiasco. I just want for it to be over for him, for all of them, so they can actually mourn and learn to be without her. I want to talk to W and know he is sad, not just pissed off at yet another thing or person in his family Really. It's been crazy. I'm not attending (easier for me not to be there and need to be taken care of/introduced/ in the way) and am okay with that. I offered and was willing, of course, but W and I decided that what's most important is getting through this with his family, and I agree. Honestly, after the way the week played out, I'm happy to be distant from it.
I think the J story is better told in conversation so you can insert all the OMGs and questions you want as I tell all the details as I remember them...so I'll wait for us to have a chance to talk. I'm poolside today (okay, now I feel awful that I'll be working on a tan while W is burying his mother), and around tomorrow and Monday. Monday night I'm sleeping at D's, Tuesday is chemo, and Wednesday afternoon I head to Newport. I'll have my cell though and alone time, so if we can't catch up in the next couple of days, maybe we can talk then.
Hope you're hanging in there...Miss you!
Love,
Barb
I'm feeling so out of touch with you!... I wonder what's going on with J, didn't realize things were not going very well (volatile I think you called it) with M, you threw me for a loop about going to an AA meeting, and I'm curious if this visit from your parents is the one your mom decided to take to check in with your brother after the conversation you had with them in California. Quite a list of things I need more details about, girlfriend, wouldn't you say?
Not much to report here, although I should fill you in on W's mom and D's visit. Oh, and my uncle is in rehab now so that's a good thing too. I'll get more details when I take my cousin D to chemo on Tuesday, but just knowing he's out of the hospital and in a rehab facility is huge. He spent 5 (6?) weeks in a medically induced coma and 2 in a step down unit, and things were pretty uncertain at times, but finally he's in rehab. Definitely good news, although a long road ahead. He went in for heart surgery and came out with a colostomy bag and on dialysis. Whoa.
D's visit was great. She arrived at lunch time on Saturday; after three days here (S, S, M) we headed to Boston on Tuesday morning. We stayed overnight (got a late check out) and she flew home at 4:45 from Boston. It would have been nice to have another day, but because it gave us enough time to hang out here and visit Boston, it ended up being perfect. We had plenty of time just the two of us, visited with my parents, visited with L (she came up for a girls' day: pool time followed by dinner out) and then got a chance to see W in Boston too. (OMG I also saw J--yes, That J, while I was shopping and D was napping...more on that later.) Really, it was a perfect vacation for D--and for me.
As you know, W's mom passed away on Monday...and the services--all of them: viewing, service, burial--are today. Amanda, it has been a week of bickering, a dysfunctional family fiasco. I just want for it to be over for him, for all of them, so they can actually mourn and learn to be without her. I want to talk to W and know he is sad, not just pissed off at yet another thing or person in his family Really. It's been crazy. I'm not attending (easier for me not to be there and need to be taken care of/introduced/ in the way) and am okay with that. I offered and was willing, of course, but W and I decided that what's most important is getting through this with his family, and I agree. Honestly, after the way the week played out, I'm happy to be distant from it.
I think the J story is better told in conversation so you can insert all the OMGs and questions you want as I tell all the details as I remember them...so I'll wait for us to have a chance to talk. I'm poolside today (okay, now I feel awful that I'll be working on a tan while W is burying his mother), and around tomorrow and Monday. Monday night I'm sleeping at D's, Tuesday is chemo, and Wednesday afternoon I head to Newport. I'll have my cell though and alone time, so if we can't catch up in the next couple of days, maybe we can talk then.
Hope you're hanging in there...Miss you!
Love,
Barb
Friday, July 30, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
Susie Sunshine
Hey there.
I just realized that D is visiting with you now, so you may not be reading this week. At any rate, I hope you have a great time together!
I'm sorry to hear about your uncle and W's mom. Crappy news all around. J's sister isn't doing well either, but mostly it's that she has become a royal b***h and is intolerable to be around. She treats those who care for her like s**t and no one has the guts to just leave her sitting there stewing in her own crankiness.
