Pity Party

Hi, Amanda.

How weird was that? Less than an hour after you and I hung up I heard from W with that latest news. Whoa. Careful what you "wish" for...or at least make sure you include details. I certainly didn't mean that I was ready to begin to bring our relationship to a successful conclusion at that moment, while I was sitting by the pool trying to finish my Kindle loaner. But I suppose the matter is more urgent than I originally thought...UGH.

Eventually, after a few tears and a few texts with you and my other BFFs, I was able to get back to the book and finish it as planned. One thing I have learned to do over these last couple of years is let go. I could sit and dwell about D (as I sometimes did) (all day) or have my moment and let go. My dwelling wasn't going to take away her cancer; I had to learn to power through, and maybe compartmentalize a little. I wasn't always good at it, but I was always aware that there was something inherently wrong with "wasting" my days mired in despair while D's days were numbered, none to waste on the luxury of sadness.

I suppose that's the instinct that kicked in this afternoon. I could do nothing about the latest doctor recommendations or how W was feeling 100 miles away, so I shared with my friends (that always makes me feel better), said my prayers, took my deep breaths and let go.

After finishing the book (which meant moving in the shade for the last hour or so) I came in. I made myself a little Caprese, and plated it with olives and a few shrimp I boiled yesterday, and poured a glass of wine. I sat down to write and snack after a quick shower and am oh-so-content. I haven't had many of this kind pool day this summer and--as you would say--I'm enjoying the sh*t out of it. I have chicken marinating for dinner (doing the Greek thing again) but I'm not sure I'll be hungry enough to eat it. I'll go ahead and make it anyway, and try to enjoy the rest of this Barb Spa day.

Can't wait for you to enjoy one with me next year...

Thanks for listening, and for being there. As always.

Love you,
Barb