Hey there. How are you? I was in the shower when you called the other night, and when I called back you must have been busy. Sorry we missed each other.
I'm up earlier than I need to be, but lately I find I wake up early on weekends--despite wanting to sleep in. I'm still getting more sleep than during the week though, since I have been going to bed as early as during the week, so I suppose it still works in my favor.
I have plans to take M and A with me today to to meet L at the beach, but it looks like we have a few hours of clouds and thunderstorms to get through before we get to the sunshine. I hope it works out; we’ll go either way.
This long, holiday, birthday weekend hasn’t been the greatest—truth be told. As much as I don’t want birthdays to be a big deal anymore, I hate when I’m disappointed at the end of it. Saturday morning (my actual birthday) I spent the morning running around then the early afternoon washing, spinning, slicing and dicing a salad for the barbeque. When I was done with all that, there wasn’t enough time for me to head out to the pool without feeling stressed—and that is just antithetical, so I didn’t go.
I had an okay time at the party but without a DD I was reserved and clockwatching and not really relaxed. It was definitely good to see some old friends I hadn’t seen in a while, but it didn’t much feel like my birthday.
Meanwhile, I was walking around in a fog of sadness after a conversation with D on Friday in which she made no sense. Last year she and her daughter came over during the weekend to hang out by the pool and for dinner and they came with a birthday cake. This year she is completely out if it, unable to be by herself never mind make it up my stairs and or sit by the pool….
So when I tried to sit by the pool finally yesterday, I could hardly contain my sadness. My cousin H (D’s brother) called when I was out there coincidentally, and though I knew enough not to pick up the phone, I lost my shit. Thankful for the tissue in my beach bag, I wiped away tears for an hour, then decided to call it a day. Maybe that was the better idea anyway, I convinced myself, I’d be getting a lot of sun today at the beach, and I should save my skin.
I came in, talked to H, bawled my eyes out, talked to my mom, and cried some more. I put some compresses on my eyes and napped. Eventually I took myself to a Mexican place close by for a quick bite to eat. I came home and went to bed early.
I hope today is a better day, that being around the kids and at the beach will make it easier to be happy. Fingers crossed the sun cooperates…
Hope you’re having a good long weekend.
Love,
Barb
Monday, May 30, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
My Turn
Hi, Amanda.
You definitely threw me there...I'm glad I texted and found out you were in New York. I'm also happy to hear you had a good time.
I'm more than ready for summer vacation. Mostly I'm just really tired--physically, mentally, emotionally. It's been a difficult year at school (for a variety of reasons) and at home (with W and D, and all the stress of having people I love be sick). We only have a few weeks left, but as I know from past years, the last few weeks of school are as difficult as the first few.
I'll be around after the final Oprah episode this afternoon if you want to cry for a few minutes together...Otherwise I'm around this weekend and don't have plans yet other than to sit by the pool (Yay, pools season!) if the weather permits and I don't fry the first instant I get out there (I'm so pasty right now).
Glad to hear you're well.
Love,
Barb
You definitely threw me there...I'm glad I texted and found out you were in New York. I'm also happy to hear you had a good time.
I'm more than ready for summer vacation. Mostly I'm just really tired--physically, mentally, emotionally. It's been a difficult year at school (for a variety of reasons) and at home (with W and D, and all the stress of having people I love be sick). We only have a few weeks left, but as I know from past years, the last few weeks of school are as difficult as the first few.
I'll be around after the final Oprah episode this afternoon if you want to cry for a few minutes together...Otherwise I'm around this weekend and don't have plans yet other than to sit by the pool (Yay, pools season!) if the weather permits and I don't fry the first instant I get out there (I'm so pasty right now).
Glad to hear you're well.
Love,
Barb
Monday, May 23, 2011
Quick Catch Up
Well hello there....
Ok, so I've been totally out of commission this past week + . Sorry about that. I have once again taken on too many tasks and, having procrastinated in my usual fashion, have been stressing a little about various things to which I have stupidly said "Sure! I'll do that!" Throw in a whirlwind trip to New York and an overnight to D&M's up north this past weekend and I'm ready for a Xanax.
