Really?!

Dear Barb,

What a bust! I was all psyched up this morning to get to the doctor and have her magically fix all my problems (kidding), but after sitting in the room for half an hour, the MA came in and told me that my doc had overslept.  I had the option to reschedule for late this afternoon, but it's too far to go home and back again, so I declined.  For whatever reason that I didn't think to ask at the time, because asserting myself is not one of my stronger points, I'M the one who had to reschedule, since her 10:30 was already there and waiting.  Why didn't her 10:30 have to reschedule?  Why didn't I ask that?

I got in my car and felt like crying, but decided it was a stupid reason to cry.  I have an appt next Thursday.  Not a big deal. Only, MC would say I should have cried.  Yesterday, we talked about how I'm becoming my mother with the "everything is just fine" attitude I project to the world.  How I don't release emotions normally or regularly in a healthy way, so I end up having major meltdowns that seem irrational, or sobbing uncontrollably during Chevy commercials.   I'm supposed to practice feeling when I feel.

Uh huh.  I just can't figure out if crying over a cancelled appointment is "normal".

Mostly, I just felt let down and I don't really want to go all the way back out there next week to deal with this. MC suggested very subtly that I might try to quit drinking and see if it helps.  That freaks me out, but I know she's right.  I feel a gazillion times better when I don't drink.  Maybe I should just try to manage this myself and stop looking to a bunch of "medical professionals" to drug me up with super cures.

I took the day off to make this appointment, so I'm meeting K in a bit to go for a walk.  It's gorgeous and sunny out, so I'm sure that will make me feel a whole lot better.  We have no plans for the weekend at all; in a way, I'm ok with that.  On the other hand, sitting around here for three days with my husband/roommate (that doesn't even require an explanation, does it?) isn't all that appealing. There might be a couple of chick flicks and some extra buttered popcorn in my plans.

I hope your first week of school finished well and that you're ready for the year to come.  Hope to hear your voice this afternoon...

Love you,
A