Hey, you.

Ah, what a tough weekend for you.  Yucky weather and sad memories, all at once.  I hope your time with the family was nice, at the very least.

I know what you mean about nice weather putting a spring in your step, though. We had a couple of relatively nice days this week, meaning that it was partly sunny and not raining.  On those days, I felt so motivated I could hardly stand it.  They kind of made the other, gross days even less tolerable for some reason.  But I think we're headed out of the woods...maybe.  No more snow, anyway.

Speaking of motivation, I just got off the phone with some woman at the Cross Fit gym that I recently joined. Actually, I bought the membership at the auction this past weekend for a song, compared to the price I was ready to pay. I bid on it before I could even think about it because I knew I might not do it otherwise.  Surprisingly, no one else bid -- on a fitness program that has the highest injury rate in the country? Huh! Weird! -- so it was all mine.  Now, of course, I'm freaking out about starting on Monday.  Spring, summer, here I come.

Things have settled a little since the auction went off without a hitch on Saturday night, but my schedule and J's are still off balance so we haven't seen much of each other. JJ  started football on Monday, but then has no school today, and half days tomorrow and Friday, so this week is all messed up.  Still, it's nice to be done with the auction and to have a break for awhile.  This weekend, I am meeting up with my old friend SJ for lunch.  I am so excited to see her and catch up on all the years behind us.

And speaking of old friends...I put in for the week of August 8-16th for my vacation to CT.  There is a flight that has a 3-hour layover at Midway which I might try to catch in order to meet my friend LC for a drink while there.  Or, I am also kicking around the idea of spending a night or two there on my way home.  I have no idea what the cost of that would be; I may be just dreaming, but it's not out of the way. I am hoping to spend six nights with you, at any rate, if that's not too long?  Let me know what you think. Unfortunately, it takes my boss forever to respond to PTO requests, so it might be awhile before we can solidify plans.  I'll keep you posted.

I'm attempting a Cooking Light Mac 'n Cheese recipe tonight, made with Gruyere and butternut squash...doesn't that sound awesome?  Miraculously, we are all home, so I thought I'd put a little effort into this mom thing.

Hope your week is going well ~

 Love you,

A

March Again

Hey there.

Back to reality: it is only March, not May; it is not supposed to be 75 and sunny. Today it is rainy and in the 50s again, but I swear I became a different person last week. Just the promise of spring in the unseasonably warm week put a spring in my step. Breaking out my sandals and capris gave me energy I hadn't felt in a while.

Knowing today was going to be cruddy, I did all my running around yesterday so I could hang out today and not need to leave the house. Already this morning I got a pork shoulder into the crockpot for bbq pulled pork, made lemon simple syrup, set up a jar of sweet tea vodka to steep, and made some broccoli slaw. Clearly the new meds are working, as I'm happy to be so productive, wondering what I should do next.

I suppose I'm also staying busy because it is distracting me from the fact that today D's remains are being set off to sea. Friday was her birthday; her sisters got into town that night to be with my aunt and uncle and with said plans for today. Tomorrow we are all getting together at another cousin's house...which reminds me that I am bringing the salad and have six heads of Romaine to wash, cut and spin.

Guess I'll get to it.

Love you,
Barb

Hangin'

Hey you,

To answer your question on my FB post, why on earth would I think it a good idea to begin drinking at noon, with beer, and continue drinking ~ non stop ~ for the next eleven hours, moving from champagne to Irish car bombs to red wine?  It's a miracle I didn't die, really. I'm never drinking again. Ever.

But....it was a very fun day :)  We had lunch at the first show with BLU.  From there we hit the end of the second show, which was right around the corner - oh, yeah, and we had jello shots there. Good lord.  By the time we were done, we were in total party mode.  The plan had originally been to go home, chill for the afternoon, then go back out in the evening.  So much for that.  We drove right over to SS' house to get her caught up with us until her husband got off work at 5:00.  By then, the writing was on the wall.  We actually only made it to one show in Tacoma but as it turns out, all the other pubs were so insanely crowded we wouldn't have gotten in anywhere else.

So today, when I finally got off the couch at noon, I powered through Costco then made a huge, fattening, creamy chicken pot pie for dinner.  It rocked.  All I wanted was serious comfort food :)  Now the three of us are going to watch a movie and hit the sack early.

I hope you had a good weekend too!

Love you,
A

Cleaning House

Good morning.