Our trip was really good, if short. C is all settled in and very happy in her new life. We had a lot of fun visiting with her, M and H (J's brother and sister) and other cousins. We did take one day to go into the city with the boys, but other than that it was all family time. Our day out was great, surprisingly. I thought M would be bored, but he wasn't at all. We did a ton of walking, though, and I came home with weird foot pain that my doctor says is plantar fasciitis but I'm not entirely buying that. We'll see if it starts to improve here any time soon.
We got home late Wednesday night and had a couple of days to recoup before he went up to D&M's for the night, to visit with B&J and others from Pullman. That was very fun and very relaxing, as all we did was sit around, play cards, eat and drink. Came home yesterday afternoon and went to work on the end of the year field trip for JJ's school (Bobcat Palooza!) that I offered to chair last summer. Super idea. Anyway, I've got most of the basic stuff going now, so I'm a little less panicked about it. How did the end of the school year all of a sudden appear? Did your year go this quickly??
I'm off to Hot Yoga in a minute but wanted to say hello before leaving. I know that I will probably be wiped out when I get home, and I haven't written in too long. I hope you've been well and would love to catch up sometime soon on the phone. Tomorrow I am working straight through until JJ's last game, but I should be around Wednesday after work.
Love you,
A
Ok, so I've been totally out of commission this past week + . Sorry about that. I have once again taken on too many tasks and, having procrastinated in my usual fashion, have been stressing a little about various things to which I have stupidly said "Sure! I'll do that!" Throw in a whirlwind trip to New York and an overnight to D&M's up north this past weekend and I'm ready for a Xanax.
Our trip was really good, if short. C is all settled in and very happy in her new life. We had a lot of fun visiting with her, M and H (J's brother and sister) and other cousins. We did take one day to go into the city with the boys, but other than that it was all family time. Our day out was great, surprisingly. I thought M would be bored, but he wasn't at all. We did a ton of walking, though, and I came home with weird foot pain that my doctor says is plantar fasciitis but I'm not entirely buying that. We'll see if it starts to improve here any time soon.
We got home late Wednesday night and had a couple of days to recoup before he went up to D&M's for the night, to visit with B&J and others from Pullman. That was very fun and very relaxing, as all we did was sit around, play cards, eat and drink. Came home yesterday afternoon and went to work on the end of the year field trip for JJ's school (Bobcat Palooza!) that I offered to chair last summer. Super idea. Anyway, I've got most of the basic stuff going now, so I'm a little less panicked about it. How did the end of the school year all of a sudden appear? Did your year go this quickly??
I'm off to Hot Yoga in a minute but wanted to say hello before leaving. I know that I will probably be wiped out when I get home, and I haven't written in too long. I hope you've been well and would love to catch up sometime soon on the phone. Tomorrow I am working straight through until JJ's last game, but I should be around Wednesday after work.
Love you,
A
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Big Night
Hey, Amanda.
In a few minutes I'm off to my big school event tonight, after which I think I'll be able to breather for a little bit...until I realize how little there is left of the school year and how much I still have to do. In fact, I'm sure panic will set in. Oh well. For tonight anyway I will be able to take a deep breath and toast to a job well done. Perhaps I'll take myself out for a late, light dinner afterward.
That being said, I will have a bit less stress and a bit more time after tonight to sit down and write.
I hope all is well with you.
Love,
Barb
In a few minutes I'm off to my big school event tonight, after which I think I'll be able to breather for a little bit...until I realize how little there is left of the school year and how much I still have to do. In fact, I'm sure panic will set in. Oh well. For tonight anyway I will be able to take a deep breath and toast to a job well done. Perhaps I'll take myself out for a late, light dinner afterward.
That being said, I will have a bit less stress and a bit more time after tonight to sit down and write.
I hope all is well with you.
Love,
Barb
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Thanks and...goodnight!
