A Snowy Vacation

Hey, A.

Funny how much our surroundings can affect our moods, no? I finally got the snow I had been wanting when we had a blizzard Sunday to Monday. Since I'm on vacation I didn't get a snow day from it, but that really wasn't the point. I wanted a blanket of snow to cover my part of the earth and make it feel like winter, make it really feel like Christmas. And even though it didn't fall until the 26th, it's still the Christmas season to me. I'm on Christmas vacation, I haven't seen W yet, and anyway I don't take my tree down until after Three Kings Day, so I have plenty of time to enjoy the view. 

After celebrating Christmas for three days (we opened gifts at my parents' with the kids and my sisters on the 26th; the girls slept over here the 25th), I settled into vacation. It was nice to be snowed in, forced by Mother Nature to stay put. So I cooked (of course I did) and relaxed and enjoyed some alone time. Then yesterday I had my parents over for dinner, and tonight W comes down until Friday. Friday I will go back with him to Boston, and then I will get back here in time for "reentry."

I'm off to do some errands now to do some general stocking up--I'm out of W's brand of vodka,. but I'm also out of Kleenex--but will be home for a few hours with nothing to do but wait early this afternoon. It would be nice to catch up so I'll give you a call? Or I'll text first to see if you're available.

Enjoy the snow and try not to think about your brother. That is, stay in a good mood as long as you can!

Love you,
Barb

Out of nowhere...

Ah....much better mood when I woke up to this!

Grumpy McGrumpster

Yikes! Sorry I never responded to your last post. I did read it that day, just never got back to you. I hope you had a wonderful Christmas (as did I) and that you're enjoying the hell out of your vacation from school.  Snow yet?

No snow here. Just a lot of rain, followed later this week by clearing and freezing temperatures.  Could mean icy roads but it probably won't even be that exciting.  It's just gray and dreary and not exactly helping with the post-Christmas blues.  We don't even have super fun New Year's Eve plans to get hyped about. Just all this decor to put away....argh.  I'll stop now.  Kinda in a grumpy mood today.

I picked up a few extra hours at work for the next couple of weeks, which is totally fine with me, although I'm sort of tired after my first day today.  Thing is, I was perfectly ok until my insane excuse for a brother plowed into my life again this morning and made me all crappy.  AGAIN.  STILL.

God, Barb, what the f is it with him (and other siblings)?????  So get this - brief update: Christmas Day he and his entire family show up at my house unannounced with gifts for everyone.  No f*$#ing kidding.  Just Hello, Merry Christmas! as if we always spend the day together and exchange gifts. Um, it's been about three or four years since we did that ???  And we're all standing there, completely caught off guard with no gifts for them.  So we invite them in for a drink, which they accept, and we open our gifts, and it's all perfectly awkward for about an hour, until they finally leave.  WTF?

Then, I got a text from KN yesterday, saying that he had sent her a gift and a long letter, which she couldn't share because we were never able to catch up on the phone with the time difference.  I would have been ok if I hadn't then received my own letter this morning, which just set me off.  I don't even know what he said to her - for all I know they're back together and eloping this weekend.  But the letter he sent me was just more of the same "I'm sorry, let me fix this" crap and the more I thought about it all day long, the sadder I felt, until I was driving home in the rain and the dark, crying.  Good thing I took the back roads (the curvy, winding ones) since I already couldn't see straight.

I just don't know what I'm supposed to say to him.  I want to tell him to get out of my life and get his act together, but there's so much a part of me that misses him and wants him back.  I just don't want the package...the wife and the dysfunction.  I would be happy to only have contact with him and his kids, but that will never happen.  I'm just sad. That's the only way I can describe it.  For him, for KN, for everyone he's destroyed, for what seems like an insurmountable obstacle between us.

So I called my sweet husband and asked him if he wanted to go out to return stuff at the mall tonight.  Not only did he agree, he said we ought to go out to our favorite wine bar for apps and drinks afterwards.

I love him.

Hope all is well with you...maybe we can talk this week? I'm off all day Friday!

Love you,
A

No Snow in Sight

Hey there, A.

Thanks for calling me back last night so I could air my family laundry...Things are about the same.

