Keepin' it in Perspective

Hey, you.

Thanks for the welcome home note. It has been ages since we wrote...weird how we have total access to the computer on vacation but no inclination to use it.

Our vacation was good. Very relaxing and not much activity, other than wine tasting and a couple of day trips to Santa Barbara and LA (to see JB). Mostly, we sat by the pool all day long, every day. A day can go by really quickly that way :)  My parents were on their typical behavior, although I felt I dealt with them better this year.  Their drinking has only increased since I last saw them, which isn't helping my mother's memory or her attention span, which are diminishing rapidly. Annoying and frustrating, but also a little concerning.

We arrived home Tuesday evening and sat out on the back deck, relieved to find that the weather here had finally turned to summer and we didn't have to come back to the doom and gloom we left.  We enjoyed a few BLU cocktails before bedtime (because I missed my real family).  Wednesday I got all settled back into my life - grocery shopping, laundry, watering the garden, catching up on Criminal Minds reruns...then that night we barbecued out on T&S's deck, which was aweseme. I thought of you because you would have loved our dinner! T grilled blackened Tilapia and a salmon concoction he made up - grilled with cucumbers and grapefruit - hello! We also had fresh sourdough from the market with homemade strawberry jam from one of the neighbors, deviled eggs and fruit salad. We put it all out on the ottoman between the deck chairs and just grazed our way through, without even plates. It was very fun and casual and really, really delicious.

Which was a good way to end the evening, as we received devastating news early the next morning: K's youngest sister, L, died in her sleep. She was 45 years old with no known medical problems at all; she went to bed and her husband couldn't wake her up in the morning, just like that. No explanation, no nothing. K is in shock - of course - and was gone most of yesterday to take care of her parents. She has another sister too, so they were all there together. L left two kids - a 13 year old daughter and 17 year old boy - can you imagine?  They did the autopsy in the evening but there was nothing conclusive. The toxicology report comes later...hopefully it will bring some answers. 

We spent a couple of hours with K last night, before R finally made her take a xanax and go to bed. My heart just breaks for her and her family; her father and L weren't on great terms so I guess he's having a really hard time. Makes you think twice about saying goodnight, doesn't it?

My boys come home from Mississippi Saturday, and I cannot wait until they're back.  JJ has had a fabulous time, as I had hoped he would, but is ready to come home. We have some little stuff planned for the rest of the summer, like a couple of days at the water park, a week-long sports camp thing at the local gym, that sort of thing. Nothing much.

When I was home, I spilled the beans to my parents about my bro and his personal train wreck (minus the affair part, and with selective details). My dad, who is all Mr. Family Oriented lately (ha!) just called this morning to spring this idea on me for my mom's 70th birthday at the end of this month.  He asked her what she wanted to do and she said she wanted to go to Catalina for the weekend - just the two of them. He called to tell me he thought that was boring (he kills me...whose birthday is it?) and that he wanted to fly her up here "to be with family" instead. He thinks that would be important, and, if my family were normal, he would be right. He wanted to know if that would be a good idea, considering Bro & CC's situation.

How would I know? Bro hasn't called me since the night we went to dinner and CC took the kids and left. Literally - two plus weeks - not a text, a call, nothing. I'm so tired of sitting on the edge of his ocean of self-pity, trying to throw him a lifeline.  So now I'm gonna have to call him and ask if he could get out of his own miserable way long enough to spend a few days with the fam, for my mom's sake.

Which I find ironic, because my mother doesn't want to be with her family, and my dad just doesn't get that. She made a huge point of telling me that she didn't want to do a family thing; I tried to tell my dad this, but he basically shushed me. I can explain later in a phone call, but I've finally resigned myself to the fact that my mom has no desire to spend time with her family beyond the superficial phone calls and visitations. Unless, of course, she's shittyass drunk and hanging all over me, doing the sorority sister I love you soooooo much drool.

Argh! At one point, driving in the car with my parents, my mom was going off randomly about something that made no sense (90% of her conversation) and I texted Casey, next to me in the seat: And you wonder why I'm crazy. She texted back, Oh no, I don't wonder at all.  At least we can laugh about it :)

I'm off today to get some stuff for dinner at Tacoma Boys (yay!) as I'm going to try my hand at grilled fish tacos tonight.  Our weather is phenomenally gorgeous so we had planned to have everyone over to BBQ, but since L died, the plans have changed. While K&R are gone, J and T are going to remove this built in bench from K&R's back patio to make room for their new table, which is a project all the guys had planned for the weekend. S and I are going to plant up the planters, so the patio will be done by Sunday and they won't have to worry about it. It's hard to know what to do to help, so that's what we came up with. In the midst of the sadness, though, I'm sure we'll all have fun.

Sounds like you guys are having a heat wave out there too. Much pool time - yahoo! I wish I had a pool - even a public one filled with screaming kids. Still, I may get in a couple of hours on my pretty deck this afternoon if I work it right.  Looking forward to catching up on the phone - maybe after the service on Monday?  Hoping all is well with you...

Love, A