A Little Good News

Hey Barb,

Sorry to hear you had such a blah weekend and weren't feeling well all week.  Yuk.  I'm sure the crappy weather you've been having isn't helping at all. I'm not even jealous anymore.  I see the news reports and am thankful that all we have left is cold rain and a few stubborn snowbanks here and there.  I can't imagine how sick you must be of it.  Your flowers were really pretty though!

My weekend was good.  I had my first photography class on Saturday afternoon and learned more than I thought I would in just a couple of hours.  On Sunday we met up at a botanical garden and took pictures in the pouring down rain for our "homework".  We had to come up with at least six shots to turn in next week.  I'm not sure if mine are any good, but I got six, which wasn't that easy.  Still, I had a really good time and loved using my new camera with some understanding of how it actually works ;)

Saturday night JJ and I went to see Just Go With It.  Mindless and cute...I love Adam Sandler and Jennifer Aniston both. I wasn't in the mood to think at all so it was a perfect choice.  We didn't do much else other than the monthly Costco run Sunday afternoon.  It was crappy weather here too (snow and rain mixed, just wet and COLD and messy and depressing) so staying inside was my best option.

J is headed down to Portland for the rest of this week so it'll be quiet around here.  I don't have anything planned except for a couple of PT appts (which are helping immensely) and maybe a haircut.  I've been in Hair Hating Mode now for awhile, but can't decide whether to cut or deal, in the hopes of having long, flowing locks again someday.  Today, I went to see MC and she had an adorable short, choppy Meg Ryan kind of cut.  She had really long, curly hair before that and the change was astounding.  Suddenly, I thought I needed to do the same.  I'm bored.

So, the good news....

I talked to J about coming out to see you this summer and my concerns about not having enough time off work to make it worth it.  He suggested that if that were the case, we would offer to bring you out here instead; at least that way I would only be gone half days. I explained that we (you and I) wanted me to visit you in your life, but I really did appreciate his alternative offer.  Then, today at work, I was talking with my job share partner. She's a full time student right now so this gig is great for her.  In June, though, she'll be done with school.  We came up with this brilliant idea that, maybe, at least for the summer, she could pick up hours and I could drop back some....thereby leaving me with more days off... and being able to come to Connecticut after all! Of course we have to run this by the boss first, so I'm trying not to get too excited yet.  Either way, something is definitely going to work out this summer. Which, I have to say, was a huge mood lifter for me.  I was stressing about the time off, mixed with REALLY wanting to come out there, and feeling like I wouldn't be able to figure it out.  At least now we have some options.

I hope this week goes better for you...do all these snow days mean they're going to take Spring Break - aka San Diego - away? :(

Enough of my rambling.  I posted one of the pictures I took yesterday on FB but here's my favorite:

Love you,
A

A Little Blah

Good morning, Amanda.

Would you believe it if I told you we had more snow last night? Only a couple of inches, but still. I’m watching the news as I write, and we are officially in the number 3 spot for snowiest winter on record, behind winters 93-94, and 95-96. In number 4 and 5 are winters from the sixties and seventies. I have daffodils in the house and a fun bouquet with orange Gerber daisies and yellow lilies and roses and bright green mums on my dining room table that is dressed in a new verdant green table cloth, and outside I hear the snow blower.

Originally I was supposed to go to Boston this weekend, but midway through the week, when I was feeling emotionally spent and sad and suffering from the first of what would end up being 3 headaches, W suggested we wait until next weekend. And did I mention I had cramps? (Yeah, it was that wonderful week, too.) At first I agreed somewhat reluctantly; I had my heart and mind set on collapsing in his arms…but then I realized he was probably right. What I really needed was sleep—and I don’t get much of that with him. In the end this wasn’t a great weekend for me, but that doesn’t necessarily mean he wasn’t right. I’ll have this week to look forward to next weekend, and to try to make it there well rested.