Things around here are ok - I started back with MC and MC2 today, which was a good thing. I had a complete breakdown with MC and we decided that it was time for me to hit an AA meeting. I drank heavily both Friday and Saturday night, resulting in just feeling awful (mentally and physically) for the entire weekend. Sooo...this afternoon I picked a meeting to go to, when no one would notice if I left for a couple of hours. Unfortunately, it was every stereotyped nightmare I had imagined.
I pulled up to some grange hall and parked between two mud-caked pickup trucks, one with a rebel flag on it. Inside, there were six middle-aged men wearing things like leather Nascar jackets, Penzoil ball caps and steel-toed boots. No women. I couldn't get out of there fast enough.
I know, I should have stayed. I should have at least listened, or something. But I felt like I had accidentally stepped into a bad reality show, standing there in my white capris and gold bangles, holding my venti iced chai and my Coach purse. I started to panic. MC promised me that there would be people there "just like me". That I would feel safe. Yeah, not so much. There are other meetings I can go to around here; I shouldn't give up after one bad moment, I know. Maybe I'll try to hit the one at 7 tonight up here closer to my house, if I can come up with a good alibi.
Anyway.
That's what's going on. Things with J aren't getting any better. Things with M are still volatile and cause me to be nervous all the time. At least I'm back on my magic potion now and starting my second round of HCG on Monday. If I can just get through this week with my parents visiting, all will be good. I soooooo wish they weren't coming :(
Enough from Debbie Downer. Enjoy your time with D this week and hopefully we can catch up when our houseguests are all gone.
Love you!
A
I just realized that D is visiting with you now, so you may not be reading this week. At any rate, I hope you have a great time together!
I'm sorry to hear about your uncle and W's mom. Crappy news all around. J's sister isn't doing well either, but mostly it's that she has become a royal b***h and is intolerable to be around. She treats those who care for her like s**t and no one has the guts to just leave her sitting there stewing in her own crankiness.
Things around here are ok - I started back with MC and MC2 today, which was a good thing. I had a complete breakdown with MC and we decided that it was time for me to hit an AA meeting. I drank heavily both Friday and Saturday night, resulting in just feeling awful (mentally and physically) for the entire weekend. Sooo...this afternoon I picked a meeting to go to, when no one would notice if I left for a couple of hours. Unfortunately, it was every stereotyped nightmare I had imagined.
I pulled up to some grange hall and parked between two mud-caked pickup trucks, one with a rebel flag on it. Inside, there were six middle-aged men wearing things like leather Nascar jackets, Penzoil ball caps and steel-toed boots. No women. I couldn't get out of there fast enough.
I know, I should have stayed. I should have at least listened, or something. But I felt like I had accidentally stepped into a bad reality show, standing there in my white capris and gold bangles, holding my venti iced chai and my Coach purse. I started to panic. MC promised me that there would be people there "just like me". That I would feel safe. Yeah, not so much. There are other meetings I can go to around here; I shouldn't give up after one bad moment, I know. Maybe I'll try to hit the one at 7 tonight up here closer to my house, if I can come up with a good alibi.
Anyway.
That's what's going on. Things with J aren't getting any better. Things with M are still volatile and cause me to be nervous all the time. At least I'm back on my magic potion now and starting my second round of HCG on Monday. If I can just get through this week with my parents visiting, all will be good. I soooooo wish they weren't coming :(
Enough from Debbie Downer. Enjoy your time with D this week and hopefully we can catch up when our houseguests are all gone.
Love you!
A
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Club Med ;-)
Hey, Amanda.
I can't believe it's Thursday already! ...
W and I had a good time, of course. It was nice to spend time together, but by the time I getting ready to leave I could tell he was at the end of that window of time in which he could relax and not think about what else is going on. I left, he went back to reality and to visit his mom, and wouldn't you know...she is not going to make it those two months they said she had left. She told him she couldn't fight it anymore; she's ready to go. His brother flew out from California on Tuesday and lots of people are stopping in to visit; now they are pretty much sitting vigil, waiting for her die. W said he's numb. I can only imagine.
