Choices

Hello, Amanda,

I am dying to go out. I would love to sit down to a nice dinner and a glass of wine tonight, but I know the money will come in handy next week in Newport. Unfortunately, I am at that annual nearly broke point of the summer and know that the cost of a solo dinner tonight will cover a lunch with my Sunshine in Newport, so I'm choosing the latter. I don't always make the best choices, and apparently that runs in the family, but tonight I know a BLT and a couple of Capt and Diet Cokes are the way to go. Speaking of choices....

Now that I've had time to sit with and process all of M's revelations and confessions and explanations I am a little angry. And nonplussed. A, I don't get it.

The anger comes from her dumping this on me and L and then acting like everything is normal, making us act like everything is normal too. It's fine to rally for her for a little while, especially for those unavoidable family things, while she figures out what they're going to do...but it's a real imposition and another thing entirely when in the midst of all this, she continues to try to invite her dysfunctional family in L's family vacation. Swear to God. A half hour after M dumps this sh*t in L's lap she asks if her family can come visit them in Newport. L finds it in her to say no, they're not inviting people this year as they have in the past but then she starts over explaining, doing the Lloyd Dobler nervous talking thing, and I step in and say, "It's okay, L. You don't have to feel guilty. It's your vacation place. It's your vacation." And poor L is a wreck. M called today to go to happy hour with them at the beach club and L said they weren't staying at happy hour long because there is a potato and corn festival they're planning on going to and M says, "Oh, that sounds good, maybe we'll walk around with you." Which means neither L nor I are convinced that the Newport topic is closed. Can you feel my blood pressure going up over there on the west coast?

I told L she just has to lay it on the line. I said M is obviously in an honest place, so you can be too. You have to be. Say, "I appreciate that you felt you could share everything with me and know I wouldn't judge you, but I hope you appreciate that this feels awkward. Knowing what's going on is awkward and I can't pretend everything is normal and okay, especially when I'm on vacation. You still have to figure out what you're going to do, I know, but that doesn't mean I have to be around it. I don't want to pretend around my family that everything in yours is okay. That's not vacation to me."

I'm dying to call L and see if M and V are down there. I'm also craving a cigarette right now. Maybe I'll go have a smoke first. I'll write more later.

Love you, and hope everything is okay there. Barb