Bouncing Back

Hey there.

As I mentioned in my email, I spent most of Monday crying. D just sounded so out of it and in pain and I had no idea--none of us did--what was going on, if the cancer had progressed further still or if another medical complication had arisen. Honestly, it was enough to upset me just to hear her voice and know she was in excruciating pain and not really in this world.

And then yesterday, there at the hospital, all that angst went away for the day. It was just so good to see her and it was so clear that she was feeling better and that they had been able to get the pain under control. So once L, my cousin C, and I had assembled with D in her room it was more like being in Vermont,  or my house, or somewhere else. It was an instant cousin party. (Just add salty and sweet snacks, which we did.) We laughed so much. In between propping her pillows and getting ice for her water and checking on her meds we laughed. We had fun. We ate chocolate and Fritos and looked through magazines and enjoyed one another's company.When I left at 6:30, I knew so certainly that D had a good day--in more ways than one. I was a little pleased with myself for orchestrating the whole day (bringing C with me; telling L she must join us), but more than anything I was just so happy that she had a good day. Despite the IVs and all the hospital crap that was going on around her, she had a really good day.

And that has helped me to have a good day today. That and figuring out that in a couple of weeks I'll be able to say my pool opens in two months, and realizing that the fourth and final quarter of school begins on April 4. I can do this. This very long winter is almost over, and I can make it. When I'm done with my after school cocktail, I am heading to the kitchen to cook tonight. Chicken, mushrooms and asparagus are on the menu, probably in a pasta dish. Maybe with a little pancetta. I'm going to set my place with a new placemat and open a nice bottle of wine, and after dinner I'm going to write again....and it might still be light out.

Life is good. Mostly anyway. And those are the parts I'm focusing on today.

Thanks for checking in. Hope your book club was good and that everyone enjoyed the taco bar.

Love you,
Barb