Meanwhile my uncle is not doing well--more mentally now that anything, although they did have to do some surgery yesterday to remove fluid from his lungs. He was supposed to go to rehab at the beginning of the week but he spiked another fever. My father said he can tell he doesn't want to help himself...not necessarily that he'd rather be dead, but that he wants out of the hospital and to be home--skipping rehab and healing along the way. Crazy. Makes me want to write a living will....
Fortunately there's sunshine amid the doom and gloom. D arrives Saturday and I'm not guest ready yet, but I know I'll get there. I have been tackling projects here and there and now I'm pretty much down to heavy duty housecleaning. Which I'll do tomorrow I suppose, since after going to the gym I sat by the pool while I did laundry and I'm just about to get ready to go out for dinner with C.
Sorry to hear you're struggling a little...If we don't get a chance to talk tomorrow, I hope your visit with your parents goes well.
Love you,
Barb
I can't believe it's Thursday already! ...
W and I had a good time, of course. It was nice to spend time together, but by the time I getting ready to leave I could tell he was at the end of that window of time in which he could relax and not think about what else is going on. I left, he went back to reality and to visit his mom, and wouldn't you know...she is not going to make it those two months they said she had left. She told him she couldn't fight it anymore; she's ready to go. His brother flew out from California on Tuesday and lots of people are stopping in to visit; now they are pretty much sitting vigil, waiting for her die. W said he's numb. I can only imagine.
Meanwhile my uncle is not doing well--more mentally now that anything, although they did have to do some surgery yesterday to remove fluid from his lungs. He was supposed to go to rehab at the beginning of the week but he spiked another fever. My father said he can tell he doesn't want to help himself...not necessarily that he'd rather be dead, but that he wants out of the hospital and to be home--skipping rehab and healing along the way. Crazy. Makes me want to write a living will....
Fortunately there's sunshine amid the doom and gloom. D arrives Saturday and I'm not guest ready yet, but I know I'll get there. I have been tackling projects here and there and now I'm pretty much down to heavy duty housecleaning. Which I'll do tomorrow I suppose, since after going to the gym I sat by the pool while I did laundry and I'm just about to get ready to go out for dinner with C.
Sorry to hear you're struggling a little...If we don't get a chance to talk tomorrow, I hope your visit with your parents goes well.
Love you,
Barb
Quick Check In
Hey, Barb.
A quick hello before heading out the door to the movies with the kids today. I am babysitting C&A, since S is working with her dad. I just got back from taking them to swim lessons, and now have a plan to kill a couple hours at the theater. The weather sucks (what else is new?) so they'll likely be in the house most of the day otherwise.
I'm sorry, too, that we haven't been able to talk. I'm curious to hear more about W's mom and his own personal situation. And looking forward to catching up about you :)
Nothing new around here. I haven't been feeling very well mentally lately. I have gained back half the weight I lost and am clearly not dealing with underlying issues. I have an appt to see MC and MC2 on Monday; hopefully I can get back on track. My parents are due in town on Wednesday and will stay until Sunday, so getting a little therapy in beforehand will probably be a super idea.
Not much planned for the weekend - maybe a night out Saturday with some neighbors at a local wine/jazz bar. My friend JH is a wine distributor and he's doing a tasting that night. Haven't decided if we're going for sure. J and I have been battling a bit lately so we'll see.
If I can get the kids outside this afternoon I'll try to give you a call. Otherwise, I'll be around tomorrow afternoon and we're due for some sun, so I'll kick their butts out then!
Hope all is well with you,
Love, A
A quick hello before heading out the door to the movies with the kids today. I am babysitting C&A, since S is working with her dad. I just got back from taking them to swim lessons, and now have a plan to kill a couple hours at the theater. The weather sucks (what else is new?) so they'll likely be in the house most of the day otherwise.
I'm sorry, too, that we haven't been able to talk. I'm curious to hear more about W's mom and his own personal situation. And looking forward to catching up about you :)
Nothing new around here. I haven't been feeling very well mentally lately. I have gained back half the weight I lost and am clearly not dealing with underlying issues. I have an appt to see MC and MC2 on Monday; hopefully I can get back on track. My parents are due in town on Wednesday and will stay until Sunday, so getting a little therapy in beforehand will probably be a super idea.