Late last week I was hoping for a snow day for Monday, which would have worked out oh-so-well for me-- with Christmas coming up and the Patriots game at 8:30 tonight (kickoff at practically my bedtime!). The best part was it wasn't out of the question; there was a storm in the forecast and my students were as hopeful as I was. Alas the storm track changed and early this weekend I knew there was no chance of getting an extra day to get things done. I had the good sense to I do today everything I would have liked to do tomorrow.

I made more cranberry vodka (you must try it!), cooked a double batch of chili to give to friends for Christmas (I know it's non-traditional, but I guess neither am I; cookies aren't my thing), made cocktail shrimp and cocktail sauce for my own snacking pleasure tonight and to have on hand for a quick non-dinner this week, and got my lists and budget in order so that this week can be as easy as possible.

It's a four day work week that I'm sure will fly by with all the last minute things I need to do. In the middle of it all, I'm going out with C on Wednesday night--and am looking forward to that. We are going to a hot restaurant so it will be a foodie extravaganza...before the food extravaganza that is Christmas in my family. (So much for the gym.)

Hope to catch up with you for a few before then.

Love,
Barb

Getting to the Page

Dear Barb,


Wow, don't get me started on how much I don't write these days.  I need the motivation you are seeking...send some my way if you find it! I can hardly even do a two-minute FB update anymore, I feel so out of sorts with The Page.  "I haven’t been to the gym in a month, my to-do lists take me a week to complete, and I’m just kind of blah lately. "Sounds like my life, entirely. Only I think it's been longer than a month since the gym has seen my face.


So....sorry, but I don't have any other suggestions.  I do think that the morning pages is the (our) best way to get started though.  I have a horrible tendency of sleeping until the last possible minute these days, leaving myself no time at all for anything before heading off (usually late) to work.   Of course, I come home (even as early and luxuriously as 2:00) and it seems those few hours until dinner just disappear with laundry, errands, JJ and his homework, sports, whatever. Suddenly, every night, it's time for bed and I haven't accomplished a thing.  Let alone writing.


I don't think I've fully adjusted to my new schedule - meaning working outside the home.  It's like I totally gave up on housework and basic family care things - I swear my bathroom rivals the boys' in filthiness.  I can't even stand to brush my teeth in there, my sink is so revolting.  I grocery shop only when we are completely out of things - so not like me.  I'm the queen of anticipating the last gallon of milk and never letting the beer fridge let us down with the spares.  Thank God I didn't take a full time position or I think my whole house would fall apart.  How do people do it? What is wrong with me??


Of course I'm still wishing I were on a lawn chair with a cocktail in hand, which isn't exactly helping. And I'm stressed about Christmas shopping (or, the lack of which I have done). The weather sucks, I'm feeling terribly fat and out of shape.....grrrrrrr.  Writing seems low on the priority list, yet it's probably what I should most be doing. 


You are much more dedicated in your writing than I ever have been, so I'm sure you will find rejuvenation sooner rather than later.  Feel free to write here for practice, if not for updating your daily life. I'd love to read some things you've been working on!


Love,
A

New To-Do List

Hey, Amanda.


I sat down this morning and wrote morning pages. Well, I guess they were morning paragraphs that didn’t quite fill a page. Still, it was a start. I woke up thinking that I’m not doing something right. I haven’t been writing much here or in my other blog, so maybe I need to get into the habit of doing my brain drain again—either here or longhand in the morning if I don’t feel like I have a chance to log on to the computer and blog.

In general, I think I need to find a little more balance--and it’s clearly nothing a V8 can fix. I haven’t been to the gym in a month, my to-do lists take me a week to complete, and I’m just kind of blah lately. So my plan for the week is morning pages, gym, and more meditation/affirmations.

Any other suggestions?

Love you,

B

Let it Snow...Please!!!

Wow. I can only imagine how difficult it is to come home from Hawaii....Maybe that's the reason I've never taken a tropical island vacation: I'd never want to come home. Coming home from San Diego is always difficult enough.

I finally got my tree up and decorated today and I'm now watching the Pats game, wishing we were getting some of the snow that's falling in Chicago. Instead we got lots of rain today and there's no snow in the forecast. The frigid cold is coming back (we had single digit temperatures this past week), but for this storm we're on the warm side. Some day we'll get some snow and I'll get my snow day, but for now I'll have to make due without.

