My Fifteen Minutes of Alone Time

Hey,

Thanks for the long post this afternoon. I only just now had a chance to sit down and read, as I've been with the family since I got up this morning. So much to talk about...I'd love to sit down and chat on the phone. This morning I was supposed to have a phone date with my friend K (from highschool) but my parents showed up two hours early and totally blew that.

We took them, my brother and his kids (minus CC) with us to the Scottish Highland Games today. Lots of bagpipe bands and Scottish dancing competitions and such. It was actually really, really fun. My parents loved it. We got back here around 7 and I had to take JJ to a friend's house. When I got back, everyone had Chinese food waiting. We ate and visited some more until I just needed to sit out on my deck by myself for awhile...no such luck. My bro came out and sat with me, followed by my parents...oh, good Lord! Leave me a lone for a minute! It's 10:00 now and BroJ just left, carting the rents with him. My own J is out on a drowning on the lake and has been most of the evening, so I am finally alone. Ok, if you don't count M and his buddy blasting crazy club dance music upstairs. I'll take that.

Anyway...just a quick catch-you-up:

The AA meeting has been a long time in coming. I had strep throat this week so I think I thought it would be a good time to quit drinking, since it hurts like hell anyway. I ended up not going to another meeting, but a fairly new friend of mine goes to AA and she has offered to take me to her women-only meeting on Monday night. I do have a drinking problem, I'm convinced of that. Sometimes it scares me, sometimes I just think I ought to do something about it.

Things with J just haven't been great lately and I'm working on that with MC.  A lot of it is how I deal with things and how I react to his behavior (over which I have no control - imagine!) It has been difficult on our marriage having M back here, to say the least. My anger and resentment issues toward K come out all kinds of sideways on everyone but K, since the bastard's dead and I can't take it out on him. I know I'm doing it and I'm working on it, but some days are better than others.

My relationship with M is good and bad, depending on the day, the hour, sometimes the minute. It's hard to explain. I just don't trust it; it can turn in a heartbeat, in a word --- and I won't have any idea what happened. One minute we'll be laughing and getting along and then next minute I've said something that sets him off like a bomb and we're yelling at each other.  Then the hatred I feel towards his dad eats me alive, until I try to share my frustration with J, who then tells me what I did wrong and what I should have done instead.

At which point I start drinking, until I end up at an AA meeting.

That was brilliant, no? That wrap-it-all up ending? I crack myself up.

Other than that, I'm feeling much better from the antibiotics and tomorrow is kind of a slow day. The guys are all playing golf in the morning so my mom should show up for coffee at some point. She'll hang out with me all day - we may go see a movie - then BLU is coming for a barbecue. BroJ and family were invited too, of course but SCC (she used to be CC , but now she's Super CC) is refusing to come because she says I hate her. That's a whole nother story and there just isn't enough wine here to cover that. 

Monday morning I have a half hour drive to see MC so maybe I can call you then and I can hear about J (am I thinking J, as in highschool???) I'm glad you and D had such a great visit. And I'm very sad about W and how is family is handling this. Between my ex husband dying and K's sister dying, I've seen way more family dysfunction because of death than I ever knew existed.  It's awful that people have to go through that.  He's lucky to have you there to support him.

Also, happy to hear that your uncle is on the upswing. That's very good news, even if it is a long haul. Takes some pressure off D, too, I'm sure.

Looking forward to hearing lots of details in the form of your voice soon,
Love,
A