Not much planned for the weekend - maybe a night out Saturday with some neighbors at a local wine/jazz bar. My friend JH is a wine distributor and he's doing a tasting that night. Haven't decided if we're going for sure. J and I have been battling a bit lately so we'll see.
If I can get the kids outside this afternoon I'll try to give you a call. Otherwise, I'll be around tomorrow afternoon and we're due for some sun, so I'll kick their butts out then!
Hope all is well with you,
Love, A
Friday, July 16, 2010
Weekend Away
Hey there.
Sorry we haven't been able to connect this week on the phone; the time difference is not working in our favor. I do appreciate your getting in touch and checking in.
I'm off to Boston today so I'll have more to share when I get home. (Maybe we can schedule a call when I get back?) Anyway W and I are overdue for a visit and I just can't wait to get there and put my arms around him and find out how he's really doing.
Hope you have fun planned for the weekend and cooperative weather...
Love,
Barb
Sorry we haven't been able to connect this week on the phone; the time difference is not working in our favor. I do appreciate your getting in touch and checking in.
I'm off to Boston today so I'll have more to share when I get home. (Maybe we can schedule a call when I get back?) Anyway W and I are overdue for a visit and I just can't wait to get there and put my arms around him and find out how he's really doing.
Hope you have fun planned for the weekend and cooperative weather...
Love,
Barb
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
In Support of Expanding Gas
Hey there...
Sorry I couldn't talk today either...I was busy early this morning getting stuff done around the house, then had a day planned with JJ and C at the waterpark for the afternoon. It was a PTA organized thing, so the kids had a blast seeing all their school friends, and I actually had a great day visiting with my school moms too. Oh, and I got four hours of sun, since God blessed us with a beauty today, after two days of gloom. We didn't get home until after 6, at the same time M and his buddy, B, arrived from a day at the lake. So everyone is starving and looking at me like I'm supposed to do something about it...so I did. I sent them to get pizza.
I'm sitting here with a glass of red wine, Mama Mia blasting in the background...all the doors and windows open, just enjoying my five minutes of quiet time. And they better get here soon or I'm going to eat my own hand.
Ok, here's my theory on meting out chores over a long period of time (i.e. ten days until D arrives). If you got it all clean today, you would just mess it up before she got there, right? No sense in doing it twice. I say, wait until the very last minute, as if you were painting your toenails on the way to the beach. No chance of ruining your efforts before you enjoy them.
I really do want to hear all about W, so I hate to chit chat about other things instead. I know, though, that I won't be able to give full attention until tomorrow, so I will try you in the morning. M has a 10am appt at the college to get his classes scheduled, then we're back up to the house to do more packing. I will do my best to get up early and make time to call before we have to leave for the day.
In the meantime, I hope you didn't do too much cleaning and organizing today. :)
Love you,
A
Sorry I couldn't talk today either...I was busy early this morning getting stuff done around the house, then had a day planned with JJ and C at the waterpark for the afternoon. It was a PTA organized thing, so the kids had a blast seeing all their school friends, and I actually had a great day visiting with my school moms too. Oh, and I got four hours of sun, since God blessed us with a beauty today, after two days of gloom. We didn't get home until after 6, at the same time M and his buddy, B, arrived from a day at the lake. So everyone is starving and looking at me like I'm supposed to do something about it...so I did. I sent them to get pizza.
I'm sitting here with a glass of red wine, Mama Mia blasting in the background...all the doors and windows open, just enjoying my five minutes of quiet time. And they better get here soon or I'm going to eat my own hand.
Ok, here's my theory on meting out chores over a long period of time (i.e. ten days until D arrives). If you got it all clean today, you would just mess it up before she got there, right? No sense in doing it twice. I say, wait until the very last minute, as if you were painting your toenails on the way to the beach. No chance of ruining your efforts before you enjoy them.
I really do want to hear all about W, so I hate to chit chat about other things instead. I know, though, that I won't be able to give full attention until tomorrow, so I will try you in the morning. M has a 10am appt at the college to get his classes scheduled, then we're back up to the house to do more packing. I will do my best to get up early and make time to call before we have to leave for the day.