It was great catching up the other night (did we actually get a whole hour on the phone?). Just hearing your voice was a treat. Hope you had a good weekend.

Love,
Barb

Post Vacation Blahs

Hey there.

A friend of mine commented on Facebook this morning that the state of Hawaii should give you a month's worth of anti-depressants when you board the plane home.  I can't think of a better idea right now, as I rush to clean the kitchen before work, while the rain slams against my windows and all the lights are on in the house because it's still that dark at 8:30 in the morning.

What a great trip we had.  I could go on for days about how beautiful it was, how relaxing, how warm and sunny it was.  I've seen a lot of gorgeous places in the world, but this really took my breath away. I always thought it would be touristy and junky, but it's so far from that.  It is exactly like every advertising picture I've ever seen. (I took that picture above, from the lawn chair I was sitting in!)  Clean - amazingly, impeccably, clean, and green. I've never seen so much green in my life. And flowers! OMG, the flowers are everywhere, on every bush and tree, and they're stunning. I took so many picture of plants :)

The time with my parents, too, was great. We did most things together, although J and I took off here and there for a bit every day and did our own thing.  It was nice not having any real plans (until we got there and figured out a couple of things we wanted to do) and nowhere we had to be at any time.  We did an awful lot of sunbathing and eating which I guess was the whole point of the trip.

I missed my kids a lot, though.  It is a perfect kid vacation spot (and there were lots of them there) and everything we did I kept thinking, "The boys would love this!" Of course, they weren't missing me all that much so conversations at night lasted about five minutes before they were done with Mom checking in.

Now I'm back and not missing them so much....

Work is still good...today is my first day on the originally promised schedule.  It will be nice to get off in time to make it to JJ's wrestling match, get my nails done, go to the bank.  You know, basic stuff.  This weekend is our neighborhood 12 Drinks party, but since I RSVPed late, I am not a hosting house.  That makes for a stress-free weekend, AND I get to go to the party anyway!  Sunday I'll try to get a little more Christmas shopping done (I have hardly started...there's my stress!)  Other than that, pretty quiet around here.

And raining.

And cold.

And no one has brought me a Bloody Mary since Sunday.

Hope all is well with you...counting down the days to Christmas Break, I'm sure.  Yay!

Love you,
A

Home...physically, if not mentally

Hey...

A quick hello on my lunch hour to thank you for the welcome home post. We took the day off yesterday to get acclimated and do some Christmas shopping, and today I'm back at work. I'm not adjusting well. Hard to get out of vacation mode, especially from that vacation.

I will try to write more later on and send some pics, but no promises. I go to my part time schedule Thursday, so I hope to return to my normal life then.

Just to let you know, though, our trip was fantastic. Such a gorgeous place, I took a gazillion pictures of the same scenery because it took my breath away every day! Ate and drank and got a decent tan...enjoyed time with J and, surprisingly, had a blast with my parents. We will definitely go back - and soon - my kids would love it.

Gotta get back to the office so I'll catch up with you later.  Glad to hear you had a good break too!
Love you,
A

Home Again

Aloha.

Back from Hawaii, tan and rested? I'm so happy for you and J; the pictures you sent indicate that you two were having a great time! I can't wait to hear all about it.

I am not tan, but I am relaxed, having just gotten in from Boston tonight. C and I went for our annual overnight getaway yesterday--staying in the Back Bay last night and taking our planned personal day today. As always we had fun--shopping, eating, and drinking yesterday, and then sleeping in, shopping, eating and drinking some more today. Now I'm home with my favorite throw blanket and laptop on my lap and a cocktail on my side table, watching the Pats game all comfy cozy while W freezes his butt off at the stadium. Unfortunately, I'm sure the chili I brought him for his tailgate didn't keep him or his buddies warm for long....God, I don't know how he still does it--out there in freezing cold.

Anyway, I was in Boston last weekend as well for the second part of Thanksgiving weekend with W, which was a great time too, so I've got a serious case of I miss Boston.... Funny how I miss it more when I visit more often, but interesting also that I had a feeling while driving home that I will definitely live there again.
Not sure how or when, but I know it will be home again....

For now this place that is my home is a disaster area--in need of cleaning and some more holiday spirit, so that is my plan for this weekend. If you are home and around, I'd love a distraction and a chance to chat with you.

Hope all is well....

Love you,
Barb