Hey,
Just wanted to thank you for allowing me to vent a little today. I do have an appointment with MC tomorrow so we'll see if I make any progress.
As for Hot Yoga: I didn't totally hate it. In fact, I kinda really liked it. It's very meditative and soothing and calming - not what I expected at all. It was not a strenuous workout (well, for me it was, since I'm so out of shape) but a lot of stretching and breathing and balancing. It was mostly very relaxing and spiritually cleansing. Plus - I loved this - the instructor has this wonderful, soothing voice and she kept saying things like "Thank your body for guiding your through this class and for allowing you to face this challenging workout." "Revel in the ability of your body to move and stretch." Hmmm...self-esteem much?
Yes, I sweated like crazy and yes, I got dizzy and nauseous a few times. But I got through the whole 90 minutes without too much trouble, and I thought it went by surprisingly quickly. I came home and took a hot shower and now...at 9:28...I feel as though a 10mg Ambien has kicked in - - but I didn't take one!
I think I'm gonna like it. I may even love it. I'm definitely going again. Tomorrow night at 6:30.
Until then, g'night :)
Just wanted to thank you for allowing me to vent a little today. I do have an appointment with MC tomorrow so we'll see if I make any progress.
As for Hot Yoga: I didn't totally hate it. In fact, I kinda really liked it. It's very meditative and soothing and calming - not what I expected at all. It was not a strenuous workout (well, for me it was, since I'm so out of shape) but a lot of stretching and breathing and balancing. It was mostly very relaxing and spiritually cleansing. Plus - I loved this - the instructor has this wonderful, soothing voice and she kept saying things like "Thank your body for guiding your through this class and for allowing you to face this challenging workout." "Revel in the ability of your body to move and stretch." Hmmm...self-esteem much?
Yes, I sweated like crazy and yes, I got dizzy and nauseous a few times. But I got through the whole 90 minutes without too much trouble, and I thought it went by surprisingly quickly. I came home and took a hot shower and now...at 9:28...I feel as though a 10mg Ambien has kicked in - - but I didn't take one!
I think I'm gonna like it. I may even love it. I'm definitely going again. Tomorrow night at 6:30.
Until then, g'night :)
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Auto-Pilot
Hey there.
Nice to catch up with you this morning by reading your post. Sorry your spirits have lost a little altitude. Sounds like you have a lot on your plate though so I think it's reasonable to feel a little funky, and I do believe the weather and change of season plays a role. We feel elated after a warm, sunny day only to find it rainy and cold the next; just when we feel the Vitamin D start to build, the reaction stops midstream. Eventually we'll feel better for longer stretches. Promise.
Thanks for texting with me during the Royal Wedding. My party was just me during the live event. I had my English muffin with sausage for breakfast in the lull between the ceremony and the first kiss (didn't want to miss any of the ceremony!) and then had a few mimosas. I napped and woke up just in time for that surprise exit in the Astin Martin. (One of my favorite moments!)
That afternoon I headed over to D's and watched all the scenes in play back and commentaries with her, my aunt, and her friend N (whom I've known since high school, and with whom I talk often about the medical stuff). I hadn't seen N in years--probably since one of D's kid's graduations--and we had fun. My cucumber sandwiches came out okay, but what a pain in the a*s-- especially since I used regular, fluffy white bread.
Anyway, I stayed overnight so that D could spend another night in her own space rather than go back to her parents' and left by 9 on Saturday morning.
Saturday was my niece S's birthday party. In between D's and heading there overnight, I had to make S's favorite pasta of mine and a salad, then stopped at the mall on the way down. The party was fun, and my morning with C the next day--more than 2 hours alone with him before anyone else woke up--was precious: reading, playing blocks, playing games. I can't believe he's almost 6. I left there at 1 to get my other niece to soccer on time (our hour long conversation on the way home is a post in itself), and it was nice that all my commitments were over and it was still early afternoon. And sunny and gorgeous!...
Although I ended up spending most of the rest of it in a dark restaurant, scarfing a Caesar salad and a burger, and then napping. Whatever. It did the trick.
