Beach Day

Hey there. How are you? I was in the shower when you called the other night, and when I called back you must have been busy. Sorry we missed each other.

I'm up earlier than I need to be, but lately I find I wake up early on weekends--despite wanting to sleep in. I'm still getting more sleep than during the week though, since I have been going to bed as early as during the week, so I suppose it still works in my favor.

I have plans to take M and A with me today to to meet L at the beach, but it looks like we have a few hours of clouds and thunderstorms to get through before we get to the sunshine. I hope it works out; we’ll go either way.

This long, holiday, birthday weekend hasn’t been the greatest—truth be told. As much as I don’t want birthdays to be a big deal anymore, I hate when I’m disappointed at the end of it. Saturday morning (my actual birthday) I spent the morning running around then the early afternoon washing, spinning, slicing and dicing a salad for the barbeque. When I was done with all that, there wasn’t enough time for me to head out to the pool without feeling stressed—and that is just antithetical, so I didn’t go.

I had an okay time at the party but without a DD I was reserved and clockwatching and not really relaxed. It was definitely good to see some old friends I hadn’t seen in a while, but it didn’t much feel like my birthday.

Meanwhile, I was walking around in a fog of sadness after a conversation with D on Friday in which she made no sense. Last year she and her daughter came over during the weekend to hang out by the pool and for dinner and they came with a birthday cake. This year she is completely out if it, unable to be by herself never mind make it up my stairs and or sit by the pool….

So when I tried to sit by the pool finally yesterday, I could hardly contain my sadness. My cousin H (D’s brother) called when I was out there coincidentally, and though I knew enough not to pick up the phone, I lost my shit. Thankful for the tissue in my beach bag, I wiped away tears for an hour, then decided to call it a day. Maybe that was the better idea anyway, I convinced myself, I’d be getting a lot of sun today at the beach, and I should save my skin.

I came in, talked to H, bawled my eyes out, talked to my mom, and cried some more. I put some compresses on my eyes and napped. Eventually I took myself to a Mexican place close by for a quick bite to eat. I came home and went to bed early.

I hope today is a better day, that being around the kids and at the beach will make it easier to be happy. Fingers crossed the sun cooperates…

Hope you’re having a good long weekend.

Love,

Barb