It is spring here. We had a mostly beautiful week and next week is supposed to be even nicer-- mid-70s (vs 60s) and sunny nice--a couple of days. I am looking forward to it, and promising myself to get out and enjoy it. Even just a 20 minute walk will do me wonders--especially since I haven't been to the gym in ages...which I'm sure is contributing to my depression--or a way I am NOT contributing to feeling better when I could be.

So, yeah, I didn't see that coming. When you called I had no idea that I'd fall apart so instantly. Just as I wasn't prepared to cry in my endocrinologist's office either. But now that a few days have passed, I'm beginning to feel better and can see that I had gotten to the breaking point. All it took was for someone to genuinely ask me how I'm doing and it was enough to set off the water works, and for me to begin to articulate that I've had enough sadness and sickness and stress for a lifetime and, in fact, I am depressed about it. While I can't make all that sickness and stress go away because they are not within my control, I can start to figure out how not to take it on as my own. I am not the family therapist, nor a visiting nurse. I am a sister and daughter and girlfriend, and I have my limits. Now I just have to work out what they are and how to stick to them. Thanks for being there for me as I get started.

On a lighter note, I think the event planning idea is brilliant: you'd be very good at it! Your task will be to figure out if there is a market for it in your area and how to get started. (Then while we're at it, once we get you figured out we need to figure out my next career. Feeling trapped in my profession is definitely not helping my funk...) Next time we talk, lets talk about that some more.

After a pedicure this afternoon I have lots of cleaning to do this weekend (entropy again, and M&J are coming over Tuesday night) but hope to see it as an opportunity to let spring in and start cleaning house figurativley as well...

Love you,
Barb

PS good luck to J today!

Hey, you.

I hope you're feeling better today.  Wish I knew how to help more...

More snow and rain, rain, rain today. I'm trying to hold on to this positive mood I've had since I got back, but if this doesn't stop soon, I'm not very optimistic.  I came back from vacation feeling like I think you're supposed to feel after being away: rested, rejuvenated, ready to re-tackle life.  I didn't feel like I needed another vacation.  And I'm still feeling that way, but it sure is gloomy and depressing.

While we were away, I did a lot of thinking about my job and how I'd love to leave it but I don't really know what else to do.  I had such a great session with MC yesterday, exploring options and getting some really good ideas out there.  Recently, things at work improved a little and it's temporarily more tolerable, so she suggested that I do a lot of research about my career move and take my time.  As you know, this is really hard for me.  But, I'm very excited about going in a whole new direction with my life.  I'm thinking about going back to work full time for the next few years, in order to develop an actual career path, then be able to have some flexibility when  J retires in 2016.  My new thing?  Event planning.   What do you think?

Last night, K, S&T and the kids came over for dinner and we had one of those laugh-until-your-jaws-hurt evenings.  We stayed up until 11:30 and were all totally wiped out today, but it was worth it.  K's son just took the bar exam and she was talking about the party she is going to throw when he passes.  I jumped in and offered to do it, then we had a long talk about how I should do this for a living.  I know I should; I plan so many things around here and it's my favorite thing in the world to do.  So we'll see where this all leads.  MC had some awesome ideas for researching and recreating my resume.  I'm psyched.

Not much else happening.  I don't think I told you, but about a week ago, right before I left for AZ, I got a message on FB from an old friend; do you remember my old roommate from Boston?  Her sister (SJ) and I were also very close and lived near each other when I was married to K.  We have been out of touch for over 15 years now, and she found me.  We've been chatting on FB almost daily and I just love it.  I have missed her so much, and have always wished I could go back and fix the things that went wrong to end our friendship in the first place.  I don't know if it will lead to getting back in touch with her sister or not...you remember how ugly that all ended I'm sure.

I'll be sending you white light and energy, my friend.

Love you,
A

Stressed

Hey, Amanda,

Welcome back. I'm glad you enjoyed vacation but am sorry you didn't have more time for reentry...I think it's especially difficult to get back in the swing of things when you've been away both physically and mentally so I hope today went reasonably well. We'll have to keep reentry in mind when we plan our vacation, which we should do as soon as we can....Try me whenever you have a chance later this week. I should be around.

Until we talk I'll say things with me are okay...not awful, not great, and perfect for falling apart on your endocrinologist when she asks how you are. I'm feeling a lot of other people's stress right now and it doesn't feel good. Or fair. I'd like a little while to be happy for myself, for the fact that I have a job and am caught up on my bills and am in relatively good health.

I'll leave it at that until we talk, which I hope is soon.