In the meantime, I hope you didn't do too much cleaning and organizing today. :)
Love you,
A
Rainy with a Chance of Cleaning
Hey, A.
Sorry I missed your call yesterday. I was out running errands at the time and with my car being a No Phone Zone (I don't have hands-free) and all, I couldn't answer. I guess now that I think of it, even if I did have hands-free I probably wouldn't have tried to chit chat in the car. Crying while driving isn't a great combination either. Anyway, bummer about the bad timing.
Ugh. For all the time I've spent doing projects around the house, it still feels like a disaster area around here. Two of the three garbage bags I've put together for Goodwill are already out of the house, but I have that other one ready to take out and probably another one or two to put together. And a big ol' bag of garbage ready to go too. Despite cooperative (read: crappy/not pool-friendly) weather today, I am so unmotivated to head back upstairs with my coffee and a fistful of garbage bags. Plus, going out to lunch sounds like a great idea today. (I have coupons!) And honestly, I think I'm in gas-expands-to-fit-its-container mode. That is, I still have 10 days now until D arrives and it will take a little time all of those 10 days to get ready. Why should I want to just get it done in a day when I can hem and haw for another week or so!?!? ARG!! Why do I do this to myself?
If you have a chance today, give me another try. Hope you were able to get things done with M yesterday...
Love,
Barb
Sorry I missed your call yesterday. I was out running errands at the time and with my car being a No Phone Zone (I don't have hands-free) and all, I couldn't answer. I guess now that I think of it, even if I did have hands-free I probably wouldn't have tried to chit chat in the car. Crying while driving isn't a great combination either. Anyway, bummer about the bad timing.
Ugh. For all the time I've spent doing projects around the house, it still feels like a disaster area around here. Two of the three garbage bags I've put together for Goodwill are already out of the house, but I have that other one ready to take out and probably another one or two to put together. And a big ol' bag of garbage ready to go too. Despite cooperative (read: crappy/not pool-friendly) weather today, I am so unmotivated to head back upstairs with my coffee and a fistful of garbage bags. Plus, going out to lunch sounds like a great idea today. (I have coupons!) And honestly, I think I'm in gas-expands-to-fit-its-container mode. That is, I still have 10 days now until D arrives and it will take a little time all of those 10 days to get ready. Why should I want to just get it done in a day when I can hem and haw for another week or so!?!? ARG!! Why do I do this to myself?
If you have a chance today, give me another try. Hope you were able to get things done with M yesterday...
Love,
Barb
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Cloudy and Blue
Hey there.
Wow, what a post. I totally feel caught up! Thanks. But that doesn't mean I wouldn't want to chat this weekend...
For three weeks I've been a lazy bum, mainly sitting by the pool. As you know it's a place I can unplug and de-stress and this year it seems more important than ever to have that place. I focus on applying my 30 SPF lotion and keeping cool in the water and reading--alternating between my current novel and several magazines I keep in my bag-- and don't think much about D, and my uncle, and now W...
I hate to to tell you of this first in a post, but while you were away W saw a neurologist about some hopefully harmless but troubling symptoms he was having and left with a diagnosis of early stage Parkinson's. (Gosh I can't even type that without crying! I guess saying it in any form--verbal or written--is still too much.) It actually explains a host of things beyond the symptoms he went to check out, that I or he would never have connected. It sucks, Amanda. That's all I can say. It just sucks. His mom is not doing well, in late stages of colon cancer, he still can't find a job, and now this...ugh...But on a lighter note, when the hell did I get old enough to have a boyfriend with Parkinson's?...
It's a rainy day today: my sign to get busy with some house projects. D arrives in two weeks and my upstairs is a disaster. I have a dozen projects I've started that got as far as the...floor. It seriously looks like a tornado went through. So anyway, I guess I should get on the busy end of a Bloody Mary and head upstairs with some garbage bags.
Talk to you next week.
Love you,
Barb
PS Sorry to hear about K's sister...sounds like you all are being a good support system, just as I would expect.