Six o'clock should work tomorrow to talk. I'll be jones-ing for traffic to end so I can run out to L&T with my coupon ($20 off $40!) to buy myself something new for my school event next week, so give me a call.
Looking forward to hearing your voice.
Love you,
Barb
Nice to catch up with you this morning by reading your post. Sorry your spirits have lost a little altitude. Sounds like you have a lot on your plate though so I think it's reasonable to feel a little funky, and I do believe the weather and change of season plays a role. We feel elated after a warm, sunny day only to find it rainy and cold the next; just when we feel the Vitamin D start to build, the reaction stops midstream. Eventually we'll feel better for longer stretches. Promise.
Thanks for texting with me during the Royal Wedding. My party was just me during the live event. I had my English muffin with sausage for breakfast in the lull between the ceremony and the first kiss (didn't want to miss any of the ceremony!) and then had a few mimosas. I napped and woke up just in time for that surprise exit in the Astin Martin. (One of my favorite moments!)
That afternoon I headed over to D's and watched all the scenes in play back and commentaries with her, my aunt, and her friend N (whom I've known since high school, and with whom I talk often about the medical stuff). I hadn't seen N in years--probably since one of D's kid's graduations--and we had fun. My cucumber sandwiches came out okay, but what a pain in the a*s-- especially since I used regular, fluffy white bread.
Anyway, I stayed overnight so that D could spend another night in her own space rather than go back to her parents' and left by 9 on Saturday morning.
Saturday was my niece S's birthday party. In between D's and heading there overnight, I had to make S's favorite pasta of mine and a salad, then stopped at the mall on the way down. The party was fun, and my morning with C the next day--more than 2 hours alone with him before anyone else woke up--was precious: reading, playing blocks, playing games. I can't believe he's almost 6. I left there at 1 to get my other niece to soccer on time (our hour long conversation on the way home is a post in itself), and it was nice that all my commitments were over and it was still early afternoon. And sunny and gorgeous!...
Although I ended up spending most of the rest of it in a dark restaurant, scarfing a Caesar salad and a burger, and then napping. Whatever. It did the trick.
Six o'clock should work tomorrow to talk. I'll be jones-ing for traffic to end so I can run out to L&T with my coupon ($20 off $40!) to buy myself something new for my school event next week, so give me a call.
Looking forward to hearing your voice.
Love you,
Barb
Monday, May 2, 2011
Still Not Right...
Hey, Barb.
I had all good intentions of writing tonight, but I've been fighting a sinus headache that won't go away and I'm ready for bed. J, JJ and I went out for ice cream after dinner and just got home; I had a lot more motivation before we left. Tomorrow my workout partner, A, is picking me up at 5:20 (we ditched the gym today, so I totally have to go tomorrow. Headache or no.)
My weekend was good. Thursday night/Friday morning was fun with the girls down the street and I'm really glad I watched it live. They aren't very close friends of mine, though, so I was a little out of my element, but not in a bad way. I just would love to have shared that experience with someone to whom I felt truly connected, whether it had been you, or KN, or my brother. At 2am, all my old HS friends were up and on FB, chatting back and forth about what we were all up to - and the fact that we were all up - what we were cooking for breakfast, sharing memories...it was awesome. Funny, I didn't cry during the wedding, I think because we were all narrating it and laughing and a little late night punchy. But the next day, when I watched it another eight times in reruns, I cried every time.
I don't know what we did the rest of the weekend really. Ran a bunch of errands, had the As over for dinner, then Sunday it was gorgeous so we worked in the yard a little. My allergies started to kick up so I took the boys to see Fast Five (because they wanted to see it, right?!) which was thoroughly mindless and enjoyable.