After I write and drink my coffee I hope to go to the gym this morning, but I have no other plans for rest of the day. I have Prosecco on hand, but I’m not sure I’m in the mood for big breakfast today; I already made my weekly soup so I don’t need to spend this Sunday in the kitchen as I typically do. That being said I’ll probably never make it to the gym or leave the house today. I’ll have breakfast and mimosas and will start cooking something.

I guess I just feel a little blah, or blue. I’m not sure which. I’m not sure there’s a difference. I’m still sad about D, I’m a little bored this weekend, and I’m way over our record-breaking winter. I’m also aware that my hormones are a little off (with my semi-annual uterine clearance—ha!) and could be making everything a little worse. I don’t know, Amanda. I just want to feel better. I want these flowers to make me as happy as flowers usually do.

Hope you’re in a better mood than I am this morning. Sorry to be a downer.

Love you,

Barb

Quickie

Hey, you...

What a beautiful post yesterday. I'm sorry I didn't respond sooner; it was very touching. I hope the day went well and that D is feeling as well as can be expected.  She is so lucky to have you.

I have to apologize for a short and sweet Dear Diary tonight as I've been on this flippin' computer for two hours now, helping my Dad with tech stuff.  Since when am I the tech expert???  That, after an entire day at work in front of the screen and my back is D.O.N.E.

It snowed like a MF today, but stopped around dinner time.  We're expecting more tonight and most certainly, ice in the morning.  I'm pretty sure the kids won't have school tomorrow. And here we thought winter was over...we were actually looking forward to spring...NOT.  I'll be bummed to be at work if the kids are home :(

Made a killer pork shoulder in the crock pot today and the entire family, including CA - T&S's oldest - snarfed it.  Made me feel good that I made something that pleased everyone. And oh how hard it was...can of root beer, some bbq sauce, roast. Lid. Low. All day. Done.  Doesn't take much to make my family happy!

I'm going to go spend some time with my honey now. He's done practicing and I'm done being a techie, and the kids are, I'm guessing, planning to stay up way later than we are.  I hope your week is going well,
Love you
A

Chemo Day

Good morning, Amanda.

I’m home this morning because I’m taking D to chemo today. I’m stopping for coffee and bagels on the way (usually, for her very early appointments, we stop on the way and eat in the car), so we’ve built in a little time for us to sit and eat before heading to the hospital. That way I will also be there to help her get ready if necessary.

I haven’t seen her since her last hospitalization, and I’m a little anxious this morning, I must say. I know she continues to struggle with headaches, and wonder if she’ll look frail or be her normal self. What has come to be her normal self, anyway. I also haven’t taken her to a treatment yet where she gets her chemotherapy through a port in her head.

Today along with healthy snacks and water and mags, I’m also going to pack Foodie Fight ;-) and a book I’m reading that I know will make D laugh. It’s Wally Lamb’s new book that is so unlike his previous 700 page heavy-duty books. It’s a small trim, 250 page novel told from a fifth grade boy’s perspective in the 60s. I don’t know if I told you about it yet, but you’d love it. Such an easy, fun, and nostalgiac read. Anyway, I think I’ll offer to start reading it with her aloud—cover to cover—or I’ll just read some funny passages that I’ve already read.

On the way down to her house I’ll pray for the strength to keep my cool and stay positive. And while we’re in the infusion area, in between tid bits of conversation, recipe tips and stories, I’ll pray that the poison flowing through the line, into her brain this time, is working.

[Deep breath.]

Love you,
Barb

Midnight Note...

Good morning, Barb.

I can't believe I let this entire week go by without writing a single entry.  It was as busy week, I guess, but I didn't prioritize well either.