PPS How's J's sister doing?
Wow, what a post. I totally feel caught up! Thanks. But that doesn't mean I wouldn't want to chat this weekend...
For three weeks I've been a lazy bum, mainly sitting by the pool. As you know it's a place I can unplug and de-stress and this year it seems more important than ever to have that place. I focus on applying my 30 SPF lotion and keeping cool in the water and reading--alternating between my current novel and several magazines I keep in my bag-- and don't think much about D, and my uncle, and now W...
I hate to to tell you of this first in a post, but while you were away W saw a neurologist about some hopefully harmless but troubling symptoms he was having and left with a diagnosis of early stage Parkinson's. (Gosh I can't even type that without crying! I guess saying it in any form--verbal or written--is still too much.) It actually explains a host of things beyond the symptoms he went to check out, that I or he would never have connected. It sucks, Amanda. That's all I can say. It just sucks. His mom is not doing well, in late stages of colon cancer, he still can't find a job, and now this...ugh...But on a lighter note, when the hell did I get old enough to have a boyfriend with Parkinson's?...
It's a rainy day today: my sign to get busy with some house projects. D arrives in two weeks and my upstairs is a disaster. I have a dozen projects I've started that got as far as the...floor. It seriously looks like a tornado went through. So anyway, I guess I should get on the busy end of a Bloody Mary and head upstairs with some garbage bags.
Talk to you next week.
Love you,
Barb
PS Sorry to hear about K's sister...sounds like you all are being a good support system, just as I would expect.
PPS How's J's sister doing?
Friday, July 9, 2010
Keepin' it in Perspective
Hey, you.
Thanks for the welcome home note. It has been ages since we wrote...weird how we have total access to the computer on vacation but no inclination to use it.
Our vacation was good. Very relaxing and not much activity, other than wine tasting and a couple of day trips to Santa Barbara and LA (to see JB). Mostly, we sat by the pool all day long, every day. A day can go by really quickly that way :) My parents were on their typical behavior, although I felt I dealt with them better this year. Their drinking has only increased since I last saw them, which isn't helping my mother's memory or her attention span, which are diminishing rapidly. Annoying and frustrating, but also a little concerning.
We arrived home Tuesday evening and sat out on the back deck, relieved to find that the weather here had finally turned to summer and we didn't have to come back to the doom and gloom we left. We enjoyed a few BLU cocktails before bedtime (because I missed my real family). Wednesday I got all settled back into my life - grocery shopping, laundry, watering the garden, catching up on Criminal Minds reruns...then that night we barbecued out on T&S's deck, which was aweseme. I thought of you because you would have loved our dinner! T grilled blackened Tilapia and a salmon concoction he made up - grilled with cucumbers and grapefruit - hello! We also had fresh sourdough from the market with homemade strawberry jam from one of the neighbors, deviled eggs and fruit salad. We put it all out on the ottoman between the deck chairs and just grazed our way through, without even plates. It was very fun and casual and really, really delicious.
Which was a good way to end the evening, as we received devastating news early the next morning: K's youngest sister, L, died in her sleep. She was 45 years old with no known medical problems at all; she went to bed and her husband couldn't wake her up in the morning, just like that. No explanation, no nothing. K is in shock - of course - and was gone most of yesterday to take care of her parents. She has another sister too, so they were all there together. L left two kids - a 13 year old daughter and 17 year old boy - can you imagine? They did the autopsy in the evening but there was nothing conclusive. The toxicology report comes later...hopefully it will bring some answers.
We spent a couple of hours with K last night, before R finally made her take a xanax and go to bed. My heart just breaks for her and her family; her father and L weren't on great terms so I guess he's having a really hard time. Makes you think twice about saying goodnight, doesn't it?
My boys come home from Mississippi Saturday, and I cannot wait until they're back. JJ has had a fabulous time, as I had hoped he would, but is ready to come home. We have some little stuff planned for the rest of the summer, like a couple of days at the water park, a week-long sports camp thing at the local gym, that sort of thing. Nothing much.
