Grumpy McGrumpster

Yikes! Sorry I never responded to your last post. I did read it that day, just never got back to you. I hope you had a wonderful Christmas (as did I) and that you're enjoying the hell out of your vacation from school.  Snow yet?

No snow here. Just a lot of rain, followed later this week by clearing and freezing temperatures.  Could mean icy roads but it probably won't even be that exciting.  It's just gray and dreary and not exactly helping with the post-Christmas blues.  We don't even have super fun New Year's Eve plans to get hyped about. Just all this decor to put away....argh.  I'll stop now.  Kinda in a grumpy mood today.

I picked up a few extra hours at work for the next couple of weeks, which is totally fine with me, although I'm sort of tired after my first day today.  Thing is, I was perfectly ok until my insane excuse for a brother plowed into my life again this morning and made me all crappy.  AGAIN.  STILL.

God, Barb, what the f is it with him (and other siblings)?????  So get this - brief update: Christmas Day he and his entire family show up at my house unannounced with gifts for everyone.  No f*$#ing kidding.  Just Hello, Merry Christmas! as if we always spend the day together and exchange gifts. Um, it's been about three or four years since we did that ???  And we're all standing there, completely caught off guard with no gifts for them.  So we invite them in for a drink, which they accept, and we open our gifts, and it's all perfectly awkward for about an hour, until they finally leave.  WTF?

Then, I got a text from KN yesterday, saying that he had sent her a gift and a long letter, which she couldn't share because we were never able to catch up on the phone with the time difference.  I would have been ok if I hadn't then received my own letter this morning, which just set me off.  I don't even know what he said to her - for all I know they're back together and eloping this weekend.  But the letter he sent me was just more of the same "I'm sorry, let me fix this" crap and the more I thought about it all day long, the sadder I felt, until I was driving home in the rain and the dark, crying.  Good thing I took the back roads (the curvy, winding ones) since I already couldn't see straight.

I just don't know what I'm supposed to say to him.  I want to tell him to get out of my life and get his act together, but there's so much a part of me that misses him and wants him back.  I just don't want the package...the wife and the dysfunction.  I would be happy to only have contact with him and his kids, but that will never happen.  I'm just sad. That's the only way I can describe it.  For him, for KN, for everyone he's destroyed, for what seems like an insurmountable obstacle between us.

So I called my sweet husband and asked him if he wanted to go out to return stuff at the mall tonight.  Not only did he agree, he said we ought to go out to our favorite wine bar for apps and drinks afterwards.

I love him.

Hope all is well with you...maybe we can talk this week? I'm off all day Friday!

Love you,
A