It's the middle of the night right now - 3:02 to be exact - and I'm sitting here with a heat pack on my shoulder waiting out my ten minutes so I can follow it with ice and let the ibuprofen kick in.  I don't think the pain is what woke me up, any more so than any other night, but once I was awake, it wasn't going to let me fall back to sleep.  So I was very grateful to log on and have something to read :)

This week culminated in an insanely busy day yesterday, but it was well worth all the work and stress.  Kim's book launch party went without a hitch and was a huge success.  I had a chance to visit with everyone a little before we finally made it home around 4.  I had a grand plan to hit the gym before heading off to dinner, but that morphed into a very short nap instead, after putting everything away, etc. I just sat down on the couch and was out before I knew it. We turned around and left at 5:30 for Seattle - J, M, JJ and me - for JJ's birthday dinner at the Space Needle.  I wasn't particularly thrilled about going  (I thought it was overpriced, mediocre food in a gimmicky restaurant) but I was so pleasantly surprised by a fantastic experience that we all loved, mostly JJ.  The food was outstanding, the service was excellent, the restaurant was awesome with that view (it rotates) and the four of us had so much fun together.

I came home in the best mood, not even slightly disappointed that we were far too late to drop in at Kim's dinner celebration that I spent all month planning. I was perfectly happy at 11:00 to see that the party was over, and I went to bed feeling like I had perfectly balanced two really important events for two people, without either of them feeling like I had my mind on the other.  And I think JJ had a stellar birthday; on a scale of one to ten, he claims it was a 901:)

And I'm still in a great mood, but I hope I can get back to sleep now.  We have an early morning breakfast fundraiser tomorrow, but nothing else planned the rest of the day, since we couldn't get in to do the rock climbing after all.  Can't say I'm bummed....I think I'll go eat pancakes, go to the gym, and maybe watch movies the rest of the day.  And, her schedule permitting, I'll be catching up with my dear friend Barb on the phone.

Looking forward to hearing your voice ~
Love,
A

Saturday Start

Good morning, Amanda.

I usually force myself to stay in bed until 8 on Saturdays (and end up sleeping until 8:30 or so, and then not always feeling great), but today I woke up feeling great a little earlier than that. I had a migraine yesterday and was exhausted pretty much all day yesterday so when I finally went to bed, I had a great night’s sleep. Sometimes I don’t want to get up because my bed feels so good; today I wanted to get up because I felt restored.

I don’t have big plans for the weekend other than to really get my place in order. Once again things (I?) have gotten a bit disorganized, I’m behind with laundry, and I have bought a few things lately to bring a touch of spring inside so this is my weekend get everything clean and in its place. I was doing so well there for a while through the holidays, and then I just stopped trying. Ugh. As I often conclude, I should entertain more often. In fact, I should probably invite someone over for dinner tomorrow for that extra bit of motivation.

Actually, this time around I think I have that extra push in place without having a dinner party. My extra motivation to clean both upstairs and down is that I’m going to call management on Monday about some new stains I noticed on my ceiling from all the snow that sat on the roof and melted and leaked in I guess, which means I could have visitors. Before I get going, I’m giving myself some Me Time for coffee, blogs and a little TV. And some cinnamon raisin toast, which now that I’ve mentioned it, can’t wait any longer to have it.

I didn’t hear from you this week, so if it was a bad week, I hope you have a better weekend; if it was a busy week, I hope you have a restful one.

Love you,
Barb

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Is it Monday again? Already?...

I didn’t get my house as clean as I wanted, nor did I correct my exams and lab reports without procrastinating first, but I did make some progress with my clutter this weekend, and got my correcting done under the wire. I also took myself out to eat and found time to do some pleasure reading. (Wally Lamb has a fun, easy read out that isn’t a million pages long. I think you’d love it.) It wasn’t my most relaxing weekend but I really can’t complain. Most weekends I don’t do any school work; this weekend it’s my own fault for not using my time wisely in school.

Of course I’m ready to reward myself (I’ve been craving scallops) and go out to dinner tonight but I’m not sure I want to head out solo on the Amateur Night #2 (the first being New Year’s Eve). It’s not so much about dining solo as the fact that many restaurants will have special (read: pricier) menus tonight. I’ll see how the day plays out. I could make myself scallops at home, but I kind of feeling like doing nothing tonight. No correcting, no cleaning, no cooking, no dishes. Just cuz.

Hope you had a good weekend. Sorry I missed our opportunity to talk.

Love you,
Barb

Good Friday ;)

Happy Friday!

My day started well.... I went to the gym while the boys were getting ready for school, and found this note taped to the door when I got home:

And when I stopped crying...