When I was home, I spilled the beans to my parents about my bro and his personal train wreck (minus the affair part, and with selective details). My dad, who is all Mr. Family Oriented lately (ha!) just called this morning to spring this idea on me for my mom's 70th birthday at the end of this month. He asked her what she wanted to do and she said she wanted to go to Catalina for the weekend - just the two of them. He called to tell me he thought that was boring (he kills me...whose birthday is it?) and that he wanted to fly her up here "to be with family" instead. He thinks that would be important, and, if my family were normal, he would be right. He wanted to know if that would be a good idea, considering Bro & CC's situation.
How would I know? Bro hasn't called me since the night we went to dinner and CC took the kids and left. Literally - two plus weeks - not a text, a call, nothing. I'm so tired of sitting on the edge of his ocean of self-pity, trying to throw him a lifeline. So now I'm gonna have to call him and ask if he could get out of his own miserable way long enough to spend a few days with the fam, for my mom's sake.
Which I find ironic, because my mother doesn't want to be with her family, and my dad just doesn't get that. She made a huge point of telling me that she didn't want to do a family thing; I tried to tell my dad this, but he basically shushed me. I can explain later in a phone call, but I've finally resigned myself to the fact that my mom has no desire to spend time with her family beyond the superficial phone calls and visitations. Unless, of course, she's shittyass drunk and hanging all over me, doing the sorority sister I love you soooooo much drool.
Argh! At one point, driving in the car with my parents, my mom was going off randomly about something that made no sense (90% of her conversation) and I texted Casey, next to me in the seat: And you wonder why I'm crazy. She texted back, Oh no, I don't wonder at all. At least we can laugh about it :)
I'm off today to get some stuff for dinner at Tacoma Boys (yay!) as I'm going to try my hand at grilled fish tacos tonight. Our weather is phenomenally gorgeous so we had planned to have everyone over to BBQ, but since L died, the plans have changed. While K&R are gone, J and T are going to remove this built in bench from K&R's back patio to make room for their new table, which is a project all the guys had planned for the weekend. S and I are going to plant up the planters, so the patio will be done by Sunday and they won't have to worry about it. It's hard to know what to do to help, so that's what we came up with. In the midst of the sadness, though, I'm sure we'll all have fun.
Sounds like you guys are having a heat wave out there too. Much pool time - yahoo! I wish I had a pool - even a public one filled with screaming kids. Still, I may get in a couple of hours on my pretty deck this afternoon if I work it right. Looking forward to catching up on the phone - maybe after the service on Monday? Hoping all is well with you...
Love, A
Thanks for the welcome home note. It has been ages since we wrote...weird how we have total access to the computer on vacation but no inclination to use it.
Our vacation was good. Very relaxing and not much activity, other than wine tasting and a couple of day trips to Santa Barbara and LA (to see JB). Mostly, we sat by the pool all day long, every day. A day can go by really quickly that way :) My parents were on their typical behavior, although I felt I dealt with them better this year. Their drinking has only increased since I last saw them, which isn't helping my mother's memory or her attention span, which are diminishing rapidly. Annoying and frustrating, but also a little concerning.
We arrived home Tuesday evening and sat out on the back deck, relieved to find that the weather here had finally turned to summer and we didn't have to come back to the doom and gloom we left. We enjoyed a few BLU cocktails before bedtime (because I missed my real family). Wednesday I got all settled back into my life - grocery shopping, laundry, watering the garden, catching up on Criminal Minds reruns...then that night we barbecued out on T&S's deck, which was aweseme. I thought of you because you would have loved our dinner! T grilled blackened Tilapia and a salmon concoction he made up - grilled with cucumbers and grapefruit - hello! We also had fresh sourdough from the market with homemade strawberry jam from one of the neighbors, deviled eggs and fruit salad. We put it all out on the ottoman between the deck chairs and just grazed our way through, without even plates. It was very fun and casual and really, really delicious.