Love you,
B

PS Your dear friend, Barb, promises to send you the book she bought for you weeks ago any day now...

Home Again, Home Again...

Hey, Barb.

I did read your post before I left, by just moments.  I'm sorry I was acting like you'd disappeared for weeks; no, that in no way commits me to immediate response in the future.  Let's not be silly ;)

We arrived home from Arizona this evening to a 40 degree decrease in temperature and too much laundry to think about.  I had a great, great time, but it really is nice to be home, as always.  I wish we had built in a "debrief" day, as you say, because the prospect of getting up and out of here at 6:15 tomorrow, to get back to my daily life, is not a pleasant one.  Particularly since I started a really good book on the plane and all I really want to do is curl up on the couch under a big blanket and read all day.  Alas, real life calls.

It'll be a busy week in some ways - oral surgery tomorrow (not a huge deal), MC Tuesday, and auction, auction, auction in every other free moment.  (The event is the 24th and will I be glad when that is over!)

This weekend is, obviously, St. Patrick's Day, and J's first public performance with his band.  I guess I'll go out and see him, but I'm not sure who will join me.  Maybe I'll just go alone and not drink, take pictures or something.  I'm not really feeling all that St. Patrick's Dayish.

Wednesday and Thursday I'm free after work although I'll be working on my resume and a cover letter for a job at Amazon.com.  Will tell you more when we talk....hopefully one of those afternoons?

Hope you had a relaxing and rejuvenating weekend and you're ready for the week tomorrow.

Love you,
A

p.s.  The book is The Night Listener, by Armistead Maupin.  I bought it at Powell's some years ago, with my dear friend, Barb.

Planning

Hey, you.


Hope you have a chance to read this before heading off on vacation.

Sorry I didn’t have a chance to respond to your post on Friday before I left for Boston for the weekend. (Can I expect immediate turnaround now on ;-) say 8 hours or less, too?)

My weekend was good—albeit a little devious. I spent the first night without W knowing I was even there…just needed a little time for me. I went out for dinner (drank too much), went out shopping after breakfast, went out for lunch, and then met him on Saturday afternoon. He and I pretty much stayed holed up until Sunday afternoon, getting takeout for dinner and watching lots of TV. That’s pretty much it, but I was exhausted nonetheless last night when I got home.

Spending time with him is both physically taxing and emotionally draining, so bedtime came early last night, as I’m sure it will again tonight. Meanwhile I’m super busy playing catching up at school and counting down till my spring vacation, which cannot get here fast enough.

Speaking of vacation, I hope you enjoy yours. I’ll be jealous the whole time! When you get back, let's plan ours.

Love,
Barb

A Good Friday

Good morning, Barb.

It's a rare morning when I leave myself time for reading and (!) writing.  Fridays, JJ has 0 period Choir, so I end up with an extra half hour to myself. I don't think there has been one of those days I haven't completely wasted and ended up being late to work anyway.  Yay... I like days like today.  I'm thinking I'll hold onto this feeling of getting it right.

Things have calmed down around here, now that all the major work upstairs is mostly done, my party is over, JB has come and gone, and J was finally accepted into his pipes and drums band. (His first public performance will be St. Patrick's Day.)  I kind of took this week off from doing much after work, even though I still have switch plates to replace and little stuff like that.  I got bored shopping for lamps and ceiling fans so I gave up for awhile.  I haven't loved my bedroom for years ~ it certainly doesn't need to be finished today.  Just the new carpet and paint are enough to make me feel soooo much better.

This weekend, JJ's off to a sleepover tonight, so J and I are having date night.  Don't know where we're going for dinner, but I'm thinking about getting The Ides of March to watch on DVD later. Have you seen it?  Tomorrow,  I do have to get on the minutia of decorating, so we'll spend time on that and other puttering activities.  Saturday night is dinner at K&R's - her oldest son finished the bar exam for the second time on Thursday, so drinks are in order.  Evenings at their house are always a good time, so I'm looking forward to that.

Then it's just three days until we leave for the sun! We take off late Tuesday afternoon for Phoenix - a little golf, a few ball games at spring training, cold beers by the pool and shopping with my mom.  I can't imagine a better way to spend next week, particularly since it's currently snowing here.  (I know, it's not really snowing, like in your part of the country.  It's west coast snow.  Still.)

I hope all is well with you ~ have you heard anything about dates this summer?  I can't wait for our vacation!

Have a great weekend!
Love you
A