I made myself some Eggland's Best eggs...because I couldn't wait for a coupon ;) A little black pepper Canadian bacon and a perfectly fried egg on dark rye.  Hello!  You were right.  Definitely better. Waaay better.

I had time to stop at Starbucks on the way to work, then had a pretty decent day in the office.  When I drove into the neighborhood, I saw S working out in the yard and stopped to chat for a bit.  Good thing she asked me something about my schedule because when I looked at my date book (not electronic :) I realized I have a massage scheduled this afternoon! What a lovely surprise!

JJ and I are going to hit the Bingo fundraiser for a bit tonight then hook up with S&T et al later on.  I'm having a pretty great Friday!

As for the J thing...probably best reserved for a phone call.  I wouldn't say I'm lying; I'm probably blowing things way out of proportion, or being dramatic, or was just having a really bad day.  Maybe it's just 16 years living with the same person. Not a big deal...really, I meant it when I said no worries.

Ok...I'm off to get my shoulder worked on, which I will dutifully follow with a lot of water, as they always suggest.  That should be helpful later on when I'm drinking wine with my friends.

Hope last night went well and that D is feeling okay.  This weekend will be hit or miss, but I do have some time in the car tomorrow to and from my class, so I'll try you.  Or Sunday should be good...text me if you want to talk.

Love you,
A

Is it Friday Yet?

Okay, Amanda.

I'm not sure that's allowed: one day telling me things are pretty miserable and the next telling me it's all good. Either you're lying or...you're lying. So we'll talk. I'm not sure about tonight though.

Right now, as I sit with my coffee trying to gear up to face the day (shoot! getting through the week without a snow day--or 4--is proving to be a challenge) I am planning on going to visit D after school in the hospital. The few days have turned into a week. She has her port, they finally got the headache under control and will be getting her second chemo treatment today, but want her to stay another night or two.

That being said, I'm not sure what time I'll be home. It'll be evening for you and nighttime for me, so that would work, but I'm just not sure I'll be up for talking. I could collapse from lazy lady's exhaustion. How about I'll text you to let you know?

Love the two days in one, by the way. And yay, you for not needing sedation! You're all grown up now. ;-)

Have a good one. Love,
B

Two Days in One

Hi there,

Ahh what a long day...sort of.  I had oral surgery this morning which actually went very well.  I didn't have any sedation as I was trying to be a big girl about this, and it was far less awful than I had anticipated.  I did a little grocery shopping then came home and made myself a Reuben panini. I've been craving a Reuben since T mentioned it a few days ago, and since my tooth didn't hurt at all (and still doesn't ?!?) I treated myself. Promptly after eating, I curled up on the couch with Episode Number Whatever of my Criminal Minds DVDs and immediately fell asleep...until 4! Seems like another whole day started then.  I had to go to Target and make a bunch of phone calls, help JJ with homework, do tech support on the phone with my dad (God love him) ... and make dinner.

Now it's almost 8. The kitchen's cleaned, dinner was terrific (I made enchiladas mole) and I'm still working on this thing for my dad. I feel like I've still got hours left in the day but most nights, I'd be getting ready for bed by now.

Anyhoo....it was nice to have the day off and I didn't really mind sleeping most of it away. Clearly, my body needed it, even without the surgery.

The rest of the week should be quiet, although we've got a busy weekend planned.  Friday night we're going to a Bingo fundraiser for a friend's kid who is going to Mexico on a school trip. Saturday I have another photography class, JJ has Little League draft and that night, I'm going to see The Vagina Monologues with Kim. It's put on every year at University of Puget Sound, and our friend's daughter is in it. I saw it two years ago when she was a freshman so it will be fun to see it again now that she's older and more theatrically developed.  There are a bunch of women from the neighborhood meeting up for cocktails beforehand ... should be a good night.

Sunday, actually, should be pretty quiet. I hope. Next weekend is our crazy one...with JJ's birthday party, Kim's book release and launch party, then a FD pancake breakfast fundraiser on Sunday followed by rock climbing for JJ's birthday. (In a building, on a fake wall. I'm sure I'll amuse the shit out of everyone there.)