I'm not in a funk, really, but still not myself as of late. I don't know if it's the weather (we went from the kids in the sprinkler yesterday to closing up all the house windows and wearing my parka today) or what, but my spirits aren't maintaining their height of last week. I'm stressing about this stupid 4th of July party that isn't my party at all and has nothing to do with me, but somehow became mine because my dad refuses to be an ass to my cousin. He'd much rather be an ass to me. So I graciously agreed to help but I really don't want to. I also signed up (last summer) to chair the committee for the end-of-the-year field day at JJ's school (Bobcat Palooza!) - it's probably not as much work as I think but it's still something else on my plate. Anyway, it's just all got me not sleeping and thinking and worrying too much. J and I seem to be getting along fairly well these days but I feel like a volcano - I'm struggling with so many issues and we talk about NONE of them. We have an appt with MC this week but I just can't see how I'm ever going to get all this resolved when it feels so overwhelming.
So that's my story...I would love to have caught up with you over the weekend but it seemed like I was always surrounded by people. J asked me what I wanted for mother's day and I told him I wanted to go spend the night in Seattle and go to a play. By myself. He didn't respond, so I'm not sure if he thought I was serious. I was. I think I'll just plan it myself and go.
So that's my attempt at catching you up - can't wait to read and hear how things are with you. I still haven't heard about Easter, or your Royal Wedding party. I have an appt to get my car serviced on Wed at 3:00 so I'll be sitting around doing nothing for a couple of hours if you'll be around at that time?
I hope you're well...
Love you,
A
I had all good intentions of writing tonight, but I've been fighting a sinus headache that won't go away and I'm ready for bed. J, JJ and I went out for ice cream after dinner and just got home; I had a lot more motivation before we left. Tomorrow my workout partner, A, is picking me up at 5:20 (we ditched the gym today, so I totally have to go tomorrow. Headache or no.)
My weekend was good. Thursday night/Friday morning was fun with the girls down the street and I'm really glad I watched it live. They aren't very close friends of mine, though, so I was a little out of my element, but not in a bad way. I just would love to have shared that experience with someone to whom I felt truly connected, whether it had been you, or KN, or my brother. At 2am, all my old HS friends were up and on FB, chatting back and forth about what we were all up to - and the fact that we were all up - what we were cooking for breakfast, sharing memories...it was awesome. Funny, I didn't cry during the wedding, I think because we were all narrating it and laughing and a little late night punchy. But the next day, when I watched it another eight times in reruns, I cried every time.
I don't know what we did the rest of the weekend really. Ran a bunch of errands, had the As over for dinner, then Sunday it was gorgeous so we worked in the yard a little. My allergies started to kick up so I took the boys to see Fast Five (because they wanted to see it, right?!) which was thoroughly mindless and enjoyable.
I'm not in a funk, really, but still not myself as of late. I don't know if it's the weather (we went from the kids in the sprinkler yesterday to closing up all the house windows and wearing my parka today) or what, but my spirits aren't maintaining their height of last week. I'm stressing about this stupid 4th of July party that isn't my party at all and has nothing to do with me, but somehow became mine because my dad refuses to be an ass to my cousin. He'd much rather be an ass to me. So I graciously agreed to help but I really don't want to. I also signed up (last summer) to chair the committee for the end-of-the-year field day at JJ's school (Bobcat Palooza!) - it's probably not as much work as I think but it's still something else on my plate. Anyway, it's just all got me not sleeping and thinking and worrying too much. J and I seem to be getting along fairly well these days but I feel like a volcano - I'm struggling with so many issues and we talk about NONE of them. We have an appt with MC this week but I just can't see how I'm ever going to get all this resolved when it feels so overwhelming.
So that's my story...I would love to have caught up with you over the weekend but it seemed like I was always surrounded by people. J asked me what I wanted for mother's day and I told him I wanted to go spend the night in Seattle and go to a play. By myself. He didn't respond, so I'm not sure if he thought I was serious. I was. I think I'll just plan it myself and go.
So that's my attempt at catching you up - can't wait to read and hear how things are with you. I still haven't heard about Easter, or your Royal Wedding party. I have an appt to get my car serviced on Wed at 3:00 so I'll be sitting around doing nothing for a couple of hours if you'll be around at that time?
I hope you're well...
Love you,
A
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