Which was a good way to end the evening, as we received devastating news early the next morning: K's youngest sister, L, died in her sleep. She was 45 years old with no known medical problems at all; she went to bed and her husband couldn't wake her up in the morning, just like that. No explanation, no nothing. K is in shock - of course - and was gone most of yesterday to take care of her parents. She has another sister too, so they were all there together. L left two kids - a 13 year old daughter and 17 year old boy - can you imagine? They did the autopsy in the evening but there was nothing conclusive. The toxicology report comes later...hopefully it will bring some answers.
We spent a couple of hours with K last night, before R finally made her take a xanax and go to bed. My heart just breaks for her and her family; her father and L weren't on great terms so I guess he's having a really hard time. Makes you think twice about saying goodnight, doesn't it?
My boys come home from Mississippi Saturday, and I cannot wait until they're back. JJ has had a fabulous time, as I had hoped he would, but is ready to come home. We have some little stuff planned for the rest of the summer, like a couple of days at the water park, a week-long sports camp thing at the local gym, that sort of thing. Nothing much.
When I was home, I spilled the beans to my parents about my bro and his personal train wreck (minus the affair part, and with selective details). My dad, who is all Mr. Family Oriented lately (ha!) just called this morning to spring this idea on me for my mom's 70th birthday at the end of this month. He asked her what she wanted to do and she said she wanted to go to Catalina for the weekend - just the two of them. He called to tell me he thought that was boring (he kills me...whose birthday is it?) and that he wanted to fly her up here "to be with family" instead. He thinks that would be important, and, if my family were normal, he would be right. He wanted to know if that would be a good idea, considering Bro & CC's situation.
How would I know? Bro hasn't called me since the night we went to dinner and CC took the kids and left. Literally - two plus weeks - not a text, a call, nothing. I'm so tired of sitting on the edge of his ocean of self-pity, trying to throw him a lifeline. So now I'm gonna have to call him and ask if he could get out of his own miserable way long enough to spend a few days with the fam, for my mom's sake.
Which I find ironic, because my mother doesn't want to be with her family, and my dad just doesn't get that. She made a huge point of telling me that she didn't want to do a family thing; I tried to tell my dad this, but he basically shushed me. I can explain later in a phone call, but I've finally resigned myself to the fact that my mom has no desire to spend time with her family beyond the superficial phone calls and visitations. Unless, of course, she's shittyass drunk and hanging all over me, doing the sorority sister I love you soooooo much drool.
Argh! At one point, driving in the car with my parents, my mom was going off randomly about something that made no sense (90% of her conversation) and I texted Casey, next to me in the seat: And you wonder why I'm crazy. She texted back, Oh no, I don't wonder at all. At least we can laugh about it :)
I'm off today to get some stuff for dinner at Tacoma Boys (yay!) as I'm going to try my hand at grilled fish tacos tonight. Our weather is phenomenally gorgeous so we had planned to have everyone over to BBQ, but since L died, the plans have changed. While K&R are gone, J and T are going to remove this built in bench from K&R's back patio to make room for their new table, which is a project all the guys had planned for the weekend. S and I are going to plant up the planters, so the patio will be done by Sunday and they won't have to worry about it. It's hard to know what to do to help, so that's what we came up with. In the midst of the sadness, though, I'm sure we'll all have fun.
Sounds like you guys are having a heat wave out there too. Much pool time - yahoo! I wish I had a pool - even a public one filled with screaming kids. Still, I may get in a couple of hours on my pretty deck this afternoon if I work it right. Looking forward to catching up on the phone - maybe after the service on Monday? Hoping all is well with you...
Love, A
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Summer Fun?
Hey, Amanda.
It's been so long...thank goodness for texting! I think you and J get home today so I wanted to write a quick note to welcome you home. Can't wait to hear details of your vacation when you get a chance to sit down and write, or brew a cup of coffee and give me a call. I've been spending lots of time by the pool, so you're best bet is my cell during the day, my home phone at night.
Look forward to catching up!
Love
Barb
It's been so long...thank goodness for texting! I think you and J get home today so I wanted to write a quick note to welcome you home. Can't wait to hear details of your vacation when you get a chance to sit down and write, or brew a cup of coffee and give me a call. I've been spending lots of time by the pool, so you're best bet is my cell during the day, my home phone at night.
Look forward to catching up!
Love
Barb
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