That's all around here.  Sorry to drop that weird bomb on you the other day.  It's all good.  No worries.

I will probably be home after work tomorrow and can talk if you'll be around.  Would love to hear how everyone is holding up in your family.

Love,
A

Morning Notes

Hey, Amanda,

Wow. I must say I'm shocked to hear that you and J aren't doing well. I feel like things have been going so well for you--dating back to the anniversary party for your folks and your trip to Hawaii. So either I haven't been reading between the lines or you've been glossing over it? Now that you've put it out there, I still feel a little in the dark, so I'd love to hear more about it. Maybe a phone call is in order to elicit more details.

Still, it sounds like you had a good weekend. I did too... W and I had fun downtown and my Boylston bargains set me right. Now I have that okay, I can go back to live in the suburbs again feeling. Unfortunately, it's never very long before I need another city fix. I miss Boston more and more these days.

I did get your message. Thank you. My cousin gets out of the hospital today. The port is in place and she got her first chemo treatment yesterday. She'll be getting two outpatient treatments a week now for the next three; after that they'll assess if it's having any success. My uncle has more diagnostics done this week, so we don't really know anything more about his treatment plan as of yet. I'll keep you posted.

Looks like we'll get through the week in these parts without any major storms, but a couple inches of snow this morning were enough to require a delay. But I've used it up, so now it's time to get ready...

Have a good day. Let's talk soon.
Love,
Barb

Hey, Barb.

Sorry I didn't write over the weekend so that you might have something to read this morning before returning to school.  How was Boston? I hope you and W had a great time and that you were able to get your mind off other things, if only for awhile.  Did you get my message Friday? My heart was breaking for you and your family.

We had a weird weekend.  We started Thursday evening with K&R&TN coming over for drinks after dinner, which went until after 10.  Friday S&T came over after hockey and stayed until late again, drinking, of course.  Saturday night J and I had to go to that godawful (is that one word?) FD dinner, which was worse than ever.  We were home by 8:45; as we drove past S&T's we noticed they were still up, so we grabbed a bottle of wine and headed over there. On the walk over, we ran into another couple, S&J, from down the street, so we invited them along.  The six of us sat around until almost midnight - you guessed it - drinking.  It was actually very fun as we don't see this other couple very often and we all really like them.  Sunday, we did Superbowl over at Kim & Josh's but I conked out early and left before the 3rd quarter was over. My sleep is not improving at all, and all that alcohol wasn't helping one bit. I didn't even drink Sunday and I still couldn't sleep last night.  You'd think my body would just pass out from exhaustion at some point.

I'm sure part of the reason I'm not sleeping, and why I'm 50+ lbs overweight, and why I've withdrawn from everyone around me lately, is that things have become pretty miserable between J and me.  I'm working on my daily affirmations and positive energy, and keeping up with my magic potion and counseling. I keep trying to act like everything's ok and that we're just going through a rough patch, just trying to be a good Mom and keep my shit together.  I'm not doing such a great job, though.

Sorry to dump on you.

I'm battling with JJ over missing work AGAIN tonight and I'm - surprise! - tired.  I hope to hear a bit of good news from you about D and your uncle soon; call whenever you can/want.

Love you,
A

The Aftermath

Good morning, Amanda.

The snow has stopped, the sleet and freezing rain have stopped, and the new thing around here is collapsing roofs. In fact, one or more schools in my district must be at risk, which is why I am home again. Yesterday evening a robo-call came from the superintendent who very somberly explained in his message that despite best efforts of maintenance and custodial staff, the snow load on roofs was unacceptable, and schools would be closed today while they worked with contractors and the town engineer to remove the snow. Most schools today have delays; we are one of very few towns with another day off. I'm not jumping up and down, yet I know I need to make the best of it. So I'm debating how I should spend my day (besides correcting some of those midterm exams that are sitting in my car...still--ha!) to really take advantage of the time off. I'm going to try to get my mani-pedi rescheduled (I had an appointment Tuesday), and am debating going out to lunch. Thing there is that I'd definitely need to shower and wash my hair if I go out to lunch, and I heard it's bad luck to wash your hair on the Chinese New Year. Not that I'm Chinese or anything. But you know.

Thanks for the white light for my family. We're all hoping for more information, but right now there's not much communication. It's just settling in, I think. To use your metaphor, I think we're all just walking around with heavy hearts. My poor aunt. How much can one person handle? A sick daughter and now a husband with the same terrible illness. Just hideous. (Interesting: the title of a non-fiction book came to me the other day in response to this news. Remind me to tell you about it.)

Vegas, hu? Still have never been, and though it's on my list of places I'd like to go, it's not on the top ten. (Maybe I'm secretly afraid that I'll [heart] it too.) Sounds like fun though. Remind me, when is your Chicago trip? And when would your Vegas one be? (I'm going to start keeping a calendar for you to keep up with it all. ;-) ) Has anything more been discussed about a family trip this way?

If I don't write again before I head to Boston (in another wintry mix! arg!) let me say now that I hope you have a good weekend.I hope it cerpasses any expectations you might have. LOL

Love you,
Barb

Heavy Heart

Hey, Barb.

I am so sorry to hear about your uncle.  What a blow to receive that news. And yes, indeed, we are very fortunate and I did remember to count my blessings this morning when I read your post. How difficult this must be for everyone in your family. My heart is with all of you.

Did it stop snowing yet?  Today it was gorgeous here, even though it was in the low 40s. I didn't get to spend any time outside, but the weather made everyone nicer so my day at work was quite pleasant.  I've been having serious problems sleeping lately and the melatonin my naturopath put me on isn't working at all.  I have spent three nights now getting less than 4 hours of sleep. I came home this afternoon and finally gave in to exhaustion, but made myself wake up after an hour, figuring I'd get even less shuteye tonight.  JJ went ice skating with T, S, and the kids and J is out to dinner with work stuff, so M, his BFF - B - and I made pizza and popcorn for dinner.  They're in there watching Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas now, but I couldn't get into it.  I'm too old for that s**t I think. Hate to admit it, but really.

S&T stopped by last night to visit for awhile, which was nice. I don't see my girlfriends very often anymore - I can go a week without talking to either of them.  Kim's husband Josh is turning 40 this fall so we are trying to plan a weekend in Vegas with everyone. Of course the weekend everyone wants to go is right after my trip to Chicago, so I'm not sure I want to leave my kids twice in a row.  It's only two nights - I'll have to figure it out.  It would be fun, though - Kim and Josh, T&S, K&R, CK and the new boyfriend, and another couple we've met a few times who are friends with Josh.  They got some screamin' deal at the Bellagio (!) so I'll probably cave in and neglect my kids some more. I [heart] Vegas.

That's all the news that's fit to print around here.  I saw another awesome spelling error on FB last night: CERPASSES, as in "that cerpasses all my expectations".

Love you - and sending much white light your way to share with your loved ones,
A

The C Word

Shoot, it almost feels right to say another day, another snow day--although that's exaggerating just a tad. Still, with all the snow days we've had the last few weeks my house should be spotless; my laundry all washed, folded and put away; and my novel should be written--longhand and word-processed. Yeah. Not so much. This weekend was a bit different, since I had a migraine and the party, but last weekend excepted, I don't take advantage of weekends anymore to get things done and get geared up for a week at work. All I have to to is gear up for the day or two or three until the next storm. And while I'm wasting a weekend I excuse myself delude myself into thinking that I'll be productive on my snow day(s). Yeah. Again: not so much. I feel like a shut-in. An unproductive one. Oh well. No use beating myself up for it. There's always tomorrow. Today I had other things on my mind.

Turns out my uncle doesn't have MRSA. He has lung cancer.

And that makes me so incredibly sad. For him, my aunt, D. My dad. The rest of his kids. Myself.

It also makes me realize how incredibly lucky I am...as are you, my friend.

Love you
B